FSUW with young chilldren

[purpletib]

What is the general consensus for guys here about FSUW with children?  Do they tend to be ignored more because of this?  Does it make the idea of commiting to a WM more difficult, is the paperwork more difficult, perhaps legal issues in dealing with the father?  In other words, is it a much more difficult venture/complication to marry a girl that has young children? 

There is a girl that I am considering to write to who is the same age as me, and in my opinion is the most attractive girl (to me anyway) that I have found.  She reminds me a lot of a friend of mine's ex-girlfriend.  Strange.  Anyway, she has an 8y.o. son.  I wont post where I found her, considering it may not be too difficult to find out whom I'm talking about with the info I already gave.  Her English is decent too, so the comunication barrier shouldn't be too dificult.  From what I can see, she hasn't had much of a responce from guys.  I'm assuming this is because of the child?
I'm hesitant to write, not because I'm against children, but a child that old already would have a very hard transition I think to a new country and I would aslo have to be fully prepared to play "step dad."  It would be much easier with a girl who had a child that is only 2 or 3.

[Kuna]

Purple,

I have no experience in this so I will resist commenting...  but I will post because it'll bump your thread to the top of the list and there are several men here that can give you excellent advice...   

Good luck!

[DKMM]

I will give you advice that you seem to already know.  Its always a good idea to not show your hand so to speak about who you are discussing.  Lurkers on here have been known to contact girls and cause drama.

You are correct that she won't get nearly as many replies due to having a child.  This is a market and you will have less competition as a rule for a woman with a child.

[Shadow]

It is true that women with young children will get less response. That does not mean that they are less interesting as a person. What you should ask yourself is if you are up to getting not just a wife, but a child as well. Are you comfortable with 'instant family' ? In correspondence also make sure that the two of you agree on future children.
A child is a complicating factor, but it can also be very rewarding.

About the response, I am one ofthe guys who would not respond to women with children. Not that I am against children, but as I had no previous experience I decided it would be better to start learning about parenting together rather than apart. I knew that this limited my choice, but it was one of my criteria.

[Rvrwind]

I think the guy to give advice on this would be ConnorVT (are you out there Fred?) He married a lady with a young son & they have been in the US for 3+ years now, if anybody knows the ups & downs it would be him.
If he doesn't answer in this thread I suggest you PM him or Email him if his addy is in his profile. He is a very nice guy & his wife a great lady, they can give you some real good advice.
As far as my knowledge on the subject the only time there is any real problem is if the ex gets involved, then it can be a nightmare, but other than that I think it is pretty much SOP.
You are correct that women with children do not get the action of many ladies without, which in MHO is rediculous, especially for the older men who are wanting a real young woman. A woman in her 20's, very beautiful with a child is more apt to accept a larger age difference in the relationship. That is due to the fact that most Russian men will not take a woman with a child, I'm not saying all, just the majority. They'll date them & play with them, but they'll never marry them. These women realize their pool of eligible men has decreased considerably & they also know that western men, at least the majority, are more acceptible of a child.

[BC]

I'm assuming this is because of the child?
I'm hesitant to write, not because I'm against children, but a child that old already would have a very hard transition I think to a new country and I would aslo have to be fully prepared to play "step dad."  It would be much easier with a girl who had a child that is only 2 or 3.

Your assumption is probably fairly accurate regarding being ignored.  Not every guy is cut out to be an 'instant parent'.

A child at that age will have very little adjustment problem.  You OTOH, especially if already not a parent will have a huge one.

Never forget that in many cases the child's 'dream' may be even more powerful than the woman involved.  A grown woman will recover from a broken relationship.  Children may not fare as well in the long term.

The difficulties involved should not be calculated as 1+1=2 but as 2²

All I can say is that when small kids are involved the man's commitment level had better be 400% or I'll cluebat them to a pulp.

FWIW

[I/O]

What is the general consensus for guys here about FSUW with children?  Do they tend to be ignored more because of this?  Does it make the idea of commiting to a WM more difficult, is the paperwork more difficult, perhaps legal issues in dealing with the father?  In other words, is it a much more difficult venture/complication to marry a girl that has young children? 

