New Here! I met a Russian Girl over the summer at my job... Have many questions

[Taco1435]

                Let me start by saying that this is not one of the typical situations I see on here. I'm 21 years old and she is also, so we are very young. She came to America on an internship set up by her college, and we worked in the same place. We dated for 2 and a half months and fell in love, however now she's back in Russia and does not finish school until July. I still have 3 more years of college left, and although I absolutely love her, I'm not ready to marry her. I think I might be in the future, but right now, I don't know what to do. We both are deeply in love, and we both do not want to date other people.. But we also don't know if that is the right decision. Neither of us know what to do.


                Something else to note is that she actually did not plan on marrying someone, or staying in America. She said to me that currently, I am the only reason she wants to come back. It is not that she doesn't like America, but she wants to have a career. If she moves to America she would have to go back to school and essentially start all over. She is also a little stubborn and doesn't want help. Also, neither of us know how she would even get into American schools. She is very smart with a degree from Kostroma State Technological University, but she says her degree means nothing in America.

               My questions are:

(1) How can she come here without getting married right away?

(2) How can she get a job? She will try to work for the hotel she had a job with last year, but she is not sure if she will be able to work there again.

(3) (a) How can she get into American universities if she is not married?
     (b) Even if she was married would she be able to get into a good university?

(4) Will she be able to use her degree to get a masters, or will she have to completely start over and get a bachelors degree?

(5) Is getting married the only way to keep her back over here?

(6) Can I invite her over here? If so, how long can she stay here? Also, the problem with this is that she won't be able to work if I do this. Once again, she wants to be self sufficient if she is going to come over.

I just need any and all info you can provide. Thank you very much if you read all that . I appreciate anything you can tell me.

THANKS!

               

[acctBill]

Despite what most people think getting into a good university in the USA is not the difficult part, paying for it is.  The easiest way for her to get into the USA is for her to apply for grad school in the USA.   Will she have to do some undergraduate courses in the USA before going to an American grad school?  Maybe it really is going to depend on the quality of her university in Russia and the university she applies to in the US.  

Once she finishes her degree in the US it is entirely possible she could stay. This is actually a source of many immigrants for the US, especially among those with advanced degrees.  If you and her marry while she is in university in the USA, she should be able to stay without having to leave the US.  Depending on her degree it is possible she can get a job with an American company in the US that will arrange for the appropriate visa.  Once she has the appropriate visa she can get a job and after several years apply for citizenship. It's a little more difficult than that but not much.  

When she is applying to American universities she should also look for American universities that offer scholarships, bursaries, grants etc to foreign students.  Also her university in Russia might be able to tell her which American universities she has the best chance of getting into based on previous experience with their students.  Being married to an American won't help her chances on getting into an American university it just makes it easier for her to emigrate.  

If you invite her to the US you are probably going to be asked if you are able to financially support her.  So unless you can afford to pay for university and pay for her costs of living that probably won't work.  If she applies for a visitor's visa, see link below, make sure she mentions her previous visit to the US, it will help with getting her next visa to the US.  Above all make sure you and her don't lie on any applications to the US government.  The government tends to hold those types of things against you and it will make problems for any future visas to the US.    

http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/types/types_1262.html  

http://www.h1base.com/content/compareworkvisas types of visas

[SMS60]

Oh my....Where to start

First off.......You will think Im a butt hole but will thank me down the road.

Your solution is short and sweet..........Just forget about her...............You have a full life in front of you. You dont need all the stress and trials that lay ahead of you if you decide to pursue this fantasy. You will need bag full of Loratabs for all the headachs and sleepless nights you will encounter. You still have 3 years of college ahead of you.

Take a deep breath and put this out of your mind for now. If your life is stable after you graduate and know what you want to do with your life then you might look into bringing her over. But I would say by then you will have other things occupying your life and will thank me for talking you out of it.

thank me later

good luck.

[I/O]

Taco: You'll be bombarded with all sorts of horsesch!t advice in a thread like this. The questions you ask can be answered and ways can be found to achieve your and her objectives but a the end of the day, the two of you first need to be crystal clear on what you both really want.

I see no downside to more face time and that could be achieved by your traveling to her parts at your next vacation opportunity. I suggest you do that and then revisit your questions.

[Jooky]

If she's really interested in grad school here, I recommend you contact the programs she's interested in and they can give you more specific information and advice. Being married or not will not affect her acceptance.

