Why did Columbus sail to America?

[IAmZon]

(occasionally I make a post that is selfishly intended to clarify my own thinking. I believe there is value to other's is such considerations - even the simple ones.   So, please participate if you feel inclined.  Ignore, if you feel this is redundant, hesitant, or unnecessary.  I can understand that point of view ABSOLUTELY)

I found this site as I was trying to determine the truth, or falseness, of the Marriage Agency claims.  I was fresh off a long term relationship.  I was trying to define my orientation as a single guy.  For those of you who never spent money at www.hotrussianbride.com or www. Anastasia. com - let me save you a couple of hundred / thousand bucks.  That is an illusion.

But the Possibility is not ...  not n e c e s s a r i l y.

Much of this board's value comes from the strong comments that are intended to stop men from becoming delusional.  I GET IT!  It is not easy or normal for an unattractive, old male to fairly capture the romantic interest of a young, attractive, and intelligent female - all other things being equal.  Hence, scams; and the endless discussions centered on RW true intentions; age gaps; and league.

That does not describe me, or my situation.

I have changed greatly over the past several moths.  I went from chasing a sexy young FSU woman to being chased. I have also more actively begun dating in the US - not just FSU immigrants, either.  I was superior at the dating game in my youth.  I am becoming so again. Things are a little different now, but age gaps, league, and the other superficial considerations are not a BIG problem, even in the US.  I don't NEED to travel half way across the world and negotiate the clash of cultures to find a suitable mate.

I understand the costs and difficulties only on the surface.  I am certain they are great.  So, while I have enjoyed the FSU ladies I have dated ... I had hoped to chart a more domestic direction - a safer bet. 

But it is useless. The possibilities nags and bite at me. I seem to be possessed with this "calling" whose origin I cannot determine.  I am not from Russian family heritage?  Did not study the language in college? Never been to the place!  The only thing I can think of is that I cried during the movie Doctor Zhivago! And that was little strange for me.

Can anybody relate to this?   Can anyone add a little sobriety?  I thought that going cold turkey would do it.  But, it seems that I am more or less back to where I began.

[2tallbill]

(occasionally I make a post that is selfishly intended to clarify my own thinking. I believe there is value to other's is such considerations - even the simple ones.   So, please participate if you feel inclined.  Ignore, if you feel this is redundant, hesitant, or unnecessary.  I can understand that point of view ABSOLUTELY)

Can anybody relate to this?   Can anyone add a little sobriety?  I thought that going cold turkey would do it.  But, it seems that I am more or less back to where I began.

If you don't have a strong desire to embark on this process then don't do it. It's difficult and expensive and the path is surrounded by moats filled with alligators. I have been to the FSU five times and have been bitten by the bug so to speak.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

Bill

Sorry about mixing all the metaphors

[Markus]

rivardco,

I would say welcome, but you have more posts than I do.

Your post if mainly of "mixed" comments with a conclusion of your questions. So, I have some questions for you and some comments. My responses may seem sporadic, but I'm simply following your thought process.

You state: I found this site as I was trying to determine the truth, or falseness, of the Marriage Agency claims.  I was fresh off a long term relationship.  I was trying to define my orientation as a single guy.  For those of you who never spent money at www.hotrussianbride.com or www. Anastasia. com - let me save you a couple of hundred / thousand bucks.  That is an illusion.

What does, "That is an illusion mean?" Have you lost money or have you got to the point to where you want to try a site to find a lady? You know what you want to say, so why not just say it?

You underline this quote: But the Possibility is not ...  not n e c e s s a r i l y. What the heck does this quote mean?

Next you state: Much of this board's value comes from the strong comments that are intended to stop men from becoming delusional.  I GET IT!  It is not easy or normal for an unattractive, old male to fairly capture the romantic interest of a young, attractive, and intelligent female - all other things being equal.  Hence, scams; and the endless discussions centered on RW true intentions; age gaps; and league.

Unfortunately, some of the experienced folks would leave you to believe that what you are doing is wrong (perhaps I am in this post).  Sometimes these folks are correct on the obvious, but many times they are not, such as I may not be correct on my advice in this post. But, I think it's easy for an older man in his upper 40s lowers 50s to get a 20-25 FSUW. So is your point trying to convey the fact that you're not older or that you're not going for a young lady? Just say it.

Ah, I just saw that you have been dating RW immigrants. Dang, do you live in a school of them? What makes you think that if you cannot make it work with a RW living in your country that you can make it work with a lady who lives in Russia. The effort is much more difficult in dating a RW than dating a lady in your country. But, you have been chased by a RW so you must be a "lady's man." Unfortunately, the RW I know wait for the guy to pursue them.

