How to prepare your home for her arrival...

[MaxxumUSA]

OK...  My petition I129f was approved 06/04/2007 and we have our NOA2.  Reality has hit that she really will be coming here - in about 3 months.

I have tried to search for a sticky with some suggestions but I cannot find it.  If it exists, then please post a link.  If not, maybe we can make this thread a good sticky.

So...  Here are my questions/comments:

- I have lived as a single man for many years.  I own a home that is rather nice however I want to prepare for my Fiancee.

I am taking a lot of things that I know should be in storage, and putting them in storage.

Now comes the difficult part:  What to do to prepare, and what stuff should I wait for and do together with her.

For instance:

 - My walls could use a new layer of paint.  Do I wait and let her help deciding the colors, or do I just paint them only to find out she might want to repaint a different color?

 - My bedroom furniture has served me well as a single man.  Should I upgrade now so she has a place to put her clothes when she arrives, or should I wait until she arrives and let her pick out the bedroom furniture?

 - Window coverings.  Umm...  I'm leaving that for her.    I have acceptable for me for now and if I decided I'm sure to make the wrong decision.  She can change when she arrives.

 - landscaping decisions - I personally don't pay much attention.  I know I need to do something more as I still have set up previous owner had.  Do I take care of this now or wait for her input?

 - ???  What things am I leaving out?  I'm not talking about a $100,000 remodel, I am talking about making the home more comfortable for the two of us.

Please - input appreciated.  With the reality that she will be here soon I want to be sure she feels involved - but I don't want that when she arrives it seems I brought her here to work on the house.  Or do RW enjoy the responsibility?

I will ask Elena some of these things in the next day or so...  but I don't want to seem like a fool or offend her.  For instance...  "Honey, it's a good thing your coming before the snow falls, because the deck needs a fresh layer of paint!"  Hehe.  (It really does but I fully intend of taking care of that myself)

[ScottinCrimea]

Congratulations!  The interior of your house is now hers.  Clean out the bachelor clutter but otherwise leave it as it is and let her turn it into her own nest when she comes.  Just explain to her that you know it is not ideal and that you need her help in making it the perfect home for the both of you.  Especially with the bedroom furniture she will appreciate knowing that she is the first and only one to test the mattress. She will need something to focus on when she gets there and will have a ball changing everything.  It will solidify the idea that it is now her home also.  She probably won't have a clue about the yard and exterior of the house so stake your claim to those areas now and upgrade what you feel needs upgradng to your tastes, leaving a small garden area for her to beautify with roses or whatever she sees fit, realizing that down the road it will be your job to maintain it.

[MaxxumUSA]

Congratulations!  The interior of your house is now hers.

LMAO!

[Voyageur]

Maxxum,

If I were you, I would wait for Elena to arrive to make the designer decisions. Before my wife arrived, I stripped and refinished the hardwood floors and repainted the ceiling areas. These tasks were "dirty" tasks. They created dust all over and in the end - her choice of color or design would not have any effect on the ultimate design of the interior. Just be sure that you have enough money stashed for the remodeling effort. I plan out things pretty well but I seriously miscalculated the amount required for this  very important task.

I have also noticed that in the FSU countries, landscaping of private homes is quite crude compared to the US, so I would not worry too much about the outside.

Off-topic: IMHO home landscaping is bound to catch on in the FSU and would be a good investment opportunity right about now. Maybe now is the time I can work a deal with TurboGuy to open a franchise in the Northern Caucuses of Russia? 

[jb]

LOL,  I'm remembering when my wife arrived, within 24 hours she was rearranging the kitchen.  It seems we men just don't know how to organize anything.   I did some repainting and remodeling before she arrived and bought the new bed when we knew she had her interview date, for some reason RWs don't like to deal with the ghosts of previous lovers in old beds. 

The backyard garden contains an area for roses and a raised bed built of landscape timber for her herbs.  She has planted cucumbers and tomatoes in another section but it is still my job to run the tiller to prepare the ground for planting.

I'd agree that picking out curtains and drapes is absolutely women's work.  One of my wife's favorite stores is Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and has her own Home Depot credit card now.  Certainly, the house is her domain,,, I just get to sleep there and provide the manual labor.

[I/O]

Gee I can't half relate to all of this...!!! Good subject Maxxum.  For mine and I the discussion continues as I'm sure yours will/does also.  She was here for a few weeks visiting the first time and I tried a cunning little experiment based on the fact that she claims..."I is very economic"..!!

