Possible Addition (Change?) to the 10 Commandments ...

[Admin]

Folks,

I was just thinking about adding, or maybe modifying, one (or more) of the items in the "10 Commandments".

What would you think about something like this:

"Force your feelings to follow the FACTS."

The 4 'F' rule.

It seems like when guys (and gals) go astray, it is when they follow some idealized romantic notion of what "ought to be" - rather than WHAT IS.

Of course, there is still the problem of sorting out fact from fantasy - but if we can at least make everyone aware of the need to identify, and differentiate, the two - it is a step in the right direction.

Comments?

- Dan

[HiTech]

I think that it is stating the exact same things as think with your big head not your small one.

[neo]

Hitech

I find the best solution to most guys problem in that regard is to jerk off before every date, that way no matter how hot your date is you concentrate on her character and not getting her knickers off.

Only flaw in it is when you fall asleep in your soup.

[Ste]

Hitech

I find the best solution to most guys problem in that regard is to jerk off before every date, that way no matter how hot your date is you concentrate on her character and not getting her knickers off.

Only flaw in it is when you fall asleep in your soup.

Like in 'There's Something About Mary'!

Anyway for us Brits it's not jerk off, it's toss one off, wank off, have a wank, a tug, a chugg (Scotland only), one off the wrist, a pull, a quick fifty.

Britain bans wanking in the workspace...

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn6Z9djh8eA[/youtube]

[jb]

It's kinda bad form here as well.

[Admin]

I think that it is stating the exact same things as think with your big head not your small one.

Not exactly.

As I see it, there are at least several problems - and one is that guys will succumb to the feelings of lust or limerance - but that is only ONE of the issues.

The broader issue is guys (and gals) who have a romantic fantasy of what they WANT - and they overlook obvious facts which *should* dissuade them.

This problem of romantic fantasy applies equally to men and women. Some would argue it is more of a problem with women than men, but we have seen many examples right here at RWD where men went headlong in pursuit of a fantasy and ignored good advice to slow down and take stock of the FACTS staring them in the face. Some of that motivation may have been lust - but some of it may be the stubborn resistance to look at facts in deference to a romantic notion.

- Dan

[BC]

Follow the facts and not the emotions.

alternative

Follow the facts, don't chase emotion.

[Kuna]

Follow the facts and not the emotions.

alternative

Follow the facts, don't chase emotion.

I like this...  We had a thread on Logic versus Emotion (or something like that) a while ago where this was discussed in detail. 

[catzenmouse]

We had a fairly long discussion a year (or more) ago about having the basic commandments and an expanded version of them. I pulled that discussion and the comments into a file which being the lazy @ss that I am I let languish. I will revisit this document and perhaps (with some gentle, or maybe not so gently, goading from you all I will get it together enough that we can tweak it and add it to the site.

Ken

[HiTech]

Make sure your head and your heart agree?

[Lit_1nce]

So, I am taking it that this would replace number 8 ?  or are you considering adding a commandment, or redoing them completely ?  ... although #8 stands for itself in the planning stages, your 4F rule does make sense in the "smitten" phase..

It's good advice... but I suspect it will be the most broken commandment  with # 7 a close second.


   1.      Never send money to someone you have never met.
   2.      Always have a back-up plan
   3.      Work to eliminate any agency from your communications.
   4.      Always get the lady's home address and home phone number as early as possible.
   5.      Verify the ladies you are writing to are real.
   6.      Do not fall in love with photos!!
   7.      Always be yourself. Show the ladies the real you. Be truthful. Use current photos.
   8.      Do not rush into this! Take your time and be methodical, not impulsive, about this process.
   9.      Treat international dating the same as dating someone from your home country. The biggest difference is the cost (travel, phone. etc). This is an expensive process. Don't believe anyone that tells you otherwise.
  10.     THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE! They do not exist.

Although I agree with the point of number 10 ... it's a statement, not a commandment. (no offence) ... you could change it to something like ...  though shall smite all who use the term Mail-Order Bride for they are blasphemers.

[Admin]

So, I am taking it that this would replace number 8 ?  or are you considering adding a commandment, or redoing them completely ?  ... although #8 stands for itself in the planning stages, your 4F rule does make sense in the "smitten" phase..

It's good advice... but I suspect it will be the most broken commandment  with # 7 a close second.


