Am I crossing the line or should I suggest it?

[YoungBuck]

I was reading about tourist visa requirements for US citizens to Russia, and I got caught up on reading about the Fiance/Spousal visas. 8 months minimum wait time in Russia! Well, I am still a wage slave, so making extended trips of more than 2-3 weeks is out of a question.

Now, I know this might seem like none of my business, but the girl who I am talking to is graduating this year, and I was going to suggest for her to apply to school at UCLA, UCI, etc. I can help her since I volunteer as an interviewer for my alma mater, and I am friends with admissions officers at other schools who can help tailor an essay. Plus she's in a major which most likely lead to a stipend + full tuition scholarships.

Ok, I am not going to bring this up until I visit her in a few months (again, 2 month wait on the multi-entry visa plus vacation time issues). What do you think?

[BillyB]

I was going to suggest for her to apply to school at UCLA,

What do you think?

Considering that the disgraced UCLA basketball team got knocked out of the NCAA tournament in the first round, I think it's a bad idea.


It's a good idea if you're talking to the lady as a friend and helping out with her education. It's a bad idea if you're in a romantic relationship with her because you will look stingy having the American government take care of her instead of you doing it on your dime.


If she does attend college in America and you want to marry her, she has to go back home and wait for the k-1 visa process to complete anyway and that will interrupt her education. If you wait for her to get legal to stay in America on her own, she first must get her degree and find a job in a certain amount of time to be eligible for a green card. 4+ years wait for that to happen but it'll save you some money on doing a k-1.

[calmissile]

Considering that the disgraced UCLA basketball team got knocked out of the NCAA tournament in the first round, I think it's a bad idea.


It's a good idea if you're talking to the lady as a friend and helping out with her education. It's a bad idea if you're in a romantic relationship with her because you will look stingy having the American government take care of her instead of you doing it on your dime.

Are you serious?  If she has a scholarship, no one will think he is stingy.

If she does attend college in America and you want to marry her, she has to go back home and wait for the k-1 visa process to complete anyway and that will interrupt her education. If you wait for her to get legal to stay in America on her own, she first must get her degree and find a job in a certain amount of time to be eligible for a green card. 4+ years wait for that to happen but it'll save you some money on doing a k-1.

Not necessarily true.  Many women have come to the US  on student visas, met someone they marry, and do an AOS instead of the procedure you describe.

There are many ways to immigrate to the US besides K-1 and K-3 visas.  Employment in critical skills, student visas, business partnerships, etc.   We have many immigrants in our city from Europe that got here legally and stayed without coming on a K-1 or K-3.   In many of these cases immigration attorneys were used because the process is more complicated than the fiance or spousal visas.

If the OP has a girlfriend that can get a student visa it might be a good choice for them to make.

[Lily]

Now, I know this might seem like none of my business, but the girl who I am talking to is graduating this year, and I was going to suggest for her to apply to school at UCLA, UCI, etc. I can help her since I volunteer as an interviewer for my alma mater, and I am friends with admissions officers at other schools who can help tailor an essay. Plus she's in a major which most likely lead to a stipend + full tuition scholarships.

I'd say that this is an excellent idea. If you are ready to volunteer for some help, suggest that you identify the schools for her, make an appointment with a person who is in charge of international admissions, and have a good talk to her/him about your FSU protegee. A particular attention should be paid to possible financing options for her. Usually, financial assistance for the foreigners is limited.
The international admissions officer should be able to inform you about any needed documents, tests, application deadlines, living arrangements, etc. My guess would be that her TOEFL results will matter a lot. It is good to have her TOEFL results ready. It is possible to sit for this terst in many FSU locations.

[GQBlues]

...Now, I know this might seem like none of my business, but the girl who I am talking to is graduating this year, and I was going to suggest for her to apply to school at UCLA, UCI, etc....

If shes academically gifted, then having her apply for a student visa is a great idea. If she is interested. UCLA have a great foreign student programs. There are more than a few Russian students attending the university.

...Ok, I am not going to bring this up until I visit her in a few months (again, 2 month wait on the multi-entry visa plus vacation time issues). What do you think?

...and when you do, you must first find out what degree she's currently involved in and if the continuing studies is available in UCLA (or UCI). She may not qualify under any type of scholarship unless her (Russian-based) university can promote and co-sponsor her for the transfer. Chances are fairly slim unless she's head and shoulders above the rest.