You state: I don't NEED to travel half way across the world and negotiate the clash of cultures to find a suitable mate.  I have to agree with you here because you can't even post without stating your point. Dang, if you had to communicate with a lady who has never lived in the U.S.

Now you state: I understand the costs and difficulties only on the surface.  I am certain they are great.  So, while I have enjoyed the FSU ladies I have dated ... I had hoped to chart a more domestic direction - a safer bet.  So since you have just stated the quote above this quote, have you changed your mind in between paragraphs and now you are considering going to the FSU to find a lady? It's either yes or no. There's no in between and mixed messages are confusing to everyone. Otherwise, your course is only ladies in your country. You know, it's like doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So, You have already ruled out going to the FSU to find a lady; Are you hoping to find an immigrant?

All I can say is I would suggest taking some time to learn what you want. Going for an FSUW is not for those who don't know what they want. If you are wishy washy going into this process, don't expect much. This process is for men who want to find a lovely lady as a wife. And your mixed messages in this post leads me to think that you should consider greatly this endeavor.

Mark

[Mir]

I don't NEED to travel half way across the world and negotiate the clash of cultures to find a suitable mate.

No one needs to do it. The only thing one needs to do it to keep breathing, eat/drink and shit. Everything else is optional.

[Jumper]

Sometimes you climb the mountain ,just because its there

that might explain you still having a nagging thought about this endeavor..

i've jumped quite a few foolish things, cliffs, canyons ,roads etc..  just because i wanted to for some reason i couldnt explian..even to myself - there was noone to see it.. nothing but the satisfaction of knowing i did it.and the adreneline rush of the unknown.

now this is  a very poor arse reason to date across an ocean ,with thoughts towards marriage.
(and it wasn't mine)

but in human motivations, it could be that simple.

[SANDRO43]

Can anybody relate to this?  Can anyone add a little sobriety?  I thought that going cold turkey would do it.  But, it seems that I am more or less back to where I began.

Maybe, if you were a little more coherent .  What is your problem, finding an "FSUW Anonymous" ? And what has Columbus got to do with it, since he was "trying to find the East by way of the West" ?

[Kuna]

Rivardco,

Nice to see you back in RWD!

I think we've discussed before but the issue after the ending of a LTR is waiting.  It's not waiting before going into a marriage with a RW or a AW... it's waiting until you're ready.

You might feel ready... but maybe you're just more ready than you were a month ago or three months ago.

When you're ready you won't feel any hesitation committing to a relationship and then it won't matter if it's a RW or a AW.

For me???  My last LTR was a 4 year one... volatile... fun... incredibly exciting at times...  but I always KNEW it wasn't going to last because I met her when I was STILL getting over my 10 year marriage.

After the "4 year fling" it took me 3 years of stuffing around.. dating.. chasing... closing... taking ridiculous impromptu weekend trips with different girls to Vanuatu, Fiji and New Zealand.  Finally when I felt I was ready I made a decision... researched the options, set and plan and booked a ticket.  It was the best ting I EVER did!

You're dating former FSUW at home now and you're probably wondering how many other incredible girls are over the pond.  THERE'S MILLIONS... and thousands that would consider marriage to a WM.  The thing that struck me during my trip was that a guy could go stir crazy checking out the next "hot babe".

I personally think you SHOULD go to FSU for a HOLIDAY.  Go to Kiev... you'll have a great time.  During your trip drop in on ScottinCrimea and have a beer...  maybe meet a girl...  but I doubt you're actually ready for a 1000 mile an hour whirlwind trip through FSU to find a wife.

Take your time... have a break... enjoy the culture... experience the things that you can't understand from web sites or discussion boards.  It'll clear you head and let you know if it's something you REALLY want to do or something that you feel like doing from time to time.

You'll have a ball... AND it might get you closer to where you want to be.

Kuna

[I/O]

Can anyone add a little sobriety?  I thought that going cold turkey would do it.  But, it seems that I am more or less back to where I began.

Rivardco: I think I can add some sobriety, but it isn't me that matters here, it's you.  Basic way to sober up is get off the schit you're on.  I thought early on that you would be one of the guys who would "Get it" as you suggest in your post, but to be frank you're kinda reminding me of a chicken with it's head cut off.  Ya know how the tear around in never decreasing circles and eventually just collapse in a heap?

What you haven't "Got" through your involvement here is the thing which many have told you time and again and that is, FFS DO IT.  You are making the classic mistake that the "New Breed" of freshmen seem to be making quite commonly and that is, trying to "Over think" the whole thing. 

