Part 2

[Globetrotter]

Since she was well traveled for medical conferences in Europe as well as Eastern Europe, and she had been to and from London (probably the 2nd most difficult visa to get) I thought we would have a better than average chance.  Mind you, she is good looking, single, no kids, but has worked at her profession for some time and had a flat with a mortgage.  Turns out, that was enough for her visa, with a little "tweaking" from me.

Samara is served by Lufthansa nonstop to Frankfort, connecting 2 hours later only a few gates away, to Chicago, so that's how I booked her.  It saved her going through Moscow, plus her home journey would drop her off at her front door, and cost was about $1000.  (Samara is 3rd cost/expensive wise...Moscow and St. Pete being the other 2.  It was the Russian capital in WW2 when the Germans were only miles outside Moscow, and the entire government, Russia's art treasures, etc., even the Bolshoi Ballet, were moved there.  It's famous for its universities, manufacturing, car production, aerospace industry, etc.)

She arrived on time into ORD (as one would expect from Lufthansa)
and found me waiting for her at the wrong arrival point as it had been incorrectly displayed on the board...so I got a kiss on the head from behind and a big hello.  She looked great and I could tell she had been working out...so it's good I had her dress like a babushka for her visa interview.  We took the long, pretty way home which took an hour, and her eyes were wide open viewing all our well behaved and non agressive drivers, commenting Russian roads were not quite the same.  She was tired when we got home having spent 14 hrs enroute and probably having been awake for 20.  I tried to keep her awake until 7 or 8:00PM, but she couldn't do it.  We laid out her clothes for the morning as her conference started at 7:00 the next morning, and she was out like a light.

I made 150 business cards for her.  I thought if she had any they would be in Russian and nobody would be able to read them, plus she was new to computers and her own email account, and I wanted this shown on her new cards.  My PH# was shown as her USA contact.  A one hour train ride and a walk down Michigan Ave. and she was at her conference.  I had breakfast with her and wanted to be sure she met other doctors who could look after her (as well as answer any MD questions for her)...and after that was done with me having broken the conversation ice as she was still quite shy and a bit overwhelmed, I kissed her goodbye, and said I'd be back at 5:00 to take her home.  I had been given a complimentary pass to attend everything at the conference with her, but only opted to attend the after conference parties.  On the 3rd day, the conference was over, she had gotten a good deal out of it, and it was Sunday.  It was the first day she had seen my property in daylight, as we would leave before dawn, and return in the dark.  While we were in Cambridge walking through a church, she had been intriqued by a squirrel...with wildlife in Russia being so scarce.  I imagine they were a food source and/or pollution kept them far from cities.  I have 2 acres and hundreds of trees and there is 100 yds between houses.  She was about to see hundreds of squirrls, raccoons, deer, foxes...and was impressed by the mix.


On Sunday afternoon we were invited to my best friends house for dinner as I had kind of invited myself to their gathering as I wanted them all to meet my Russian friend.  Shy at first, then a 10 year old boy started asking her all about Russia, and they spent an hour at Q & A.  His father had brought out a laptop, typed in Samara, and showed her how to scroll for various photos of her town.  He was thrilled his son was getting an education and commented how Jake would write a report for school after doing his own Russian research.  After her interraction with Jake, she opened up to everyone and was the star of the show.  Everyone was pleased I had brought her and commented that she should be a "keeper."

We spent 3 weeks seeing local sights as well as Chicago museums, neighborhoods, parks, etc.  She finished her book, so I found a Russian bookstore on Devon Ave. (where you can see a Hindu, Seikh, Muslim, Jew, Pole, Asian, and every other nationality in a few minutes.  She bought another book and takled to the Ukrainian girl owner, and the old Russian man who owned the store across the street.  It was an interesting day for her as she saw that not everyone lived on Lake Shore Drive or North Michigan Avenue.
We rode bikes through forest preserves, ate at every restaurant imaginable...(she had never had Chinese, Italian, Thai, Mexican food...but she has now.)  I did all the cooking at home.  She took notes on how to make twice baked potatos, liked my stir fry better than the Chinese restaurants food, and asked me about steaming vegetables (so I bought her a steamer like mine, and salad tongs)...and refused to cook for me saying that I was a superior cook to her.  I bar-b-cued steaks, chicken, a turkey, and she liked it all.  I took her to a golf course bar/snack bar that overlooked the water hole for a wine and beer for me.  A lousy day and nobody in the place so we talked to the guy there for an hour.  I told him where my girl was from and he had a thousand questions for her.  When we left she asked me how long I'd known him, and said never met him before.  She was continually amazed that we talk to each other, saying Russians were not that open or friendly.  She certainly caught on before she left.  Some days we would do nothing but domestic stuff...grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, shooting pool, etc., so she got the idea that every day was not Disney Land.  She just liked my company, and me hers, and after all, this visit was to get to know each other, and for me to show her as many sides of me and this place as I could.  I showed her that you could log onto BBC and read it in Russian.  She was surprised what the world was saying about Putin, which they don't get at home due to the tight media controls and deaths of so many correspondents.  