Considering that the disgraced UCLA basketball team got knocked out of the NCAA tournament in the first round, I think it's a bad idea.

Yeah, and Gonzaga fared much better  There's no disgrace in 11 B-Ball Championship banner years (108) NCAA championship total - best in the US, and 129 national titles overall.

How many does Gonzaga have?

[Gator]

YoungBuck,
 
The idea is good, and certainly not novel.  Some RWD members sponsored RW to enter the US on a student visa and subsequently married them.  If you plan carefully and work with a good attorney, she will not need to return to the FSU.
 
Nevertheless, you have the cart ahead of the horse.   Wait and see if love develops, enough love to want to marry her.  So do not mention the concept until you have those loving feelings.

[Boethius]

If she would be interested in more education in the US, help her, and, if feelings do not develop, you will still have helped a friend further her education and see a part of the world many wish to see. 

[ML]

She may not qualify under any type of scholarship unless her (Russian-based) university can promote and co-sponsor her for the transfer. Chances are fairly slim unless she's head and shoulders above the rest.

The OP stated his gal was graduating this year.  So it is not a transfer; she will just be going on for a graduate degree.

In that situation, her RU university doesn't have to get involved at all, except to furnish the standard transcripts, etc.

Based on the experience of my Gal, chances are good that excellent foreign students can get tuition waivers and even graduate assistantships if they are going into the STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) areas.

And, there are even pending bills in congress to give USA citizenship to those who gain graduate degrees from USA universities in the STEM areas.

[BillyB]

Many women have come to the US  on student visas, met someone they marry, and do an AOS instead of the procedure you describe.

You're right about the AOS path but that will open a can of worms. If youngbuck wants to marry the woman while she's in college, she will lose her F-1 visa and government assistance. He needs to ask himself if he's prepared to pay tuition for the lady at UCLA. He mentioned he's a wage slave so I assume he has a limited supply of money. The other option is to wait years till she gets a degree on our taxpayer's dime and then marry. If she does get a degree and a high paying job, it will be a good investment of taxpayers dollars because our government will reap the benefits of the taxes coming out of her earnings.
 
Youngbuck is getting way ahead of himself. He's only talking to the lady and haven't met her. In answering the question in the title of the thread, he should not offer to do these things in order to gain the lady's affection. It's no different than a man opening his wallet. He will make himself an easier target for insincere women. He should win a ladies affection first and then help her because he loves her. Who knows? If he does meet the lady, she may prove to be an unpleasant person not worthy of anybody's help.
 

[calmissile]

If youngbuck wants to marry the woman while she's in college, she will lose her F-1 visa and government assistance.

I think you are  confusing government grants and scholarships.  The majority of scholarships are funded by corporate and private institutions, not the government.  If she is fortunate enough to qualify for a scholorship, her tuition and stipend would be from private money, not the taxpayers.

I don't know of any cases where someone lost a scholarship because they got married.  Perhaps there are cases I am not aware of.   

I see no reason she would loose her visa because she got married.  In fact I would not think the issue would even come up until the AOS was applied for and/or her student visa was ending.

The other option is to wait years till she gets a degree on our taxpayer's dime and then marry. If she does get a degree and a high paying job, it will be a good investment of taxpayers dollars because our government will reap the benefits of the taxes coming out of her earnings.

Even if they needed to wait until she finished her post graduate work to get married, it's not all bad!  Allows them to be together until that time and make sure they are meant for each other.  It's a hell of a lot better option that we currently have where you cannot come to the country until you have waited for a visa and/or got married to someone you have spent little time with.

Perhaps one of our members has acutally done this and can give some first hand experience.
 

[BillyB]

I think you are  confusing government grants and scholarships.  The majority of scholarships are funded by corporate and private institutions, not the government.  If she is fortunate enough to qualify for a scholorship, her tuition and stipend would be from private money, not the taxpayers.

Even if the scholarship comes from private money, the person receiving the scholarship for foreign students must meet certain criteria. One may be that the scholarship is exclusively for an student on an F-1 visa. F-1 visa disappears with AoS.
 
For youngbuck's lady to get a scholoship, she has to be very smart besides possibly meeting other criteria. Most likely she will have to do what most foreign students do and that is to prove they can pay their own way. Unless she or youngbuck is rich, I don't think they will be able to afford out of state tuition costs which are much higher than those that reside in California.
 