Dunno about guys from other countries, but for us down here, the "Legalities" of marrying a woman from Russia with a child under the age of 18 years are a turkey shoot in and of themselves.  I imagine if there is a father in the picture somewhere it may create complications, but such is not the case for me. The immigration application is the same and simply includes the child.  Child must have medical examination as does the mother.  Logistically that's about it.

Personally.....well that's a whole 'nother story.  For mine and I, the current situation suits perfectly in so far as at my age, I am not inclind to have anymore than one child together and with one already existing at a young age, it's kind of tailor made. Time will show and about the only thing I know for sure is that a guy must never get between a hen and her chicks. He's dead meat if he does.

Right now I'm busy building a gate to stop the "Chick" from ending toes up in the fish pond in the front garden.  In fact the entire yard and storage areas are being revamped a little with all sorts of "Chick Mitigation" measures.

I/O   

[BC]

Right now I'm busy building a gate to stop the "Chick" from ending toes up in the fish pond in the front garden.  In fact the entire yard and storage areas are being revamped a little with all sorts of "Chick Mitigation" measures.

Very good move I/O.. here a couple thousand + in doors that lock from the inside, fences, gates, locked cabinets, stove protectors, alarms etc etc..  anything to keep toddlers away from water, wheels, electricity, fire, heights, depths and sharp objects.  Never back up your car without looking for kids and animals first.  With water around, in addition to fences, google 'safety turtle'.

Sounds like you are taking things very seriously.. compliments.

btw.. when used to living in small controlled spaces like FSU apartments, one can easily overlook some of the many dangers inherent in western homes.

[Voyageur]

Purpletib,

From our experience, the acclimation of an eight year old child to the US is not so difficult for them, after the initial shock. Our daughter spoke no English when she arrived here at seven and 1/2 years old. She went directly into kindergarten and really flourished. It took her about 1.5 months to speak English and a year or so later, she speaks this language very well and has had no trouble making friends.

[catzenmouse]

Even though Sergei was a bit younger at 4 1/2 when he came his adjustments mirrored Voyager's comments very closely. He took a bit longer with the English but within a few months he was fairly fluent and by the time he went to kindergarten his teacher told us he spoke better than most of the native born kids.

And no, it is not easy per se but it is very well worth it!

Ken

[Wayne B]

Purple, a child at 8 years old in not grown by any stretch of the imagination....and if you were to go down this road...you would not be playing 'step dad' you would become 'Dad'.....Why don't you try to learn the woman, maybe meet her in the near future....and go from there   IMHO, There is no better gift in life than having 'Children' 

[purpletib]

Well, I don't have children of my own but I do look forward to having children.  One that is already 8?  That could be difficult, but I think I could manage.  Anyway, the chances of me actually ending up with this lovely lady are rather slim, so what is the harm in at least initiating a contact letter?  If the only real concern with legal issues of a woman with child is the possibility of the father interjecting, I guess it may be worth the risk.  I would prefer not writing to a woman that has a child, but as I said, of all the women I've seen she is the most desirable in my eyes.  Thanks for the input guys.

[ecr844]

Well, I don't have children of my own but I do look forward to having children.  One that is already 8?  That could be difficult, but I think I could manage.  Anyway, the chances of me actually ending up with this lovely lady are rather slim, so what is the harm in at least initiating a contact letter?  If the only real concern with legal issues of a woman with child is the possibility of the father interjecting, I guess it may be worth the risk.  I would prefer not writing to a woman that has a child, but as I said, of all the women I've seen she is the most desirable in my eyes.  Thanks for the input guys.

There is a girl that I am considering to write to who is the same age as me, and in my opinion is the most attractive girl (to me anyway) that I have found.  She reminds me a lot of a friend of mine's ex-girlfriend.  Strange.  Anyway, she has an 8y.o. son.  I wont post where I found her, considering it may not be too difficult to find out whom I'm talking about with the info I already gave.  

"Purpletib,"

   Don't take this wrong but it seems to me thast you are putting the proverbial "cart before the horse" so to speak. As a piece of adviuce it may behove you to take the extensive amount of time that will be needed to read through the archives here to get a better understanding and idea of what your in for in regards to this venture. Just my HLO, and .005 kopeks worth...

