How to deal with WMVM dilemMa?

[Anotherkiwi]

Most everyone here is or has been married, or had at least one long term relationship.

True.
 

Before this long term relationship or marriage was entered into, both parties typically had dated several persons before.  This number of previous relationships, whether casual or fairly serious, might be any number, perhaps even upward of 100 or so.

Several - well, maybe a few.  100?  Only if you're into one-night stands, which I'm not.  Even if they only averaged a couple of weeks, 100 would take quite a few years.

And typically, these previous dates had been with persons who were residents of their home country, probably even their home state or even their home city.

True - the internet hadn't been invented back then.  Any involvement outside your home city had to involve travel of some sort (most probably a holiday romance or a Romeo travelling sales rep).

So in reality, most all of us here have been involved in VM behavior...

Sorry, but how does this follow?  Yes, I dated more than one person.  No, I didn't have more than one girlfriend at a time (and none at all when I was married  ).

[newjason]

Jason, excellent points. In specific walking in a place with single women.

You say that the "many" approach is like playing the field. I always felt that a person cannot be really serious when going on a "hunting' trip like that. Again. that's JMHO.

I totally agree Muzh,  It is hunting, but, I worded my post very carefully because believe it or not, some guy somewhere will get lucky and find his wife this way, against all odds and that is improbable but not impossible.

I suppose one could look at this WMVm thing as a speed dating  or  job hunting expedition, that would seem reasonable. Maybe what get's over looked here is that the women may be receiving multiple visitors in short periods of time as well and it all seems a very disorganized and maybe more of a hit - miss way of meeting a compatible woman.
The same could be performed anyplace. Why the FSU is so much better?  Because that's what the propaganda is selling.

[Eduard]

Not many men have the time to visit many (VM), however I've been with quite a few men on a WMVF - "write many visit few" venture and in my experience it makes a lot of sense to go this route. It takes time talking to many women to find a good connection with a few. The key is to understand that at this stage you can only develop friendship with romantic possibilities and you can't call it a relationship until you meet and spend some time together face to face, feel mutual chemistry and move forward to making a commitment to each other.

[Muzh]

So Ed, in the end did they get their flat screen TV?

[Eduard]

So Ed, in the end did they get their flat screen TV?

No TV, they like to read! 

[Patagonie]

Agree. A guy should not get too involved and working up emotions and expectations of the ladies he communicates with. He should clearly state he's visiting as friends only.
 
I disagree with the guys who say not answering a question is deceitful. If I did a WMVM and a woman asked if I was seeing others, I would answer her question with a question "Have you committed your life to me and only me?" Most likely her answer will be "no". If "yes" then question her mentality for committing herself to someone she never met.
 
Anybody who's dated a good amount of ladies or at least read the stories here understand reality in the dating game. It's strange in itself a woman wants a man to make a commitment to her without ever seeing each other but she will in a heartbeat drop the guy in a few minutes if she doesn't like what she sees or hears in a first date.
 
Guy sacrifices vacation time and waits a month   to see the gal he's been writing too. Just before his trip she disappears. She had a change of heart or she found better opportunity and took it. Is that bad? Is that good? Is it wrong? Is it her right?
 
All's fair in love and war and the better you understand it, less you will be hurt.

+1

[Eduard]

Q How to deal with WMVM dilemMa?


A  Very carefully!! 

[calmissile]

I have to relate an interesting Skype chat I just had on this topic.  One of my good friends (forum member) recently brought his wife to Canada and I got to meet her in our most recent Skype chat.

I asked her husband to ask her how a man should handle the WMVM dilemma about telling the women about meeting other women if asked.  "Should I lie or tell the truth".  Her answer was to "lie."

He then asked her is she would have still met with him if he had told her that she was meeting other women.  Her response was "Yes".

She then went on to say "We would have had a wonderful date at an expensive restaurant, bought some gifts, etc. and then I would have said bye-bye"

I think that sums it up!    LOL

[Patagonie]

I have to relate an interesting Skype chat I just had on this topic.  One of my good friends (forum member) recently brought his wife to Canada and I got to meet her in our most recent Skype chat.

I asked her husband to ask her how a man should handle the WMVM dilemma about telling the women about meeting other women if asked.  "Should I lie or tell the truth".  Her answer was to "lie."

