If I had to do it over again....

[GoodOlBoy]

Not sure why you felt you're not too keyed on the Abased Res. I agree with Carefullest, if at all possible, those are the ones I would put stock on for more than a few good reasons...

Picking up on the statement offered above by GQ (which BTW I agree with) in a previous thread and also offered by a few other RWD members in the past, I am curious as to some of the reason's offered for seeking RW locally.
 
So, besides the obvious one (long distance flight), what other reasons/opinions would married and divorced members of RWD like to offer to the newbies for searching locally in the good ol' USA for an FSU wife?

GOB

PS....Factual based reasons/opinions are NOT required ("gut feelings" are ok!).

[BC]

Probably has a good grasp on language, so few communication problems.

Knows the local lifestyle and values - already got over homesickness and adjustment issues.

Will be more knowledgeable about your job, income, living conditions so better prepared to make a commitment based on sense instead of nonsense.

Will be able to see through your BS a bit better.

IOW she will already be what a FSU woman will become after arrival.

WYSIWYG

[GQBlues]

For me...

1. Takes away the middle men, agencies, service providers, etc...you're dating because you can - on your own.
2. The novelty of 'you' being a foreigner is completely taken out of the content. Your passport means nothing (presuming she's a legal resident already) to her.
3. Levels a mutual playing field. She's seen the competition, she's adjusted, acclimated, completely aware of her rights, she very likely have her own support system (family, friends, etc...). Which means she is for the most part (well) adjusted and independent.
4. She's likely to be employed, self-sufficient, versed with the language.
5. Convenience of proximity. Whether the date worked out or otherwise, calling it quits or furthering the association is easy for both persons.
6. The fact you can date with ease without the rigors of travel, long periods of absences, and more importantly, eliminated the disneyland moments often associated in traveling to new surroundings. You are both on your own element.
7. No paperwork. You get along well enough and decide to marry, then get a license and tie the knot - in 6 months, a year, in 2 years, in 1 week...
8. The possibility of 'living together' for as long as it's comfortable for both. Marriage doesn't become a time-sensitive necessity.
9. The stigma associated with MOB is taken out of the context. When folks ask you how you met, LOL, you can honestly say you met in a supermarket.
10. You're dating a well established woman who happens to be Russian, instead of dating a Russian in Russia because it's easier than dating at home.
11. She can see your life, your friends, your family, your surrounding and who you really are BEFORE taking a leap of faith; vis-a-vis. If you're a no-lifer with a seriously bad mojo then you're not a go-go...
12. You get a clear idea the type of woman she is and how she functions in this society and how well she fits in it.
13. Face to face meeting is almost, if not, instantaneous. BS is out.
14. Dating her here, on the homefront, she becomes a challenge and a testament to your own ware.

Most importantly.....

She'll have a full and first hand understading how silly and evil Democrats really are. She's dating you because you're the type of man who doesn't believe in government hand-outs. She won't be a liberal who expects and receives tax rebate/refund even if she never paid taxes to begin with.    This country needs legal (citizen), responsible, truly (American) hard-working, intelligent voters which she'll thus become a conservative because it's what's right.

[Jumper]

I've done both.

Despite all the nice reasons or theories we'd like to subscribe to, as they make sense.
Whom someone really connects to, simply doesnt always make sense.
Or where they live, or even how you might have met them.


Whether that be locally, at a cafe, her dropping the milk on your foot at the grocery store,
or on the big bad internet where you might have to :::::gasp::: travel to LA or even another country.

Basically, i've found all the nice theories in the world usually dont make a dang bit of diffrence to whom you finally end up with.While i believe in a bit more than the butterfly effect, its probably just as much a factor as any plan hatched by mice or men.

I did date locally ,and in Europe too, , and no not by a given  nationality,
 but certainly dated some russians as there are many russian or eastern europeans here.
Yes there are the stated advantages.I'd  recommend pursuing them,for the same reasons.

I also still  wouldnt limit my search to nationality or locale.

All the disadvanteges mentioned of traveling abroad , just arrnt that big of deal to me.
You are still looking for one very special person , and someone who feels the same about  you.

 I can name a million reasons why the local race track would be the very BEST place for me to look.shared interests, shared lifestyle, a fundamental understanding of what we enjoy, same language, likely a common backgroud socially and culturally.Probably a lot of mutual friends, but i wouldnt limit my search to there.


You guys are refering to women, and relationships, yet bring up mostly logistical problems..
(yes some cultural and language as well)
but
it's like drawing a line in the sand , in the sahara!! LOL

I'm not going to say there are not hurdles..i've lived them, and they just arnt that high.

