What are the ongoing operating expenses?

[hockeysmile]

My question doesn't pertain to the start up the venture, but rather, how much do I need to make after the initial expenses are covered?

In general terms, what does this demographic ("mail order RW") expect? - I know there is no such thing as a mail order bride.

Do most of the woman want to really be pampered and looked after? Or, are they fairly independent and pull their own weight? Now, I realize you can't paint everyone with the same brush, but have you noticed some trends throughout your experiences?

I realize that woman want to feel secure and that will be part of their attraction towards someone. My question is how much is it going to take (ballpark) to make a RW happy?

Personally, I will absolutely be there for her emotionally and to a certain extent financially. However, I don't want to be someone loved mostly for their money. I want would prefer to have someone who is fully independent.

I think RW have a real romanticism with Western culture and the lifestyle that goes along with it. Perhaps this in itself provides a great deal of satisfaction? Then again, lifestyle is closely related to finances, which brings me to my final question: Is a normal middle class lifestyle enough to the average RW?

Thanks as always for your input.

[docetae]

Just do what you think is good. If this not enough for the woman, she is not the one for you and you are heading to divorce from start.

I will add that you must calculate all money required to support her the time she will need to find a work.

[Misha]

I don't want to be someone loved mostly for their money. I want would prefer to have someone who is fully independent.

Here is the trick: don't woo her with money. If you flash cash and spend like a drunken sailor while dating, you are more likely to attract someone interested in your money as opposed to you and your personality IMHO. It might take longer to find the "one" if spending less when dating but you are much more likely to find somebody suitable and you will be happier in the long run.

[BC]

At times it can seem like a black hole.

The 'rule of thumb' I always mention is never, ever go into or increase debt chasing women around the world or block.

Your disposable income should be exactly that: disposable.

[groovlstk]

However, I don't want to be someone loved mostly for their money. I want would prefer to have someone who is fully independent.

There are plenty of career-oriented FSU women out there, you'll just have to make it clear what you are looking for when you begin communicating. However, you should understand that even if everything works out and you find the woman of your dreams, you will likely have to support her 100% financially for at least a few years, and beyond that she may earn a low salary until her career is on track, making you responsible for the lion's share of the family's earnings for quite some time. Taking this further (and getting way ahead of myself) you should also not count on your wife working some part-time job at Walmart to help pay the bills while asking her to put her career on hold - this is a recipe for extreme resentment and may land you in splitsville.

I'd also say that you will be tagged as a G-man (greedy) if you don't handle this paradigm well, from your initial emails to single women up through meetings and ultimately marriage. It's a very tricky subject and the bottom line is that if you aren't financially fit there's really no way to do this on the cheap.

[GoodOlBoy]

Hello Hockeysmile, I'll just throw in my 2 cents in on this topic. I would never use credit cards or a loan to bring a lady over. When you start using credit cards for this process, you are already over your head financially.

[docetae]

Hello Hockeysmile, I'll just throw in my 2 cents in on this topic. I would never use credit cards or a loan to bring a lady over. When you start using credit cards for this process, you are already over your head financially.

my other 2 cents... I will  never use credit card or loans (except if you can garantee that your return on investment will be larger than the cost of the loan)

[Faux Pas]

There is a saying that, if you have to ask how much it cost, you can't afford it. While I'm relatively sure thats not exactly true in this endeavor, it is somewhat true. There is nothing cheap about it, even for those who do it on the cheap, the expenses still add up.

I'm not near as far into it as some of these previous posters but, a real dollar figure in the previous 18 months thus far is a little over $20K. Thats travel, multiple trips, accommodations, incidentals. I haven't done anything on the cheap but I don't spend like a drunken sailor either. I am expecting another $15-20K before she arrives here.

We are in the waiting stages of the K-1 and hoping for some finality in April or May. My fiancee and I have discussed at length many times the scenario when she arrives. She isn't expecting to work for the first several years until she is adjusted and document safe. Possibly some classes. Although she currently works she feels like she may enjoy being a housewife. My particular situation doesn't require that she works for us to lead a "comfortable" lifestyle. She has mentioned that she may at some point wish to work and that will be entirely her decision.

We are lucky in this regard but I can see where it could be a deal killer for others. Think  hard before bring a lady over and know in your heart of hearts that you can afford her or you can end up just another AM/RW fatality. Some of these other guys could explain better to you after the arrival as they are currently living it. I am just attempting to give  some idea of actual costs and she is not even here yet. Good luck on what ever you choose.

[Vaughn]

how much do I need to make after the initial expenses are covered?

Hard numbers are difficult to estimate. I thought I had a handle on the costs of footing
all expenses for the first few years (as Groov wisely recommended to expect) but I was
short. The first year and a half, for us, was tight at best. Fortunately, I married a woman
who was committed through thick 'n thin - and whose expectations were ones that I
was able to satisfy (and eventually exceed).

 

Do most of the woman want to really be pampered and looked after? Or, are they fairly independent and pull their own weight? ........ I want would prefer to have someone who is fully independent.

I've got a few friends who have the "pampered" type of wife. All I can advise is this: have
plenty of disposable income, you'll need it. Others, like me, married women who were
paving their own way, and in our case, raising a child alone. There are plenty of both
types. Regardless of their existing lifestyle, invest the time in your relationship to be
reasonably certain that her expectations are within your means, as Faux Pas mentioned
above. It's a tough equation to balance - as her expectations will also realize "adjustments"
as she settles in. My wife is definitely not a gold digger, but as years have passed I am
occasionally greeted with a wry smile and a pursed kiss to match - at those moments
I know we are about to realize another upgrade.

