Help for a newbie - A little bit lost

[alarm_man]

I have not yet taken the plunge and written to any girls.  I have spent a lot of
time reading and looking at pictures, but this will get me knowhere.

I have the possibility to fly to the Ukraine, maybe every 2 months for 6 months,
but only for a long w/end each time.

Do I "Just go!" and take it from
there…….

My intention was to use an agency in somewhere like Vinnitsa (about 4 hours from
Kiev),   try and find and write to 3 or 4 girls getting down to 1 or 2 to meet
(Plan B go to agency and find girls 3 and 4). Go out for my long weekend and
take it from there.

Would Vinnitsa be considered going off the main track?

I’m hoping the fact that I can go out soon will help, and that as I will be able
to repeat the trip soon, I can really build on any relationship.

My biggest problem is finding the right agency, as they all seem to offer
different services.  I'm interested in Bogdana.net but have found no references to them.  Has anybody used them, got an opinion?

Also the girl MUST have some level of English, but I will probably need a
translators help.

I’m not rich, and a bit overstretched at the mo, however, I think this might
work, but would like the thoughts / experience of the users of the forum to help
me make sure that I will get  the best use of my resources.

I’m early 40’s (looking , mid thirties)
I’m looking for the one, not a one night stand
30 – 35 (Although I have been peeking at the 28-30….)

Thanks for any help,
Andy

[Kuna]

I have not yet taken the plunge and written to any girls.  I have spent a lot of
time reading and looking at pictures, but this will get me knowhere.

I have the possibility to fly to the Ukraine, maybe every 2 months for 6 months,
but only for a long w/end each time.

Do I "Just go!" and take it from
there…….

My intention was to use an agency in somewhere like Vinnitsa (about 4 hours from
Kiev),   try and find and write to 3 or 4 girls getting down to 1 or 2 to meet
(Plan B go to agency and find girls 3 and 4). Go out for my long weekend and
take it from there.

Would Vinnitsa be considered going off the main track?

I’m hoping the fact that I can go out soon will help, and that as I will be able
to repeat the trip soon, I can really build on any relationship.

My biggest problem is finding the right agency, as they all seem to offer
different services.  I'm interested in Bogdana.net but have found no references to them.  Has anybody used them, got an opinion?

Also the girl MUST have some level of English, but I will probably need a
translators help.

I’m not rich, and a bit overstretched at the mo, however, I think this might
work, but would like the thoughts / experience of the users of the forum to help
me make sure that I will get  the best use of my resources.

I’m early 40’s (looking , mid thirties)
I’m looking for the one, not a one night stand
30 – 35 (Although I have been peeking at the 28-30….)

Thanks for any help,
Andy

G'day Andy, and welcome to RWD.

I'm a newbie myself but maybe if I shared a few of my early decisions you'll see some similar questions you're currently contemplating.

Please keep in mind I AM a newbie and I'm still waiting my departure date for my first trip.

OK...  now that the disclaimers are out of the way...   

Where to search...
When choosing a place to go it's probably best looking at your own hometown first.

I think success in finding a beautiful partner could turn into difficulty if she's from a small town and moves to a big city, or vice versa. I decided to try to stick to larger cities because my hometown has a population of about 1.5 million.  A girl from a very small town might find the change a bit overwhelming and I don't think we need to introduce any more challenges than necessary in this journey.

Vinnitsa isn't often mentioned in here but what I will say to you is that us newbies should expect domestic travel to be a challenge.  There are people that can help you find the right train/bus etc to get to your destination, but if you have limited time, and you're from a bigger city it may be best sticking to Kiev or Dnepropetrovsk so you can avoid wasted time on travel.

I think you can get direct flights into Lviv too... but I'm not certain.