I noticed a couple of years back how flippant anyone was about the process whom I saw or met whilst I was in Russia and other places and frankly I was "Gobsmacked" and yes there is still many of them, but I now notice those who are trying to "Get Smart" about the whole thing and there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself, but the new mistake I see is the "Ultra Analysts".  It just ain't rocket science.

I/O

[Markus]

I don't NEED to travel half way across the world and negotiate the clash of cultures to find a suitable mate.

He's already stated his current situation. He doesn't have to do this. Why encourage a man that can't state his position clearly to go try and get an FSUW? And go to a bar to try and meet an FSU?  That's some smart advice. He is totally confused. He's the last man to recommend to go meet an FSUW.

Mark

[Daveman]

Can anybody relate to this?   Can anyone add a little sobriety?  I thought that going cold turkey would do it.  But, it seems that I am more or less back to where I began.

I can relate Rivcardo.  For me it's a yearning.  A call of destiny if you will. It's.. well... something.  Something magnetic which drew me in this direction and continues to draw me. That path which has always been there, sometimes fading from view yet always returning - perhaps placed before me by some kind of unfathomable culmination of fate, destiny, desire, dreams - a fusion of the diffuse - yet words are not truly available for proper description.  For me it began about 26 years ago when the situation was impossible.  I tried to put it out of my mind, but never quite could because it resurfaced at different times. When the time was right, I knew it.

No, the possibility is not an illusion.  Perhaps many of the promises made by some of the dubious sites are illusions... nothing but will o' the wisps in the distance - tempting and leading those who dreamily follow ever closer to some emotional or financial blunder, but the possibility of making this venture a success is not illusion.  Yes this board is filled with great practical advice, but it doesn't quite explain why you feel the magnetic pull - a 'how to' when you are wondering 'why'.  I think I understand where your mind is at, but quite possibly not.  All I can say about it is... perhaps there is a reason you can't shake it, even cold turkey.  Perhaps a greater awareness awaits you, to blend with your own... and perhaps she is also pondering why.  Perhaps our path chooses us sometimes, more than we realize.

Dave

[Gator]

Considering the mood of your post, I assert that if you go, you will go as a traveler, not as a desperate lonely man looking for a wife.  In the frame of mind of a traveler, you will experience more, and you will enjoy your adventure.  You will mingle with the people.   If you are nice to them, they will give you a close look at their life, their land and their culture.  Just be honest with the women about your intentions.

[I/O]

He's already stated his current situation. He doesn't have to do this. Why encourage a man that can't state his position clearly to go try and get an FSUW? And go to a bar to try and meet an FSU?  That's some smart advice. He is totally confused. He's the last man to recommend to go meet an FSUW.Mark

The point is for him to get off his arse and go, have a look around.  There is a lot more to do in Russia than chase women.  Personally I think the biggest mistake too many make is being too "Woman Focused" in the first place.  I have long been of the opinon that if "Women" is the ONLY reason to travel then one's thought process needs some re-examining.

My rationale here is that if one is only interested in the travel as a means of finding a partner, then there will be problems later because it is more than obvious that she will want to travel home from time to time.  What happens then if he is not interested? Maybe I am off the wall here, but my hooking up with my now fiance' is as a result of travel, not the other way around.  :noidea: :noidea:

I/O

[Gator]

but my hooking up with my now fiance' is as a result of travel, not the other way around.

Almost the same for me.  Except I made it 50-50.  I would not have gone without the lure of women nor would I have gone without something interesting other than women to see and experience.

You Aussies are more of travelers than most.  I recall the Aussies in their "caravans" touring Europe in the late 1970s (some were on a year-long tour).  Some interesting Sheilah's on their own. 

[IAmZon]

A man crosses an ocean, or climbs a mountain, because that particular goal speaks to him.  I was concerned here as to the origin of that voice.  I thought others could relate, and some have done so.  This is sort of a support group.   (God knows you can't just talk to anyone about this.  It just does not come out right:)

I hold a special seriousness to this proposition ... I don't know why.  Perhaps it is because the women I have met and talked with: they seem very strong, romantic, honest, and - in some sense, innocent ... certainly something different. Jack Bragg, a senior member here and very knowledgable, named his service "First Dream".  The name of his service is intended to echo back to a man's first dream of romance and finding the "right" women.  That sort of sums it up for me too.

And, yes, guys I am going ... I have always known I would.  But to me I also know that this will not be just a vacation, no matter how I intend it to be.  It is more than probable that one decision will put into motion many others.  (has anyone taken full note of my friend, Kuna, and how his life has changed at the speed of light?)

I think it is wise to fully consider, and be prepared to accept, what one will find. 

