Assessing compatibility for a LTR (long term relationship)

[Patagonie]

Hello everybody.

I am giving you this link that i have found quite interesting.
After the chasing time, after having spent with someone, and when you think to have and chemistry, and feelings, and when, keeping a cool head, you have assessed that the number of red flags/green flags allow you to see this relationship as marriage material, you would perhaps dig deeper about compatibility, so this link is for you :

Moderators, is it possible to copy and paste the text in the forum  ? (with all references about his author of course). Because we know that links are not permanent.

http://www.oaktreecounseling.com/Questions%20to%20Ask%20Yourself%20Before%20Marriage.htm

[Patagonie]

I think it would be valuable if members, knowing some interesting information fitting this concern, could post it.

[Gator]

Patagonie,

The article presents 11 questions one should evaluate before deciding about marriage.  To answer the questions a man must spend time with his woman.   How can that happen in international romance?      
 
Seriously, I believe the article is too simplistic.  Although most of the questions should be asked,  the list ignores in my opinion some key aspects about modern marriage, one that has outgrown the old rules.    Two key examples of what the author has ignored:   
 
1.  Resolving Conflicts - Of the 11 questions, I thought No. 10 (Cleanliness) was almost laughable.  Cleanliness is just one example of  many differences between spouses which can create conflicts that require reaching some form of agreement.   In other words, conflicts are inevitable.  If both partners are 1)  committed to the relationship and  2) respect each other's differences, conflicts will be resolved.  So a far better question to ask is, "Are conflicts resolved productively?"  The goal is "win-win," not compromise.   Speaking up and listening are key, as well as reconnecting.  Where are those questions?
 
 
2.  Complete Intimacy - Far more than sex; it is about sharing every important thought in an atmosphere of truth and respect.
 
It is fair to point to my divorces and question my knowledge. 
 
 

[Patagonie]

Thank you for your post
I see this type of article or questionnaire more as a guidance and perhaps also a funny tool which can help both partner, and to know each other better and to know themselves better.

Topics approached are give also a guidance of what you forget to ask or to know about your future life, and even of your actual life. I think if people are open and honest they can play this type of conversation. Of course there are no guaranties but i can give some clues.

[Shostakovich]

Here-ye: Shostakovich to set the record straight on this tiresome question.


http://www.uncharted.org/frownland/books/Schopenhauer/Schopenhauer_Love_of_the_sexes.html


It is all you really need to know.


executive summary - It's all about bringing the next generation up.