Heading to Dnepropetrovsk

[topofthekey]

Very bad idea. The reason you're given 90 days to marry on a K1 is to prepare for the wedding. JB has said it better than I ever could, but there are also other very good reasons not to use this time as a trial period. When your fiancee arrives she's going to be homesick and bombarded with stimuli, dependent upon you in ways she never dreamed - chances are that her demeanor, mood, morale, and day-to-day attitude will be very different than what is normal for her (and what she'll inevitably swing back to in a year or two when her adjustment is complete).

I gave a response because i thought Pike was a little over the top. I understand the reasons we are given a K1. But... well I'll use Cowboys situation to illustrate. If he gets engaged this trip he is still coming back to see her again- so he can see if she is taking learning english seriously. Then months later when she arrives in the USA he can again see how the progress is going. 3 months is short as hell I get that. But I doubt we disagree I just thought pike's comments were over the top. Just wanted to support Cowboy if he was planning to pop the question.

[Pike]

Better exclude her because she dont speak no American?

No, the reason is because if the two of you cannot communicate in the same language (without an interpreter), you really don't know how the other person is feeling.

[topofthekey]

No, the reason is because if the two of you cannot communicate in the same language (without an interpreter), you really don't know how the other person is feeling.

i do disagree, but it certainly is a lot more challenging. I haven't dealt with a language barrier in the FSU but have in LA so I can atest to the challenges. Even if they barely speak each others languages I still think between their personal translator and electric translator they can figure things out... even get engaged. But english lessons over the next few months do seem vital from there. If she drops out of them or doesn't try... then you have a problem.

[CCowboy]

I’m sure everyone has been sitting on needles and pins waiting for the results of my big meeting with Irina and Armina…not!!!  Because of scheduling problems with both Irina’s and Armina’s work, we had to postpone our meeting until Saturday night.  However, I did have one unexpected issue to deal with.  During our correspondence, Irina told me that her daughter Olya planned to stay in Ukraine to complete the next phase of her university education, to become a pharmacist.  Apparently she is now considering coming to the U.S. with Irina.  It doesn’t surprise me because like most mother/daughters in Ukraine, they are very close.  Irina would be constantly worrying about Olya and Olya would be alone and missing her mother.  To continue her pharmacy education in the U.S. is far beyond my financial capabilities.  So now I had some serious thinking to do over the next few days.  From the beginning I was not interested in a woman with dependent children or a woman who wanted to have a child.  Nothing against children, but at my age and plans for the future, children were not part of the picture.  Olya is a terrific young lady, very responsible, and Irina did a great job raising her by herself.  Olya is also a 20 y.o. head turner who will have half the young men in my city knocking at my door.  So, part of our talk centered around Olya and her future.  Without making any final decisions, I’ve decided to include Olya with Irina’s visa and let Olya decide what she wants to do by the time the visa is approved.  I have no problem with Olya coming to the U.S. and living in my house….I have plenty of room.  I know that Irina and Olya will be a lot happier and therefore, our marriage will be a happier one.  Armina chose a very nice ethnic Armanian restaurant for THE MOMENT.  Food was very good and reasonable and it was mostly smoke free and quiet.  After giving us both a chance to ask any final questions…I did have my list…I finally proposed.  I already sensed Irina’s response so it wasn’t a surprise when she said “yes”.  However, it was still a rollercoaster of emotions for me.  I realize we are still in the learning curve as far as knowing each other better.  With a minimum ability to communicate, there are moments of frustration.  But as soon as I leave on Friday, both Irina and Olya will begin English lessons.  Plans are for me to return within the next 3 months.  By the time we should be able to say more than one word sentences.  With 6 months of English lessons 3 hours a week, they both should be able to have a good basic foundation of English.  Once in the U.S., they’ll be able to continue ESL classes and after a year, both should be very accomplished with that wonderful Russian accent.