   1.      Never send money to someone you have never met.
   2.      Always have a back-up plan
   3.      Work to eliminate any agency from your communications.
   4.      Always get the lady's home address and home phone number as early as possible.
   5.      Verify the ladies you are writing to are real.
   6.      Do not fall in love with photos!!
   7.      Always be yourself. Show the ladies the real you. Be truthful. Use current photos.
   8.      Do not rush into this! Take your time and be methodical, not impulsive, about this process.
   9.      Treat international dating the same as dating someone from your home country. The biggest difference is the cost (travel, phone. etc). This is an expensive process. Don't believe anyone that tells you otherwise.
  10.     THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MAIL-ORDER BRIDE! They do not exist.

Although I agree with the point of number 10 ... it's a statement, not a commandment. (no offence) ... you could change it to something like ...  though shall smite all who use the term Mail-Order Bride for they are blasphemers.

As for substitution or expansion - I am game for either. It sounds like catzenmouse has some results from a previous topic and may be able to offer some *other* replacements (or expansion items) for consideration.

May need to re-title this - The Renovation of the 10 Commandments (or something more pithy - suggestions welcomed).

As for # 7 - yep, a real problem. We are actually working that issue a bit through the Men's Standards project which I hope will have a DRAFT available for us to review soon.

Re: MOB. Just the other day, Patrick (original owner of GoodWife and Planet-Love - our companion sites) made a comment to me that I found ironic. For years, I would beat him up over the use of the term "Mail Order Bride" at the original PL site. In fact, he had the moniker - The Mail Order Bride Warehouse. Obviously, I took some offense and lobbied, sometimes quite vigorously, for him to change it. Now that I own the sites and I understand the effect of Google and Yahoo on success of the sites, I have a much different perspective - and a new appreciation for the reason those terms are maintained.

No matter whether we like them or not - there are a HUGE number of people who find our site because the search on that specific phrase.

For that reason alone, we need to continue to use it.

Just FWIW - and I know it was a tangent.

Good comments BTW. Thanks!

- Dan

[Phil dAmore]

The 4 'F' rule.

I like the idea, but perhaps the whole '4 F' thing could be downplayed as it is a bit too reminiscent of another, lesser known  '4 F' rule that some, but not all men seem to find essential:

Find them
Feel them
F*ck them
Forget them!

[2tallbill]

As for substitution or expansion - I am game for either. It sounds like catzenmouse has some results from a previous topic and may be able to offer some *other* replacements (or expansion items) for consideration.

May need to re-title this - The Renovation of the 10 Commandments (or something more pithy - suggestions welcomed).

As for # 7 - yep, a real problem. We are actually working that issue a bit through the Men's Standards project which I hope will have a DRAFT available for us to review soon.

Re: MOB. Just the other day, Patrick (original owner of GoodWife and Planet-Love - our companion sites) made a comment to me that I found ironic. For years, I would beat him up over the use of the term "Mail Order Bride" at the original PL site. In fact, he had the moniker - The Mail Order Bride Warehouse. Obviously, I took some offense and lobbied, sometimes quite vigorously, for him to change it. Now that I own the sites and I understand the effect of Google and Yahoo on success of the sites, I have a much different perspective - and a new appreciation for the reason those terms are maintained.

No matter whether we like them or not - there are a HUGE number of people who find our site because the search on that specific phrase.

For that reason alone, we need to continue to use it.

Just FWIW - and I know it was a tangent.

Good comments BTW. Thanks!

- Dan

You could put items 3 and 4 together, thereby not needing to change the name

Bill

[Lit_1nce]

I like your Men's Standards idea.

I remember back (way back) when I was in the service, in Germany for the first time. I was pretty embarrassed by the behaviour of some of my fellow GI's

I like the show "The Amazing Race" as well, but I find that same embarrassment when I hear one of the "racers" say something like "I am not talking to those foreigners again"   When THEY are really the foreigner.

So yes, a code of conduct would be helpful I think. I suppose I shouldn't be embarrassed by the conduct of others.. but it bugs me.

[deccie]

Follow the facts and not the emotions.

alternative

Follow the facts, don't chase emotion.

Whilst I am aware of the reasons this is stated I think it overlooks one reality.
Sometimes the emotions involved is the ONLY thing to keep you banging away at what seems like a brick wall.

If this were a purely clinical evercise many would abandon the process when the cost seemed too high either financially or emotionally or even just plain time wise or paper wise.

What is it, for example, that keeps people plugging away at the process if there Visa application is rejected or they are in Administrative review for months, if not years.

[Son of Clyde]

If you must add two more so be it. Just don't have 13 commandments, it will be unlucky.

The idea is to prevent first timers (and even experienced guys) from falling on their faces.

I think a commandment "Do what feels right for YOU but think it over first" might be a good one.

Not everyone will use the same approach but they must be aware of what could go wrong.