Non-agency dating sites. How do you verify her?

[chip]

OK, I've set up my account on UkraineDate.com (cupid network). Of course I got an immediate email from a 23 year old hottie. Oh, I can't read her email until I pay to be a member? Whatever... I was going to pay anyway. Cupid is about as legit as I've found and it is on "the list" somewhere else in this area. Of course she wasn't really interested...

I get a couple emails/day from girls who want my real email to send more photos to me. Uh huh...

I have one girl that I've emailed several times but she isn't able to Skype. Now, this can't be a deal-breaker. I think most girls in FSU don't have broadband. I told her I'd like to verify her somehow. She sent me a scan of her passport. Picture matches. Name matches. DOB matches. I can't read Russian so I'm not sure if it says she's unmarried.

I've looked in the forum since I know it must be here, but didn't find it. What's the conventional wisdom on verifying that you are communicating with a real girl? Is this passport scan the real deal? Or is it a common hoax? If it is a hoax, it can't last very long since that name would quickly be added to a scam website. (And of course I cannot search such a site because I cannot type her last name on my keyboard.)

I know I can ask her to go to an internet cafe to use Skype. I have. No response yet. I just want to know if there is a system that has been used for this.

[ML]

Go to "Persuing FSUW 101" in Starting Out section.

Read it; try to follow the basic points; and you won't have these types of concerns or worries.

Refuse to cast a wide net; and you will be plagued with these type of concerns repeatedly and forever.

[chip]

Go to "Persuing FSUW 101" in Starting Out section.

Read it; try to follow the basic points; and you won't have these types of concerns or worries.

Yes, I read it before posting. I re-read it. No mention of this. Just recommended sites and how to write letters... It seemed implicit that every girl you wrote to was legit. That doesn't seem likely.

[SANDRO43]

Try also submitting her photos to Google Image Search. That may turn up other sites she's registered at, as well as any scam reports she may figure in .

[Larry1]

I have one girl that I've emailed several times but she isn't able to Skype. Now, this can't be a deal-breaker. I think most girls in FSU don't have broadband. I told her I'd like to verify her somehow.

... I know I can ask her to go to an internet cafe to use Skype. I have. No response yet.

Most FSUW I've talked to have an internet connection sufficient to use skype.  Three or four did not, but of those two were happy to go to an internet cafe to talk to me on skype and one went to a friend's house and used her computer to talk to me on skype. 

I was never comfortable with any girl enough to visit her unless I had seen her on skype.  I don't think that's necessarily because I had doubts as to whether she was who she purported to be.  I think it was more because I just didn't have any idea whether we would like each other when met.  But skype was a very good predictor of whether the girl and I got along well face to face.

[mendeleyev]

I get a couple emails/day from girls who want my real email to send more photos to me. Uh huh...

Chip, you'll want hers at some point soon, so why not set up an email reserved for dating and go for it? If you met a pretty gal at the mall you wouldn't refuse her your "digits" I think.

I think most girls in FSU don't have broadband.

Those are in the minority. Wait till you step on the ground in the FSU and see the cell phones these babes carry.

I told her I'd like to verify her somehow. She sent me a scan of her passport. Picture matches. Name matches. DOB matches. I can't read Russian so I'm not sure if it says she's unmarried.

Chip, Chip, Chip. Oh my. What you really need is her blood type and a doctor's verification that her grandmother never had shingles. But you didn't ask for those, right? 

Relax friend, she is all the way over here and you are all the way over there. Someday you'll want to snuggle up close to one of these angels and I'm betting that she won't ask to scan your driver's license before holding hands.

Never, never, never insult a gal that way again. Unless you do the same when dating a gal across the street, don't do it across the ocean either.

All the scams sites teach those bad habits so stay away from negative influences and devils--which means you'll never visit a scam site again. They're full of guys who sent money but have yet to be kissed.

Make a cross with both your forefingers and hold it high above your head while you repeat after me:
- Scam sites, devils.
- Scam sites, devils.
- Scam sites, devils.

Okay, that's better. If the urge comes to visit a scam site again go to church and make a confession. Give $20 to the poor anytime that evil temptation returns and soon you'll be over that addiction. Broke, but healed -- hallelujah!

Don't send money. Work instead on ways to communicate. You'll be fine.

If you relax and don't send greenbacks, you won't be scammed and the occasional scammer will reveal herself quickly when you don't send money.

Is this passport scan the real deal? Or is it a common hoax? If it is a hoax, it can't last very long since that name would quickly be added to a scam website.

No.

Yes.

Most of the names on the typical scam website probably don't belong there in the first place. The last thing a scammer wants to give you is her real name. The guys at the scam sites haven't figured this out yet.

Is this passport scan the real deal?

Little secret: Scammers have passports, too. So much for that cool idea.

What's the conventional wisdom on verifying that you are communicating with a real girl?

When Ronald Reagan said "trust but verify" he was speaking of nuclear weapons, not a pretty gal. Second, he had it in the correct order: trust, then verify.

Have conversations. Laugh and be nervous together. Try to communicate even a little without a translator. Skype is a good start.

