Scam or not ?

[nitrous]

I just met a lady on city of brides, bad site I have heard,  we have been corresponding for 5 days, the site gave me her email address, but she has given me a different address. I have asked her to Skype but she has said to me that she doesn't have Skype. I know that all Ukraine have Internet and it doesn't cost much. She has sent me her phone number as well.
My issues is that she doesn't have Skype. Is that alarm bells given every one has Internet. Some girl also have no clue about computers and Internet.
 I mentioned to her that I will be visiting Ukraine in a months time and she said she would like to meet me.
Your collective thoughts thanks in advance.

[ML]

It is false that all people in Ukraine have internet.

Distinction between where . . . home, work, internet cafe.

Yes, many have in their own home, but not all.
And, even if they do, it may not be fast enough for Skype.
And, even if it is, a particular person may not be able to install it.
And, even if they can, they may not have the privacy (hovering mother, etc.) to use it.

Yes, many people have internet in their office locations.
But again, the privacy issues are present.

Internet cafes available, but not all  have Skype, and I certainly would not want to be sitting in such a place talking on Skype to a potential girl (boy) friend.

[Hammer2722]

Have you tried calling her and talking to her? its too early to assume she is a scammer if she isn't asking you for any money or is professing her love to you before meeting in person.
 
I recommend calling and talking. If you do plan to go see her, make all the arrangements yourself since you cannot see her on Skype and definitely have a backup plan or two!!! Use your common sense and don't fall in love with a picture and you should be ok.

[nitrous]

ill go one step further, i sent her some roses via a ukraine online flowershop. I gave them her phone number and her address from the website ( it may not be correct so i advised them to call her first and then arrange for roses to be picked up) With the roses i have requested a photo.  this is one step to make sure im emailing who i think im emailing. THen when we meet .. well thats another story... ill use my own apertments taxi and interpreters.. thanks guys
 

[Shadow]

Do not make any plans. You are too paranoid to make any relationship work.

[JayH]

ML said it perfectly--it is not true that all Ukraine have internet,easy access to computer.That is !00% fact.
Not having Skype can be a consequence of not having later computer,a computer at all,or the use of someone elses computer that does not have Skype. All that can be explained quite reasonably.
The idea of sending flowerslike that is dumb-even dumber to ask for photo-- it sends all the wrong messages and tell you nothing-it is easily faked if someone was trying.
All the negatives you read on forums are there as a guide-- not SET IN CONCRETE AS FACTS!
You need to get your head in the right place or you can be 100% certain that you have and will be wasting your time.

[CDW]

I know that all Ukraine have Internet

You got that part right, because I know all American men are Red Indians

And, by the way, I do not have Skype!

[Skully555]

Some of these responses are interesting. I have the same problem but before I am told I am a dumb A$$ for being "paranoid" I would like some proof too, so what is the best way where you don't make the lady feel misstrusted right off the bat? I mean, I travelled to Brasil several years ago to see a woman there and we had a great time but I saw her many times on the web cam first. If they don't have skype what else can you do??? What's reasonable?

[newjason]

Skully,
you have your inner paranoid feelings because you sense something is not right. You are not sure, for whatever reason, and that is your best "proof"  right there.
If you don't trust yourself and the feelings your body gives you , then you can't trust anyone else either.
Begin by trusting your gut feelings and act accordingly.
If you don't feel something and don't trust her, then don't go.
Find someone else. Then,
When you feel it's right , you will know. 100% you will know.

[Shadow]

Some of these responses are interesting. I have the same problem but before I am told I am a dumb A$$ for being "paranoid" I would like some proof too, so what is the best way where you don't make the lady feel misstrusted right off the bat? I mean, I travelled to Brasil several years ago to see a woman there and we had a great time but I saw her many times on the web cam first. If they don't have skype what else can you do??? What's reasonable?

I guess that you saw pictures in her profile. If you feel they were too professional, perhaps you can send some recent pics of yourself and ask if she can do the same.
Regardless of how you communicate, nothing can replace a meeting in person.
If you do not feel someone is worth that risk, no need to waste time.

[nitrous]

Would it be a safe assumption that most ukrainians have phone numbers at home. Im not talking mobile phone im talking home phones. Ive been communicating with several women and most dont have skype. Some are willing to give their numbers out but some have said they dont have phone numbers.
Would it also be safe to assume that a 24 year old seeking 39-60 year old is a bit suspicious ?
thanks for any advice.
 

[JayH]

No--it is not safe to presume that .Not having easy access to Skype is very possible-- for lots of reasons.Chances are they do have numbers-- but it can cost plenty to RECEIVE international call.There is also the issue of being embarrassed to try and speak English-- so .again potentially--lots of issue.
Assumption of age issue is possibility--likely--that is another question.

[BillyB]

. Some are willing to give their numbers out but some have said they dont have phone numbers.

If some are willing to give you their numbers, why waste time on those who don't give you numbers? If a woman likes you, she will want to hear your voice. Call and call often if she likes you. Scammers have been known to give out their numbers but they can't be enthusiastic about your calls for very long unless money is flowing their way.

