Removing obstacles...

[Infantryman]

Originally posted in another thread:


Hello everyone!  I'm new at this, only been corresponding for a few months now but have met some very nice women from the Ukraine.  One has really captured my attention and I thought it'd be great to call her with the help of an interpreter.  Well, to make a short story even shorter, it went horribly.  With it being the weekend I'll have to wait a couple more days before reading her thoughts about our "conversation."  Her English is poor and my Russian is nonexistent.  I will not be going to the Ukraine till early next year and have started taking Russian lessons twice a week.  That gives me a little bit of time to learn and I hope I find out I have a gift for languages!   Thing is, I'm real serious about my search.  I don't know if Liliya is the right girl for me or not, and won't know for a long time.  But, I want to remove as many hurdles to winning her heart as I can before we meet and, like I said, should it turn out we're meant to be together then be able to minimize the opportunities for failure.  (No, I'm not eloquent and hope that makes sense to someone other than myself.)  I've read a lot here about how important (or not) common language is to making a relationship work.  What I need to know, besides the obvious of looking only for English speaking women, is what do I need to do to succeed?  Taking Russian lessons? Check!  Being realistic in my expectations for a possible wife? Check!  What else would you recommend?  I'm 37 and corresponding with women in their late 20s to early 30s, really making sure they understand who I am and what I'm looking for in a potential wife at the very beginning and working hard to learn as much about the FSU as I can.  Divorce:  been there, done that, she got the t-shirt (and everything else.)  I'm really not interested in another divorce...  Thanks for reading all my noob questions.

Sincerely,
John

 

[philb]

It sounds as if you are trying to keep a level head about all of this.  My only advise is read and follow the 10 commandments (both sets ) don't believe the hype, get over there as soon as you can (sooner than next year if possible) and then take your time.  There are many different paths to "success" (wmvm, wovo, etc.) and all can be equally valid, follow the path you are most comfortable with.  Good Luck!

By the way, I think learning Russian can proove invaluable.  It is much easier to operate independantly if you can speak even a little bit. 

[Daveman]

Welcome to the board!
Lots of good background and info here to augment that level head. 

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?pid=21

Dave

[mirror]

Originally posted in another thread:


Hello everyone!  I'm new at this, only been corresponding for a few months now but have met some very nice women from the Ukraine.  One has really captured my attention and I thought it'd be great to call her with the help of an interpreter.  Well, to make a short story even shorter, it went horribly.  With it being the weekend I'll have to wait a couple more days before reading her thoughts about our "conversation."  Her English is poor and my Russian is nonexistent.  I will not be going to the Ukraine till early next year and have started taking Russian lessons twice a week.  That gives me a little bit of time to learn and I hope I find out I have a gift for languages!   Thing is, I'm real serious about my search.  I don't know if Liliya is the right girl for me or not, and won't know for a long time.  But, I want to remove as many hurdles to winning her heart as I can before we meet and, like I said, should it turn out we're meant to be together then be able to minimize the opportunities for failure.  (No, I'm not eloquent and hope that makes sense to someone other than myself.)  I've read a lot here about how important (or not) common language is to making a relationship work.  What I need to know, besides the obvious of looking only for English speaking women, is what do I need to do to succeed?  Taking Russian lessons? Check!  Being realistic in my expectations for a possible wife? Check!  What else would you recommend?  I'm 37 and corresponding with women in their late 20s to early 30s, really making sure they understand who I am and what I'm looking for in a potential wife at the very beginning and working hard to learn as much about the FSU as I can.  Divorce:  been there, done that, she got the t-shirt (and everything else.)  I'm really not interested in another divorce...  Thanks for reading all my noob questions.

Sincerely,
John

 

hello, Infantryman

It seems you found your girl already.And it is right time to overcome the language barriers.The best way if she will improve her Eenglish because English is more easier to learn and she needs not long time for do that.

You can learn Russian but not all Russian language.It is not necessary to learn grammar.You will never be perfect in Russian.

To know some often speaking Russian words are enough. Maybe to learn Russian alphabet can be your first step.

[Jumper]

Infantryman-

its likely
 never fun with a translator,,
but can you say why it was so *horrible*?

as a first phone conversation should be pretty light and not difficult?
even with the inconvience of a third party in the conversation?
i'm just curiuos why you felt it was so bad?


As far as learning some russian, i highly recommend it,,and as mirror pointed out learning cryllic will help a lot !
Some words are the same as english , and other share a root in latin or english ..
but in cyrllic they will not be familiar at all..even  if the word,its pronunceation and meaning are identical.so just a study of cyrllic alphabet can help you !


you seem to have  a good plan..

and yes a RW with decent  english will avoid a big initial obstacal.
many have overcome that one, but thats another whole debate.

[I/O]

I/M:  Nice to see a freshman come in with a touch of reality about him.  What to include in order to ensure success?  Impossible question.  What you can do is mitigate risks.  You seem to be targeting a suitable age group and that is IMO one of the keys.  Sure surprises come along and it is unwise to be completely closed to other options but you have to start somewhere.

