I copied it for you guys who are not able to get on that board / do not know it. "Subject: Failed MarriageI am posting this to the list as a form of closure. This is where the
journey began almost 6 years ago, and this is where it ends. I often
wondered what happened to the list members I knew from that period, how many
lived happily ever after, how many didn't. Not many guys want to admit
their failures, but thats where you learn the most.
In 1999, I courted and married a Kazakh girl. She was 28, as was I, we were
both inexperienced with relationships, having never lived with another
person in an adult relationship. She spoke little english, I little
Russian. It was a fairly typical courtship, in that we lived together for
almost six months in KZ before getting married.
Our first son was born shortly after we were married, in the USA. Our
second was born 2 years later in Kazakhstan where we were living at the time.
I learned to speak Russian, however my wife never mastered English.
We moved to KZ so she could be close to her parents, to help her with the
2nd baby, as I was often away working in the oil industry. The second
pregnancy was very difficult emotionally, and the situation didnt improve
afterwards. She was unhappy about being in KZ, wanted to be in America,
despite having felt alone and isolated there.
She felt I was the cause of her unhappy life, although by most standards,
she had little to complain about. Our apartment in KZ was a beautifully
remodeled, central 5 room apt. She never had to work, had her mom and a
maid to help her, and we would take trips overseas about twice a year. She
has never lacked for money. But she began taking her unhappiness out on me,
becomeing very more angry and abusive towards me.
We separated for 5 months, however it did not help in the long run. Last
year we separated for good.
There are lessons here I think can be of use to the list:
1)No matter how "good" your situation or initial courtship, it doesnt
guarantee good results in the long term.
2)Her culture contributed little to our marital strife...of far more
importance was her family situation (my wife was basically an immature,
spoiled little girl, thanks to her parents).
I learned a great deal from my marriage, about myself, about life, about
women. I learned Russian, and my understanding of the FSU and the people is
extensive.
However, here is the thing that I have learned in the aftermath that has had
the greatest impact, and that if I had known at the get go, would have
perhaps saved my marriage, if such a thing was possible:
In order to be successful with women, whether in casual or long term
relationships, you must understand the dynamics of seduction and attraction.
I was a needy, desperate, unattractive, shy guy, and thought that a Russian
bride was the answer to my inability to meet women. In a way it was...I
met, courted and fell in love with a beatiful girl. It was even easy.
What I didn't understand, was that THE COURTSHIP NEVER ENDS. The need for
maintaining a level of attraction and for lack of a word, fire, never ends.
Women, I have learned, have a biological need to find a strong man, a
protector and provider. Much of what we men consider illogical behavior
makes sense when seen in this light: women are constantly testing men for
the qualities of strength and dominance, ESPECIALLY Russian women. I failed
these tests too often, by "giving her space", being a "nice guy", and
giving her anything she wanted, even though I got nothing in return. She
did not want that- she wanted a man who challenged her and controlled the
relationship despite her attempts to control him. In the end, I lost her
respect as a man because of this. When she said to me "You are weak.", I
knew it was over.
Since then I have studied the art of seduction, and the psychology of women.
I'm no better looking than I was before, but now I attract beautiful women,
and my relationships are far more successful. I am no longer the
supplicating nice guy who let a woman control him. Not only am I happier,
but the women I have relationships with are happy. This is not to say I am
an arrogant jerk- far from it. Think Cary Grant, not Andrew Dice Clay, and
you get the picture.
There is an ebook, written by a former playboy who is married to a Russian
woman. Despite the price, I recommend it as essential reading for any man
thinking of embarking on this quest. His book is available at
http://www.franco-seduction.com/book.htmFinally, let me say this: Russian women embody the best and worst in the
female of the species. I have never lost my respect for them despite my
experiences.
They are incredible.
Jim
Constanta, Romania"
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