8 years diviorced and internet dating sites

[Bill_McC]

Eight years ago the woman that I had intended to grow old with found someone else. No sob story, just my side of it. I've dated in that 8 years but never with any serious intent. Now I have a new position in a new city at what I consider to be my retirement position. It's the best money I've ever made, it has the best benefit package I've ever had, and there is a boat load advancement potential.

It's a new city so I don't know anyone, I'm not a drinker so I don't do bars, and I've decided that it's time to get serious about finding a mate again. I work and I go home, I work and I go home, so where do you meet a prospective wife; CraigsList? I don't hardly think so.

A coworker suggested an international dating site so I give it a try and suddenly my email is totally inundated with gorgeous model quality 22 year olds. Red flags start to go up so I do a google search about internet dating and international marriage and I find this site.

Thank you for all of the free front page reading material. It's probably saved me several thousands of dollars and a half a life time of embarrassment.

Bill

[acctBill]

From one Bill to another Bill, welcome. Forget the 22 year olds tempting as they may be.  Stick with someone in your general age range and with whom you think you might be compatible.  Try to learn some Russian if you do decide to pursue someone, she will appreciate it. 

[dogspot]

Hi Bill. Welcome to RWD. You have found the right place to LEARN everything you need to know about international dating, relationships and marriage (good and bad). I would suggest spending some of that "alone" time reading through the various threads and asking a lot of questions before you go.

First off I'd like to ask you a couple questions. What is your age and what age group are you looking at for a potential mate? Are you searching exclusively in FSU? What countries?

[GregfromGa]

Welcome Bill, hopefully things will start to turn for you the way you want. There's a wealth of info here from a variety of characters. Will your new job allow you to travel? How often? Don't be afraid to ask the silly questions and use the PM function if it makes you feel more comfortable about somethings. You'll figure out soon enough with whom to ask questions.

[Bill_McC]

The model quality 22 year olds were what threw up the red flags. I have kids of my own older than most of them. Eye candy yes, I'm a red blooded male, but marriage potential? The fact that these children contacted me unsolicited was what initially caused the concern.

I'm looking in my general age group. I'm 53 and 10 years younger to 5 years older is where I'm looking.

I may have questions to ask, but there is a lot of reading to do right here first.

No I'm not looking only in the FSR. I'm using an international site and there are women from all over the world, including the US.

Is it just me or do all men find foreign women appealing?

I'm also in Georgia, Savannah.

Bill

[GregfromGa]

Savannah is a lovely old city. I'm happy that General Sherman liked it so much that he opted against burning it down. I think there are a number of Russian/Ukrainian ladies close to your age that would love living there. With that being said, this process isn't easy but if you are patient and you do your homework then you might just get lucky. You already stated that you're looking for a lady closer to your age so that's an excellent way to start.

[Vaughn]

Welcome, Bill.

A two-part question regarding children:

Are there any from your previous marriage? Do you envision any in your future?

[Bill_McC]

I have three grown children, two currently in college. Future children really aren't an option; I had a vasectomy 24 years ago, and honestly, at 53 now and probably 55 when another would be born, I don't want anymore children. It would be too late in life.

To answer any questions along these lines, I'll be totally honest about this with any woman that I may become attracted to. I love children, and I have no problem with her having children, I just don't think it would be a responsible decision on my part to have more children this late in life.

[I/O]

I work and I go home, I work and I go home

= Simplicity. Add wife = PITA. Add foreign wife = WTF have I done? Just sayin' whilst you're still savable.

[BC]

I have three grown children, two currently in college. Future children really aren't an option; I had a vasectomy 24 years ago, and honestly, at 53 now and probably 55 when another would be born, I don't want anymore children. It would be too late in life.

To answer any questions along these lines, I'll be totally honest about this with any woman that I may become attracted to. I love children, and I have no problem with her having children, I just don't think it would be a responsible decision on my part to have more children this late in life.

At 43 another child was the limit here. Stick by your principles.  Now at 50 I wouldn't start a new relationship with small children involved.  May not be 'yours', but the responsibility is still present and can be daunting.  Teens can be a huge challenge.

Picture the type of life you really want to live and stick to that picture without making huge concessions.

Also consider yourself lucky with your current circumstances, but don't depend on them.  Things have a habit of changing quickly with additional distractions.  I've stated in the past that as an employer I would not hire, maybe even not retain someone who is chasing women halfway around the world.  I know myself how this venture can adversely affect productivity.

[GQBlues]

Is it just me or do all men find foreign women appealing?

It's a new city so I don't know anyone, I'm not a drinker so I don't do bars, and I've decided that it's time to get serious about finding a mate again. I work and I go home, I work and I go home, so where do you meet a prospective wife...

