Forces that are pulling at her that you have no idea of.

[ML]

Larry 1

Most people don't understand how inherently fragile international relationships usually are and how difficult it is for them to succeed.

BorisS

Yes, small misunderstandings when you are apart can grow way out of proportion. Sometimes there are forces and feelings that are pulling at her that you have no idea of.

Larry 1

That is so true. And not many guys at the inception of their searches fully realize this. It would make a good thread topic if people would respond.

- - - - - -

OK, I will get this topic started.

There were (and maybe still are) some forces pulling at my spouse.

Before her first trip, and after the first few subsequent visits back to Ukraine in summers . . .

Ochka's parents tried hard to convince her not to come to USA.

That was a very, very big 'pull' on her I think.

But she is a very strong willed person (mostly displayed softly to me) and she came/returned anyway.

Many other FSUW probably succumb to this pull.

[Chicagoguy]

As far as I know my wife's 3 sisters or daughter have never pushed for this. Or her 93 year father who in now living alone. BUT my wife will occasionally mention to me that we should both go back "home" together. She herself will go back every year for at least 1 month so maybe that helps. She does own a flat there but I only know 1 American where she lives. Not much too do there for me. Moscow might be different but maybe too expensive for me. I make sure she leads a pretty good life here but that is not her goal.

[ML]

The forces can be much more than just the decision to come/stay or not.

So guys and gals . . . don't just limit to that aspect.

[Boethius]

My view is that if such forces end a relationship, it wasn't meant to be.

[BillyB]

Fear, jealousy(especially when apart), and cold feet can sink in and keep a woman from being with her man. A better man can pull a woman away, especially if she's not one man kind of woman. Fortunately my wife never had anything pulling her back although her mom prefer she live closer to Ukraine.

[CaptB]

My wife never had such forces pulling at her. Her Mother, sister, many friends and coworkers only wished her the best. Having her Mother, sister & niece stay at our home every summer....for about 5 weeks is a big help. She has never really been homesick for "Russia".....just for her Mother, sister & niece. That miracle invention from the tv show "The Jetsons".....the "videophone".......now called "Skype".......has pretty much eliminated .......missing her relatives. She did have one longtime friend.....who I would call a "pro-dater"........did try to convince my wife that she should at least find a man from a better "state" (we live in Michigan. My wife was always fascinated with her friend's international dating exploits. But after our experience together....she realized her friend was a "user". Most of the men were looking for a wife.....her friend was only looking for gifts & vacation.....and ongoing monetary contributions. They are no longer friends (my wife's choice). After 13 years of marriage my wife said......"I only want to live.....where "you" are. I reciprocated that sentiment.


Capt B

[Steamer]

There were (and maybe still are) some forces pulling at my spouse.

Before her first trip, and after the first few subsequent visits back to Ukraine in summers . . .

Ochka's parents tried hard to convince her not to come to USA.

That was a very, very big 'pull' on her I think.

But she is a very strong willed person (mostly displayed softly to me) and she came/returned anyway.

Many other FSUW probably succumb to this pull.

This reminds me of similar (and constant) pulls on me from family and friends such as:
Are you nuts? They're ALL scammers. Etc. etc.
Which is why I didn't broadcast my intentions to everyone until she was here.

[Faux Pas]

My wife never had such forces pulling at her. Her Mother, sister, many friends and coworkers only wished her the best. Having her Mother, sister & niece stay at our home every summer....for about 5 weeks is a big help. She has never really been homesick for "Russia".....just for her Mother, sister & niece. That miracle invention from the tv show "The Jetsons".....the "videophone".......now called "Skype".......has pretty much eliminated .......missing her relatives. She did have one longtime friend.....who I would call a "pro-dater"........did try to convince my wife that she should at least find a man from a better "state" (we live in Michigan. My wife was always fascinated with her friend's international dating exploits. But after our experience together....she realized her friend was a "user". Most of the men were looking for a wife.....her friend was only looking for gifts & vacation.....and ongoing monetary contributions. They are no longer friends (my wife's choice). After 13 years of marriage my wife said......"I only want to live.....where "you" are. I reciprocated that sentiment.


Capt B

I could have wrote this post and been truthful except for the pro-dater friend. My wife and it appears yours as well likely had more pulling them away than at them.

My wife told me from the start she was looking for a man. Someone to grow old with. Her child bearing years had already passed and she had been divorced almost 10 years when we met. She was doing fine financially and the only thing she said that she wanted in her life was a partner. She has a good job at the university, owned her apartment, her mother lived with her and her sister and niece lived a short walk away. She had given up finding a local man. Sometimes there is the pull away

[CaptB]

Faux Pas,


Yes....our situations are almost identical. My wife's "pro-dater" friend being the exception. My wife was fascinated by all of her friends "antics".....for years before we met. She thought that all of her friends trips, vacations & monetary "donations"......were very glamourus. After were started dating....she saw her friend in a whole new light. She was receiving "vacations" from men who wanted a "relationship". She only wanted the vacation......which she got by leading them on. Regular monthly donations of money.....and posing as having an "exclusive" relationship.......with at least a half-dozen men at a time.......made her a "user" in my wife's eyes. I bet your is not too different in this respect.


Capt B

[BillyB]

This reminds me of similar (and constant) pulls on me from family and friends such as:
Are you nuts? They're ALL scammers. Etc. etc.
Which is why I didn't broadcast my intentions to everyone until she was here.

I told family and close friends what I was doing and they were worried about the girls over there using men. Like most people, they got their education on tv about how bad the girls are over there.

[Patagonie]

I was very quickly conscious that my MIL was a precious ally in my life. She supported from the scratch our relationship and helped us. I do my best to return her the favor.

With a previous woman i met, when it was time to discuss about my second trip to meet he, she told me just before the final decision that her parents were against our union due to the age difference. In the seconds i knew that this relationship was over.

[BorisS]

Tanya's uncle warned her mother that when she came to the US someone would try to put her in a brothel. Her mother told him that she thought Tanya was too old for such activities :-)))))) (she was 39 at the time).