If not, she could always come back next summer on the same program that brought her here this year (or a similar program).

If the hotel she worked at is willing to do the paperwork, she could obtain a work visa without going through a work/study program.

If you both can afford it, you can long distance date and visit each other from time to time. Obtaining a tourist visa shouldn't be a problem for her, but you're right, she won't be allowed to work. The normal length of stay is a maximum of six months.

[facetrock]

  Taco if you plan on pursueing this you  have a long long road ahead. Not saying you cant do it but the odds are stacked that both of you will meet someone else before you seal any deal.
  I have to agree with SMS on this one.

[tfcrew]

     ....           She is very smart with a degree from Kostroma State Technological University, but she says her degree means nothing in America.

Depends.
It's on the list...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_institutions_of_higher_learning_in_Russia
You should go and visit her there. By then you will have more answers.

Good luck
Karl

                              
 

[ECOCKS]

First your questions:

(1) How can she come here without getting married right away?

She can try for a tourist visa (limited solution but would let her spend a few months here out of each year) or apply to a university or graduate school if she can afford it.

(2) How can she get a job? She will try to work for the hotel she had a job with last year, but she is not sure if she will be able to work there again.

If she's graduating, she probably will not be able to return under that program. Careful how cute you try to get with the au pair or student system, you're close to the line where it becomes fraud if you try too hard on this point.

(3) (a) How can she get into American universities if she is not married?

Marriage has no effect on admissions decisions.

     (b) Even if she was married would she be able to get into a good university?

Depends on her English, grades and admissions scores.

(4) Will she be able to use her degree to get a masters, or will she have to completely start over and get a bachelors degree?

Hard to say with reviewing a translated transcript. If she gets one you can send it to me and I will let you know what my estimate is on her chances.

(5) Is getting married the only way to keep her back over here?

No, she could actually be a legal immigrant or student.

(6) Can I invite her over here? If so, how long can she stay here? Also, the problem with this is that she won't be able to work if I do this. Once again, she wants to be self sufficient if she is going to come over.

Not really (with regard to "inviting her" over here). Our system doesn't work that way.

Now, a suggestion or two.....

If she can afford it, get her in touch with International admissions offices at the schools which have programs she is considering for a career. This may offer you some challenges since FSU career education and planning is not very well advanced.

Why don't you go over there next year on a student visa to study Russian or other international study programs? Do some searching for academic year abroad programs and such that offer a fit with your major or interest area. If all else fails, take a Russian language course next summer and ask her to join you in whatever city you can arrange. Then stick around for a few more weeks before your school starts to visit her and get to know each other.

Take a long, hard look at the financial situation you both are facing. Can you afford a long-distance relationship? Can you make one work on whatever budget you can see?

Young love is wonderful, enjoy it while you can!

Best of luck.

[GQBlues]

I just need any and all info you can provide. Thank you very much if you read all that . I appreciate anything you can tell me.

IMO - your answer is found on the second sentence of your post. If you think she's stubborn now while you're still deeply in lust love, wait till things fizzle out a bit. 

To note: You may want to look into if what I understand is true that Russians no longer need a visa to Mexico.

[FredC]

Something you need to consider,it was lightly touched on. If you marry or sponsor her you will need to sign a affidavit of support. There are minimum income requirements that if you are an unemployed student I doubt that you will meet.

[Taco1435]

          First, thank you for all the information. It is a lot to take in. I appreciate all the info, but I regret making this thread sound like I was asking for relationship advice. I appreciate your opinions, but mainly I wanted to learn about the options she and I have. Thanks a lot, and when I have more information, I'll probably be back to ask more questions! Thank you everyone, and if you have anything else to add to this thread don't hesitate!

[Taco1435]

IMO - your answer is found on the second sentence of your post. If you think she's stubborn now while you're still deeply in lust love, wait till things fizzle out a bit. 

To note: You may want to look into if what I understand is true that Russians no longer need a visa to Mexico.

Also, when I said stubborn, I didn't mean it in a bad way. She just wants to be independent, which I prefer to someone who will do anything to come over here.

[ECOCKS]

Taco:

Yes, a great many guys come here with what they consider a single, simple question then get aggravated when the forum gives them the benefit of collected experiences through advice and warnings. You aren't the first to regret it and you won't be the last.