I guess it depends a little on what your personal style is.  If you are the type of guy who is comfortable and able to meet several women on one trip, I would suggest you keep your communications rather "Arms Distance" before you meet or someone is likely to get hurt. OTOH, if for whatever reason you are somewhat convinced that you have found a gold nugget, then you have to do a lot of work to remove the questions which will be in both your and her mind. 

I think 3 ways telephone conversations are of very limited value.  If it is just a case of hearing each other's voice, then a phrase book each and a few words exchanged over the phone WITHOUT a terp is IMO the way to go.  You can't fall in love with pictures and words, but what you can do, if you are prepared to put enough effort in is develop something of an understanding if or not this is the TYPE of woman you might be really attracted to when you meet. 

The instant messangers and web cams are a big help in this regard because you can use an E-translator and communicate quite well.  But you will need to be very patient and devote a lot of time to it.  I honestly don't recommend starting a relationship with someone whom you can't communicate freely with, although I did just that.  Go figure.   It is very very hard work and you will need to be prepared to spend much more time and more trips getting to know this person. 

Your enemy is risk, you best weapon is time.  Use plenty of it and use it wisely.  Seek advice from the old hands here.  You will, as I have, find them extremely generous and frank with their opinions.  Start with the FAQ section and that will probably generate some specific questions relating to your particular situation.  The 'ol boys will answer you without hesitation. 

Success breed success, get beside and get information from those who have succeeeded.

All the best.

I/O

[Infantryman]

AJ:  Well, it started badly because my alarm didn't go off and the translator woke me up with Liliya already on the phone.  Having never heard a Russian Woman speak before, well, I think I was listening more to her words than trying to talk.  And Liliya was trying to get ready to go out with her girlfriends.  All this means it was a short (9.5 minutes) conversation where really nothing was said and she ended the phone call. :/  Now, if that conversation had been in English and I was speaking to an AW, it would have been quite clear that there was no interest.  Hopefully, as we have been corresponding for quite a while, it won't be the end of the relationship.   But won't be able to find out till probably Tuesday.   One thing in my favor, I'd already ordered flowers to be delivered tomorrow so....  We'll see.    

[Infantryman]

I/O:  Thank you for your post.   Yeah, I know there's no way to eliminate risk or ensure success.  But we can try and keep ourselves from being our own worst enemy.   New?  Yes.  Stupid?  No.     I have read an awful lot of this forum and book after book after book.   I admit, I'm a romantic who is drawn to the (albeit rare) stories of incredible, against the odds success stories here.  But my big head rules the rest of me, not the other way around.  =)  I've never been one to go out with multiple women at a time.  Usually just chase one around until it fizzles or she gets a restraining order.    I fully understand the risks involved in the WOVO approach as it has been repeated so many times on this board.  But, I'm in no hurry and can afford to visit at least a couple times a year.  Again, thanks for your advice!  Rest assured, I'll be around.

[I/O]

I/M: Against the odds?  All of this is a bit that way to be honest.  It is when people take stupid risks, fail and worse, don't seem to want to learn that I shake my head. 

I see you getting all kinds of advice all over and some of that is good.  Overall, you need first and last to be true to yourself.  You need to sift the advices and pick out the things which can be applied to your own style of doing things.

I/O
 

[Infantryman]

I/O:  If I'm not true to myself, who *can* I be?  I understand fully what you are saying and appreciate all the advice.  The hard part is sifting thru all the contrary advice.  I know I am more comfortable with one woman at a time, that's just how I am and always will be.  I also know that by wanting to concentrate on one lady that if it doesn't work out then what?  Well, being the big history buff that I am I'd be more than content to travel the area and soak up the history and wouldn't call the visit a complete loss.  Of course, I might not feel the same after the second visit.   I'm in no hurry and am really trying to keep a level head in all this, even though it is not nearly as easy as I would have hoped.  But then again, if it were easy, I wouldn't be here...

John

[Kuna]

John,

If you're going to WMVO all you need is a backup plan.  Take the contact details for a good agency in the city you'll be visiting and if it doesn't work out with the lady you're visiting drop into the agency and get them to set you up on a few days of "power-dating".

Have a look at the trip report by avi8tor to get a taste of what that'll be like.

If do that and meet a girl you like you can still get to know her after your return and progress the relationship on a future visit.

Kuna

[chivo]

I/M,

I also think that you should lower the age range some. Say 23-32 for instance. Increase the playing field and believe me you'll still be within an acceptable age range.

They're 1000's of women who would make a great wife in the 23-26 age range, so why discount them? Open yourself up to more possibilities because it's a numbers game.

I've met many a fantastic woman in that age group that not only would make a great wife, but are very ready for that kind of relationship. The other advise is good, if I can add anything else, it would be to expand and not discount a woman who's a little younger than the upper 20's. good luck

chivo