I see no reason she would loose her visa because she got married.

A few threads on visajourney talked about just that. Men and women told their stories about being in America on an F-1, then got married and did the AoS and lost the F-1 student visa.
 
If youngbuck is ready to get married and can't afford to put a woman into a university, he should search for a woman that has finished her education or one that is willing to work while going to school. He needs to talk about his financial situation with any girl he's getting serious with so that she doesn't get misled in thinking he can do everything for her.

[ML]

Billy and Doug; each  of you appear to be talking about slightly  different things regarding grants, scholarships, etc.

And, in fact, there are dozens of different programs and categories that can help pay a person's way through college including tuition and spending money.

I only have extensive experience with the situation of my Gal.

She came on a F-1 visa, but it was in no way connected with any university in Ukraine or in any way with the Ukrainian government.

She paid her own way for a year of IEP (Intensive English Program) classes.  She had no expenses for shelter, food and sex services  because she lived with me, but she had money to pay for that also if it had been needed.

Then she got a full tuition waiver grant to go into a graduate program in math; and before classes even started she also got a Graduate Teaching Assistantship that pays about $16,000 over 9 months.

None of this has anything to do with her being or not being a foreign student.  The same tuition waivers and GTAs are held by American students.  [The universities give these tuition waivers and GTAs as a cheaper way to obtain graders, lab instructors and even full course instructors . . . as compared to hiring tenure track or tenured professors.]

So she is in no danger of losing tuition waiver or GTA if her status changes through marriage or any such thing.

And, if a student were to lose F-1 status after marriage . . . who would care because then they would have an even more permanent status as spouse of American.

But I will admit I don't know much about what happens (immigration status wise) after a AOS because of marriage.

Perhaps others can chime in on that subtopic.

[YoungBuck]

Thanks ML for clarifying things for Bill. I've been recruiting for college in the inner city for years, so I have a lot of experience with scholarships and the app process. I know what I am doing by broaching this topic and the responsibilities that it may entail. I gladly do it for strangers, so I am ok with doing it for her.

What I wanted to know, which Lilly answered, concerns boundaries. With my ex-gf, I would suggest graduate programs, jobs, etc., and she would snap at me angrily. Even when I helped put her resume and portfolio together which landed her the job, she treated me with disrespect. I asked my female friends about this, and they said that no girl wants to be told what to do, or how to do things. They in no uncertain terms said I was controlling even though I was nice/chill about it. We were dating for three years already and I was planning for the future, of course I had a vested interest in her career development.
I know that RW prefer men to lead, so I write to get a RW's opinion on this matter.

[ML]

What I wanted to know, which Lilly answered, concerns boundaries. With my ex-gf, I would suggest graduate programs, jobs, etc., and she would snap at me angrily. Even when I helped put her resume and portfolio together which landed her the job, she treated me with disrespect. I asked my female friends about this, and they said that no girl wants to be told what to do, or how to do things. They in no uncertain terms said I was controlling even though I was nice/chill about it. We were dating for three years already and I was planning for the future, of course I had a vested interest in her career development.
I know that RW prefer men to lead, so I write to get a RW's opinion on this matter.

Ah . . . I see . . . you are wanting answers more on how your suggestion will be received rather than the mechanics of visas, tuition, etc.

Yes, it can be very tricky.

I also am a 'doer.'  When I see something I can help with I do it.
But sometimes the other person resents it that someone lays out a good plan for them . . . because they incorrectly read it as the 'control' thingy.

Sure, we can just let the other person struggle and make foolish choices based on incomplete knowledge and no ability to plan . . .
but it really hurts to do so; particularly when it is a relative or friend and we know that ourself will have to pay for these bad choices later.

[BillyB]

 

we can just let the other person struggle and make foolish choices based on incomplete knowledge and no ability to plan . . .

Maybe women snap at men just because they get the impression that the men who give advice believe they're foolish and have no ability to think for themselves. Some people try to help too much especially when help is not asked for.
 

I know that RW prefer men to lead, 

That has to be earned. Once your lady trusts you to make good decisions, she will less likely snap at you when you give a recommendation. Until you meet the lady you're talking about in this thread, telling her the best path for her life is wrong. Unless UCLA is not close to your home, she will think you're giving her educational advice for your benefit.

