How to be succesfully???

[Geroga]

Well... Thank's to have this kind of rellation between people who is trying to find love there in Russia, Ukraine, Moldova (or FSU countries, as here's said). I Think is so improtant and a great help for all of us!!!

It is the first time I am here, and... well... the only I would like to ask is something so simply, maybe a little bit dumb. But... what is the real things FSU women are looking for?!?!

I ask this because I had a Russian Girlfriend, but... I am not a rich man, I work hard (as maybe all of us) to have the things I want, but... the reality I am not rich, so... 3 years ago I found a Russian girl, (From Togliatti) and we had great time, also by mail and chat, as by telephone and then when I meet with her. Really It was amazing, but... the end of everything was that she changed to me because I am not rich, and she was looking for a man (as she told me) that could pay for all her banal and superficial "whims" .

I offered the best I could to make, and as I always told here the best I could offer was HONESTLY and LOYALTY. And... of course more as enough money to live well (maybe not super luxury, but in a good level with out miss anything!!!).
But... is it General in all FSU girls???
Is it as important for all of they the economical things!??!

I hope to have answers from you.
Thank you!
(thanks for the person who recommend me this site!!)

[Serebro]

Geroga, the story of your relationships is not quite clear and there are many details that should be discussed.(too many details, btw and too many questions to ask)
But answering your question and mentioning your point about offering "HONESTLY and LOYALTY" I would say the following
I visit many forums of RW looking for a husband and RW having WM living abroad and I can say for sure that a good honest man who is great to speak to on the phone isn't what most of them look for. In fact they can look for this, too, but it's not ALL that can be important in this relationships.Many women have already been married to "honest and loyal" romantic Russian men who did crazy things to attract their attention and became selfish alcoholics and tirans who spent all time in front of the telly or having fun with their friends later.
When girls move abroad many of them have to stay at home for quite a long period of time.Some of them had quite nice jobs in Russia, went out with their friends and sitting at home without any money for fun or clothes that they used to have in Russia may not make them happy.
There's also another factor-all people are different and one man can look for a foreign beauty who is great to be shown to his friends and have fun with.
another one wants just a quiet family -oriented wife.Women can be different, too.
So my advice is to be more realistic and attentive with you search and to discuss important life and family things BEFORE your visit to your woman.
Good luck

[Jet]

Geroga,

     My wife was not "looking for a man (as she told me) that could pay for all her banal and superficial whims ." but it was important to her that life abroad would not end up being at a LOWER level than life at home in Russia. I have met women with the same attitude as you describe. One had been the wife of a "new russian" and explained very clearly to her fiancee that she expected to go to beauty salon 2 times each week, credit cards of her own (that he would pay), and that she would require a BMW 740 that was "not more than 2 years old" to drive when she arrived in California. 

There are many different kinds of women looking abroad for a variety of reasons so it is impossible to speak about them "in general". I have heard many time though, that the only woman who might marry ONLY for love - is the 17 yr old girl from the village.

[Serebro]

I would like to add something-Many RW that I know who have never been/lived abroad have a bit different attitude towards things/presents, etc.
Many people spend their salaries within one month's time without having any savings at all.I know many cases when a teenage boy had a part-time job to earn some money for an expensive present for his gf. My female pen-friend had relationship with a young Russian boy, he had to work at night(he was a student) to earn money for a nice last model MP3 player that she wanted to have. Later she had relationships with a WM who came to her and she didn't have a mobile phone so at that time so  it was hard for them to communicate, he offered her to buy one and it was like he was going to make a gift, so he bought one of the cheapest model. She was very dissapointed as she couldn't understand why a Russian student who didn't work spent more money on her than a western man who had a well-paid job. So she was sure that he was either greedy or had many gf-s so it was too expensive for him to buy that kind of presents to every girl or he lied about his job.She left him and gave the cell phone back and I think that he could create the same thread about her.

[Misha]

It is the first time I am here, and... well... the only I would like to ask is something so simply, maybe a little bit dumb. But... what is the real things FSU women are looking for?!?!