If you're just passing letters back and forth with a translator in the middle then soon you'll be spinning your wheels so find a way to move a serious possibility up to the next level.

(And of course I cannot search such a site because I cannot type her last name on my keyboard.)

Actually you can. Unless you're using a Commodore 64, your computer has a language option. Russian is one of the options.

But you really don't need that at this point. Even if you typed her name in Cyrillic, there are hundreds of thousands of persons named Svetlana Romanova, Natasha Egorova or Oksana Petrova, etc. This isn't Alabama where everyone shares the same DNA, but the names are incredibly similar for reasons I could get into later.

I know I can ask her to go to an internet cafe to use Skype. I have. No response yet. I just want to know if there is a system that has been used for this.

Chip, I wouldn't respond either had a lady asked me to scan my passport. Next!

You don't need a system, you need to be you.

You seem like a nice guy, so continue to be one. Treat each lady as if she were a good friend and let them reveal themselves as either a prospect worthy of your time or a waste of time and then proceed accordingly.

Not all guys are cut out for this but if you are, then you'll need to "hang onto your patience" as our middle daughter admonished me years ago when she was about 7 or 8.

[LAman]

OK, I've set up my account on UkraineDate.com (cupid network). Of course I got an immediate email from a 23 year old hottie. Oh, I can't read her email until I pay to be a member? Whatever... I was going to pay anyway. Cupid is about as legit as I've found and it is on "the list" somewhere else in this area. Of course she wasn't really interested...
 
 

Just remedial dating !!!
It may help someone but it is not gold by any stretch.
Better labeled as FSUW 095!!!

[chip]

Not all guys are cut out for this but if you are, then you'll need to "hang onto your patience" as our middle daughter admonished me years ago when she was about 7 or 8.

I find it quite funny that if I mention an agency, I'm laughed at for so stupid because everybody here knows they are all scams. But when I go to the recommended pay site, because that is the only way to do this, and I find massive amounts of scammers on board, I get this response -- Chip, lighten up Dude!

Yes, "at some point" we will obviously exchange email addresses. But to wave away the several emails I get every day asking for mine, is rather amazing. Do you really not know these are phishing emails? Put a pretty girl on there - FREE - and have her ask for emails so she can send more sexy photos. Come on... Please do not be so gullible.

I completely disagree with you about a girl getting offended if I ask her to verify herself somehow. Do you think they are not aware of the scammers in their midst? If you are polite, any real girl will understand. If you are afraid of asking, you are only playing into their hands. And I did not ask her to scan her passport. I asked her to skype. She offered the scan. That is why I started this thread, to tap into the group's experience.

I'm shocked. SHOCKED! at the knee-jerk scam reaction to agency sites and the almost complete denial of scammers on the pay sites. Geeze, join match.com. You'll see the same Russian scams there. "I only have a free 3 day trrial so please respond at my personal email..."

If you want to waist a lot of time and emotional energy, by all means don't worry about who she is on the pay site (on which SHE is not paying) and just start up a conversation. If you're lucky, you'll figure out if she's a fake after only 3 or 4 exchanges. But they will keep you going for a while. I know since I used to do it as sport with the match.com fakes. If you're even luckier, she's the real deal. I just thought you all might have developed a process.

And maybe your advice is solid for girls over 30. I'm sure the concentration of fakes is in the lower 20's.

And finally, OMG. Stop already with the demeaning attitudes. Just because you've been on this forumn longer and maybe traveled to FSU or maybe you even live there, that doesn't make ME stupid. But it does make me not wish to stay involved here.

[mendeleyev]

Chip, didn't mean to demean you so I apologize. I tried to write in a funny way so that you'd know I wasn't "dissing" you. Apparently that failed so again I apologize.

However I hope that you will heed the advice. That is solid and I cannot apologize for the advice even though it is clear that I delivered it incorrectly.

And maybe your advice is solid for girls over 30. I'm sure the concentration of fakes is in the lower 20's.

I raised 3 daughters so obviously have some experience in that area. The youngest just married last year and the middle has yet to hit 30. You might be surprised how much I know.

As I said at the close, you seem like a nice guy so continue that and the right lady will find you to be a natural for her, and she for you. Again, this adventure isn't for everyone but if you do find it to be your right call, full steam ahead my friend.

[jone]

A couple of quick reports from the FSU:

I am in Ukraine.  Have been here for over a month.  (Am having a great time in Mykolaiv.)

First:  In only costs $50.00 for a cell phone and sim card here.  For five dollars you can buy minutes on LIFE, one of the two predominant networks.  Any woman who says she doesn't have access to a cell phone is lying or had hers taken away for bad behavior.

Second:  I have not met anyone who does not have a SKYPE address.  Now, they may be out there.  One gal I spent an evening with told me that her parents did not have internet service in the small village she was from.  But she might have been pulling my leg.  Maybe she was simply going away with her boyfriend for the weekend.  But I did get her SKYPE address.

Third:  The internet service speeds I get here in Ukraine are far better than those I get in the US.   That's right.  Better internet than in US.  But I live in a village.  Small city.  Hardly incorporated.  Called Los Angeles.