[Doll]

No--it is not safe to presume that .Not having easy access to Skype is very possible-- for lots of reasons.Chances are they do have numbers-- but it can cost plenty to RECEIVE international call.There is also the issue of being embarrassed to try and speak English-- so .again potentially--lots of issue.
Assumption of age issue is possibility--likely--that is another question.

all incoming calls (both home phones and cells) are free

[JayH]

all incoming calls (both home phones and cells) are free

Incorrect--it depends on the network and plan.Calls can cost plenty.

[LAman]

Would it be a safe assumption that most ukrainians have phone numbers at home. Im not talking mobile phone im talking home phones. Ive been communicating with several women and most dont have skype. Some are willing to give their numbers out but some have said they dont have phone numbers.
Would it also be safe to assume that a 24 year old seeking 39-60 year old is a bit suspicious ?
thanks for any advice.

[LAman]

seriously nitro..... you are making a lot of assumptions with no answers...ask, ask ask questions to the girls and make your determination based on those answers...
 
BTW...my xgf for long time never had a computer, didn't like talking much on phones and used an agency for translations. The advice from RWD would have been drop her like a bomb.....
Now....she has a computer, still doesn't like to talk on phones and now has very good english skills....and not thrilled with skype. Hmmmmmm, maybe this is all a possible scam!!!!!!

[Doll]

Incorrect--it depends on the network and plan.Calls can cost plenty.

In most cases the incoming calls ARE free.

[Shadow]

Would it be a safe assumption that most ukrainians have phone numbers at home. Im not talking mobile phone im talking home phones. Ive been communicating with several women and most dont have skype. Some are willing to give their numbers out but some have said they dont have phone numbers.
Would it also be safe to assume that a 24 year old seeking 39-60 year old is a bit suspicious ?
thanks for any advice.

No. Depending on where they live the creation of land lines can be expensive so many (especially the young generation) will  just have a mobile.
Internet can be by cable connection, meaning it is perfectly possible to have a good itnernet connection without a land line.
As for it 'being a bit suspicioous' it depends on the situation. If she has model looks, it is not unusual to search a sugar daddy.

[Patagonie]

You must be flexible. If all have a mobile i can tell you that in 10 trips very few (i remember one) gave me a home phone. Not all have internet.
The way you send flowers, as woman, i would not like. You have had minimal communication with her and your purpose is only to "cop" her.
Let grow the relationship and we will have more feelings about her. Also call her and hear her voice.
It is good to be prudent but if you want to control all use a legitim agency or professional and put your ass in a plane.

[Muzh]

No--it is not safe to presume that .Not having easy access to Skype is very possible-- for lots of reasons.Chances are they do have numbers-- but it can cost plenty to RECEIVE international call.There is also the issue of being embarrassed to try and speak English-- so .again potentially--lots of issue.
Assumption of age issue is possibility--likely--that is another question.

I disagree.

First of all, it is outrageously expensive to get a land line in Ukraine. Those who have land lines pay very little for calls. ALL incoming calls that my SIL receive from my wife are free. Skype is free. Making calls through skype is another story. What is not free is the ISP.

So, if a girl tells you she has no land line, there is a very good possibility it is true. Therefore, no skype. However, if she tells you she doesn't have a phone, she is lying through her teeth. She probably has three mobiles, at minimum.

[Hammer2722]

I disagree.

First of all, it is outrageously expensive to get a land line in Ukraine. Those who have land lines pay very little for calls. ALL incoming calls that my SIL receive from my wife are free. Skype is free. Making calls through skype is another story. What is not free is the ISP.

So, if a girl tells you she has no land line, there is a very good possibility it is true. Therefore, no skype. However, if she tells you she doesn't have a phone, she is lying through her teeth. She probably has three mobiles, at minimum.

This, I most definitely agree with. All of the FSU ladies I ever met always had at least 1 or more mobile phones. Why more than one? Because not all of their friends use the same phone provider and since calls within the same provider are usually free, they will buy multiple phones with different providers so they can always talk to their friends for free.

[ML]

Incorrect--it depends on the network and plan.Calls can cost plenty.

In Ukraine, there is a national law that prohibits charging for incoming calls for land lines and mobiles.  Doll is absolutely right.

I am not sure about other parts of FSU.

[jone]

I gotta tell you, the worst thing you can do is vaccillate between paranoia and acceptance.  It is important to look for obvious signs that you are being scammed.  I would think that age difference increases the chances geometrically.

But, having said that, I lost out on a good relationship because I was so paranoid that the woman was a professional dater, that I basically tanked the whole thing.  After the first set of suspicious questions, the lady looked at me like I had lost my mind.  Then, not being able to backtrack, I finally just told her that I was suspicious of her and that I was scared of being scammed.  She said she felt sorry for me and walked away.  That was the last I ever saw of her and I lost out.  So did she.

I have since learned.  I don't spend much before I have a working relationship.  I enter into a relationship as friends, not someone hot for marriage.  And I keep my concerns to myself unless there is something flagrantly obvious.

I might also point out that IMHO you will do much better dating a woman over thirty.