My family had a Sunday lunch/party for her toward the end of her stay and she was the star of the show, and everyone adored her.  With family, friends, neighbors, she felt comfortable and fit right in.  She would comment on my driving and she was pleased I was not agressive.  (She drives a Honda.)  Then I took her for a ride in the 11 second hot rod.  She commented she would never ride in a race car again, but understood it was one of my interests.

I had some friends that were able to arrange tours of the 2 best hospitals in Chicago.  Both introduced her as "the hospital director" which she of course wasn't, but anyway, they treated her like a queen.  I had her bring along a half page resume so they knew what her experience and education had been.  Their eyes were as big as saucers.  She actually got more out of these visits than the medical conference.  Also, she met many, many doctors, including a Russian, so she has lots of contacts.  This becomes important because when she visits again, she can get an invitation from them...to see a procedure or protocol she's not familiar with, which can include in their email to her that she is welcome to stay with them.  (You all probably know that even with a multi-entry visa, the imigration officer at the airport has final say at to whether you get in, so it's still best to have an invitation.  This eliminates where you will stay, what you'll do, and why you don't need lots of cash on entry.)

The only problem we had was during her time of the month, as "rag man" doesn't do the term justice.  I thought I'd done something wrong, or that something was terribly wrong, or that she missed her family (although she'd call home as often as she liked.)  Now I know to stay far away during that time....about 18 hours.  She said she was wrong, and said she was sorry for her behavior.  It was the first time I had heard any woman say that!  I just said it's OK, and now I know.
I could say more, but at the end of the day she fits right in, likes it here, has job opportunities, loves my family, friends, and I think....me.  She'll be back for Christmas and help me host my family dinner, then I go back with her the for the New Year and her Christmas.  So far, so good.  We both decided we would see how much we miss each other (we both do) and just said "We'll see."  Anyway, it was a delightful month.              

[jb]

She sounds lke a "Keeper" to me.

[BillyB]

Sounds good Globetrotter. Thanks for sharing.

[KenC]

Globetrotter,
Congratulations on making some very fine choices.  Your lady sounds like a great one.  Good luck to you in the future and thanks for sharing.  Has she checked out what it will take to become a doctor here yet?  It might be the only discouraging part of moving here.  Nice to hear from you again!.
KenC

[Globetrotter]

Hi Ken,

Nice to see you and squeeze are doing well, and nice to hear from you also.  A doctor here?  Yes, of course she was interested in learning what it would take to practie here.  The answer is: pass TOEFL, the medical boards, and 3 years residency.  She thinks (also the doctors she met here) she'd pass the med boards standing on her head.  English reading and writing will need work, and if the 2 top hospitals in effect asked her to check with them first if she comes here, residency shouldn't be a problem either, as she was previously a chief surgeon.  The trick is however....that if you're on 24 hr call for 3 yrs, you had better be close to where you work!  That makes her a GP.  To specialize, takes 3 more yrs residency.  With a masters in molecular biology also, maybe a research scientist is better.  I told her I don't care which, or niether.

I should add.....that the reason I had the balls to try and succeed with a visa for her was directly prportional to my participation in boards like this....so we can and do learn from each other.

Cheers.   

[KenC]

Globetrotter,
Geez, first a concert pianist and now a chief surgeon?  You roam in some pretty impressive social circles my friend.  Mind me asking how you met the Doc?
KenC

[Globetrotter]

Ken,  read the beginning of the trip report a few days ago.  Also, I couldn't care less what a person does.  An education only means you're "book smart" not how smart you really are.  I dated a lawyer here for a while who was also a county commissioner...next step if she had wanted was US congresswoman.  That didn't impress me either.

I should say that never having had a RW here and having read about some who adjust well some who just can't, I didn't know what to expect.  Tells me that they're all different, and all the same.