He then asked her is she would have still met with him if he had told her that she was meeting other women.  Her response was "Yes".

She then went on to say "We would have had a wonderful date at an expensive restaurant, bought some gifts, etc. and then I would have said bye-bye"

I think that sums it up!    LOL

The key is here, explained by BillyB : "Agree. A guy should not get too involved and working up emotions and expectations of the ladies he communicates with. He should clearly state he's visiting as friends only." As soon as SHE has invested too much emotion on you, YOU should be careful about what you tell her. In an open WMVM as meeting girls from agencies (they perfectly know that you are in the city and you will meet many) it is implicit. On an other hand like every one, SHE needs to feel special in proportion of the bond. Stronger is the bond and more she wants to be special (which is normal). Make your conclusion about when you need to hide and when you can stay open about this. But BillyB is right the money about this : and he explains it very well "I would answer her question with a question "Have you committed your life to me and only me?" Most likely her answer will be "no". If "yes" then question her mentality for committing herself to someone she never met.
Anybody who's dated a good amount of ladies or at least read the stories here understand reality in the dating game. It's strange in itself a woman wants a man to make a commitment to her without ever seeing each other but she will in a heartbeat drop the guy in a few minutes if she doesn't like what she sees or hears in a first date.""

Many men get often stucked in the usual : "honestly, faith qualities". At this level of relation it is irrelevant. This is one of the power of women to let you stucked in this guiltiness. It shifts odds in their favor. In fact as you travel and meet many (provided that you have NOT begin to invest emotion BEFORE the trip, EVEN if you don't used to meet women in your country) odds are in YOUR favor. And they know it. It is why they try to "capture" you.
 

[GoodOlBoy]

The key is here, explained by BillyB.....

Listening to advice from men like BillyB about dating RW RG's... is tantamount to following advice from men like Roman Polanski on "How to date young girls". 
 
GOB

[Patagonie]

I don't see any link between what i am saying (centered on the topic) and young women or reprehensible behavior.

[GoodOlBoy]

I don't see any link between what i am saying (centered on the topic) and young women or reprehensible behavior.

I wouldn't expect you to. 
 
GOB

[Mod2]

Listening to advice from men like BillyB about dating RW RG's... is tantamount to following advice from men like Roman Polanski on "How to date young girls". 
 
GOB

GOB,


Drop it... NOW.  anything further along these lines will not be tolerated.


Thanks.

[Muzh]

The key is here, explained by BillyB : "Agree. A guy should not get too involved and working up emotions and expectations of the ladies he communicates with. He should clearly state he's visiting as friends only." As soon as SHE has invested too much emotion on you, YOU should be careful about what you tell her. In an open WMVM as meeting girls from agencies (they perfectly know that you are in the city and you will meet many) it is implicit. On an other hand like every one, SHE needs to feel special in proportion of the bond. Stronger is the bond and more she wants to be special (which is normal). Make your conclusion about when you need to hide and when you can stay open about this. But BillyB is right the money about this : and he explains it very well "I would answer her question with a question "Have you committed your life to me and only me?" Most likely her answer will be "no". If "yes" then question her mentality for committing herself to someone she never met.
Anybody who's dated a good amount of ladies or at least read the stories here understand reality in the dating game. It's strange in itself a woman wants a man to make a commitment to her without ever seeing each other but she will in a heartbeat drop the guy in a few minutes if she doesn't like what she sees or hears in a first date.""

Many men get often stucked in the usual : "honestly, faith qualities". At this level of relation it is irrelevant. This is one of the power of women to let you stucked in this guiltiness. It shifts odds in their favor. In fact as you travel and meet many (provided that you have NOT begin to invest emotion BEFORE the trip, EVEN if you don't used to meet women in your country) odds are in YOUR favor. And they know it. It is why they try to "capture" you.

I'm sorry Pat, but what you are describing here is a standstill, not a romantic meeting.

Because of the distance, language and cultural variances, the dating between WM and RW is limited in time and exposure. That is two strikes against you. You add to that the frivolity of "I'm just checking you out while I'm here because it is very expensive and I don't have too much time" and that's strike three; most of the time.

Good luck with finding the best because you are going to need it.

Keep in mind, I didn't say you cannot do it.