Sharing a Devastating Story

[scafidi454]

I just wanted to share this story:


http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/337092-fiance-backed-out-from-interview/

[Ade]

I just wanted to share this story:


http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/337092-fiance-backed-out-from-interview/

It's a typical "she dumped me now is she a horrible wh0re" story that posters feed on by heaping abuse on the woman.  People have a right to change their mind. He obviously wasn't the right man for her or she would have married him. Yes, she probably should have let him down more elegantly but that doesn't make her the evil wh0re that she is being painted as. 

[BillyB]

that doesn't make her the evil wh0re that she is being painted as. 

 
Ade, what are you reading? I just got done with all 3 pages and nobody called her a wh0re. The OP didn't demonize her anymore than his ex fiancee's cousin who said she was sleeping with another man. I thought the posters in the thread were rather polite to his ex. They were harder on the guy who sent $20,000 to a woman in the Phillipines.
 
 
He's luckier than some men since he gets to learn now rather than after marriage that she prefers another man.

[tfcrew]

 
 
He's luckier than some men since he gets to learn now rather than after marriage that she prefers another man.

Agree

[scafidi454]

I don't know the entire situation, but I still don't like to hear about this type of deception.

[Daveman]

It's a typical "she dumped me now is she a horrible wh0re" story that posters feed on by heaping abuse on the woman.  People have a right to change their mind. He obviously wasn't the right man for her or she would have married him. Yes, she probably should have let him down more elegantly but that doesn't make her the evil wh0re that she is being painted as. 

I'm kinda scratching my head over this one too, Ade...  it is true that we don't know the WHOLE story... and on the surface, it seems this guy may have painted himself into a world of fantasy with a woman he may not have known well, or at all, and may have jumped too quickly into a K-1 application.  I didn't see him heaping abuse nor painting her as a horrible whore.


his story was basically:
1) time for interview arrived and she didn't show up.
2) would not answer calls for a while (we are talking a fiancee here..  would you not be worried something terrible  had happened to her?)
3) "finally" does speak with him and gives him the news that she's just not ready for marriage..
4) (he says) her cousin told him she was cheating on him with another guy. 


...
5) the follow up posts mostly seems to refer to him being lucky this happened now rather than after they are married -- to which I completely agree.




Where's the heaping abuse? or horrible whore?  I saw nothing 'vindictive', no claim that she is a scammer, nothing but relaying the story from his perspective.  So I have to disagree with your statement here:


"It's a typical "she dumped me now is she a horrible wh0re" story that posters feed on by heaping abuse on the woman"


Doesn't seem to be at all typical of that kind of vindictive story, which I agree absolutely does exist all too often.  This just isn't one of them.

[Faux Pas]

I don't know the entire situation, but I still don't like to hear about this type of deception.

Sticking your head in the sand on the issue doesn't mean it doesn't happen or won't happen to you. Theres an old saying "There's one born every second" holds a lot of truth. You can't do anything about those. What you can do something about is your situation. Make sure it isn't you 

[Ade]

I'm kinda scratching my head over this one too, Ade...

I read it again and I agree that my initial assessment was a little over the top. Still, it seems to me that  there is some hate directed at a woman that just changed here mind; "as everyone else says: that really sucks but you're better off without the <insert female dog name here> right?!"

[scafidi454]

Sticking your head in the sand on the issue doesn't mean it doesn't happen or won't happen to you. Theres an old saying "There's one born every second" holds a lot of truth. You can't do anything about those. What you can do something about is your situation. Make sure it isn't you 

I'm didn't mean that I don't want to know about these situations, because they actually do help (which is why I posted this here).


This can happen to any of us, and I am certain that it won't happen to me.


I can see that maybe the girl was ready to marry, but the reality on the day of the interview may have shocked her. Her cousin may have said that she was sleeping with another guy b/c she wanted to get with this guy too. We can speculate all day, but it didn't sound like the guy knew his girl too well.


On the other hand, Anastasia (my fiance) is quite honest with me in regards to her view on the relationship and marriage (as some of you may already know). We've gone through several scenarios, but I'm sure that she'd tell me if she didn't want to get married before letting me go through the K1 process.

[Maxx2]

but it didn't sound like the guy knew his girl too well.

The only way for him to know for sure was to hire a detective and have her tailed. But that's considered going to far and I agree. So in the end it is a matter of trust.


I wouldn't be too hard on the guy. Some hatred and name calling is pretty mild in comparison to what she did to him.

[Vincenzo]

I wouldn't be too hard on the guy. Some hatred and name calling is pretty mild in comparison to what she did to him.

Some guys actually visit a lady with a fiancée form in one hand.
A date is an easy thing for a girl; cutting all ties with friends, relatives, and the country is much more difficult.
 

[Ade]

I wouldn't be too hard on the guy. Some hatred and name calling is pretty mild in comparison to what she did to him.

What she did to him? You mean didn't turn up for the interview?  Come on, there have been previous incidents of that happening with genuine women that just freaked out when the reality of leaving hit home; it doesn't make them a bitch and it certainly doesn't mean that the "guy was lucky as it would have been soooo much worse if she'd ever got to America". It's of course inferred that she would screw him over and probably set him up for DV if she had.

In situations like this, more often than not there is no bad guy/good guy and there's certainly no scamming. It's just 2 people that probably rushed into a K-1 as people in the MOB scene tend to do with all sorts of unpleasant consequences. Pointing the finger at her is just a cop out.

[Maxx2]

What she did to him? You mean didn't turn up for the interview?   


Pointing the finger at her is just a cop out.

And later found out from her cousin that she cheated on me with another guy. I'm devastated right now after all the time, money, and sacrifices i went through for her. What should i do now? I have no intentions of getting back with her, but i'm concerned of a future fiancee visa petition if i do finally find the right woman in my life.. Need help! Advice!

When men get the big screw over it's met with cold indifference and shrugs. Then they get blamed.