How to address jealousy with an Online dating contact you like

[Dolmetscher007]

Question for all the guys out there...
If met a lady (37 F) from Minsk Belarus, online... and you'd already made plans to meet in person, how would you handle a situation where some guys would possibly set and enforce a boundary regarding "other men" and/or "jealousy?"

I think better with examples than raw theory, so here's the situation.

The lady I met has a friend and former co-worker, (35 M). The poor bastard found out two days ago that his wife of 6 years has been lying to him and cheating on him with another man for 5 of the 6 years they've been married.  The lady I'm going to meet in October told me all of this via text message yesterday. I thought... "Ouch!!! That must really crush this guy!" and I felt genuine empathy for him. I messaged her back and said... "Are you free for a quick call?" I wanted to talk rather than text since it was just too much to sit and type. She said... "Yes! Sure!" So... I called her right then. About 30 seconds into the call... I heard a man's voice in her apartment.   I asked, "Oh... wait... is your friend over at your apartment right now???"

She said... "Yes... he called and asked me if he could please stop by to show me all the text messages he'd discovered, and the emails from his wife and all that drama." I have some female friends that come over to my house all the time, so I immediately was "okay with it." But at the same time... it was different. Know what I mean?  I mean... ole boy's wife just got caught in a 5 year lie... oh... and they don't even know if their 4 year old daughter is HIS or the other guy's. So... I didn't want to make shit weird and be like... "Why is some dude in your apartment."  Also... because... this lady is not my girlfriend. She's just someone I met online... and am planning to come see in-person to SEE about forming a relationship. So...

Yeah... this is where the rubber leaves the road... for me. I do not think of myself weak or lacking in self-confidence. In fact... I think I am, without a shred of doubt, the coolest guy this girl has ever met.  But... my own ego aside... I was thinking that this situation was so... weird... that it is best for me to just.. stick with saying... "I feel sorry for the poor guy."

But then... later... it got to be 1:00 am in Minsk... then 1:30... and she was messaging me that she is so exhausted and wants to sleep, but the guy just won't leave. Finally... he left... and she called me just to tell me how it went, and to say good night. While on the call, I was telling her about a similar situation that happened with one of my friends years ago... and how this friend of mine ended up sleeping at my house for a week. This is when she said... "Wow... yeah... my friend just now was begging me to let him stay here with me! He promised he would not touch me. He just wanted to sleep here and maybe hug me. It was very strange. I told him no."

I never got angry or... anything like that... but... I will admit... I did not like that last little detail. But... I didn't really know what to do with it. I was glad the lady told him no. I honestly don't blame the guy... because... his heart has to be crushed... and yeah... blah blah blah. No harm no fowl... I guess.

But... what I don't know is... how would any of you guys handled this? I've always wondered if ladies hate a "jealous man" or... if they actually like it... because it proves the man cares. But... I don't know how to express jealousy without... well... yeah... I just don't know how to express jealousy. Normally, I think I'd express jealousy by reprimanding my lady... and telling her that I do not appreciate something SHE's done. But... when it's not something she's done... Hmmm...

What do you guys think about all this BS?

[Boethius]

I am female.  Were I single, I would RUN from a guy who is jealous.  It indicates insecurity and a lack of trust, neither of which lead to a calm, peaceful life.

[Dolmetscher007]

I am female.  Were I single, I would RUN from a guy who is jealous.  It indicates insecurity and a lack of trust, neither of which lead to a calm, peaceful life.

Thanks @Boethius.

As a man, it can sometimes be difficult to process too many emotions at once. I sometimes struggle to know when I should set a boundary. For example... I am a very easy going guy. I am usually not very bothered by most things. But... when someone realizes that I am a an easy going guy... sometimes... they tend to push things too far... assuming I won't mind.

So... sometimes I wonder if I should enforce a boundary long before it gets weird... so that I can kind of say... "I'm a cool guy... but... don't think you can just do whatever you want."

I think this is one of those "age old struggles" between the sexes. Men have to know when to set and enforce a boundary... and usually... I think he finds out that he's let it go too far, and now it's hard to redraw the line.

But... I think it the situation I've described above... I did just fine. I'm not trying to make anything a big deal about this friend of her's trying to spend the night with her.  It is a little bit weird... but... she did tell him no. So... What can I say?

[2tallbill]

Question for all the guys out there...
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What do you guys think about all this BS?

What is this? General Hospital? Days of our lives? The young and the Feckless?

The rules go like this.

Get to the girl first, you win. Second place is a steaming pile of doggie doodoo.

The lesson is, Get first place, don't get second place. Second place sucks @ss.

[ML]

I am female.  Were I single, I would RUN from a guy who is jealous.  It indicates insecurity and a lack of trust, neither of which lead to a calm, peaceful life.

I am a male.  I actually encountered very few FSU gals (that I spent a considerable amount of time with) who seemed to be the jealous type.

Don't know what it indicated in the general sense.

But in two instances where jealously did appear . . . I am pretty sure it was caused by situations the women had faced before.

i.e. Both of their former husbands and one of the gal's father had numerous girlfriends 'on the side.'

On the other hand, my FSU wife seems to not know there is a concept of jealousy.

I think I could say to her:  "I am going now to take my girlfriend out to dinner."

And she would reply: "OK, Pick up some milk on your way back home."

[krimster2]

You need to cancel your “automatic reflex” to these NEGATIVE kinda thoughts

The Tao Of The Way

is to treat all negative thinking
like water bouncing off the back of a duck…

so forget the negative vibes
your relationship with her ain’t really real, until you meet anyway
what each of you does right now, ain’t gonna matter much

you should get over “sexual jealousy” right away
cuz, it’s DUM

I can tell you that there’s a major bummer involved in having sex and busting a hymen
although the blood can help lubricate (should that be a problem…)

but when you’re done and look at each other genitals, it looks like a freakin “crime scene”
and let’s not forget what virgin sex is REALLY like
she just lays there and YOU do ALL THE WORK!!!!

OTOH,
do you you noobs know WTF a Ukrainian BJ is?

While you’re getting “deep throated” her tongue is ticklin the bottom of your testicles
and wiggilin it, left to right….
Ok?

How ‘ya think they got this SKILL holmes?
Without having other guys
TOTALLY to your advantege, them having these SKILLZ
you think an American chick is gonna check your prostate for you, coupled with a Ukrainian BJ
while acting like she REALLY loves doing it

villages had some pretty hot sex goin on between local young girls/guys
if you were a young foreign guy, you’d get laid in two minutes at the most
in the “Doma Kultura” parking lot
on a saturday night in some satellite village of kyiv

this is why I brought along booze and drugs (from Amsterdam)
and partied with nice innocent, giggly college girls
when things turned sexual...
I consulted my guide, "She Comes First" available on Amazon
and helped them undress and let them take a bath in my marble bathtub in the PentHouse of the Dnipro Hotel in Kyiv

when they got out of the bathtub
I dried them off
and laid them down on the bed
modesty forbids me from divulging any more...

[I/O]

Jealousy - if it surfaces, take steps, big long ones. If your feeling jealous, get off this merry-go-round, you won't survive the grind.