I ask this because I had a Russian Girlfriend, but... I am not a rich man, I work hard (as maybe all of us) to have the things I want, but... the reality I am not rich, so... 3 years ago I found a Russian girl, (From Togliatti) and we had great time, also by mail and chat, as by telephone and then when I meet with her. Really It was amazing, but... the end of everything was that she changed to me because I am not rich, and she was looking for a man (as she told me) that could pay for all her banal and superficial "whims" .

Is it as important for all of they the economical things!??!

If I understand correctly, you spent 3 years chatting with this woman and talking to her on the phone before meeting her in person. Did you talk to her at any point as to what she wanted out of life and what she expected out of a husband? It seems that you spent a lot of time chatting with her, yet did not know anything about her. Over a period of three years, it seems to me that she should have dropped a few hints. Also, what do you mean by banal and superficial "whims"?

There are a lot of Russian women that are looking for a rich man, but many are not. The goal is to find the right person for you. How did you find this woman you were chatting with from Russia?

[Gator]

geroga,

Every RW I met had the similar goals to American women plus a few others:  stability being at the top of the list.  Stability includes so much.  It does not mean that they seek luxury; however, they do not want to worry about loss of job, housing, healthcare, having no money for entertainment, etc.

Keep looking but be more forthright about your situation.  By your third or fourth letter when you have already established that you have a good heart, you should inform a woman about your financial constraints.  Then go visit them if you think they are more interesting than women from your city.

[ScottinCrimea]

Often RW have misconceptions about Western men and money.  They see a level of luxury on TV and in movies and many assume that this is the lifestyle of most Americans.  So when they meet the average AM who actually has to live on a budget and can't buy every "whim", they make the assumption that this is because he chooses not to, not that he is being fiscally responsible.

Luckily, not all RW are like this, many just want to be free from the constant worries of having a place to live, enough food to eat and the ability to buy needed clothes.

There have been many changes in the economy and lifestyle in the FSU over the past couple of decades and you will find that there is a very big difference between FSUW in different age ranges.

In one group you have the younger women (roughly 25 years old and below) who have been more westernized, often spoiled, and place a higher priority on material things.

The next group, those roughly 25-35, are somewhere in the middle, having experienced the more difficult economic times but also with enough exposure to western marketing to desire some of the luxuries in life.  Their priority is more one of financial stability.

The third group, those over the age of 35, survived the difficult times, often on their own, and have at least a level of minimal financial stability.  Their priority is that they at least maintain their current lifestyle while also having the companion that they seek.

Of course there are going to be exceptions in each group, and understand that I am only talking about the financial concepts of the relationship, not all of the other factors involved in selecting a mate.

Understanding the differences in attitudes of the various age ranges of RW can be a great help, both in choosing which age range best fits with your desires and abilities to meet their priorities and also in understanding why they respond to different actions on your part in different ways.

[BillyB]

geroga, 3 years of communication and it ends because it was finally known by her that you are not well off?

Have you  told her how you live? Have you possibly deceived her about your lifestyle?

If she was a gold digger, why hasn't she figured you out in 3 years? Surely she would have tried to figure out your background and lifestyle otherwise she wouldn't waste 3 years on you if you were broke. Also, if she was a gold digger, she would date other men as much as possible and enjoy the gifts they give instead of waiting for you to visit.

Is it possible when you met, that you were thrifty and cheap and that turned her off? Maybe you were not as good looking as the photos you sent. Maybe she gave you an excuse why she did not want to be with you and it's a reason that will turn you off because you are not one to accept "no" easily from women who end a relationship with you?

When I write letters to women, I tell them I'm a decent man living a normal life. Certainly I would scare of some gold diggers and party girls by saying that. My letters are designed to get rid of certain ladies that don't fit my mold. Many men  try to attract ladies by any means possible by overselling themselves, sending photos of themselves 10 years younger than they actually are, and advertising the assets they own.

If you decide to write other women,  try to understand the woman your corresponding with and let her clearly understand the person you are within a short period of time. If things are not right for you or you think you may not be right for her, don't force a relationship. Let her go and move on till you find what's right for you.

[Simoni]

Often RW have misconceptions about Western men and money.  They see a level of luxury on TV and in movies and many assume that this is the lifestyle of most Americans.  So when they meet the average AM who actually has to live on a budget and can't buy every "whim", they make the assumption that this is because he chooses not to, not that he is being fiscally responsible.

