Newbie planning WOVO to UkraineI

[Gator]

It still depends on who you are meeting.  Is it mostly businessmen/women?  People who work with foreigners? 

Exactly the case with ML.  Keep in mind that ML has made many, many trips whose primary purpose was not romance but business (property acquisition and property development IIRC).  I imagine that he was not dealing with large corporations  but negotiating in a  "dog eat dog" culture with "sharks."    Any giving of gifts would be merely a formality as a prelude to grinding you down to gain as many concessions as possible.   
 
My opinion of Russian business is not based on my actual experience but upon what I have been told by a few RM who work in small businesses, e. g. fireplace designer and contractor.  Plus, I know of one American businessman who almost got skinned in a deal.  The internet is replete will advice to be extra cautious.  In summary I doubt that I would ever go into business with a RM. 

My inlaws never ask for anything, ....

My experience as well, and I have had two sets on in laws.  For my first trip in 2002 my Moscow woman's babushka (fine, grand woman, a retired theater actress) insisted upon giving me an antique porcelain cup.
 
In keeping with Mendy's comment that prompted this sidebar, I met many RW and usually I had spent much time talking with them and getting to know them before the first meeting.  Almost all of them brought some gift to our first meeting.  The gifts ranged from a CD to an oil painting.   It never felt as if the gift was a form of reciprocating but more as a way to celebrate the meeting.
 
If I met a woman, spent a few days with her, and wanted to see her again, I would buy her a "going away" present to remember the occasion.   Examples are Nokia telephone, a leather jacket, etc.  The women did not reciprocate with a gift and I did not expect it.
 

....and SIL is so grateful any time the better half sends money or goods, she is almost tongue tied. 

Twice I have given money to in laws.  The amount was small to me and it addressed an extraordinary need of theirs.  Each time I received similarly demonstrative  expressions of sincere gratitude.
 
We have had many visitors from Russia.  All come bearing gifts. 

[Anotherkiwi]

Would it shock you if I tell you that I've never been to Mausoleum?   

Nope!  I didn't bother either! 

[Jumper]

 

Jim, I think you are off base here for the vast majority of situations.

I have met hundreds of FSU men and women.  Never encountered one who wouldn't take EVERYTHING offered by a westerner, with nary a thought to ever reciprocate; or even give a thank you.

ML-
If you have encountered hundreds, and not a single one would even consider reciprocating or even saying thank you.You may need to look into who you are interacting.
I keep hearing this fabled culture that never says thank you,
yet Spasibo is a very commonly used word in the language of that culture.

It seems a  paradox only visitors notice?

I have yet to meet a FSU person that would not generally wish to reciprocate any type of gift or dinner etc.and does so within their ability.(often far beyond) if we had been in a friendship close enough to exchange any gifts.
I'm sure i've met some that wouldn't say thank you? but  certainly most people say thank you when the term was appropriate to use,and certainly anyone I'd be involved with.
I also have met hundreds of FSU people.Some rude or crude, most very polite and educated.

I do see a lot of negatives there,
but within friends and family, reciprocating gifts are as normal as in your own culture.

If as a stranger you've been treated differently, that makes sense , I'd have to think its more the nature of the relationship.

[Jumper]

[quote]We have had many visitors from Russia.  All come bearing gifts.


It's a cultural norm to do so...coming to someones house as guest?

[missAmeno]

It's a cultural norm to do so...coming to someones house as guest?[/size][/font]

Yes, showing up empty handed at someone's door is kind of ill-mannered.
You know the minute you step over doorstep you will be offered food, drinks or at least tea. And in most cases attempts to decline will fall on deaf ears. If you have been expected table more likely already will be set even before you knock on the door. In such case it is really rude to try to decline, food on the table have been prepared specially for you. Will you be comfortable sit at a table, eat their food, see into what trouble they gone for you while you didn't bother to do anything for them?
It is not about price of the gift and normally it is things like cake, chocolates, some nice cookies, bottle of wine, flowers, etc.

[DKMM]

Fwiw, I know a guy who showed up in the same city on a WOVO trip.  Still happily married 4 years later and both are friends.  It can be done...

[Jumper]

Yes, showing up empty handed at someone's door is kind of ill-mannered.
You know the minute you step over doorstep you will be offered food, drinks or at least tea. And in most cases attempts to decline will fall on deaf ears. If you have been expected table more likely already will be set even before you knock on the door. In such case it is really rude to try to decline, food on the table have been prepared specially for you. Will you be comfortable sit at a table, eat their food, see into what trouble they gone for you while you didn't bother to do anything for them?
It is not about price of the gift and normally it is things like cake, chocolates, some nice cookies, bottle of wine, flowers, etc.

Exactly
It's a cultural norm, and people would naturally do so , without a second thought.
They would be deeply embarrassed if they forgot to.(exceptions with really close friends exist)

It's why I have wondered at the hundreds ML has met that wouldn't think of  reciprocation in general, as it is a cultural norm.
I can't imagine if he was involved ,even as a westerner, in a typical household atmosphere and friendship in Ukraine he would have this same perception.

I'm sure he is telling exactly his experience, so something has colored it.