Silly (Or Not So Silly) Sayings

[Admin]

Being my normally conscientious self and wanting to be completely accurate, I did a search on a phrase I heard some time back, in connection to something here on the board (anyone care to guess WHICH one of these I was searching for - and/or why ), and ran across the following list. I thought you all might get a chuckle out of some of these.

[list=1]

• Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. [/*]
  
• Never argue with an idiot. People watching may not be able to tell the difference. [/*]
  
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. [/*]
  
• Never attempt to teach a pig to dance. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. [/*]
  
• Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. [/*]
  
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. [/*]
  
• Never get between a dog and his bone, a bear and her cubs or a man and his spittoon. [/*]
  
• Never have a philosophy which supports a lack of courage. [/*]
  
• Never knock on Death's door ... Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). [/*]
  
• Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. [/*]
  
• Never look back unless you intend to go that way. [/*]
  
• Never meddle in the ways of dragons ... for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. [/*]
  
• Never miss a good chance to shut up. [/*]
  
• Never play leap frog with a unicorn. [/*]
  
• Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on. [/*]
  
• Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid all together. [/*]
  
• Never send a ferret to do a weasel's job. [/*]
  
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway. [/*]
  
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet. [/*]
  
• Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you. [/*]
  
• Never try to drown your sorrows, especially if she can swim. [/*]
  
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. [/*]
  
• Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and only the pig enjoys it. [/*]
  
• No Heaven will not ever Heaven be, unless my cats are there to welcome me. [/*]
  
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. [/*]
  
• No one ever says "it's only a game," when their team is winning. [/*]
  
• No one is listening until you make a mistake. [/*]
  
• No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. [/*]
  
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. [/*]
  
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. [/*]
  
• Not all fairy tales begin with, "Once upon a time ..." Many also begin with, "If elected ..." [/*]
  
• Not all who wander are lost. [/*]
  
• Not he, who has much, is rich ... but he, who gives much. [/*]
  
• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. [/*]
  
• Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenius. [/*]
  
• Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. [/*]
  
• Nothing is real to you unless you experience it. Otherwise it's just hearsay. [/*]
  
• Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.[/*]

Hard to pick my absolute favorites - but numbers 2, 3, 9, and 14 are all awful good.

Cheers,

- Dan

[RacerX]

Here's my list of phrases I have endeavored to work into threads:

[size="2"]                     1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
3. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
5. Ahh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
7. How about never? Is never good for you?
8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
9. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
12. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
13. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
14. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of bad Karma to burn off.
15. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
16. No, my powers can be used only for good.
17. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
18. You sound reasonable... time to up my medication.
19. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
20. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
21. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
22. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. Who, me? I just wander from room to room.
25. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.[/size]

[ConnerVT]

Never attempt to teach a pig to dance. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

My tagline on another forum was, for quite some time, "Never try to teach a pig to sing..."  There are some here whom couldn't figure out what the saying means.  I wisely decided not to waste my time.  :noidea:

[jb]

1.)  The measure of a man's intelligence depends upon how much he  agrees with you.
2.)  Sometimes life is like a spelling bee for the deaf mute. You  have to show them the word, and then they still misspell it.

[TigerPaws]

[RacerX]

In reality, if you accumulate all the threads posted on the RW boards, which should number in the several hundred thousand, it is highly unlikely that any subject any member raises hasn't been discussed before.

So in the future, I have decided to designate Dan's list as "A" and mine as "B."

For example, when a new member starts posting about how some RW shafted him, I will simply respond with: 21A and 12B

[Vaughn]

Many years ago I had a typestyle chart in the office, with various gems of wisdom in different styles. The only one I could recall was
 Never Eat Prunes When You are Famished.
 So I searched that phrase, and found the list:

*No good deed goes unpunished.
*Leak proof seals - will.
*Self starters - will not.
*Interchangable parts - won't
*There is always one more bug.
*Nature is a mother.
*Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy
*90% of everything is crud.
*If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
*All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
*Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
*Never eat prunes when you are famished.
*Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
*If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
*A short cut is always the longest distance between 2 points.
*Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
*You will always find something in the last place you look.
*The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
*No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
*No one's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
*The other line always moves faster.
*In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
*Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
*If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
*A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.
*If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
*Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
*The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
*When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
*A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
*Everybody should believe in something. I believe i'll have another drink.
*Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
*Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
*In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
*You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
*The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
*There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
*When in doubt, mumble, when in trouble, delegate.
*Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
*It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
*A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
*Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
*Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
*Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
*The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
*Celibacy is not hereditary.
*Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
*Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
*To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression, Freudian Psychology.
*Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
*A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
*If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
*If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
*In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
*Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.