LOL. No, it's not just you though I give you cookies that at least you're very honest. Most simply profess being forced to dating through MOB with things like ...

"...because AWs are: a) fat; or b) the types that value their careers over family (note the general age of the men); c) careless with their appearance, d) no longer feminine, e) not as mature at comparable ages, etc"....   

Be that as it may, there are a lot of great information here that should help you while going through this experience. So welcome and good luck!

[Gator]

Welcome Bill,

Good luck!  I recommend that you stay diversified, avoid the vamps, and try to maintain a respectable aura of "on the rebound" indifference.

I was in your position about 11 years ago when my clinically depressed spouse found a gentler, much older caregiver. 

The years since then with AW and RW have been an adventure and joy, save the short marriage to a RW that ended in a quick, painless divorce. 

And here I am again, starting over and doing well so far.  RW are wonderful.  So are AW.  Repeat, so are AW.  I can not say which is the lesser of two evils.

[Bill_McC]

I do appreciate all of the comments. Even the tongue in cheek ones. I'm well aware of the complications that any woman brings to a single mans universe.    I am also aware of the comfort and the the affection a loving spouse brings to our man caves. Besides that, I'm really tired of my own cooking...

I'm not running to the spousal unit store to bring home the newest year model today. I'm simply changing my outlook as to what I'm open to. I haven't considered marriage since the divorce because at first I was heartbroken, dragging around a trunk full of junk, and really unfit for anything longer than one night and a possible repeat the following weekend. Then I was in the freedom to spread the wealth mode; jump in the sack and jump back out, I'm 22 again YES!!!!

I hadn't used dating sites, I hadn't needed to. There are thousands of lonely divorcee females in the US that are more than willing to go to dinner, hop in the sack and then not call you for two weeks. When they do call they ask if they can buy the steaks this weekend and if you can come over and use her grill to cook them, Oh and BTW grab a movie on the way over.. Life is great, but I'm finding that I want more, and not knowing anyone at all locally, I went with the on-line dating site. Then the tight bod 22 year olds started showing up and all my alarms and whistles started going off.

Now with this move and being in the position where I fully intend to settle, I've had time to sit back and think about where I want to be. Time to think about if I want to settle down, and if I want to be with only one woman in the future. The honest truth is that I would like to settle down again.

I'm not specifically looking to marry outside the US. I'm not specifically looking for marriage. I'm simply open to the possibility and not limited to the USA. Call this doing the required research before beginning the new project.

Thanks again for the good advice..

[BC]

Thanks again for the good advice..

Don't look at it as advice. After all, you will do what you want to do and there ain't a darn thing we can do about that.. LOL

Now 'sumpthin to chew on' might be a better description as to what happens around here.

Don't worry.. we'll give you a belly full for sure..

[Faux Pas]

Bill,
You've got a head about you and an excellent frame of mind. Explore, look around and ask questions. I have a feeling you'll do most of the deductions yourself and most will be the right ones. If you stick to your same "type" of woman that you date locally, you'll find them much the same, just more difficult to get to. On the bright side, you are opening up a whole world and increasing your dating pool by at least a couple of million.

Good Luck

[GregfromGa]

Don't look at it as advice. After all, you will do what you want to do and there ain't a darn thing we can do about that.. LOL

Now 'sumpthin to chew on' might be a better description as to what happens around here.

Don't worry.. we'll give you a belly full for sure..

LOL, This is so true about him doing what he wants anyway. I like the adage of chewing on something as well. Hopefully this ole boy will hang around and it'll all work out for him. I've been to only 1 wedding from here the past 5 years. Savannah isnt too far away to drive if him and her will have a good caterer.

[I/O]

There are thousands of lonely divorcee females in the US that are more than willing to go to dinner, hop in the sack and then not call you for two weeks.

Sure is.

Then the tight bod 22 year olds started showing up and all my alarms and whistles started going off.

Keep it to "alarms and whistles" "going off" and you'll be fine. Having said that, (pots and kettles) I did take up with a 23 Y/O who was 25 something Y/O when we married. Wonderful experience? Certainly..!! Advisable? Any advice in the affirmative should be free..............go figure.

Bill, you'll be OK I suspect. I know the "New Kid" (Old Geezer) in town, don't drink much, don't do clubs much, where to get a gig and then where to find someone worth being with more than once etc etc....... It isn't a fun place to be for a few months but it does sort itself out and if I may tender one suggestion, it would be to really ramp up the local thing before and during going offshore. Kinda like having a tug before going on a date, clears the head/s......................for thinkin'.