A Weak American In Russia & Ukraine

[Larry1]

That is the title of a new book by an American, Walter Parchomenko, who has spent a good part of the last twenty years living in Moscow and Kiev.  The author's parents were taken from Ukraine by the Nazis for slave labor in Germany.  He was born in a refugee camp after the war and his parents moved the family to the US.  He grew up speaking English, Russian, and Ukrainian.

The book is divided into lots of short chapters, many of which might be of interest to readers here.  Here are a few:

Mayo heaven (as in mayonnaise)
Sexpats on the post-Soviet playground
Khytrist, a key to understanding slavic women
Slavic faux VIPs & elite
A lecture for foreign men seeking slavic brides

Think of the book like a very long trip report.

We'll start with some highlights of his discussion of air travel in FSU.  His first exposure was in the departure lounge at JFK airport waiting for an Aeroflot flight to Moscow, shortly after the collapse of the Soviet Union. He described the lounge as "packed with Russians and resembling a flea market buzzing with its non-stop buzzing activity... That day I learned that the minute you board an Aeroflot flight to Moscow in JFK with a plane full of natives you are for all practical purposes already in Russia." 

A few years later he was on a Transero flight from Kiev to Moscow. "As we taxied down the runway we heard a loud crunching from our airplane before it came to a bumpy, abrupt stop.  For the next half hour or so we sat in the plane without a word from our pilot about our predicament. Finally he announced that the aircraft had a broken part and the passengers would have to contribute money to pay for the new part.  Fortunately,the plane was packed mostly with Slavs and they refused to even dignify the request."

If there is sufficient interest I will talk about some of the other, racier, chapters in future installments.

[Hammer2722]

I found your post quite interesting and would like to read more....

[ECOCKS]

Sounds like little more than rehashed anecdotes to me. I have heard the one about the pilot taking up a collection from several countries and countless others which would fit those chapter titles set in the FSU.


This one has what exactly to make it any more enlightening or factual? Author cred? First-hand, third-hand stories?

[Larry1]

Sounds like little more than rehashed anecdotes to me. I have heard the one about the pilot taking up a collection from several countries and countless others which would fit those chapter titles set in the FSU.


This one has what exactly to make it any more enlightening or factual? Author cred? First-hand, third-hand stories?

The stories the author relates of his experiences in FSU are first-hand accounts, i.e., things he personally has been through in FSU. 

As far as credibility goes, I'd say the author falls somewhere on the scale between, say, an ambassador to Russia and a forum poster.

The book features an approving review by Dr. Blair Ruble (apparently his real name), a senior staffer at the Kennan Institute in DC:

The Kennan Institute, as the oldest program of the Woodrow Wilson Center, bridges the gap between the world of ideas and the world of public affairs by bringing scholars and governmental specialists together to discuss political, social, and economic issues affecting Russia and other successor states to the Soviet Union, seeking always to place these issues within their historical context. The Kennan Institute is a non-partisan institution committed to improving American expertise and knowledge about this region. The Institute organizes seminars, workshops, briefings, and conferences featuring prominent scholars and policymakers from America, Russia, and other successor states to the Soviet Union with experience in shaping U.S.-Russian policy

http://www.wilsoncenter.org/program/kennan-institute

Here's the author's Amazon page:

http://www.amazon.com/Walter-Parchomenko/e/B001KDDIFK

The author's other book on the Soviet Union is a scholarly one on the Soviet view of dissidents.

And here is a blurb about the author found on the Amazon page for this book:

Biography
Walter Parchomenko, a distinguished college professor and civil servant in Washington, D.C. for more than 25 years, was born in a German refugee camp. He is the son of Ukrainian peasants, World War II refugees deported from their war-torn Ukrainian village to forced labor in Germany. After a grueling crossing of the Atlantic in the storage of an ocean liner packed with Slavic refugees, he entered the US (just 12 months old at the time) through Ellis Island's newly reopened reception center. Parchomenko grew up in snowy Rochester, New York and eventually fled his Slavic mother's strict regime, KGB-like Gulag to simultaneously work and attend graduate school in Washington. He directed a U.S. government, graduate school program in Russian and Eurasian Studies in Washington for 16 years. Over the past 20 years, he has spent a great deal of time living and working among the natives in Russia and Ukraine. Parchomenko's writings have appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Christian Science Monitor, The Kyiv Post, and numerous other publications. A Georgetown University Ph.D., and Fulbright Scholar, he currently divides his time between Washington, D.C. and Kyiv, Ukraine ...