Bottom line is that if they are smart enough to be on an MOB site, they have email (outside of the MOB site) and most likely already have a SKYPE address.

[missAmeno]

Jone, my parents permanently relocated to village (about 70km away from Kiev). Not only they do not have internet and landline phone but also have very poor mobile phone reception. To make phone calls mum has to go out in the field to pick up signal. That village is not in the middle of the woods, it is not far from several towns and my parent's house is in the middle of village.
So in villages internet connection is still not available to everyone but also not that many village girls in MOB anyway.

[ML]

Yes, I read it before posting. I re-read it. No mention of this. Just recommended sites and how to write letters... It seemed implicit that every girl you wrote to was legit. That doesn't seem likely.

You missed a major point in FSUW 101.

You write to many women initially  why meet your first screening.  When you get answers, you start screening based on the messages they write.
When one gives you ANY concern about anything, you drop her from the list.
After a couple of backs and forth, you do have legit gals.
But as you continue, you drop any that give any hint of not being legit.

Follow this and, as I said, you won't have to be asking anyone (including yourself) about if a particular gal is legit.

However, if you allow yourself to become infatuated with one gal this early in the stage and focus on her . . . you will be eaten alive with the question re 'legit.'

[Doll]

  .


Chip, Chip, Chip. Oh my. What you really need is her blood type and a doctor's verification that her grandmother never had shingles. But you didn't ask for those, right? 

Relax friend, she is all the way over here and you are all the way over there. Someday you'll want to snuggle up close to one of these angels and I'm betting that she won't ask to scan your driver's license before holding hands.

Never, never, never insult a gal that way again. Unless you do the same when dating a gal across the street, don't do it across the ocean either.

     
gal. Second, he had it in the correct order: trust, then verify.

   
So, Chip whanted to "verify" the girl? Did he FIRST verify himself?
It's like he would date the local girl AFTER he checks her SSN and DL.
You know guys what I always say in this case-stay where you are (in your country).
They want to verify!
 
How it was when my (present) husband and I met online? After the first two emails we just talked on the phone. No Skype at that time.
И никто не умер))))))))

[GQBlues]

...Third:  The internet service speeds I get here in Ukraine are far better than those I get in the US.   That's right.  Better internet than in US.  But I live in a village.  Small city.  Hardly incorporated.  Called Los Angeles.

Yup, I agree. They're so far more advanced than the western hemisphere altogether...
 
 

[jone]

Interesting.  Now I know what they're driving on the San Diego freeway since I left.  Did you get this model with the onboard GPS and Blue Tooth?

[BobFeltham]

One reason why she may want to use skype is that she wants to get to know you a little better first. Also she may be nervous speaking English. She may be able to write quite well but might be nervous speaking to you in English. I would suggest what other posters have said too and that is do a google search, find some of the scammer websites that are particular to Ukraine and search on them and see if you see her pictire. Good luck mate!!

[calmissile]

Chip,

One of  the things I notice is that newbies are very analytical in the beginning of their search (me included).  Based on my experience, my suggestion would be to learn about the scammers so that you don't waste your time and/or money on them.  They are fairly easy to spot and with some common sense you will not have a problem sorting them out.  Once you are savy to the scammers, the rest is fairly straightforward. 

I notice that many men search for a FSUW like they are buying a car.  All about your specifications for a dream gal/wife.  Life with FSUW is not that much unlike dating and marrying a woman from any country.  Men and women are pretty much wired the same everywhere.  They seem to be looking for a husband that is not an alcoholic and stays home participating in the family rather than spending a lot of time drinking with the boys and playing pool.  It does not mean they are prudes either.  It's just that they put 'family first'.

IMO, the most important quality to look for is compatibility in personality.  There are stereotypes of FSUW that seem to hold some water, just as they stereotype Western men.  The best approach I found is to not put on a  'dog and pony show' for a woman.  Be relaxed.  Be youself.  It will be what she gets when you get married, so she might as well see how you really are.  If you get along well in your casual time together, it is likely you will get along in a marriage as well.

ML offers a lot of practical advice on finding a FSUW and you might want to listen to him.  For the most part I agree with nearly everything he writes about it and it has been proven true in my observations of many FSUW.  If you run into a sarcastic bitch, ask yourself if you would want to live with that personality in a marriage.  Beauty is only skin deep.  I have also found it to be true that you do not need to pursue a woman as though you are desperate.  If a woman likes you, she will let you know and often make it clear that she wants you to be 'her man'.  If she is standoffish or aloof, why waste your time on her?  There are thousands of single FSUW that are very well educated and have wonderful personalities to choose from.  It is my experience that the best choices can be either from the village or the city.  It seems to matter more, the environment they were raised in by their parents.

One last thing,  Ukraine is a wonderful place to visit and take a vacation.  I met my wife on a lengthy trip that I had decided to take without having a rigid agenda to meet and marry someone.  As long as you are spending money to go to FSU, why not take in the sights, study the history and culture, and learn something about your future wifes country.  I have no experience in Russia, but have been told by many that the same holds true for it as well.

Good luck in your adventure

Doug