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Author Topic: Question from Moscvichka  (Read 4373 times)

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Offline Albert

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Question from Moscvichka
« on: October 23, 2006, 07:45:33 AM »
Moscvichka posted this question within a travel report in that section.

Can American men find the same woman in America what they wish to find in Russia. If they understand, that it is impossible for them in America why they think that will find in Russia. Whether they understand, that it is big risk. And if yes, whether that they are ready on divorce after 3 or 5 years of marriage with the young and beautiful Russian wife. Whether you will consider, that you have severely deceived, when you will understand, that the Russian wife wants divorce or you will blame yourselves for it.

Moscvichka

- - - - - - - - - -

When I moved to the USA I met one Russian woman married to an American man for almost 4 years she asked me a question: "Do you know why Americans marry a Russian woman?" I said "Probably because he loves me." And she said "Because woman from FSU is like 3 in 1 (like Kinder Surprise) Beautiful, Usually Younger than they are, Good in the kitchen, and have an sexual accent". I took it like a joke but I really wonder why do you prefer us more than your local women. Is it true that we are like a Kinder Surprise? Thank you, RHG

- - - - - - -

RHG, your friend is mostly right. Men make up all kinds of excuses about why they date and marry FSU women, but it mostly boils down to basic instincts coupled with economic realities.

You can read more complete reasoning in sociology textbooks, but basically men and women are driven by survival and procreation desires and instincts . . . . that continue to exist even when the individual man and woman no longer desire to create children.

Basically, women are drawn to men who are perceived as able to father children and then care for these children (and the mother) in an economic sense.

Men are attracted to beautiful, young women because of the same basic child bearing instincts.

So for most men . . . if they can find a source of more beautiful and younger women that will be willing to date and marry them, then they will want to go to that source.

For every young, beautiful and good in the kitchen FSU woman; a similar woman exists in the west (but not the accent obviously.) But the men are not accepted by these western women, whereas they are accepted by the FSU women.

Does this mean that the FSU women and western men do not love each other. No it does not. They can love and marry each other just same as western men and women marry, and same as FSU men and women marry. The love is no different.

But it all starts with attraction. Why are western men attracted to FSU women and why are FSU women attracted to western men? That is the question that your friend and I have answered for you.

Albert

- - - - - - -

Moscvichka, Red Haired Girl posted a somewhat related question in the Married section.  I have shown her post and my response above.  Also,  I have previously started a related thread in this Experienced section “Inappropriate Matches.”  As you can see from the discussion there, many of the guys involved in this process will tend not to blame the gals, instead blaming the guys.

As a direct answer to your question . . . . no,  western men cannot find the same woman in the west that they wish to find in FSU.  Oh yes, such women are in the west (and can be found in the sense of the word ‘seen’), but they are not available for dating and marriage.  If such women were attainable in the west, then the majority of men would never spend tens of thousands of dollars extra to go to FSU in search of such.  Of course a few western guys would still be dating and marrying FSU women just because they happen to spend time in FSU on business, etc.

Western guys will claim that they can date and marry same women in west as they can in FSU and they give stories about culture, education, values, traditions, etc., as the reason they search in the FSU.  But I don’t buy it.

The basic reason for matchups between western men and FSU women is outlined in my response above to RHG.

And, if and when the matchup falls apart, the FSU woman will not be blamed.  So you and other FSU women have a clear field ahead of you to do as you wish.   :-))
« Last Edit: October 23, 2006, 07:49:42 AM by Albert »

Offline Moscvichka

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2006, 11:41:52 AM »
Thank you for the answer.
But now I would like to ask other question and again I apologize, if it will seem not so correct.
How American society perceives mismatches or marriages with a huge difference age of?
I can tell as it it is estimated in Russia. Negatively. As a rule exception is done only for outstanding people.
The majority of people don't trust such marriages though exceptions it is possible. But exceptions confirm the general rule, that it is unnatural to see marriage of two partners where the husband looks as the father or the grandfather of his wife.

Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2006, 12:20:35 PM »
Moscvichka,

It's not so much the age difference as how the couple look together.  Do they look happy?

I also tend to believe in a certain 'optical fit' but any apparent age difference is quite secondary.

I've seen more than a few same age couples together where the first thing I thought is that they don't fit together at all - and usually over time my thoughts were often confirmed.

Of course an obvious octogenarian with a cane next to a decked out teenie on ski's will make me wonder..

This one also..  I must admit though they both look kinda happy.. kinda blows my theory away but we all know they had their respective reasons to smile and maybe that's quite ok.. after all it's many a mans' dream..  whattawaytogo..




Offline Moscvichka

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2006, 12:37:51 PM »
I have been in America and I know, that politeness and tactfulness  and a correctness are the basic qualities of Americans. I guess, that my question can be regarded as very impolite. Forgive me, I am Russian, and we Russians speak often that we think. Probably, Americans can condemn such questions. But I really want to understand that Americans think about . Only honestly, please.

Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2006, 12:54:53 PM »
I have been in America and I know, that politeness and tactfulness  and a correctness are the basic qualities of Americans. I guess, that my question can be regarded as very impolite. Forgive me, I am Russian, and we Russians speak often that we think. Probably, Americans can condemn such questions. But I really want to understand that Americans think about . Only honestly, please.

Oops.. you're right I didn't answer your question..  quite honestly with 17 years difference no one here in Italy seems to bat an eye..  In the US I've been kidded a couple of times by good friends that I robbed the cradle..

I guess the reaction is somewhere between reserved and envy.

