Older children

[SMS60]

New to all this but learning

Question, Some of the older RW have children who are close to being adults. Maybe 16-20 year old range.

What are their intentions with the young adults if they decide to move to another country? I know the best thing is to ask before things get to serious. I know it probally depends on the dad, and what the young adults want

But from this boards experience will they leave the young adults if the dad is capable of caring for them. Can they try and bring them with them? Is this a goal for some to move the kids to a better country? Most are old enough to be in college. and are attending.

What should a guy expect? What experiences have been seen?

Thanks

[ScottinCrimea]

There is no one clear answer to this question.  It will all depend on the situation.  I think in most cases if the child is well established in his university studies they won't want to come to the US and, if so, not until they complete their university studies.

Unfortunately, with a divorce in the FSU, typically the children are with their mother and the father has little or no contact with them and has a new wife and family and limited living space. Having the child move in with them would be difficult.  I'm generalizing here, and each situation is different, so please, no one take offense.

If the child is young, of course you should expect to bring the child to the US with the mother.  In the age range you cited, there are too many variables to provide any useful information.  You answered your own question best when you said that the best thing is to ask before things get serious.

I can tell you my experience, though it will have no bearing on 99.9% of the cases.  My wife's daughter was 12 when I first met her.  Had we decided to marry right away and come to the US, she would have come with us, no questions asked.  Instead I moved there for a couple of years and by the time we decided to come to the US she was 16 and in her last year of school.  It would have been much too difficult for her to come to the US at that point and it made more sense to leave her there to finish school.  At this point the choice is to either let her stay there to go to university or come to the US.  We have opted to bring her here, at least for a year, to learn English and get a taste of the US and the education system here.  When we return to live in Ukraine in a couple of years, she will either come back with us and finish school there or stay to complete a degree here.

As you can see, at that age there are more options and ideas can change as things develop.  So even though you and the fiance may decide something in the beginning, there is no guarantee that these plans will not change.

[msmoby_ru]

There is no one clear answer to this question.  It will all depend on the situation. 

As you can see, at that age there are more options and ideas can change as things develop.  So even though you and the fiance may decide something in the beginning, there is no guarantee that these plans will not change.

Wise words from Scott

My wife has a 17 yr old son and EU law says he can move with his Mum as a dependent of mine. She has been sharing his care with Dad .

We agreed to let him finish his school exams and then he could go to Russian Uni / army or they would both move to me. As the UK has more options than Cyprus we will settle here and we will rent out property to keep our options open.

The son may well hate us and miss Russia, but it will be with us for two years - and this will help his CV and career options. Dad is of the opinion he should go in the Russian army, but hasn't objected to my wife's plan. He will have to serve sometime...and this doesn't "phase" him...or the son might say I hate the UK and move back !!

Now we have Mum's and Grandparents... to consider.. Our mums are quite young.. My Wife's grandma is getting on and is physically in great shape for mid eighties , but has suddenly started to be forgetful Mum still works and is now saying who will help me ... ?!!

As Scott says plans change...

 I have NO idea how we will cope...  but I knew what I was getting into when I met my wife and they are great folk and they are now MY family, too ... We will have to respond to situations as they arrive.


Plan for the worst...hope for the best