It is interesting that I have found three FSU immigrant bioms here in the US: Brighton Beach, NY; Queens, NY; and North Port, FL.  It is not like I looked, they just popped up around me.  I experience a connection with these people (man, women, and child) that is exciting and without artifice.  (perhaps it is because I am so interested in them).  After speaking with a new immigrant from Russia, or the FSU, I always receive generous and warm invitations for dinner (or to introduce me to their friend Olga).  I always here from their lips, "Teem, you are not like most Americans."  I think that says more negative about my countrymen, than positive about me

[I/O]

You Aussies are more of travelers than most. 

Yeah....!!  Well that's the price ya pay for living way out near the arse of the earth.  If one wants to see anything, one has to travel and a long way at that.  But hey, it works for us. I have a little smile when I hear people whinging and grizzling about a 10 hour flight from JFK to Kiev.  Oh how I wish. 

I/O

[wxman]

Because the world is round. And it you travel long enough, you will end up where you started. Such is the meaning of life. That, and of course, the silly walk. 

[Jet]

A man crosses an ocean, or climbs a mountain, because that particular goal speaks to him.  I was concerned here as to the origin of that voice. 

I hold a special seriousness to this proposition ... I don't know why.  Perhaps it is because the women I have met and talked with: they seem very strong, romantic, honest, and - in some sense, innocent ... certainly something different.

My initial visit to Russia had some of these bass ackwards atributes as well. In my case, I already had the girl before ever stepping foot in Russia. In the VERY beginning, I knew the origin of the voice. I needed to find out if this incredible woman who taught me to look at the world around me from a whole different perspective was, in fact real, or simply a cyber illusion. People laugh or whatever, but for me there was a very real sense that I was embarking upon my destiny, not simply hopping a flight for a 2 week holiday in London. 5 years later I still feel that way.

And, yes, guys I am going ... I have always known I would.  But to me I also know that this will not be just a vacation, no matter how I intend it to be.  It is more than probable that one decision will put into motion many others. 

GO! You will either love it and become completely infected by Mother Russia or you'll hate it and it will be out of your system. win-win IMHO
(Judging from what I've seen of your sense of humor here on the board, you will love it - and then you'lll be doomed like the rest of us.  )

[catzenmouse]

GO! You will either love it and become completely infected by Mother Russia or you'll hate it and it will be out of your system. win-win IMHO
(Judging from what I've seen of your sense of humor here on the board, you will love it - and then you'lll be doomed like the rest of us.  )

To quote the great philosopher Edith Ann: "And that's the truth! THHHHPPPPTT!"

Ken (who happens to be very happy to be doomed by & infected with Chronic Incurable Rusophillia!)

[DKMM]

I'm completely and totally sucked in by this country and its people as well.  Its almost like in my life I was two people, pre and post Russia DKMM.  I just really hope my girl will want to visit home every year.

[IAmZon]

Thanks for your comments all.

Yep!?  That is about as much as one can get to go on ...

So, to recap ... please laugh AT me for how utterly stupid and groundless this seems to the right side of the brain:

Visited a Russian Club twice; dated a 3 FSU girls; and now I find it difficult to take AW seriously (looks, value system; character - again generalizing ... but that generalization is becoming broader and broader). 

My inner dialogue has a RWD componenet nowadays!

  So, when I am with a AW, and I see superficial gestures and petty conversations that ususally centers on the most superficial of things, or aimless complaining (has anyone seen Real Desparate Housewives of Orange County??  Duff and Tammy are friends of mine.  Duff is way cool; Tammy epitomizes?!?!?!?  EVERYTHING we hate), the blood concentrates and stops at my jugular ... I feel that I am misplaced and wasting my time.

I dated a FSU for several weeks, N (she had negatives too); who worked 50 hours as a paralegal in NY's financial district; supported herself; and took 12 hours college courses in the evening ... and was HAPPY, and felt blessed for the opportunity.  When I visited her, she made great preparations - millions of details that MOST AW would never consider.  On our second date, she said when she was with me she felt "proud" (that would have taken about 12 months, and the form of a confession with an AW:)  Love the directness, the poise, the confidence, the strength.

I also have observed a "survival of the fittest" mentality that may not be so good.  I see that there are degrees of commitment.  But, then again,  I have only dated rather young, attractive women, who are already in the US.  Believe me they have choices!

That's all I know.  Did not seem to be enough to justify such a radical direction, as the one I am considering.  But that's maybe all I get.  Still can't say I am ready to consider marriage  Need a couple more months ... a couple more trips around the track for that.  But it is comming.

[catzenmouse]

It still boils down to one thing.

If you don't go to the FSU you will really never be able to realize the difference!

Sure, you've got a taste here but that taste has been flavored by this country. If you want to know how good a vodka is do you try it in a mixed drink? Or, do you take it straight? Which one will give you the real flavor?

Ken