How much time...
Spending 3 days every two months for a total of 3 trips would give you enough time to "meet" a girl.  Building the necessary knowledge and comfort you'll both need would take more time I think.  My personal plan is a trip of 2 weeks in Ukraine spending 3-4 days with 2 girls I've been writing to and then returning to my favourite girl for a week or so.  My return date is flexible so if it feels warranted I would extend for up to another week.  I've already decided to return for a month in summer IF I meet the right girl and then I think I'll be returning before Christmas. 

One of the difficult things in this pursuit for me is planning my "get to know you trips" more than 12 months in advance.  Things might move more quickly, they may not, what I expect is that I will need substantial time before I am comfortable enough to propose marriage.

How do you intend meeting the girls?
You haven't mentioned if you're intending writing to girls first or whether you'll be an agency trip like recently reported in Avi8ors recent trip report.  the process you're going to follow probably has a lot to do with how things will turn out.

The typical approaches are:

WMVM = Write to many, visit many
WMVO = Write many, visit one
WOVO = Write one, visit one
and write NONE and do the "agency thing" to meet many in a short period of time.

I think the approach probably depends a lot on your personality and the time you have available.  Most in here would say visiting one girl is risky though because no matter how much correspondence you have you might arrive and just not feel the chemistry.

As for agencies... be very careful and be very careful of anyone you correspond with... ESPECIALLY if they contact you.  BillyB is a fan of bride.ru   They don't offer any services other than addresses etc but it seems like a BIG database of lovely ladies.

My only advice
I really shouldn't be giving advice but I would say to you that it's really important to have a clear picture of what you want in a future partner.  (Age and life experience, education, profession, will she need to work, does she already have children, do you want more, etc are all more important than what she looks like.)

I wrote my "wants" down and have regularly done a status check to make sure I wasn't getting carried away in the fantasy.  You'll also need to be patient and flexible.  What I've found is that you can have whatever firm plans in mind that you want but when it comes to arranging your trips you'll need to go into the process being happy to vary plans if needed.

Final piece of advice...  This is an adventure and if you pin "success" on finding a wife you may rush things or make poor decisions along the way.  Most of us are goal oriented but my personal feeling should be a goal of "reciprocated love, understanding and respect", NOT just getting married.

I've learnt a lot about myself during the correspondence and planning phase so I'm already pleased with my decision to meet girls in Ukraine.  Don't rush the fantasy and always remember that there are people who will try to defraud you, but there are genuine ones that may be incompatible too.  I think if we all enter the process being cautious and we maintain our dignity throughout we'll reach a destination that we're going to be happy with.

Good luck and feel free to post MANY questions to RWD.  You'll find the "old heads" in here are filled with an amazing amount of knowledge.  Sometimes you'll see them get a little grumpy but the truth in any form is better than fiction.

Oh,  be sure to look at the archives... there's mountains of info in there!

Cheers, and best of luck!

Kuna

[DKMM]

Hello Andy,

I can offer this, in my opinion there is no way to know what this is really like without giving it a try first.  What I mean is, you need to go with some sort of plan and not worry about it being the best plan.  Most any plan will do as long as it involves meeting some ladies.  After that, you will understand what this realy entails and have a better idea of what angle of attack to take the next time.

I say that because you are already going to go for a long weekend?  well you can't really meet someone and get to know them very well for a few days.  So, if you can have success writing some ladies beforehand and meeting them when you arrive that is best.  But if you can't, pick a city, find an agency (or guide) and meet some ladies.  Then you will know...

Why haven't you taken the plunge and written to girls?  You should do this first and foremost.  If you are worried that it costs to much then forget it altogether.  Best money I ever spent was the little I've spent to write some ladies.

[Turboguy]

I agree with DKMM.   Write some girls.  Write lots of girls.  If nothing else it will help you to learn first had what the girls are like, what areas you might want to visit.  You will start to understand more of the mentality of a RW.

Vinnitsa might be a good choice because I don't hear a lot of guys talking about going there and yes, it is 4 hours by car from Kiev which makes it fairly convenient.   I have been to Vinnitsa for a short time and it is a nice city.   There were lots of girls there looking for a guy.  Another town that has lots of gals that I don't hear people talking about it Krivoy Rog.  I have been there also and there are lots of beautiful gals there. 