Combine all the cultural/language and base logistics hurdles into a *percent* of the bigger quest of
relating *one on one* with a given woman for life?

For married guys you crack me right up!!!


Listen i'm not saying its  hard to relate to women ,
or referrng to the whole *men are from mars,women from venus*  thaang..
I've never had too much  trouble with that part..

I'm just saying putting everything into context..
WHERE in the world waldochka   is,, just isnt the big task some make it out to be.
Because the reality is this:
It's a lot harder to find two indivduals that really click long term.

That's the astronomical ingrediant?
the other stuff is more conveniences or inconveinemnces,its actually minor details ..
(other than language lol)
 
Like dating across town , or in a city 5 hours away.
ones more inconvenient.It's FAR easier to date in your home city..
 but it would dissuade only a few if they thought they really found a match.

so just where is that inconvenience line drawn?
i have a buddy that has a 15 minute rule, if its a 20 minute drive he isnt dating her,for real.
so a 1 hour drive?
3 hours drive? (i've done that one ,it was a huge *pita*)

what about a 5 hour flight, or an 8?
perhaps a 10?

if she's  fluent in english but lives in Vienna , no deal??
 i mean thats a pain, and there still is that pesky immigration thing, yet slightly easier than the FSU..
So -
how *easy* is ok?
how difficult is "naw that's just bizaare, i wouldn't do *THAT*"?


let the stonings begin..


 

[Chicagoguy]

How about proper grammar and punctuation ?
 
But this comment might be based on my age and not being a frequent phone text message user.       

[BC]

AJ,

I hear ya..

I met my first wife while staying with a relative in the US. - boy meets girl thing, we were young lasted 3 years.
I met my second wife helping her move in to a new apartment in Germany - boy meets girl thing, lasted 7 years plus another couple hanging 'round.
I met my 'significant other' at a pub gathering in Germany, lasted 5 years - irreconcilable differences, that's life.
I met my wife while traveling - she happens to be Russian and we're in our 8th year together.

As far as experience goes, I've learned that most relationships are not forever and that one does not have to look for a relationship, but instead just keep your eyes open for possibilities and see where they lead.

I've never explicitly looked for a wife but instead let life lead me where deemed fit.  I would never look for a wife as they seem to fall in my lap anyway.

Sign up to some agency and get on airplanes to interview prospective partners?... -naa not for me.

Should our relationship fail, I have enough contacts in FSU that predate our relationship to feel comfortable getting on a plane to just meet friends and have a good time.. then let life take over from there..  Or I might just head down to the local pizzeria instead.. or take a trip to southern Spain.. or visit my parents in the US.. or.. or.. or..

Che sarà, sarà kinda thing..  has worked like a charm for 90% of my 'eligible' life so why spoil a good thing?

Nothing wrong at all with going 'local' wherever that may be.

Most probably take this RW 'thing' waaay too serious.  In fact getting on a plane to shop for a wife is counterproductive.

Just MHO, based on experience.

[BC]

How about proper grammar and punctuation ?
 
But this comment might be based on my age and not being a frequent phone text message user.       

Chicago,

If you are referring to AJ's post, it's occupational hazard.  In his shoes I'd be six feet under by now, food for trees.

[GoodOlBoy]

So AJ.....You don't subscribe to the theory that FSUW have the "upper hand" when AM travel to their turf?

I have to be honest here.
My first trip to Moscow left me a little numb (not from the cold either ) and feeling a little lost and "dependent" on others.
Which in all my years of travel (U.S.M.C.) never really happened before.
I definitely felt "out of my element".
Given what I just outlined above, it may not be considered the best environment for wife seeking?
BTW, I spoke to my wife about this years ago and she looked at me and said: "You know my life every day in America now ".

GOB

[GQBlues]

I definitely felt "out of my element".

...and that without a doubt is a very critical element in many of these relationships.

The typical approach of these marriages (MOB), especially in recent years, is that it's taken out the 'dating' aspect of relating to one another. It has in fact become a "wife hunting trip/s" for many, if not most.

Notice some of the threads/posts in this very hallways sometimes...when a guy comes back home having failed in the scheduled date in FSU, folks seem to automatically peg that as a 'failure' or at least feel that it is. Conversely, when they get engaged on the first trip, or believe there's a continuation for the relationship, it is somehow construed as a 'success'.

All on one trip.

[Jumper]

...and that without a doubt is a very critical element in many of these relationships.

The typical approach of these marriages (MOB), especially in recent years, is that it's taken out the 'dating' aspect of relating to one another. It has in fact become a "wife hunting trip/s" for many, if not most.

