Can someone pls push my reset-button?

[janic]

If you want to remove (b) as a possibility why don't you just offer that you would consider moving to RU to be with her.  Then see what her reaction is - it might make things clearer.

Nice tip, but it wouln't be fair if I would offer smth I'm not really ready to do. But yes, I do think about trying to rescue the situation in some way. (Unless the reset finally stops me from doing so... )

[JR]

OK, you want a reset?

No contact with her for a least two weeks.

Contact other women (you've already done that) now maybe you need some local distractions

No more talk about moving or even flying over for a "date." If you like her you'll be in worse shape than you are now. And her parents still won't pack her up and ship her to you. That'll make her feel worse too, not fair...

Stop fueling this fire and get started building a new one!

[kievstar]

I dated two girls who had parents who were against their daughter leaving the country.  After meeting me they changed their mind.  My wife's mother was very direct but she wanted to make sure her daughter was going to be taken care of.  The 90 old grand mother was very easy and she wished she could have gone with me.   Natural for parents to not want their daughter to go overseas to a man they have never met. 

I really think you should fly over to meet even if for 2 days.  Your work can not be that busy.  If it is, you really should not be involved with international dating.  Family comes before work.  Labor day is coming up and you should be able to get 1 day off from work.  2 days flying and 2 days on the ground.  You have no excuse to not get over.  Do not be surprised if you do not meet her parents on the 1st trip.  Plan on making 4-6 trips in the next 9 months if you think you have a shot of this working out.  If you do not have the time to do this you have an uphill battle.

[Blues Fairy]

So, from my biased perspective, I would simply look for a woman who is not so dependent on her family. Moving to Russia won't solve anything.

A 26-year-old working girl who lives with her mother and grandmother may actually be the head of the family and their guarantee of financial well-being.  Misha, I would not underestimate the power of guilt trips a tandem like that may lay on her, even though she herself may be a very adult and self-sufficient young lady.

Janic, if they are guilt-tripping her for considering abandoning them, you could address that concern.  If you have a good rapport with the girl, why don't you ask some more questions and find out which pains exactly the family is experiencing and how your entering their lives could potentially harm them.  You cannot make a decision having the little information you have.  Perhaps your girl really needs encouragement to overcome the guilt complex forced on her by her family and if you flee now, she'll end up even more disappointed in men and more under her family's thumb.

[Misha]

A 26-year-old working girl who lives with her mother and grandmother may actually be the head of the family and their guarantee of financial well-being.  Misha, I would not underestimate the power of guilt trips a tandem like that may lay on her, even though she herself may be a very adult and self-sufficient young lady.

Perhaps, but even more reasons to continue looking. It certainly wouldn't be the last guilt trip if the relationship progresses  :evil: I am biased in that I specifically looked for a woman who was not susceptible to guilt trips or was in any dependent on her family or her family dependent on her.

[Turboguy]

I have always believed that things happen for the best.   I have a feeling this one was just not meant to be but there are lots of really great women over there and my two cents worth are that you should move on and before you know it you will meet someone who makes you happy that this one did not work out.

At this stage you haven't even met her.  You might have not even liked each other had you met.   As someone mentioned earlier in this thread you are only pen pals until you meet.

One thing I had to learn the hard way, and it was a very hard way is that if a women has doubts you are setting yourself up for disaster trying to make it work out.  When they have doubts the odds are that after you invest a lot of time, money and get yourself far more emotionally involved than you are right now that the most you would end up with is a failed K-1.   There are a lot of women who come on K-1 visas and after 90 days go back.  If she has those doubts there is a big risk of that being your results.   

Do yourself a favor and move on.   There is a wonderful woman waiting for you just as there was for me.

[janic]

Hey, thanks for all these replies! 

No contact with her for a least two weeks.

Uhm, over night I came up with a different solution:

She wrote me that she would be my friend and I think that's certainly better than nothing. So I'll write her later today or tomorrow that I would very much like to continuing our acquaintance in a way of friends. I plan on visiting her as quickly as possible and then we'll see what happens...

A 26-year-old working girl who lives with her mother and grandmother

She doesn't. Lives with her father. Parents divorced.

Misha, I would not underestimate the power of guilt trips a tandem like that may lay on her, even though she herself may be a very adult and self-sufficient young lady.

And add the bad relationship with the other European guy.

Janic, if they are guilt-tripping her for considering abandoning them, you could address that concern.  If you have a good rapport with the girl, why don't you ask some more questions and find out which pains exactly the family is experiencing and how your entering their lives could potentially harm them.  You cannot make a decision having the little information you have.  Perhaps your girl really needs encouragement to overcome the guilt complex forced on her by her family and if you flee now, she'll end up even more disappointed in men and more under her family's thumb.

What you think about the idea I lined out above?

One thing I had to learn the hard way, and it was a very hard way is that if a women has doubts you are setting yourself up for disaster trying to make it work out.

There's certainly a limited amount of work I would invest in overcoming doubts. Some work (like checking out what happened and if there's a feasible soution for the situation now) is ok but kind-of convincing is out of the question.

Do yourself a favor and move on.

I'm doing it. But I'm really interested in pursuing her too.

[docetae]

Why do you want to pursue with her ? To fulfill your fantasies ? Nothing happened. You have not met her and she is saying no. If you start at the beginning to put your energies and money at the wrong place, you will only lose your time.

Never forget some simple rules: Nothing start before you meet really the woman, stop immediately if one woman is not 110% into you. Why ? because it means she will accept you as you are. By trying to continue, you just try to make your dreams reality and want to change her opinion.

