My girl has arrived

[groovlstk]

DKMM, was your girl moody and high maintenance prior to the last month? If so, then I'd agree w/Jazzy and Kievstar.

Otherwise, I'd strongly disagree that she'll be difficult and moody in the long term.

If her depression has a specific source like homesickness, she will get over it and bounce back to what was and is her norm, given time. (Or, in a worst-case scenario, it will overpower her and she'll return home. I think PG sadly experienced this years ago.)

Obviously you know that your best friend now is patience. I joked during the first few months of my wife's arrivals that at the end of the one-year mark I was going to reward myself with a Superman t-shirt with a big "P" on it instead of an "S."

Whenever my wife was depressed, the quickest antidote was simply some attention. Going for a walk, doing something together, etc. Strangely enough, phone calls home during these moments only made things worse (but I'd never play Dr. Phil and deny her the opportunity).

Also, what really helped was having Russian friends to meet with every few weekends. My wife found local women and couples using russian*Unapproved Link*. I'll never forget the first time we all met - the sheer joy at being able to speak Russian to women her age sitting at the same table had her so animated and excited that I tease her about it to this day. Help her find some friends who can understand the pain she's going through - because you can't - and don't listen to the dorks here who tell you to screen her friends.

[Misha]

Sounds like your girl is difficult and your going to have to decide if this is the type of girl you want. 

Kievstar, do you have any experience with a wife going through culture shock?

Again, from personal experience, I can attest to the fact that culture shock has nothing to do with a woman being "difficult." It is normal and usually hits right after the initial euphoria stage. This initial euphoria stage lasts in my experience three weeks to a month, two months at most. DKMM, I would have to say that your fiancee is right on schedule.

[groovlstk]

Kievstar, do you have any experience with a wife going through culture shock?

Again, from personal experience, I can attest to the fact that culture shock has nothing to do with a woman being "difficult." It is normal and usually hits right after the initial euphoria stage. This initial euphoria stage lasts in my experience three weeks to a month, two months at most. DKMM, I would have to say that your fiancee is right on schedule.

Exactly, it's like the describing the difference between someone who is bipolar and someone who is grieving. One is going to be plagued with depression throughout their lives, the other will bounce back.

[kievstar]

Misha really need to read my entire post and not sentences.  Showing one sentence takes the meaning of what I wrote away. I was just asking if DKMM spent enough time with his girl or maybe this is how she normally is.  Wanted him to really think.  I do not know his situation how long he spent with her before coming over.  But a lot of guys who do not spend enough time before marriage get surprised. 

Regarding culture shock everybody is different.  Some people never get over culture shock. 

I had ex wife of 10 years who went through culture shock.  I am 37 years old.  I have also lived in several foreign countries before.  I actually get culture shock right now in Brussels were I work.  Not sure if there are any guys on the board from Belgium but what do people do for fun around here but eat french fries and mayo.  Never seen so many fat people in my life and I am from Detroit.  Rains or is cloudy everyday.  Most miserable place on earth.  Sorry to get off topic.

[Misha]

Misha really need to read my entire post and not sentences. 

Well, I read the entire thread. What we have is a woman who by DKMM's description was quite happy before arriving to the USA and a woman who was also happy the first month in the USA based on what we were told. Then she starts feeling down and homesick a month or so after she arrives in the United States. Classic signs of culture shock.

[KenC]

Regarding culture shock everybody is different.  Some people never get over culture shock. 

Kievstar,
My wife has been in my country for 10 years and still has bouts of culture shock.  Of course it has greatly reduced over time, but it still raises it's ugly head now and again.
KenC

[kievstar]

Ok.  What about my culture shock.  Any input about Brussels.  I have lived in New Delhi India, Xiamen China, Katowice Poland, Sao Paulo Brazil.  But Brussels - what a dump.

[KenC]

Ok.  What about my culture shock.  Any input about Brussels.  I have lived in New Delhi India, Xiamen China, Katowice Poland, Sao Paulo Brazil.  But Brussels - what a dump.

Suck it up, Alice, you're from Detroit, for God's sake!
 

[kievstar]

true Ken.   But I am telling you cass corridor is better than Brussels. 

[Misha]

Ok.  What about my culture shock.  Any input about Brussels.  I have lived in New Delhi India, Xiamen China, Katowice Poland, Sao Paulo Brazil.  But Brussels - what a dump.

It depends. How long did you live in each of these cities and countries? Did you spend weeks, months or years? Also, the culture shock faced by a woman emigrating to a new country is different from someone who knows they will be temporary resident. I did suffer through culture shock the first year I spent in Russia, but I always knew I would be going back home at some point.

[BillyB]

We are officially engaged now and trying to figure out a wedding this winter but its hard when I feel like I'm the only one pushing things along while she whines and complains about everything and nothing.  I almost feel like she is just negative about everyting.

Weddings can add a lot of stress. A poster here told me his fiancee didn't feel like doing anything and he had to do everything to prepare for the wedding. He was exhausted and frustrated to the point he was going to call it off. He got some things off his chest and felt better after our talk. Things are going well for him and his wife.