If a nice automobile for her isn't on your checklist, go ahead and add it now.

[Enot]

First of all, the RW I've met are idependent and want to work and contribute to a relationship in every manner.  As you say, there are exceptions.

Next, if you are not married when she arrives then you need to get married and she needs a green card before she can work.  So don't count on any income from her for at least 4 months.  During this time she can improve her English and/or learn to drive.

My advise is don't get hung up on costs if you have the cash to get her here and can support a wife.  Just spend the money wisely and don't go into debt.  If you can't afford something then tell her and show her the bills and how much money you have.  She will understand the situation once she sees your finances.

Good luck.

[kryten41]

Expect your heating bill to go up, and your air conditioning bill to go down 

When she gets here she will have practically nothing (unless you are going to ship all her stuff over here), and will need new wardrobe, makeup, hair dryer, and all those other things women need.

As others have said, she probably won't be able to work for quite some time after she arrives (you don't want to be the guy that makes his wife go to work cleaning houses or working at a fast-food joint do you?) She will also probably need English as Second Language classes so she is comfortable speaking, reading, and writing in English before entering the job market.  She might then need to go to college before she can find a job that will be satisfying.  She will probably need driving lessons, a car and auto insurance.

She will definitely need health and dental insurance. 

You will also need to budget for trips back there so she can visit friends and family.  Your phone bill will also go up, as she will want to keep in touch with friends and family.

It is good that you are looking ahead. 

Good luck and best wishes.

[Misha]

I'd also say that you will be tagged as a G-man (greedy) if you don't handle this paradigm well, from your initial emails to single women up through meetings and ultimately marriage. It's a very tricky subject and the bottom line is that if you aren't financially fit there's really no way to do this on the cheap.

Well, again, it depends on the situation. What is expensive: lawyers (if you do not do it alone) and government fees. Costly, but fortunately a one time deal.

It all comes down to knowing the woman you are marrying. My wife is VERY frugal. With her, I spend less on food on most other expenses. What she saves me, more than covers whatever extra I have to pay for food or clothes. As for housing, I have to live somewhere so the cost of being single versus married is pretty much the same.

So, yes, my wife wasn't able to work immediately, but I can't say it made a huge difference. I wasn't living on the street before she arrived, and my overall expenses stayed pretty much the same: I spend more in a few places, save elsewhere.

What are the other costs? Dentists? I have a decent plan at work and we are spreading out the work over a couple of years so my out of pockets costs are minimal.

Phone? I use jajah.com and my wife spends on average $20-$40 per month. A bit extra, but hardly exorbitant.

Vehicle? My wife is happy without one for the time being. We take turns driving: when she needs or wants the car, I take the bus. No big deal.

The one potential big expense: traveling to Russia. However, not every Russian woman needs to go back to Russia each and every year. My wife is planning on going this spring, the first time in close to three years.

All told, I can't say that I have spent a fortune because I am married to a Russian woman. We share in all financial decisions and we work together as a team.

[Misha]

Will you have to move? 

Didn't have to.

If you currently live in an apartment is it big enough for two?

Fortunately, I have a wife who actually wants to share my bed 

Does she dress well, Walmart is probably not the answer then, maybe she will shop at boutiques or the designer label stores.

My wife shops at Walmart, and at the boutiques when something is on sale, and at used clothing stores. Spends on average less than $50 a month on clothes.

Will she need a car and driving lessons, car insurance

I was my wife's instructor for driving. Not easy, but she passed her driver's.

Will she have to upgrade her English even before going to receive more education?

Fortunately, English lessons are free for immigrants in Canada.

Will you be able to handle the demands on your time? 

I would agree with you here. I had to spend a lot of time helping my wife in the first year. Now, less, but still more than if I had married a local woman.

Remember you are probably the only person she knows in the whole US.  You will have to be physically, not just emotionally, present for her far more than if you had married a local woman.

This is VERY true.

Financial cost, I'll bet $50K minimum is a decent average cost, probably more if you live in an upscale area like L.A. or New York.   

Well, I would have to say that I am at least $40,000 below average 

[Misha]

So far Misha but what about later.  If you had married a local woman, going to visit the inlaws would be an hours at most maybe a little more.

Depends how you define local. If local means within the country, then a "local" woman  in my case could have been from the other side of Canada, hours away by plane, and almost as expensive as going to Russia.

How long and how much to visit your inlaws? How often have you been since you've been married?  How often will you go during your marriage?

My wife would like to visit Russia every two or three years. Sure, it is an expense, but not that onerous. Again, every woman and every family is different. I have one Russian friend who has not been to Russia in over 10 years. She is afraid to go back and prefers to go to Florida on vacation than to Russia.

When you visit your inlaws in the FSU what do you take? 

A few souvenirs and a few gifts for my wife's nephew and niece. Pretty much what I would give to my own relatives and nieces and nephew.

A local woman can visit her parents at her convenience, a FSU woman must use the phone, Internet, etc or travel there alone if you have to work. 

Again, depends how you define local. Canadians often work and live in other provinces and a "local" Canadian woman may have to use the phone, internet and travel alone thousands of miles to visit her family.

All of these factors must be included if you are considering marrying someone in a different country.  As someone said upthread, this cannot be done on credit cards or loans.   

Again, similar factors exist if you marry someone from your country as well. I do agree about the not putting travel and other expenses on credit cards. However, being married to a RW doesn't automatically mean that you well spend thousands or tens of thousands more per year.