Hello from Belgium

[stef]

Hello to all, happy to have found you...
i hope to find intersting information an share my experience about dating sites....
I found my wife eight years ago on a dating site. She was from , and now we are divorced....
We had a lot of problem of communication, because the cultural gap was too big, and even if we tried hard, it was really difficult to live with it...
On top of it, she didn't work for six years, because she had to go back to university because her degree wasn't valid in Europe (she was a doctor), so I had to take on all the expenses of normal life, but also the school fees....hard times....
On top of it, she had cancer, which means two years of heavy treatment, and a lot of more expenses...But now she's OK and back working, but our relationship was burned out with all those problems...
So, it isn't only finding a wife witch is hard, but also be prepared to spend money for her to adapt and fit into the new society you're bringing her in...Be aware of that part of the deal...
So, I go often to Russia, the Sochi region, St Petersburg, Moscow, and some other places, for business, and have not much time to spend going out, and looking around for a possible girlfriend. Soon, I will need to spend six months a year in Eastern countries,and this time I'm not planning to bring a girl back in Europe or to be married before we have a serious try together...
I use some dating sites, other than the usual reasons, (kids, physical aspects, education , status, and more...) to save time and worries, knowing exactly what I want (well, almost ) and more surely what I don't want...
Speaking Russian, even basically is really helpful too...
I have the girls writing to me in Russian, and what I don't understand, well, goggle translate is the answer, even if sometimes the result is kind of weird....
Anyway, I'm leaving in a few days for Sochi, I made appointments with woman's living in the area,(especially one, mm mm ) and in Krasnodar,  I have friends there who are also business partners, and they find really quickly out if the girl is worth a try or not...
I will tell you what happened when I 'm back, around end of January...
In the meantime, good luck to all of you....

[Daveman]

Heya Stef,


Welcome to the Asylum...


Sorry to read that your first marriage couldn't survive the hardships of adaptation and illness.  Good luck with your trip and seeya when you get back!


Dave

[Faux Pas]

Welcome to RWD stef!

Marriages 50% of the time fail even without the problems you and her experienced. Sometimes things don't work out regardless of the effort . Such is life my friend. Good luck on your future endeavors

[ML]

I am always a bit mystified about this 'cultural gap' idea.

I spent several weeks with several different FSU women and never noticed this 'gap' in a serious way.  Sure there were some differences, but most we just joked about.

But, I fully realize that a few weeks, where both are in relaxed, even vacation mode does not give the full impact as living together long term does.

So, I turn to my current situation where my Gal has been with me for about a year and a half now.  Outcome is the same as I described above.  No serious gap noticeable. She goes along happily with everything on my pre-existing schedule, habits, etc; and I don't get up tight about any of the 'strange' ideas and methods she has for doing some things.

As I noted in another thread, she has even taken to American football, and  loves to go to basketball games.

Maybe she is really an American who was kidnapped in early childhood and raised in Ukraine; and now is back in her hereditary homeland.

I hope I don't have to come back X months down the road and eat my words.

[stef]

Thanks for the answers, just let me explain something...
When I brought my wife back to Belgium, I was living in Brussels, and coming from Kazakhstan, she was like a child in front of candies....
All the stores, "the city lights" the language barrier (even if she was speaking fairly french, but not enough to follow a conversation) transportation, street names, food, habits, everything was very different for her, and she had a serious cultural shock....
Another problem is that the values aren't the same as in her country, antiques for example are just good enough to be in a museum, but she would prefer to live in a IKEA furnished home, "esay to clean" was her modo....
it isn't easy bringing somene over from another world, I think it will be smarter to find an educated city girl better than someone coming from a small town in the middle of nowhere...
ML, As far as I understand, when you brought your wife over, she was pretty young and so, she had less difficulties to adapt as an older (37yo) woman.
She was missing her family also, speaking russian, you know, feeling home....
it took her around two years to really fit in her new suroundings.....After what, it began to become very difficult to live together (she was making friends with russian speaking girlfriends and so on....)
All I want to say is that it isn't a game, it's pretty difficult, needs attention and intelligence, and a lot of patience..... 

[Shadow]

Hi Stef, knowing the Belgian love for antique style furniture I am happy MrsShadow would rather live in a museum as in IKEA. So every person is different there, and it is one thing that as a couple you have to decide on together.

It is very true that if you expect your wife to be working from day one, or even within a year, you are bound for trouble. Better expect her to be a housemaker, and let her get an education and job if she wishes to contribute something extra than count on her making any kind of money.

Men look in Russia for a traditional wife and one of the traditions is that men bring in the money and women spend it (apart from what the man stashes away to drink with his buddies).