Hope this helps,
ECR844

[ScottinCrimea]

Marrying an FSUW, or any woman for that matter, with a child has its own unique problems, but also its own unique rewards.  You will have a woman that, being a mother, is less selfish and more stable.  She will already have adjusted to having another person in her life.  As with any child, even your own, there will always be disagreements on how best to raise and discipline a child.  I think 8 is a great age for a boy.  They are past potty training, soaks up information like a sponge and would quicky bond to a father figure.  But you have to commit to being a true father to the child or don't even think about trying it.

My wife's daughter was 12 when I first met her and is 16 years old now.  Her father was killed in an accident several years earlier, so he has never been an issue, but she keeps in regular contact with his side of the family and I encourage this.  I can say that we have gone through some pretty difficult adjustments, especially since she doesn't speak English and my Russian was very lacking at first.  It's hard to establish a close relationship or provide any advice or discipline when you can't communicate well.  The reward was this past week.  Now that she is 16 she will get her own passport instead of being on her mother's.  Totally out of the blue, she asked to have her last name changed to mine on the passport. 

[I/O]

Totally out of the blue, she asked to have her last name changed to mine on the passport. 

Yeah.....!!!  That's pretty special for sure. Kinda makes it all worthwhile and then some.

I/O

[purpletib]

in responce to ecr844, I have started to thumb through previous threads on the matter and it does sound like it would make things much more difficult.  Perhaps it is best that I stick to women without children.  If I had extremely deep pockets, I wouldn't be too concerned, but that is not the case with me.  Thanks for the input everybody.

[ScottinCrimea]

It has nothing to do with the woman or the child but everything to do with you.  If a little honest introspection tells you that you aren't up to it, then it is the wisest choice and certainly nothing to feel less about.

[ecr844]

in responce to ecr844, I have started to thumb through previous threads on the matter and it does sound like it would make things much more difficult.  Perhaps it is best that I stick to women without children.  If I had extremely deep pockets, I wouldn't be too concerned, but that is not the case with me.  Thanks for the input everybody.

"PURPLE,"


   The majority of the point I was trying to make was that worrying about marriage to what amounts to a mystery woman is foolhardy at best. You're just starting correspondence and your already talking marriage? Sure you should know or have an idea about what criteria, values, morals, family situation, etc...etc... you will and won't tolerate during your search. But, who knows what will happen. You may find 'the woman of your dreams'; and that woman may have children or not,may be beautiful or not. But why not cross that bridge when you have decided on a suitable candidate, met and are starting to pursue a serious relationship.

   At that point when you've got an idea as to whether you are compatible as partners and equals in the relationship and are considering marriage to 'the right woman' for you. Then revisit this concern and take a hard look at what it will cost for the 'step-child,' etc.. If your curious by all means do soem research and learn everything you can. yes, as is obviously the cae the dynamics and responsibilities for you in this process are drastically different than with a lady who doesn't have dependents. But worrying about someone your just starting or even considering to write to and correspond with is abit early. If there was a history and you met and truely thought there may be a future thats soemthing different. Again, it's just what I would consider common sense, and it is only my HLO. and $.02. As with everything YMMV....

Best of luck,
ECR844

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in The Logan City Cemetery , Logan , Utah
       

                   FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO F OLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

[purpletib]

Well, obviously the ultimate goal in this endeavour will be marriage.  These aren't just casual conversations we are starting with someone on the local streets of our hometown.  So yes, it is important to take in all considerations right from the first contact.  The situation would be different I feel if it where an issue of someone from my hometown or even state.  But going into any kind of relationship with someone halfway across the world where there could be potential complications with issues like a father who is against their child leaving the country?  That's a whole other issue.  Locally, it would be easier to deal with.  Internationally would be a little more difficult.  I am not against someone with kids.  I want kids. 

So, the whole bottom line is, yes this is a mystery woman that I find attractive and I know nothing about.  There is absolutely no guarantee that we will develop any kind of relationship that may lead to marriage.  But it boils down to what if we did fall in love and want to get married, and ended up going through a nightmare in paternity issues and paperwork and everything else that can complicate things when bringing a dependent child over international waters?  It would be best to avoid the situation from the get-go if you would rather not even have to worry about it.  That's what I'm getting at.