need some advice

[dispozo]

Hi, Everyone

 I have met a RW on a on-line dating site. At first I was emailing AW it was my first try at on-line dating. I only sent out a few emails and no replies. So I decided to expand my search. I sent a couple more emails to some RW. I ended getting a reply from one of them.  It was a simple email asking about family,types of movies,interests. I went in not expecting much. So I'm here looking for advice about RW.

It has been about three months now. I feel things are good with us. We have just over a year age difference. I have asked for cell phone number, her home address, about her work. She has answered with easy. We have talk on the phone. I use the internet to find her work address. To send her flowers on her birthday. When asked she did say they call her before delivery. I use russianflora I didn't opt for a picture. I was uncomfortable with that. I was unsure how she would feel. She did send me at picture latter with her next to her desk with the flowers. I didn't ask for one, but very happy to see it.

Here are my concerns. She has been to the US and she has a friend here. I have know this with in the first month. Recently her friend has ask her to visit. She unsure she be able to go. She has not ask for help (money). I did say if she comes to the US I would like her to visit. We have chatted on-line since then a couple times, but on email yet.

I have hinted once and about ten day asked. If she would like me to visit her in her country. We have chatted on-line since then a couple times, but no email yet. Maybe I will no more with next email. I do have some doubts. So here are some questions.

I'm afraid that if she is for real and I ask her question that hints of her being untrue or scammer. I will lose the trust we have now, so how would you go about it?

Was I too soon to ask to visit?

Should I bring it up again if no repose in next email?

How should go about her friend asking her to visit should ignore it or encourager ?

Should tell up front that I will not help her?
(I wouldn't mind helping out once she is here, if wanted to visit me)

I have more but thats enough for now. Sorry for the long post. If you need more info. please ask.

Thanks for your help
dispozo

[Simoni]

I'm afraid that if she is for real and I ask her question that hints of her being untrue or scammer. I will lose the trust we have now, so how would you go about it?

Should tell up front that I will not help her?
(I wouldn't mind helping out once she is here, if wanted to visit me)

In this business, you need to be careful, Dispoza.  So yes, tactfully ask her any question you have.  And yes, you should verify she lives where she says she lives by getting the picture made when you send her flowers at her home address.

Don't tell her up front you won't help her.  Wait and see if she asks you for help.

How long ago was she in the US?  Did she come on a K-1 bride's visa?  How old is she?  Does she have children?  It's very difficult to get a visa, so her coming to visit a "friend" here is a red flag.

You have been writing her three months.  You like her.  So the best solution, in my honest opinion (IMHO) is for you to go visit her in her country.

Good luck!

~Simoni

[William3rd]

No money. Give her not one kopek to make her visit. Once she is here and wants to visit you, then pay for the domestic plane ticket. Otherwise, do it the old-fashioned way and fly to her country.

If you think it is the time to visit, then make plans to visit. Be very clear about what you want to do.

Other than that, you can post more details and ask more questions at your leisure

[Sohkay]

dispozo,
You need to go visit, if you're serious about this pursuit. You're also coming up on the time where prolonging your visit is not good.

What is your age dispozo?

Can you travel to see her?

And if you travel to see her, have some type of backup plan ready to put into action on a moment's notice, in case things don't work out when you meet in person.

But first, ask her how she would feel about you coming to her country to see her. Her answer to that question can be very telling.

Simoni and William3 also give you good advice.

[Mir]

So far she has not asked for any help to visit you, and she may never do this, so why worry about it?

If you do feel that she would need help then instead of sending her money you can book a flight for her from the comfort of your home.

No doubt you should visit her as well, it sure will be a good experience for you.

[dispozo]

Thanks for the replies

How long ago was she in the US?  Did she come on a K-1 bride's visa?  How old is she?  Does she have children?  It's very difficult to get a visa, so her coming to visit a "friend" here is a red flag.

She was here in February 2006. I'm sure about type of visa. I will try and find out. She is 35 now at the time 33. She has no children, but she a very good job as a sales manger for world wide telecommunication company.

dispozo,


What is your age dispozo?

Can you travel to see her?

I'm 36 now and yes I can go see her. I have asked to go see her right now I wait for her reply. I don't want to feel pushy. I have read post where the guys said he will be there on xx/xx/xx_xx/xx/xx. The way I read they didn't ask they just go or I misunderstood. Is that wise?

Thanks

[William3rd]

Tell her you want to come see her in however many weeks. The rest of the planning will take care of itself. If she is going to come to see her friend and wants to see you , find out when so you can provide some time together.

[macman]

YO dispozo,

To me. . . it does not sound so good here; there is too much desire to see "other" people here in the U.S.!  If there are ulterior motives, you are shot from the get go. . Ask I/O - he has the answers.

[philb]

YO dispozo,

To me. . . it does not sound so good here; there is too much desire to see "other" people here in the U.S.!  If there are ulterior motives, you are shot from the get go. . Ask I/O - he has the answers.

?

[Lily]

YO dispozo,

To me. . . it does not sound so good here; there is too much desire to see "other" people here in the U.S.!  If there are ulterior motives, you are shot from the get go. . Ask I/O - he has the answers.

Did you ask her about her friend? what kind of friend he/she is?

I understand that your girl hopes for her/his invitation and for a tourist visa to the U.S. Her visa chances are rather slim but she seems to be too optimistic about it

So macman you don't like her plans to see other people in the U.S.? May be she uses a smart WFVF approach.. Well, read this forum about what people say on visiting multiple prospects on a trip abroad. One who takes time and resources to go overseas apparently has some rights to multiple choice.

[dispozo]

Did you ask her about her friend? what kind of friend he/she is?

I understand that your girl hopes for her/his invitation and for a tourist visa to the U.S. Her visa chances are rather slim but she seems to be too optimistic about it

Thanks for the reply

In my first letter to her I told I like to travel. In reply she said she like to travel and that she had been to the US. To visit and female friend and her husband. I had ask how many time she has been to the U.S. She said only once and it was her first trip out of her country. Just recently her friend has invited her back latter this year. She has also told me her friends name and where she lives.

Thanks

[Muj]

Liliy,

Fair enough, she may visit who she likes.

Dispozo, maybe find a reason to contact the friend and help arrange the visit and at the same time learn more of your woman from the friend.  She may be genuinely interested in you and may have heard many good reasons to move to the US from her friend.  I agree with previous advice - dont pay for her trip to the US but offer for travel within the US.  
Well she may never even obtain her visa for the US so you may have to visit her in Russia.  But if she travels her, it is a good opportunity for you to learn more of her.

[Jet]

Her visa chances are rather slim but she seems to be too optimistic about it

Once she's had one visa and complied with its terms, it's pretty easy to obtain a second one. If they are a year apart in age and he is 36 then she is at least 35 which also works in her favor. 
I'm not seeing any red flags yet, but would proceed with cautious optimism nevertheless.