[JayH]

I found your post quite interesting and would like to read more....

+1

[jone]

Hey, 

I'm always looking for history on Russia.  My tastes tend to Robert Service (Oxford) and his 'A History of Modern Russia' but I'll take it where I can get it.

[Larry1]

Thanks Hammer and Jay.  Here's the next installment:

Mayo Heaven

FSU home cooks are known for their liberal use of mayonnaise in certain types of dishes.

The author begins this chapter with an assertion I think is incorrect:

American men who are interested in Slavic women from afar typically share a common image.  With the aid of numerous Russian and Ukrainian dating and marriage websites, they grow convinced that Slavic women are generally gorgeous and have slim but very shapely bikini bodies.  ...many Slavic women fit this stereotype but a great many more do not.  In fact, by the time they reach 30 their dimensions often are meter-meter-meter (meter is a bit over a yard), as one Russian woman frankly admitted to me.

What explains this dramatic metamorphosis from a tall and thin Slavic vixen into a meaty mama in a culture with no longstanding tradition of pizza, chips, hamburger, and french-fry consumption?  In my considered opinion, Slavic women's unabashed addiction to mayonnaise is a key factor.

I agree with the first sentence but not the rest of the quoted material.

The author goes on to contrast the relative scarcity of mayonnaise in the typical US diet with the larger amount in the FSU diet.  But as anyone who has flown back to the US after a trip to FSU can attest, when you walk into the US airport it hits you like a ton of bricks (no pun intended) how porky many Americans are in relation to people you see in FSU.  The contrast between FSU and the US is stark.

He also contends that the mayonnaise sold in FSU is very fresh, rich, and velvety smooth, and not so much like the mayonnaise we buy here in the US.  I'm curious about this.  I would have thought that mayonnaise would have the same basic ingredients there or here: egg yolks and oil.  I just walked into my kitchen to check the ingredients on the mayo in my refrigerator.  It has lots more ingredients than this, some of which are the kinds that have long, difficult-to-pronounce names.  Maybe he means the FSU mayo tastes better because it lacks these extra ingredients that are evidently used to keep mayo shelf-stable for the required 8 years. 

He goes on to describe how mayonnaise is often used in FSU:

Mayonnaise is the magic that holds together the many simple but exotic salads that Slavs make typically from whatever ingredients are readily available" diced potatoes, eggs, cheese, onions, pickles, corn, peas, beets, shrimp, herring, meats; lettuce is conspicuously absent from these salads.

... If you love mayo, you'll love Russia and Ukraine.  You'll be in mayo heaven.

[calmissile]

Actually he might be on to something.  In order to use any more mayo than they currently do, they would have to be drinking it.  LOL

Not only is it used in a lot of cookiing and salads, they also seem to put in on everything as a spread (bread, finger food, etc.).  I found very little butter used, and mayo used in its place.

[ML]

Interesting, in that my Gal does not use Mayo at all.

I did get a small jar earlier this Summer, and introduced her to tuna, egg, dill pickle, mixed in mayo on bread sandwiches.

But I remember a couple of the other gals I spent a lot of time with had a ready supply of mayo in the  fridge.  It always sort of freaked me out that they buy it in those flimsy tubes, cut one corner off, and then hope it stands upright in the fridge.

[ECOCKS]

Interesting, in that my Gal does not use Mayo at all.

I did get a small jar earlier this Summer, and introduced her to tuna, egg, dill pickle, mixed in mayo on bread sandwiches.

But I remember a couple of the other gals I spent a lot of time with had a ready supply of mayo in the  fridge.  It always sort of freaked me out that they buy it in those flimsy tubes, cut one corner off, and then hope it stands upright in the fridge.