My suggestion is write some gals.  Try to learn a little Russian.  It may help you a big and even with a little the gals you meet will be very entertanined by your efforts to speak a little.  (It is not a must but when you can read street signs and know what the word restaurant looks like when you see it on a building and are hungry it can help a little.   Try your long weekend thingy and see how it works for you.   A long weekend with the right gal will tell you a lot.   

One other tip is spend all the time you can here.   Good Luck!

[Bruce]

You are flying there a lot over the next year, right?  You have little experience.  Call Jack and get his opinion about what agencies are legitimate and how he may be able to help you out.  Forget about writing one single letter.  When you get to town, visit the local agencies in the city / city you are visiting.  Leave them a letter telling about yourself and a decent photo of yourself.  Go through the agencies books.  See what girls really are available and which ones interest you.  Let them contact the girls you are interested in and then the ones who are mutually interested in you may be worth meeting, if you have not found a bunch on your own over time anyway.  Learn the language best you can and communicate with those around you.  Chances are when you see a girl you are attracted to you can find out about her and things may work out.  If you are a decent looking, normal guy you should be able to attract and hold a girl 25 to 32 at your age.  Do not be afraid and expect the best.

[jb]

Andy,

The only question I have is; where are you flying from?  If you are in Europe or the UK it isn't a bad trip for a weekend.  If you are coming from the U.S. you will be hammered by jet lag and prolly not be thinking clearly.  Not, IMHO, the best place to be making potentially life altering decisions, if you get my drift.  Perhaps you could see your way around the time limitation to do a longer first visit to get your bearing with a clear head.

[Gator]

Alarm_Man,

When you say "overstretched", just when will your head be above water?  As a minimum you will need $10,000 to get this done.  And she will need much of your time when she arrives.  Women who have signed with an agency are thinking in terms of moving in one year, not struggling with a 3-year, long-distance relationship.

Do you have business in Vinnitsa?  There are better places, but Vin. may be a small pond with lots of fish and few fishermen.

JB makes a wise comment.  Short trips could hamper your thinking, and you will never look your best. 

OK, JB, if prolly makes it to PBS, I will say I first heard it from you!

[alarm_man]

Wow,  Thanks for all the tips!

To answer some questions I'm in the South of France, and I should be able to get airline staff rates for the next 6 months, hence the possibility of muliple trips.

I run my own business so being away more than a few days could be a problem (at the same time as the tickets are open, if I get no work related phone calls I can't deal with then I could easily extend my trip by several days....

(The business is fairly new and I am training up some backup help)

Thanks for all your suggestions Kivoy Rog has also popped up a few times, so its:

1.  Search for girls in one of the tw cities
2.  Write to several#
3.  Book a flight
4.  Ask lots of questions before going
5.  Have a nice time, if it works out great, if not I should at least have a pleasent break.

Once again thanks for all your help,

Ciao,
Andy

[Shadow]

Andy, as you are from the South of France I would suggest a different method, one that worked for me.

1. Write many women in locations you think are fit
2. Narrow them down to several that you think you have the best contact with
3. Make a weekend trip visiting one at a time until you find one interesting enough to explore further.

To meet several women over a weekend trip seems more like job intervies than dating.
And two or three days is short enough not to kill each other while long enough to explore your options together.

FYI: I am Dutch

[Kevin L]

Alarm_Man

When you say long weekend, what do you mean ?

Going there for only 3 - 4 days at a time will wear you out very quickly.

Can you go for a week at a time ?

Many men spend a month at a time over there.

I think you would have better luck if you were there longer with each visit.

Thanks
Kevin L

[Gator]

AlarmGuy,

Considering your clarification, I like what Shadow suggested.

If you do it, good luck with your tour of Ukraine cities.