Lying about age

[lovelyannie]

As for me, lying on your profile about the age is the same like placing professional complimentary pictures there - nobody says the latter is bad(though technically it is lie too - a person never looks so attractive in professional pictures, as in real life) , as it, just like concealing your age, has quite understandable purpose - to attract more attention of potential partners so to have more options to chose from.
I would not judge a man for saying he is 45 when he is 50. But I have been always honest about my own age on the profiles - just because it was not too big to scare the guys off)))

[acctBill]

Yes, they do, hence my mention of local sites..

If I understood you correctly, you're saying that all Internet relationships are based on mistrust and suspicion.. Lies and deception, however significant or petty, are to be expected and met with equal amount of insincerity.. But doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of having a relationship in the first place? If you have to assume you are being lied to from the beginning, what's the point of continuing communication?.

Possum I think it's more in the area of "little white lies".  If a woman says she's 33 instead of 36 because she believes she will get more responses it's not a big deal.  However, if she says she's 29 with no children and wants kids.  That's a big difference from 37 with 3 kids and not wanting any more. 

Plus talk to any woman who's answered some personal ads on websites, international or local, and you'll find that men lie just as much.  About their height, about their job title and income.  Yes you should be suspicious about information of matchmaking websites.  Don't take the photos or the personal details at face value.  That's what the face to face meetings are for.  To get through all the BS that can occur. 

[JR]

Oftentimes when I browse through the profiles on dating sites- international and local- I come across women who are obviously older than the age they declare themselves to be.. Granted, I may not be very good at guessing age, and most women, at least to me, look their age or younger, this trend is very alarming, not to mention ridiculous.. Furthermore, it seems counter intuitive to me.. Wouldn't you rather be complimented on how good you look at your age than leave a man wondering what may have happened to you that destroyed your looks before your time?.

On to the question part of my post.. Do you find it acceptable to start a relationship with a lie? Do you think it's a smart thing to do?. Or maybe you think I'm making something out of nothing, and everybody does it, and there's nothing wrong with this little white lie?

It's a deal breaker for me. A lot of local women post in their profiles that they have given a younger age so that they will get included in searches. I understand this but then I think "If a man were searching for a woman your age he would have made that a paramater of his search in the first place. Or maybe men are just dreaming when they search, probably are....

[FredC]

I always thought that when dealing with profiles, people fall into 2 categories.

Category 1. If you use hard numbers, and they aren't at least in the ballpark, then you are a liar.

Category 2. If you use generalities, then you are just in denial.......IE if you wear a size 2xl and say you are average sized, then you are lying to yourself.

Unless the person states their correct numbers in their profile or first letter, then when meeting, I would always sit there thinking that if they would lie about something this obvious, then what else were they lying about.

[wicheese]

Category 2. If you use generalities, then you are just in denial.......IE if you wear a size 2xl and say you are average sized, then you are lying to yourself.

Fred,

Give it a few years and based on how the average waistline is expanding, then 2xl might be average. 

[SFandEE]

Lying matters to me--both ways.

I think this is one of the challenges of online connections.  Many people are very difficult to guess on age because of their conditioning, care, and lifestyle.  Still the same for serious relationships lying is  problem. 

I do think it can be overcome, there are examples both ways.  I also think it is more serious to lie about age when it comes to ability and interest in moving forward with a family.

[Forever Optimistic]

On to the question part of my post.. Do you find it acceptable to start a relationship with a lie? Do you think it's a smart thing to do?.

Not really. But it depends on other factors. If you discover more white lies than age misrepresentation, then drop the woman and move on to someone else. Life is definitely too short to deal with dishonesty from someone you expect to become your significant other. Accepting lies from the start is another way of setting the wrong expectations.

Something I have observed about human nature is the person who rationalizes one white lie in the beginning stages of a relationship is quite capable of rationalizing other white lies. For example, you discover she is actually divorced rather than never married, and she figured a 2-month marriage followed by divorce court does not qualify as a true marriage.

There is another good reason why you want someone to be perfectly honest in the early stages. Years ago I dated an AW who was afraid to reveal her mistakes. Instead of telling me the truth, she lied about small matters. This made the situation worse than it could have been because I then had to deal with fixing whatever was broken in addition to getting past her lie. Eventually I got fed up with her lying and other matters and I moved on.

[Russian Girl]

Hello, I am 29 and I dont' lie 

[JR]

Hello, I am 49 and I don't lie ))

[tfcrew]

women lie about their age [every]where

And lie about *other things too.
*So do guys.
It's the human condition.

[erudite]

Only two real "lies" came to face me eyeball to eyeball in meeting women and after getting to know them a little.

Sometimes they smoked and you never knew this until you met face to face.
Sometimes they were scammers, prodaters and the like, so they lied about being interested in me.

Another "lie" that I came to appreciate was photo shopped photos. They can really tell a lie. 

[dbneeley]

Why would anyone seeking a real relationship begin it with a lie?

Why would anyone find this acceptable in anyone else?

Let's imagine that a relationship begins to develop. At some point, the lie will be exposed--then the lied-to partner will think "I wonder what else she's lying about?" That is a very good way for the seeds of mistrust to sprout which sooner or later can easily destroy what could have been a wonderful relationship.

Sorry, but I think the idea is rather stupid.

As for "all women lie"--that is simply not true. In nine years of marriage, I have *never* found my wife lying about anything.

David

[XMan]

Lies are never good. As far as I can remember, President Clinton's bad was not what he did with Levinski, but that he lied.

Some people do not want to disclose their age because of the reason that I quote. However, not disclosing and lying are different things.

On the other hand, on the dating sites there are other considerations. First, one cannot omit the age in the profile. Profiles show the person's age right away, even before the photos are shown. Also, sometimes computerized profile systems show it incorrectly, in either side.

The profile owners, men and women, sometimes lie about their ages mostly because of one apparently valid reason, this would be to get into a more sought after age group. I knew men who, irrespectively of their year of birth, showed themselves as 39 yo in order to get into the 'under forty' group and therefore appear in searches.

As for me, I used to be truthful in my profile. If someone is into me but at the same time is less than comfortable about the year when I was born, he is free to move on from me. 

Also I don't ask people how old they are, because I don't think that this is a significant information for me. I look at the person, not in his ID.

Ah Lily, if there were only more women like you. 

My doctor says I have the body of a 25 year-old, but the face of a 60 year-old. 
So I think I may stop working out and get plastic surgery.