She asked me about how I felt about dating a doctor, and I said not really, as here they're like politicians and salespeople...and how I treated the doctor who told me my Mom would be dead in 6 months...(she lived 5 years more.)  Anyhow, you get my drift.

Anyway, I couldn't care less, if she was a crane operator if she was the right one for me.

[KenC]

Globetrotter,
Sorry, I missed the first part.  Up to speed now.
KenC

[Sohkay]

Globetrotter,
Great report and thanks for sharing. IMHO, you're going about this process in an intelligent and deliberative manner. Now, a question for you...re: fending off the jerk in London. Did it bother you at all the your lady spoke out about the way you handled the situation? The way I see it, is you're the one who is providing the protection, and she should just be 1) grateful and 2) supportive. I mean, if she had warded off some evil threatening babushka, would you criticize her methods?

One more question re: when you wrote, "loves my family, friends, and I think....me." Do you really think she might NOT have at least the start of love for you?

And one more question, if you don't mind. Have you seen the menstrual behavior outside of the that one 18 hour period? Did that behavior give you some cause for concern?

Wishing you the best of luck,
Sohkay

[Globetrotter]

Hi Sohk,

I've now been writing to her and calling for 13 months, and we have spent 5 weeks together in the UK and here.  She is 44, I'm 55.  The guy in London...I told her she was in my charge and it was my duty to get her home safely.  I had had much, much worse experiences in Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan.  Maybe if she'd recognized the danger...first the coins, then your wallet, then your girl...she would have known my thinking, but it ended there and we didn't discuss it.
When she was here and saw a speed and heavy bag and asked to see it used...she said "Oujas"  (terrible).  Exercise, I said.  Pickpockets are also all over London.  I fended off 3, "For the children" they would say, holding out plastic flowers.  Once distracted, you're bumped, your wallet is gone, and passed to 2 others in seconds.  That will ruin your day!  Didn't discuss that either. 

She said she loved me every day, and also said women in Russia would dream about me.  (Must have been my cooking!) 

Sure, I've seen bad behavior for days with women during their menstrual cycle.  What matters most is what they do after.  Not even an issue with her.  When she saw it had bothered me in a big way, she explained, I accepted, and it went away...and now I know.

I see her as a great girl, not because she's Russian, or a doc, but somebody that could become my best friend, at which time, it's time to act.  I don't take myself very seriously and never act my own age.  Neither does she.  As we decided, we will see!
Whereby they're all different, they're all the same.

[Sohkay]

Globetrotter,

I think it is a good lesson you teach, in particular for the 20 and 30 something participants (but equally for us 50 somethings!) in this forum. Here you are, at 55, taking the time necessary for both you and your lady to naturally develop into the best of friends. Both of you taking the "we will see" approach.

You appear to be the personality type of being a "giver". Do you sense that your lady is also a "giving" type of personality? I was recently discussing the subject of compatible personality types with a good friend, and he expressed his opinion to me that "giving" type personalities do best with a partner of the same personality type. I can see the logic of this.

You must be very excited, with the holidays just a few weeks away and her return right around the corner. She sounds like quite a gal, and you quite a guy!

Sohkay

[Globetrotter]

Nah, I'm just a Moe...can't teach anyboby anything, just what works for me.  Sure, I try to do special things for her, she does for me.  My brother bought tickets (a week before she arrived) to see heavyweight Alexander Valuev from St. Pete fight.  He's 7'1" and 328.  She said, "I'm a doctor, I patched these people up when I worked in ER.  I'm not going to watch people give each other concussions."  I couldn't find anyone to sit with her, and was gone for 6 hours.  I had set her up with movies to watch, checked her out on the music system, and she had my monster German Shepherd to keep her company.  She cleaned my house while I was gone! 

Just little things...I found the Russian Tea Room on Adams St., and one night after her conference, I dragged her in there to have a coffee and chat with the Russian workers.  Took her to a flower show I knew she'd enjoy.  She would do equally nice things for me just to surprise me.  She thanked me every day for looking after her.  When someone is respectful and thankful with you not having to ask, well it makes a difference.  Also, nobody can "make" another happy, as you must first be happy yourself.  Then, someone can "add" to your happiness.  Hopefully, we both do this for each other.  I'm not needy, or dependent, or co-dependent, and pretty happy without someone else.  But, if someone brightens your already happy self...that's a pretty good place to be.  Just my .02 cents worth.

Thanks for your post.