Notice some of the threads/posts in this very hallways sometimes...when a guy comes back home having failed in the scheduled date in FSU, folks seem to automatically peg that as a 'failure' or at least feel that it is. Conversely, when they get engaged on the first trip, or believe there's a continuation for the relationship, it is somehow construed as a 'success'.

All on one trip.

GQ- yes, to the crux of the matter.

and yes I think of it merely as dating.It is a long commute, but the expectations are no higher or lower.
If you want to play this game , I  think you should approach it that way.
While someone flying from NYC to LA for a date with a woman he hasnt met, might have elevated hopes from thier correspondence or phone calls prior,it still is just a date.
If you hit it off and it leads somewhere,  fantastic!  I dont see internationally as much different.


GOB-
I never stated that there were not advantages or disadvantages, nor did i disagree with the advantages laid out?
 They do in fact make sense.


I was pionting out the humor of equating a bit of travel or initial culture shock ,
in the overall percentage of difficulty in meeting a woman you can view as a life partner.

I do think a guy is a bit out of his element  when there. I do think it a disadvantage to him, and probably to her as she doesnt know hoim in his own element either.

Sure it's better to meet someone that lives in tyour twon, has all the same interests, circle of friends, background, langauge ,culture.
I do not think anyone can debate that.

I just found it amusing on a forum dedicated to cross cultural relationships  

I would say in my own past marriage,  travels, or dating,
there have been some moments inspired by different culture and language.Some amusing, some maybe not so much at the time ?    but as far as a relationship or finding someone compatable ?  odds were as good in prague, athens, or san diego..
or even Chicago.


Chicagoguy-
Sorry if you find it irritating, or couldn't understand my post,over poor grammar,spelling,lack of proper capitalization,typos , or punctuation? It's frighteningly unprofessional.

Hmm , I do not  view this as work though, more like a group chatting around a table.
No need to stick the pinky out , to be proper with the tea,or to pour the beer in a frosted  glass.
Thank heaven I have someone to type for me when I need to produce a decent business document.
:::


Frankly it's a perfect example of what i was referring to.
Compatabilty being paramont over convenience, even  language and culture?

Language and culture can be obstacles to compatabilty,there is no doubt.
I simply havn't found them to be the larger ones.
 
There are certainly a lot of women in Chicago I wouldn't be compatable with,
since I live in the area , I've probably proven that well by now.
But there are plenty that text daily, and wouldn't mind my rambling posting style, or even read any posts.
So it works out.

only as  example:
As far as noticing it, some RW would , but most RW wouldn't ?  
 Most understandably are just getting a grasp of English,  and  quite a few are into texting.

To me it is another fine line drawn in the sand ,of a vast desert.
The importance of grammar when pursuing a majority of women who are at basic English level or a bit higher at best,
and from men  who generally are not truly fluent in Russian.
Whether I can make her laugh or smile when first meeting on some train is probably far more important to someone I would be compatable with.
While others would be far more compatable with a different *type* , it is afterall what makes the world go around.




Looking in a man's  own back yard is prudent.
I was pointing out life ,and certainly love, normally doesn't work out quite so rationally or predictably.

It makes no more sense to me to say a man will find Miss Right in South Bend,
because that is where he lives, and she should be more in tune with him.
While it makes sense, it doesn't fit my real world experience.

[GQBlues]

While someone flying from NYC to LA for a date with a woman he hasnt met, might have elevated hopes from thier correspondence or phone calls prior,it still is just a date. If you hit it off and it leads somewhere,  fantastic!  I dont see internationally as much different.

But that's just it though AJ. The premise of the MOB is simply just that - different. The mindset is set that dating, as we normally do and known about, is taken OUT of the context. It's "Hi, let's get married!"

Like you, I've dated gals from out of state and even out of borders before, but that's what they were 'dates'. Marriage was the last thing in everyone's mind.

Sure, folks involved in LDRs had eventually come to the conclusion that marriage is the next logical step BUT, it's likely taken time and was still a step and process. Fo starters, the women would have met his friends, families and vis-a-vis. In the MOB there's none of that - it's literally a leap and there's no mistaking that notion. The women are at a huge disadvantage.

[BC]

GQ,

Can only expound on your post and state that going to meet a woman with the premise being marriage is indeed trying to do things ass backwards.

In the end though it's always going to be 50/50.. either it will work or will not as it pertains to the chances of the respective couples.

I do think there are better results with the 'natural' boy meets girl, date, ltr and if all works out well at that point eventual marriage. After all, how many dates lead to marriage.. LOL  A pretty good weeding out process.