The more important thing is to accept her as she is and she must accept you as you are . If you do not follow this rule, you will go to failure on short or medium terms. Why ? because even if there is alchemy between you, you will not really know her before leaving together. So everything should match without difficulties at the beginning. If not, look for someone else.

[Kuna]

I have always believed that things happen for the best.   I have a feeling this one was just not meant to be but there are lots of really great women over there and my two cents worth are that you should move on and before you know it you will meet someone who makes you happy that this one did not work out.

At this stage you haven't even met her.  You might have not even liked each other had you met.   As someone mentioned earlier in this thread you are only pen pals until you meet.

One thing I had to learn the hard way, and it was a very hard way is that if a women has doubts you are setting yourself up for disaster trying to make it work out.  When they have doubts the odds are that after you invest a lot of time, money and get yourself far more emotionally involved than you are right now that the most you would end up with is a failed K-1.   There are a lot of women who come on K-1 visas and after 90 days go back.  If she has those doubts there is a big risk of that being your results.   

Do yourself a favor and move on.   There is a wonderful woman waiting for you just as there was for me.

I rarely agree so fully with something Turbo posts... but he's spot on here.

Janic...  as hard as it is to accept she wasn't "real" yet... and still isn't...  The relationship hadn't started but the desires for "happy endings" seem to have already kicked in.

All the Internet chat, telephone calls and emails in the world are worth nothing until you meet.  Treat them as the equivalent to a glance across the room in conventional dating.  You've expressed interest but she's changed her mind.  even though you feel something is invested it's just chat.  I know it's hard...  but

If you stay focused and don't go off on a tangent you WILL find the partner you're looking for.  You don't need to add complications and difficulties to something that is already difficult.

I'm sorry if some of us are making it sound easy to move on...  but it is the best thing to do.

Good luck.

[Misha]

And add the bad relationship with the other European guy.

Listen, if she and her family can't understand that each guy is different and that because you had a bad relationship with one foreigner does not mean that all foreigners are bad, she simply ain't worth pursuing IMHO. But, it looks like you are committed to pursuing this woman that you have yet to meet 

[Blues Fairy]

Worse: Ma and Grandma 
They smelled that smth was going on.

She doesn't. Lives with her father. Parents divorced.

But I'm really interested in pursuing her too.

First find out why Ma and Grandma have so much say in what she does if she doesn't even live with them.  Sounds very strange to me.

[BillyB]

She wrote me that she would be my friend and I think that's certainly better than nothing. So I'll write her later today or tomorrow that I would very much like to continuing our acquaintance in a way of friends.

I plan on visiting her as quickly as possible and then we'll see what happens...

Being "just" friends isn't worth spending the money to visit a RW. Her decision is made and you are visiting her simply because she's good looking and she has something between her legs most men want. Certainly if an ugly woman chatted on mamba.ru with you the same way she has, you would not be visiting her if she told you she wants to be "just" friends.

While you are still thinking of a future with her, she will be chatting up a storm with many men on mamba.ru. That place is addictive in many ways. I signed up recently to try it out. One lady, good looking but not a model, from the Czech Republic gave me her number after messaging back and forth. She spoke limited English so occasionally I'd send her translated words into Russian so she could understand me. When I'd send her the mail through the site's system, her computer would make a bleep sound for the new mail arriving. My computer does the same based off how the site works. I'm sure it's the same for everyone. As we talked for an hour, I heard a lot of bleeps on her end and it wasn't me sending the mail.

Many of these women are not hurting for attention. Your lady may at one time thought of a future with you but she could easily find interest in another man as there will be plenty to choose from. You will be yesterday's news and left in the dust but it's your money and you showing up may change her mind but even if you show up, she could have lined up a number of dates with the local boys before or during your stay in town.

[Misha]

Your lady may at one time thought of a future with you but she could easily find interest in another man as there will be plenty to choose from.

He has many, many, many other women to choose from as well. Why obsess over a woman that he has yet to meet and is already causing him grief? I don't see the point.

[Faux Pas]

So much of the OP's story doesn't add up. "IF" I were in his shoes I would think I was getting blown off

[TwoBitBandit]

Janic, you're getting great replies and advice from guys who have really been there & done that.  There's a reason why there's so much agreement among them...

[Lonewing]

There are roughly 3,000,000,000 women on the planet.

Of those, roughly 300,000,000 are in your age bracket, plus or minus 5 years.

When one woman becomes too 'Difficult,' cut the losses.

If your losses keep reoccuring and you still want true love, get a dog.

That last part was actually a recommendation back when I was in University studying Secondary Education. 

The only downside is you have to get a new dog every 12-20 years.  Small breeds tend to live longer, but they sure stink in their prolonged later years!!

[kievstar]

Serious women like men to visit in person.  Serious women do not want to just be friends.  Time to move on.  Your next girl will not like the fact you write with another woman. 

[JR]

Why do you want to pursue with her ? To fulfill your fantasies ? Nothing happened. You have not met her and she is saying no. If you start at the beginning to put your energies and money at the wrong place, you will only lose your time.

want to change her opinion.

Indeed, why would you want to waste your valueable and limited face time with someone who is controlled my Ma and G_Ma? Friends? Spend that time and energy with someone who is willing and able to become more than friends.

You can't change her. More importantly you can't change Ma and Grandma. Nor can you alleviate their fears.

Move on....

[2tallbill]

You fell in love with a picture, chats, vid, whatever.  Replace "than I thought" with "than they should have been"

She didn't.

Always remember that until you meet, you are just penpals.

100% true