My wife also barely touches the stuff. In a year she might have the equivalent of a small jar from polite nibbling on egg or tuna salad but that's about it.


Never saw mayo used as a bread spread particularly, although there has been salo on the table at more than a few get-togethers and such. I always seem to have to ask for butter or margarine to get it. Anytime I has a salad they (restaurants and uninitiated family members) threw a big glob on the side of the plate and I also had a similar portion thrown on french fries a couple of times at restaurants. Baffled them when I would protest that I didn't order it and wanted it removed.


As for the meter-meter-meter situation, my belief has always been lessening in interest of sports, child-bearing (and attendant increases in coking plus changes in activity pattern), lowering metabolism and too much starch in the diet. The differences between babushka and devushka are graphic and dramatic.

[Lily]

I love an interpretation of the book in this thread! Larry, please continue!
On the mayonnaise, it is indeed the most usable sauce in Russia. It resembles a kind of Ceasar salad dressing here but is more rich and filling. In Russia, and by this I mean basically the deep Russia as I described in my recent trip report, people are not very familiar with the other types of dressings. So they consume the mayonnaise. Some 15 years ago when it was scarce to get, I did it myself for my Russian boyfriend at that time. He loved it, and did not wanted to eat anything without it.
Once I saw a picture of a large bucket-like bottle that said 'Men's Food'. It was the mayonnaise
 

[JayH]

When I started  my particular search I had 2 words of Russian-- I then learnt the 3rd word-- mayonnaise !!!!

[Larry1]

That's the name of a chapter in the book "A Weak American in Russia & Ukraine".

I love an interpretation of the book in this thread! Larry, please continue!

Sorry to delay so long for this latest installment.

Almost from their first steps slavic girls learn from their mothers and grandmothers how to be khytri in the presence of males. Khytrist is defined as slyness, cunning, craftiness, and the ability to outfox.

... there are several new post-Soviet resources to help slavic women .... One is sterva.org, an amusing and sexy Russian-language internet information site which instructs slavic women how to bring men to their knees in a relationship.

... But my favorite resource for new post-Soviet times is course with the pretentious, scientific-sounding name Stervologia, taught by Vladimir Rakovsky.  He's a 45 year old Russian ... who is now relieving Russian and Ukrainian women of $300 for a two-day session on how to manipulate and exploit men.

... At his side is his saucy 25 year old wife Evgenia who is a teacher in his School of Seduction class and proficient in pole-dancing and striptease.

The curriculum presents some challenges and has its moments. In addition to pole dancing and striptease lessons, Rakovsky also teaches women how to perform oral sex on bananas. I've seen actual photos of smiling women in his classes pleasuring bananas.

The author goes on to describe how sometimes even with all this some FSUW have been outfoxed. He describes the situation of Oksana, a beautiful 25 year old who attracted an older Polish colonel.  She went to Poland for an extended period, furthering her education. Later she ensnared a married French general, who brought her back and forth to France for some years.  The general was generous, but of course did not marry her. 

Now at age 36 Oksana still posts her profile on international dating and marriage websites. 

Slavic coeds refer unkindly to Oksana types as retreads: sly women who manage to ensnare foreign men with their charm and intelligence, win several foreign trips, but ultimately fail to receive a marriage proposal....

[Chicagoguy]

My wife uses mayo moderately. But sour cream - she can't buy a container big enough. And terrible eating habits. Still, at age 57 she has an hourglass figure.

[Gator]

 
Thanks Larry. 

I've seen actual photos of smiling women in his classes
pleasuring bananas.

 
 

Slavic coeds refer unkindly to Oksana types as retreads: sly women who manage to ensnare foreign men with their charm and intelligence, win several foreign trips, but ultimately fail to receive a marriage proposal....

 
 
I thought I had heard everything, but earlier today I heard about a guide dog training school in Moscow.  The key difference is that the clients are not visually impaired, but orgasmically impaired women who want a dog for performing oral sex. 
 
Is this possibly true about the sex dogs?  Or is this hogwash, the same as the myth about Catherine the Great crushed by a horse?
 
And I had always thought Germans were decadent.