[GQBlues]

...What I wanted to know, which Lilly answered, concerns boundaries. With my ex-gf, I would suggest graduate programs, jobs, etc., and she would snap at me angrily. Even when I helped put her resume and portfolio together which landed her the job, she treated me with disrespect. I asked my female friends about this, and they said that no girl wants to be told what to do, or how to do things. They in no uncertain terms said I was controlling even though I was nice/chill about it. We were dating for three years already and I was planning for the future, of course I had a vested interest in her career development.

Without being presumptuous nor am I implying one way or another then...there's a world of difference between persistent suggestion from thoughtful guidance. I've never made suggestion to a woman where her reaction was to snap at me angrily - and that experience was with a greater number of AWs than RWs. Wifey never snapped angrily at me either for *guiding* her along when we talked about what her options were/are.

[YoungBuck]

GQ, there's a reason why she's an ex, and my females friends are just friends. I'm relatively chill since my dad is extra bossy, so I dont want to duplicate his household style. Nevertheless, ML is spot on. I actually listen to my friends and family's advice since they could have more experience and have my best interest in mind (usually). Not trusting me is a deal-breaker. Heck, I even listen to you guys 

[BillyB]

Not trusting me is a deal-breaker.

Doesn't match with what you just said earlier when you spent 3 years with a woman that snapped and treated you with disrespect when you tried to help her with her education and later a job. If the woman you invite on an F-1 visa is disrespectful to you at any time, will you send her back home immediately or accept a rough ride for the next few years together?


You understand to help a woman with her education through an F-1 visa has a commitment that will last years? There's are no guarantees you and the lady will get along or romantically involved. There are no guarantees your lady will get a job and waivers as ML's lady got. There are hundreds of thousands of F-1 visas granted each year and not everybody will get a job. You may have to make a financial commitment.


When I was dating I visited a few RW in other states and stayed with them short term and had some visit me. One lady came and stayed with me for 4 days and I quickly learned I could not tolerate her.


If your lady comes here and in the first week you find out you two don't get along, will you still help her finish her education in America? House her, feed her, and financially help her in any or all years she's attending UCLA or will you send her packing home?


If indeed your true motivation is to sincerely help a lady get an education, then I'm sure your answer will be that you will take care of her until she finishes her education. And with an answer like that you need to understand your romantic life will suffer for years considering a good portion of your income is committed to the RW living expenses and with the fact a woman is living with you, you're not going to be very appealing to other ladies.


Ask yourself what is your main priority? Helping people get an education or getting married? If it's getting married, focus on a k-1 or k-3 path.

[YoungBuck]

Doesn't match with what you just said earlier when you spent 3 years with a woman that snapped and treated you with disrespect when you tried to help her with her education and later a job. If the woman you invite on an F-1 visa is disrespectful to you at any time, will you send her back home immediately or accept a rough ride for the next few years together?

Ask yourself what is your main priority? Helping people get an education or getting married? If it's getting married, focus on a k-1 or k-3 path.

BB, not going to sponsor anyone here with an F-1; The university is the sponsor. Support is normally granted via Teaching Assistantships (I had one throughout grad school). If she gets one, it allows me to gauge everyday compatibility, and if we're not a good match, then it is really up to her if she wants me in her life or not. Anyhow, girls are complex, and people change, especially at pivotal moments in their lives.

[BillyB]

BB, not going to sponsor anyone here with an F-1; The university is the sponsor. Support is normally granted via Teaching Assistantships (I had one throughout grad school).

Let's say your lady gets a full tuition waiver and a job like ML's Gal that paid her 16k. 16k isn't enough to pay rent and food in LA and fly to and from home during summer break. That's where you come in with the housing. I see great benefits of living together with a FSW before making an educated decision to marry her and the F-1 can accomplish that. The problem is that if it doesn't work out, she may have no place to live.


I've communicated with a RW who was coming to America on a work travel visa. Her friend was coming too. We had agreed they could stay at my house and find a job in my city for a few months. I can gamble a few months of my life living in the same space with a lady I don't get along with but you may be gambling a few years. Fortunately those ladies stopped in NY to visit friends and were convinced to work there. It's fortunate because since they weren't coming, I decided to fly to Ukraine to meet a lady who is now my wife.


As ML mentioned, same waivers and GTA's are held by American students so F-1 isn't the only way to get an FSU woman educated. A guy can marry an FSW first then help with her education in the manner you were prescribing.