adaptation for children

[XMan]

For those of you who married women with children, wondering 2 things:

1) age of the child or children
2) length of time to adapt (in particular learning your native language, but also adaptation in general)

Thanks.

[BillyB]

For those of you who married women with children, wondering 2 things:

1) age of the child or children
2) length of time to adapt (in particular learning your native language, but also adaptation in general)

Thanks.

1) My ex was Ukrainian I met in the States. Her son was about 3 but didn't know a single word of English.
2) He was jealous of me since his mom gave me attention. When I sat close to his mom, he would come squeeze himself between us. I brought him toys occasionally and he would take them and walk away. He would listen to our conversations and one day he opened his mouth and just started talking a few words in English.
 
My ex had lots of relatives in the States. Lots of kids of various ages and they all adapted well and better than their parents. Usually it's the elderly that don't adapt to other cultures well.
 
 

[Aloe]

From the people i've met it seems anyone who immigrated with their parents before the age of 12 speaks their new language without any accent and as good as if it was their first. So children below that age adapt the best. After 13 it goes downhill They still adapt, but they will usually speak with an accent. Can't say anything about the time it takes.

Congrats by the way

[BC]

From the people i've met it seems anyone who immigrated with their parents before the age of 12 speaks their new language without any accent and as good as if it was their first. So children below that age adapt the best. After 13 it goes downhill They still adapt, but they will usually speak with an accent. Can't say anything about the time it takes.

Congrats by the way

Can only agree.  Also my experience with 3 kids coming here not knowing a word of the language before starting school.  Our son, (the 4th) born here, first learned RU but adapted well in kindergarden.

What I found was good here is that there are no equivalents of ESL classes for kids, they just jump in normal classes from day 1.  Teachers here have done quite well under the circumstances, in fact for the most parts the kid's language abilities are above mine and even above quite a few of their peers.  Took about 6 months to get a good grasp of the fundamentals and fully adapted within a year.

The tough part with existing kids is not adapting, it's the parents being able to keep things together.  Kids coming from already split families do bring baggage that needs to be worked out.  It can take a lot of time, effort and patience.

The challenges are exponential.

RW = x²
RW plus kids = x^{2 + number of kids}
RW kids plus your kids = x^{2 + number of kids + your number of kids}

[Muzh]

XMan,
 
My wife didn't have any kids when we married but I've see some examples of RWs who had kids and came to the US.
 
Bottom line, no one can tell you nor give you guidelines. It is up to the husband and wife to have a united front regarging the child(ren)'s adaptation.
 
I have seen kids who basically are ignored by both the mother and her husband and concentrate on their own child. Not a nice picture.
 
I've also seen the husband try as much as he can and the child grow up a resentful monster.
 
And then, I've seen the Brady bunch.
 
Language should be the least of your concerns.
 
Good luck.

[Faux Pas]

XMan,
 
My wife didn't have any kids when we married but I've see some examples of RWs who had kids and came to the US.
 
Bottom line, no one can tell you nor give you guidelines. It is up to the husband and wife to have a united front regarging the child(ren)'s adaptation.
 
I have seen kids who basically are ignored by both the mother and her husband and concentrate on their own child. Not a nice picture.
 
I've also seen the husband try as much as he can and the child grow up a resentful monster.
 
And then, I've seen the Brady bunch.
 
Language should be the least of your concerns.
 
Good luck.

Kids are by nature generally pretty resilient and given the opportunity, adapt much quicker than adults

[Muzh]

Kids are by nature generally pretty resilient and given the opportunity, adapt much quicker than adults

FP, without question. Still, they need guidance from both parents.

[Faux Pas]

FP, without question. Still, they need guidance from both parents.

Very true. I wasn't disagreeing with you rather as a sidebar.

[bleau]

I have an adopted daughter from Russia, age 7 when she was adopted and is now 16. Though my circumstances were different than the ones bringing a kid over with a mom they still have similarities once they get here.
The language barrier was never a big issue for us, it was adapting to her and my new lifestyle once she was here and we did this together as a family with her two older sisters.

She has never been introduced or thought of by us as an adopted daughter-sister-niece-cousin. She was a member of our family and treated as such. We let her know and she'll tell anyone this is my new home, this is my new family and we'll be a family together and that's the way it's been from day one from the first time we met her.

I would say within 6 months after she got here we were all communicating with her and she us with very few issues. The key is to have patience and understanding and talk about any problems that could arise. Never look down nor talk down to the kid or kids.
Never unlease a temper on them but be firm with them and not let them be the controller, you as the parent be in control. You and your fiance-wife- her kid or kids need to have understandings and agreements together before you ever sign on the dotted line to bring them over...never ignore the kid or kids, they are human too and could possibly be trying to reach out to you so listen to them. If they want to talk to you about something stop and listen to them and not put them off for a later time. This not only could make them mad but just as easily hurt them. What they want to say to you may not be important to you but it could be to them.

The older the kid is you will probably have more issues develop so the main thing is to be prepared long before the kid or kids get here and now having to live with a man under the same roof with their mom and have new and different house rules to adjust to.

[Sailor291]

My Step-daughter was 8 and spoke no English when I married her mom, she was put in ESL for the firrst semester of 3rd grade, then put in mainstream classes after that.  Now, 12 years later if you talk to her you think she was born in Texas.  She is a pre-med student and I could not be prouder of her.

[XMan]

Thanks all, very helpful.

[Shadow]

The best thing is immersion. Kids will adapt pretty quicky as they can learn fast and usually are curious to know everything.

Wihle born here, out oldes learned Russian from MrsShadows side of the family, and (a little less) Dutch from me. As he started school, he is now increasing his Dutch, though speaking still has some problems. On the other hand, he has been allowed to watch Cbeebies and starts answering in English... we are now contemplating putting the TV on a German or French channel to teach him some more languages.