I suggested that regardless of our future, I would like to continue with a few upgrades and renovations.  This and that idea were mentioned and her response was "I am agreed, thinking dis is good with me".  So I prepared a small list of items I would need to purchase and away we went to various hardware stores and or other relevant retailers.  They might speak with an accent but they sure don't count with an accent...!!! After a couple of hours of checking prices and her being generally aghast, she curtly informed me, "Your houses is good now how it being"..!!!

Next stop.......Ladies apparel...!!! Go figure.

I/O

[MaxxumUSA]

Oh boy...  My bed is frighin awesome and I would hate to get a new one.  I just bought it last summer and the matress alone cost over a grand.

I suppose I could sell it and buy a new one if I need to.  She has not mentioned a new bed but now I can be prepared for this conversation since a few of you have mentioned it.

As for an all out "remodel" - that's not going to happen for another few months.  As some of you had read in another thread I started...  My corporation is recovering from some financial realizations.  Things are going well in that regard BTW but I am being responsible with my finances until I am well into the black again - about another 6 months.  We are blessed that I have enough money to visit again soon, and then fly out to pick her up during her interview period.  (Two more trips in the next 3 months)

I think we can make some significant changes with a little "Lipstick and Rouge" until that time.    The implants and tummy tuck (with the house) will happen later.  LOL

Jb...  I have a strange feeling she will be rearranging the kitchen as well.  I do enjoy cooking so this is sort of my domain but I think I will need to give up that whole idea.  She is a good cook and enjoys cooking also.

I don't know what to do about yard work.  It brings me no pleasure at all to dig around in the yard.  Once a year to till a garden - no problem.  But maintaining the flowers around the house I don't do very well.  Previous owner had a nice setup but it's time for an update.  Not sure what will happen with it.

I/O - Funny

[groovlstk]

Maxxum,

FWIW, our experience was similar to the other married folks above (although my wife didn't want a new bed, she insisted on new pillows, sheets, blankets, & comforter).

If I were you I'd leave everything as is, then let her take the lead in redecorating. Not only will it save you $$ in the long term since you won't find yourself replacing anything you might purchase just prior to her arrival, it will keep her busy and give her a sense of control in an environment that can be intimidating and overwhelming for her in the short term.

[macman]

Oh boy...  My bed is frighin awesome and I would hate to get a new one.  I just bought it last summer and the matress alone cost over a grand.

Congrat's on the success thus far.  Concerning the bed - I don't want an answer here, but she might.  Have you had other women in that nice bed?

[catzenmouse]

Sounds like you're covered pretty well advice wise. If the paint is really bad slap a quick coat of off-white on it so at least it has the appearance of being clean.

Clean everything, clean it again, hire someone to clean it, then one more thorough cleaning and when she gets here she'll clean everything (but maybe if your lucky she won't wrinkle her nose at how dirty you are)...

Ken

[KenC]

Maxxum,
Macman is right.  It doesn't matter how old the mattress is, it matters if you shared it with another woman.  My Russian wife never had such problems with ghosts of previous lovers on my mattress, but some do.  I would however, rid your place of photos of all ex's though.  She will find them no matter where you put them away eventually, but don't leave them too easily seen.

My wife was never into too much of the domestic stuff, but still cleaned and made a fuss over how men don't know how to do this or that, which is understandable.  She never really got into changing a lot of things at first either.  I tell guys to allow their new wife/fiancee to have a sense of being needed as she needs to know that she is indeed making your life better.  Good luck.
KenC

[MaxxumUSA]

Congrat's on the success thus far.  Concerning the bed - I don't want an answer here, but she might.  Have you had other women in that nice bed?

Well...  I will not answer other than this:  My Elena knows me very well already.  She will know it has been used.  We have not discussed this and I will not bring it up unless she asks.

[macman]

Well bro,

You are a lot further along in the process and adventure with your special lady. . .  Good luck and God bless.


1K for a matress - I wouldn't want to get rid of it either!!!

[Bluebell]

I agree with the above posters, except cleaning and getting rid of useless, old stuff, don't do any remodelling in the house. She will anyhow want to add her personality to it, and by doing so, she will feel more connected to her new home. Don't change even the bed, just be prepared that maybe you will have to  Not all women are so unreasonable to think they married little boys from kindergarden; knowing that you just recovered financially, would be somewhat selfish from her part to expect to invest in a new bed.