Offline jb

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2006, 01:16:06 PM »
No one has ever mistaken my wife for a daughter, much less a granddaughter~!

Usually we expect to see 10-15 years age gap as somewhat normal.  With the exception of a certain class of people, it is usual for a man to wait until he is out of college and established in a good job before he considers marriage.  The woman he selects is probably going to be in her early 20s when that happens.  Sometimes it's fun to date much younger women, but the average man doesn't marry such a girl.

Regarding AM traveling to Russia when he gets older, let's face it, most of us are divorcees and no longer in this game for the first time, much of those reasons may be related to being geographically undesirable.  During my single years I did some internet dating and had no trouble attracting much younger, and often very pretty ladies, the problems arose when we began discussing who was going to quit their high paying job, disrupt their career, and relocate to a new town.  Local demographics also play a huge roll in finding a suitable mate around your home town, for example, I live in a predominantly Mexican town.  I have nothing against Mexicans, but Mexican women usually have 4-6 children, a dozen grandkids, and are the size of a small truck by the time they are old enough to be interesting to a man my age.  I much preferred to marry within my own race, hence the Russian wife.




Offline Todd

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2006, 01:23:31 PM »
I think that it really does come down to optics and if a couple looks "right" together.   Kate is 26 and I am 38, but, when we are in a social setting most people assume that we are much closer in age because Kate is very mature for her age and I am...not.  Also, I think that staying in shape, rarely being in the sun, and not smoking or drinking has helped me look a few years younger.  

However, with that said, if Kate were 21, then that would likely be frowned on by friends and family as I do believe there is an absolute age as well as the gap needs to be considered.  For example, in twelve years, when I am 50 and Kate is 38, no one will likely bat an eye.

Offline Moscvichka

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2006, 01:29:10 PM »

My question was not only simply curiosity. My friend marriеd  American man. Her husband older her for 20 years. This girl writed to me, that she has started to feel bad from reaction of Americans. For example, its hairdresser has asked Is he your father... or in shop the seller has told How the beautiful your daughter ... And when they hear that they are the husband and the wife ...they speak WOW!!!
I can say that even Russians do not make comments something in such cases.

Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2006, 01:42:09 PM »
Moscovichka,

Yes, Americans tend to verbalize their thoughts much quicker than Russians (at least in public), but in the end they both likely have similar thoughts.

Tell your friend not to worry, laugh instead.


Offline TexasBoar

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2006, 03:43:00 PM »
This one also..  I must admit though they both look kinda happy.. kinda blows my theory away but we all know they had their respective reasons to smile and maybe that's quite ok.. after all it's many a mans' dream..  whattawaytogo..




Sometimes, whatever the gal's REAL motives, you just have to be happy you were in a position to fulfill them!  ;D

~Boar

Offline jb

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2006, 03:48:29 PM »
Yeah,,, and you just know that old duffer did it with a checkbook.  I'm green with envy.

Offline Michelangelo

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2006, 03:50:15 PM »
And he died happy, too!
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.  michelangelo

Offline jb

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2006, 03:53:30 PM »
I don't know about happy, but I'm sure he died poorer.

Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2006, 03:55:05 PM »
Sometimes, whatever the gal's REAL motives, you just have to be happy you were in a position to fulfill them!  ;D

~Boar

Boar,

Well Anna should have noticed the guy couldn't even afford a tie clip!

- or did he even notice it was missing?

 :o

Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2006, 03:57:03 PM »
I don't know about happy, but I'm sure he died poorer.

I don't think he really cares.

Offline jb

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2006, 03:58:01 PM »
All of us know who Anna Nicole Smith is, but do any of us remember her old duffer husband's name?  I for sure don't.

Offline Gator

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2006, 04:14:35 PM »
I do not think Howard Marshall was happy.  Anna (I saw this in a video of the two) did not allow him to sleep with her because he urinated in his sleep. 

I guess the old goat liked sleeping in the buff and refused a diaper.

There is a joke there somewhere, except that it is sad.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2006, 04:17:27 PM by Gator »

Offline SANDRO43

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #17 on: October 23, 2006, 04:19:08 PM »
Large age differences are often condoned, at least in Europe, when the husband is a public figure and/or a respected personality. Cases like Picasso's, Andrés Segovia's, etc. come to mind.

And, of course, Charlie Chaplin (39 years' difference):
Quote
In 1942, Oona O’Neil turned down an opportunity to attend Vassar, and traveled to Hollywood to pursue an acting career. It was there that she first met Charlie Chaplin. Oona auditioned for one of his films, but did not get the part. However, in 1943 she got something entirely different; she became married to Charlie Chaplin. Oona’s father, not surprisingly, did not approve, and cut off all communications with her. Oona dropped all plans of becoming an actress upon her marriage to Charlie Chaplin. Unlike his previous marriages, Charlie’s marriage to Oona was a match made in heaven, despite their age differences—he was 56 years old, and Oona was only 17. Despite this, they were inseparable and devoted to each other.
Milan's "Duomo"

Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #18 on: October 23, 2006, 04:21:08 PM »
I do not think Howard Marshall was happy. 

I guess that's one aspect that will become apparent to us when we're 89..



Offline BC

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Re: Question from Moscvichka
« Reply #19 on: October 23, 2006, 04:27:37 PM »
Large age differences are often condoned, at least in Europe, when the husband is a public figure and/or a respected personality. Cases like Picasso's, Andrés Segovia's, etc. come to mind.

And, of course, Charlie Chaplin (39 years' difference):

I think Picasso's experience with Olga may open some eyes..

 

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