[stef]

thank you to put another opinion on this tread
yes, expecting her to work from day one is seriously dreaming, but, you know, she had to go for four long years to university, and then she felt ill...Six years supporting her on a pretty good level of living takes a lot of money...
She is a very very good housekeeper, but way to bossy for me, (no shoes allowed in the house, no smoking, even friends or guests ...and a lot of other rules, in fact she wanted to be always in control of everything...and I saw it happen with some other people I know married with eastern girls...) And she was angry when I brought some of my friends or even business partners over to my house....(Don't forget, I was paying all the bills)....
It is very difficult and it seems like it is a rule....The wife is master of the house, on the outside world, the woman can be very charming, but once at home, the music changes....
Maybee did I fall in love with a wrong number, I hope so, anyway, because even if I'm not that young anymore (57) I still hope to not end up alone. Too many of my friends are living that experience, and they don't want to show it, but they are just miserable....
Now, What I'm planning to do is to stay some time (at least three months) in Sochi (I have a big business deal to start there) and just look around, dating the girls I found on a web site, and let life roll....
Maybe will Mister hazard be my best friend....
But anyway, I don't want to bring any girlfriend over (maybe for some shorts periods...on a tourist visa) before I lived for a while with her in her country, and finding out if I 'm not falling in a trap again.... 
Now, I'm' on several dating sites, and I think it's pretty strange that very young girls are writing passionate letters to me, Starting at 18 to 62!!!!) I answered, just out of curiosity, to some of them, and they SEEM pretty serious, but I think they are on a quest for a visa and not really for a man....

[Shadow]

House rules are strict, and that is not a bad thing.
But I see one mistake you made here... just because you pay the bills it does not mean its YOUR house. Its not called a partner for nothing and if you can not accept your wife as full equal in anything you do, regardless of where the money comes from, it sure is going to be trouble.

As far as women... at your age there are a lot of single women from 40 and above that may be a much better choice as the 18-year olds. And in Sochi you will probably meet a very wide range of women.

[Stirlitz]

We had a lot of problem of communication, because the cultural gap was too big, and even if we tried hard, it was really difficult to live with it...
On top of it, she didn't work for six years, because she had to go back to university because her degree wasn't valid in Europe (she was a doctor), so I had to take on all the expenses of normal life, but also the school fees....hard times....
On top of it, she had cancer, which means two years of heavy treatment, and a lot of more expenses...But now she's OK and back working, but our relationship was burned out with all those problems...

Usually hardship unites people… Probably something was wrong from the beginning.

Now, I'm' on several dating sites, and I think it's pretty strange that very young girls are writing passionate letters to me, Starting at 18 to 62!!!!) I answered, just out of curiosity, to some of them, and they SEEM pretty serious, but I think they are on a quest for a visa and not really for a man....

It is usually more simple than that. It is not the girls but so called translators at the agency whose task is to keep you busy reading and answering messages to keep the ball rolling and your bill soaring. So they compose emails.
I know from experience that women are not quick to answer a message from someone who is not their dream. Especially young. Especially to someone who is over 5-10 years their senior. So whatever is on the other end, I guarantee that it is not what you would like.

[stef]

"Usually hardship unites people Probably something was wrong from the beginning."
Yes, of course, but I never found out what...And I still don't know...Was Europe not like what she had dreamed of?...possible...In Brussels, we have a lot of north African immigration (Muslims) and those people are pretty disrespectfull with woman, especially if they are beautiful...And she became seriously racist with time. (it's a real problem in the hearth of the city and there are some serious issues with those immigrants and their gross behaviors)
About the age of a date, I'm using the old principle: "half your age plus seven"...so, I'm looking for a woman between 35 and 40 years old...
I believe you when you say that translators use profiles of very young and half naked girls in order to rip off man, and it is why I follow a rule.....Not answering to a girl less than 35 years old clothed like a stripper...(and anyway if she undress herself on the internet, (and disrespect herself into my opinion) I suspect her to act so in real life too...)
I'm sure I will meet a lot of woman in Sochi, when I was in Sankt Pertesburg, i went (like anybody else) to the hermitage museum, and even there, a young woman tried to have a conversation with me, we went to a a coffeehouse together, but she was way too young and my Russian wasn't good enough to communicate fluently and it ended as fast as it began....

[ML]

ML, As far as I understand, when you brought your wife over, she was pretty young and so, she had less difficulties to adapt as an older (37 yo) woman.
She was missing her family also, speaking Russian, you know, feeling home....
it took her around two years to really fit in her new surroundings.....

No, my Gal was early 40s when she arrived; and we are not married with no plans for such.

And my Gal was even raised in small village.  But after graduation from University, she did go to Kyiv and lived and worked there for 20 years.  So, in my mind, she is the best blend of country + city.

Plus, she has IQ at least as high as mine, and possibly higher, with great interest in all the various arts.
And she had been around high level business people for 20 years, with some international travel.

Whatever, it all seems to have greatly lessened the 'cultural gap.'

[TheTraveler]

No, my Gal was early 40s when she arrived; and we are not married with no plans for such.

And my Gal was even raised in small village.  But after graduation from University, she did go to Kyiv and lived and worked there for 20 years.  So, in my mind, she is the best blend of country + city.

Plus, she has IQ at least as high as mine, and possibly higher, with great interest in all the various arts.
And she had been around high level business people for 20 years, with some international travel.

Whatever, it all seems to have greatly lessened the 'cultural gap.'

she sounds like a keeper!