After I return next week, I’ll be writing a summary of my trip including information to help others with plans to visit Dnepropetrovsk.  But I’d like to say that Armina was invaluable not only as my translator, but also helping me with other matters not connected to her translation services.  I know I’ve made a real friend.  Armina has joined RWD and I’ll be writing more about her on the thread she started. 

From Dnepropertovsk….Robert   

[Swisskid]

Congrats Robert!!!

[Kuna]

Robert... a big congratulations to you from me!  I'm very happy for you.

A few things to consider:

1. Yes, you're in the learning stage with your wife but we all are, no matter how much time we spend with them. This is NOT like dating at home no matter how much we try to make it seem "real".
2. I learned much about my wife after we had our first disagreement.  It was on my second trip and seeing her reaction during a stressful time was enough to convince me that she was the one for me.  Don't under-estimate the value of "real moments"
3. I believe genuine intent is the key to marriage success.  If you and your wife are BOTH committed to developing a harmonious marriage, you will! Knowing each other well enough to be confident you really do know the others intent is the challenge.  You can learn everything else later!
4. Try to find Irina English classes based on American course material.  My wife used British based courseware and still struggles to pick up American accents. 
5. I'll look forward to bumping into you sometime in future in Dnepropetrovsk as both our wonderful ladies are from there!   

One last comment...  DNEPR DOES IT AGAIN!   

[CCowboy]

I thought I'd finish off my trip report while facts are still fresh in my brain.  To sum things up, I mainly corresponded with two women, met them both twice, and then decided to see Irina exclusively.  For the next 4 weeks, we saw each other as much as possible...usually 5 days a week.  Included in our meetings was a couple of visits to her mother, sister, and other family members.  I also stayed with Irina at her apartment in Dneproderzhink(sp) for 6 days.  It was great to observe Irina in her own environment and I was also able to spend some quality time with Irina's 20 y.o. daughter Olya.  By the time I had one week left, I was nealy 100% sure Irina and I were meant to be together.  I say nearly 100% because logically there must be some concern after spending just one month together.  So, during my last week I proposed and Irina said "Da".  She actually said more than that with the help of Armina!!  I had a very good feeling about Irina before we met because of the 3 months of corresponding prior to my visit.  It really wasn't much of a surprise.  I felt that if we each lived up to the impressions we made, we would decide on a future together.  What was the biggest surprise is Olya deciding she also wanted to come to the U.S.  She had plans for another 5 years at the university to become a pharmacist, plus she has a boyfriend.  But after seeing them together, I couldn't imagine them being happy 1000's of miles apart.  So, now I've begun the long visa process that I expect will take until June before they receive their visas.

With Armina's recommendation of an English teacher, both Irina and Olya have started English lessons.  I'll be visiting again for 3 weeks during the holidays so it will be interesting to see what kind of progress they've made.  By the time they arrive in the U.S. in June, I'm hoping they'll both have a good working knowledge of English.  Hopefully they'll both help each other in their studies.  Once they arrive, there are additional ESL classes available.

Thanks Kuna for your remarks and suggestions.  Although disagreements are expected in a relationship, Irina is not an argumentative person....at least not with her family members and me.  But Irina is also no pushover.  If something is not right, she's not shy about expressing her feelings.  Overall, Irina is a very giving and thoughtful person and enjoys harmony much more than conflict.

I could write a much more detailed report but I decided that I'd rather respond to any PM's from interested parties.  I've already expressed my thoughts about Armina several times.  Armina is now a member of RWD and for anyone planning a trip to Dnepropetrovsk, she is a MUST contact.  I've gained a lot of knowledge with my multiple trips to Kharkov, Sevastopol, and Dnepropetrovsk.  I have both good and bad comments I can share.  I normally don't like to post negative comments publicly so if anyone has a specific question, you can PM me. 

So, the next phase will take place during my visit from December 23 to Jan 11.  Irina assures me it will be the best holiday celebration of my life