Saying that, I must confess that Coco and I have changed some furniture since got married. I loved the way his kitchen looked and didn't want to change anything but it just happened to fall in love with a French cupboard which we, you understand, had to buy. So did happen with a nice Louis Phillipe dining room and bedroom furniture  And since married, I discovered a new hobby: beautiful bed clothes. Already have a nice collection of it  Oh and chinaware! That's another chapter.

I too agree, don't leave at sight any pictures, letters, souvenirs which might remind her of previous girlfriends.

[BC]

Download instruction manuals in Russian for the major household appliances.. 

Or maybe not.. -our experiences along these lines here:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=390.msg7649;topicseen#msg7649

Be sure to fully explain dangerous things like garbage disposals.

[Simoni]

I agree with the above posters, except cleaning and getting rid of useless, old stuff, don't do any remodelling in the house.

Good post, Bluebell.  It's true-- don't remodel.  And do get rid of the old stuff that you don't need, and she certainly won't want around.

[MaxxumUSA]

On my last visit to Elena I had taken a video camera and showed her many things.  Drove the car around the neighborhood and town and countryside.  Also I gave a video tour of our home - inside and out.

So...  Last night we are talking (on webcam) about things and I asked her about painting the house.  I asked if she wanted me to wait for her to paint the house - of if she does not care then I would paint it by myself before she arrives.  She laughs and says she does not care.  I said great, then I will start painting this weekend.  We go on to talk about some other things and all of the sudden she stops talking and I can see in her face she had a mental thing going on.  She asks me "David...  Are you painting the inside or outside of the house?"  I say Inside.  She says INSIDE?  I said YES.  She says...  Don't paint that!  Wait for me!   Hehe...  she thought I was asking about the outside earlier and she did not care much about that.  But the inside she wants control over - fine with me.

Also in the conversation I was telling her about cleaning up.  She reminded me of the video and said basically to get rid of the "crap" (my word, not hers) laying around in me and my son's bedroom and the guest room.

So I have an employee and my mother and myself scrambling to organize and sort through years of "crap" accumulated.  It's amazing how much "stuff" a bachelor with  resources can accumulate.

I am no mommas boy by any stretch of the word but my mom has been invaluable the last few months since she retired.  I only say this because she deserves the props.

I certainly appreciate the advice that has been given here.  Keep it coming if you feel something has been left out.

[Bluebell]

Things that are not big deal and not related to remodeling, yet still can make her feel welcomed are: if you don't have flowers in the house, buy some nice pots of flowers (also, if not too late, plant some of her favourite flowers in the garden or yard). Buy her favourite shampoos and bath stuff and put them in the bathroom, her favourite perfume on the bedroom dresser, her favourite praline/chocolate on the bed, fill the fridge with her favourite food, asks what she prefers in computers and buy it before her arrival, subscribe for a newspaper especially for her (about which you know that can be useful for her), etc. If you have pictures of her family, cat, dog, etc, put them in frame and display on the desk, room or corner which will be her study. You can buy some books for her which shows that you think of her even while browsing books in bookshops:-)  Nothing which costs real money, just thoughtfulness, which will show that her leaving everything behind that she knew and loved to live with you is really a big thing for you as well 

[ScottinCrimea]

Wow!  great suggestions Bluebell!

[SANDRO43]

I think there's a glaring omission in Bluebell's list, considering the laudable fondness of FSUW for showers: a nice, fluffy bathrobe in her favourite colour .

Now, quite by coincidence I happen to possess such an item, untouched in its original wrapper and in a very suggestive red colour, that I acquired for € 12.90 a couple of years ago, in expectation of a visit that eventually did not materialise. Anybody interested   ???.

[Wayne B]

Dave, make sure to have Elena plenty of music to play....while she transforms her new home to 'cozy' just the way she likes it and please go through all and everything that suggest another woman......and to the trash with that....Russian women are very curious....just like a kitten .....Bluebell is giving you very good advise......and also listen to Ken's advise......Hope you have Elena home soon so that you two can be together everyday and start ya'lls new life together..... jb, also gave you good advise about a small vegetable garden.....Anna sure does like fresh tomatoes

[I/O]

bathrobe in her favourite colour .

No way...!!!  She bloody well stole mine on my last trip and she ain't getting another 300 friggen dollar robe.

I/O

[SANDRO43]

No way...!!!  She bloody well stole mine on my last trip and she ain't getting another 300 friggen dollar robe.

Serves you right for travelling with an ermine-lined robes .