You might consider however, that we have a bit more experience than you with regard to relationships with FSUW, the visa system, international dating and maintaining relationships from afar.

We all wish you the best but a remarkable degree of restraint has already been demonstrated with regard to answering your question.

Good luck.

[BillyB]

               My questions are:

(1) How can she come here without getting married right away?

(2) How can she get a job? She will try to work for the hotel she had a job with last year, but she is not sure if she will be able to work there again.

(3) (a) How can she get into American universities if she is not married?
     (b) Even if she was married would she be able to get into a good university?

(4) Will she be able to use her degree to get a masters, or will she have to completely start over and get a bachelors degree?

(5) Is getting married the only way to keep her back over here?

(6) Can I invite her over here? If so, how long can she stay here? Also, the problem with this is that she won't be able to work if I do this. Once again, she wants to be self sufficient if she is going to come over.

1) Work, study and tourist visas are ways she can get here but she won't be able to stay forever. She will probably be denied a tourist visa.

2) If she's allowed to come to America for any reason besides tourist, she will probably be legal to work low level jobs.

3) a. Don't have to be married to get into a university and if she's on a student visa, she can study most anywhere.
    b. Money gets people into good universities but why start at the top? First she needs to master English and can do it much cheaper elsewhere.

4) Most likely she'll have to start over but she's still young. Not a big deal. Tell her many immigrants have successfully started life and education over in America.

5) She can apply for various other visas to study or work in America but those visas won't allow her to stay forever except if she gets a high level degree and finds a job related to her degree within a certain amount of time.

6) No.

If you two are wanting to be together, then talk about making a life together. It seems education is her primary focus, not you based on your first post. You're also a long way on being able to support yourself let alone a wife since you're 3+ years from graduating.

Taco, you don't have much options to bring her over permanently to develop feelings for her in a natural way that most people do by dating at the moment. You're not in the ideal situation to get married to her because it may hurt your educational goals especially if she's not a team player in a relationship. You can wait 3+ years until you're financially secure and a good candidate for marriage but it's up to you if you want to gamble 3+ years of your life for a woman half way across the world. Is she really devoted only to you or is she the type of woman that will not give you a second thought if a better man comes along? If she's a fine catch and devoted only to you, then the gamble may be worth it. It's your life so choose wisely.

[Boethius]

Taco, I can't give you advice on your dilemma, beyond to ensure no matter what, you finish your education.  As for the relationship advice, I was in a similar position to you, though reversed (married a Ukrainian man).  Like you, I was very young.  I agree with your view about not taking any relationship advice, other than the practicalities.  I never listened to the naysayers, and we will soon be celebrating our 27th year of marriage.  You just have to be very sure about the person you love.

[GoodOlBoy]

no matter what, you finish your education.

Completely agree with this advice!
Trust me, once you leave college it is really difficult to go back and finish.

GOB

[remiel6]

Well I may not be popular for saying this, but the one thing I noticed in the post was 1) you're both in love and 2) you want her drop drop all her life to come to a place where the only reason she wants to be here is you. Umm.... any relationship that works requires you both to do work. The problem with any of the above scenarios is that she makes all the commitment, all the sacrifice and you do nothing. Grow up. I don't mean to be rude, but this is a recipe for disaster. If you love her be willing to commit, if not get out of the water so to speak. You can't have success where one person does all the work in my humble opinion.

[DKMM]

You got a lot of good advice here.  You might think your situation is different, but in fact its quite similar to most men lurking around here.  Hardly anybody here married a woman who wants to just come to America.  I don't think that has happened in about 8 years.

I can sum this up for you in 2 options available to you and have enough experience to back it up.

1) If you aren't ready to get married then its very doubtful it can work out for you.  She's ready and will get married at her age.  International relationships aren't for the date for 5 years to figure out what you want then move in together types.

2) the other way to get her here involves a LOT of money which I doubt you have.  A student visa can work for years even but you must have ALL her costs in a bank account somewhere to prove to the school and the govt.  Its like buying a house as far as documentation goes.  Ballpark, $20-30k for 9 months.  Plus she must have passed the TOEFL.

If you really wanted her you'd find a way to make option 1 work someday.  Jazzyclassy met her husband at similar ages and she waited probably 2 years for him to graduate, propose, get married and get the visa.  It can work.