Luckily, not all RW are like this, many just want to be free from the constant worries of having a place to live, enough food to eat and the ability to buy needed clothes.

There have been many changes in the economy and lifestyle in the FSU over the past couple of decades and you will find that there is a very big difference between FSUW in different age ranges.

In one group you have the younger women (roughly 25 years old and below) who have been more westernized, often spoiled, and place a higher priority on material things.

The next group, those roughly 25-35, are somewhere in the middle, having experienced the more difficult economic times but also with enough exposure to western marketing to desire some of the luxuries in life.  Their priority is more one of financial stability.

The third group, those over the age of 35, survived the difficult times, often on their own, and have at least a level of minimal financial stability.  Their priority is that they at least maintain their current lifestyle while also having the companion that they seek.

Of course there are going to be exceptions in each group, and understand that I am only talking about the financial concepts of the relationship, not all of the other factors involved in selecting a mate.

Understanding the differences in attitudes of the various age ranges of RW can be a great help, both in choosing which age range best fits with your desires and abilities to meet their priorities and also in understanding why they respond to different actions on your part in different ways.

Excellent post, Scott.   All true.

[Muj]

Hi Geroga,

Welcome to the site. 
The others offer much insight on the psycology of the EW.  Certainly many differences with WW and many comonalities.  Most women want some assurances that future living situation is at least comfortable.  Comfortable is a matter of understanding by the couple. 
Seems you conveyed your situation understandably to her over the 3 years of writing. 
Overall, 3 years seems a long time to wait to finally visit, most women consider you uninterested and not serious if you wait more than 6 months.  So maybe some factors other than economics here.

[Serebro]

Often RW have misconceptions about Western men and money.  They see a level of luxury on TV and in movies and many assume that this is the lifestyle of most Americans. 

I don't think so that so many RW assume so. Russian television shows many different kinds of movies about the USA and not so many of them shows luxury(mainly comedies)and unless a woman is a complete idiot she will not believe in fairy-tales.
When I went to the USA I was 22 and I didn't expect that I would go on pavements made of gold or have many other things, I was quite realistic, so why would any other woman be different?

[jb]

geroga

From your original post I get the notion that English is not your native language.  I could be wrong, but if I'm right it might be helpful to know where you live.  Sometimes we see men come here, who unfortunately, live in a developing country which the typical RW/UW has crossed off her list of possibles.   Most RWs don't want to live in a country where there is political instability, limited career or financial opportunities, or in some cases, even war.   For example, it might be very difficult for a Palestinian living in Gaza to attract a Russian g/f right now.  You location, plus the the fact that you are not *rich*, could have been the reason for the kiss of death to the romance.

[Simoni]

Looks like geroga is a "one post wonder!"

[FSUrookie]

Often RW have misconceptions about Western men and money.  They see a level of luxury on TV and in movies and many assume that this is the lifestyle of most Americans.  So when they meet the average AM who actually has to live on a budget and can't buy every "whim", they make the assumption that this is because he chooses not to, not that he is being fiscally responsible.

Luckily, not all RW are like this, many just want to be free from the constant worries of having a place to live, enough food to eat and the ability to buy needed clothes.

There have been many changes in the economy and lifestyle in the FSU over the past couple of decades and you will find that there is a very big difference between FSUW in different age ranges.

In one group you have the younger women (roughly 25 years old and below) who have been more westernized, often spoiled, and place a higher priority on material things.

The next group, those roughly 25-35, are somewhere in the middle, having experienced the more difficult economic times but also with enough exposure to western marketing to desire some of the luxuries in life.  Their priority is more one of financial stability.

The third group, those over the age of 35, survived the difficult times, often on their own, and have at least a level of minimal financial stability.  Their priority is that they at least maintain their current lifestyle while also having the companion that they seek.

Of course there are going to be exceptions in each group, and understand that I am only talking about the financial concepts of the relationship, not all of the other factors involved in selecting a mate.

Understanding the differences in attitudes of the various age ranges of RW can be a great help, both in choosing which age range best fits with your desires and abilities to meet their priorities and also in understanding why they respond to different actions on your part in different ways.

Great post ScottInCrimea!! Right on!