MOB is simply a set of shortcuts, a cut to the chase, predicated on perceived advantages in your face intentions and obvious disadvantages that may or may not pan out in the end.

Forget statistics as they NEVER apply to the individuals involved - it's pot luck and nothing more.

In the 'normal' world, if a woman I just met stated she is looking for marriage and wants to move in before the first date I'd do the Roadrunner.. beep beep

If you're single, just try.  Go to any gathering wearing an 'I wanna get married' T-shirt and see what happens.

[GQBlues]

Hear, hear BC. Like you, I don't subscribe much to the statistical abyss. However, for those that do, all things being equal then the benefit of fishing locally is even more pronounced.

If you're single, just try.  Go to any gathering wearing an 'I wanna get married' T-shirt and see what happens.

However, if you can produce a few thousands of those and translated in Russian, I bet there's a market for it to those bound to Ukraine and elsewhere... 

[Maxx2]

 

Would any gorgeous RW here in America have anything to do with any of us?

[Jumper]

Would any gorgeous RW here in America have anything to do with any of us?

Yes? I've dated some here for sure.Why not?
(one actually up in your neck of the woods maxx,
 she was 30,had been here about 7 years and had previously been married to a RM here,gorgeous by most anyone's standard ,very cool and fun person ,but it ultimately dint work out, that's just *dating* anywhere)


GQ is right that often the emphasis is put on marriage during some of these scenarios abroad,
by one party ,or both.
I personally try to think of it as dating, if it goes well then you continue ,until it either falters, or until it becomes stronger and obvious you want to be together more permanently.

Again i do see advantages of dating locally..I'm not rallying the troops to go forth and conquer foreign lands.I do see the huge disadvantages of language barriers in different cultures.

 I just don't feel the realistic odds are that much greater that  i really connect at some deeper lifetime level with someone just because we live ,or do not live, in the same general area.
location location location seems more a  working theme for real estate, restaurants, or retail marketing.

[ML]

Can only expound on your post and state that going to meet a woman with the premise being marriage is indeed trying to do things ass backwards.

I agree.  But look at all the piling on that goes on here when a guy goes on a WMVM trip.


Have you told the women you are not planning to marry anyone soon?
You are not serious.
You are just going to waste the time of the women.
Have you told all the women you are meeting  other women?
etc., etc., etc.

[poacher]

I will just give my experience. I met my wife about trip 9 or 10. I had been serious with two other ladies, but that did not work out. I was dating many nice women, all of whom knew that I was seeing other women. Anyway, I met my wife and went out with her about 10 times in three weeks. Three months later I was back in Kharkov. About a week into it, my wife put her foot down and said that "you see no other women, just me." That settled it. Before that, she taught at the university during the day, so I would be on dates with women while she was at work. Everynight when we were out, she would ask what I did that day. I would tell her. This was fine with her until we decided to become exclusive. I did not go out with any other women on my next few trips, honoring her wishes, they were mine too. Like anywhere, some women are jealous, some are not. I do think in my experiences, women knowing that there is a little competition, they stepped their game up a notch or two. I do think it hurt my chances with a couple of them, also. Just my opinion on this.

For those who are going to pile on, check your status. Still single ain't ya. Who would have ever guessed that. I'm just getting the first jab in.

On a side note, a buddy of mine just got his fiancee here in Dec. I had dated her before I met my wife. It was his first trip to Kharkov and I hooked them up. She was a great woman and they really hit it off, so my dating many eventually led to two other people falling in love. And no, I did not ever sleep with her. Seriously.

[JR]

Would any gorgeous RW here in America have anything to do with any of us?

Yes, been there, done that. More than once....

Every situation is unique. What I have seen from dating FSUW locally it all depends on:
1.          Do they have a green card/citizenship.
2.          Do they work.
3.          What is their age and how badly do they want children.
From the man's side things don't change much either:
1.   Younger.
2           Prettier
2.   Easier. (perception)
Look at the ads for local FSUW and you’ll find that if 1 and 2 can be answered as yes and if 3 is young they will be looking for someone close to their own age, same as AW. As you start to remove the “yes’s” the acceptable age range begins to increase. And if they are mid-thirties or pushing forty and want kids the gap opens even more.
No rocket science involved, the formula is very simple and it doesn't change much:
Women look for security, stability, family and hopes for love. Men look for youth, beauty and hopes for sex See how simple that is? Class dismissed .

[JR]

While someone flying from NYC to LA for a date with a woman he hasnt met, might have elevated hopes from thier correspondence or phone calls prior,it still is just a date.

You're absolutley right AJ, been there, done that, but mine was in reverse))) There is no difference, it's just a date.