Are you doing a big wedding or something simple, small and private? Consider whats best mentally and emotionally for your fiancee.

[vwrw]

We are officially engaged now and trying to figure out a wedding this winter

Are you sure that USCIS would not consider it as a fraud if a woman arrived as a student and got married here? Are you sure it would not result in denial of permanent residency?

[Jack]

good afternoon vwrw, and a good question,

Are you sure that USCIS would not consider it as a fraud if a woman arrived as a student and got married here? Are you sure it would not result in denial of permanent residency?

In one short reply vwrw, Yes, an individual on a student visa can get married and remain in the states. I know of actual cases. One very attractive Russian lady of about 28 was at a University in East Texas. She had received like a 5 year student visa, had been here 4.5 years and her visa was about to expire.  The only way she would be able to stay in US was to get married. She did, she found a wonderful man about 20 years older. The got married, have been happily married some 6-7 years now and have a small child.

These men who marry these ladies on student visas are able to do something with the BCIS which makes everything legal.   It's not suppose to be that way. I believe it is told, maybe even worded, that the student visa does not allow one to get married and if they were to marry they would still have to leave the country and file the k-1.  But their is a loop hole in the system as this has happened several times.

I am not saying this getting married will work everytime, probably it will not, but it can and has in the past.

[KenC]

Jack,
There was no such wording regarding marriage in applying for Lena's student visa to my recollection.  There is nothing fraudulent or the least bit nefarious in this situation at all.  There only has to be a request for a change in status because the conditions changed.  In our case, it was just a paperwork shuffle.
KenC

[vwrw]

Good afternoon Jack and thank you for responding.

I made a superficial research on this issue. It turned  out to be that in this case whether AOS goes smoothly or not depends on the intent when entering the US.   If there was no  intent of marring or immigrating when person arrived here as student, then AOS is likely to be approved. Otherwise, it could be considered as intentional attempting to circumvent US immigration law.

Many of the successful cases I read about have in common the fact that students have met their spouses here and there usually is a much longer time before the marriage than in DKMM‘s case. 

On the interview, under oath they could be asked how they met each other. The fact that they have met in Ukraine may engender suspicion. The fact that DMKK applied for K1 previously may fortify their suspicions. 

I hope everything goes well for DKMM and his girl.
 

[ScottinCrimea]

If my understanding is correct, your intent in obtaining the student visa was indeed to circumvent the immigration process and her primary motive in coming wasn't to be a student, but to spend time with you for the purpose of possible engagement and marriage.  Your job will be to convince them that this is not the case.  The fact that you filed a previous k-1, that you met in Ukraine prior to her coming to the US, that she has lived with you since arriving and that you are supporting her here as well as the relatively short time since her arrival that you became engaged and plan to marry are all factors that will probably leave you with some serious explaining to do.  Hopefully you can find a way to achieve your goal because the consequences of her being denied could be devastating.

[Brianinaz]

First the fine print....."not intended as legal advise...blablabla" My understanding is that marriage is not an issue. You can get married where ever you want. It's the visa that's the issue. You can get married, she can study and then go home while your K3 is processed. That's all legit but I would be prepared for a trip back to the mother land and to file a K3 and under no circumstance should you let her overstay her student visa. This is one you might want to consult an immigration attourney on. If you knew her before and had a relationship that is in any way documented I think you are treading on thin ice trying to convince folks she came to study and not for a relationship.

[IAmZon]

I am late to this party!  But that's what I get for being absent so much.

DKMM ... I did not get the Memo either?       Congratulations for sure. I think you followed an excellent path with the student Visa.

Driving lessons will quickly wear off the crush

Best of luck

[DKMM]

Hey guys how's it going?

I haven't been around in ages but I thought I would drop a line and say all is well in DKMM land!  I'm on cloud 9 with this girl, she's absolutely perfect for me.  We are getting married later on this month, which is about 110 days after she arrived in this country.  The first 2 months were a bit tricky but now her english is very good and we hardly ever have misunderstandings.  Its kind of strange to learn her real personality only lately thanks to improved english but to my delight she's totally a perfect match for me.  We laugh about things we used to fight about...

Anyhoo, don't sweat the immigration stuff guys.  The only catch is the intent prior to arriving thing and my O absolutely had no intention of marrying me or immigrating when she came here (my intention doesn't count hehe).  I'd love for someone at USCIS to try to convince her she had this in mind when she came, they would be in trouble LOL!  In any case, I'm covered but I won't get into all the details.  My only small fear is my stupid ex apparently came here on the K-1 thanks to rumors from friends of friends in Moscow... so who knows where she is or what she is doing but its not my fault if we broke up after she got the visa.  Y'all are paranoid if you think the government is going to deport my wife because they wrongly think she wanted to marry me before she came here.

Well I hope everyone is doing OK, I sure wish I was in the FSU now with the favorable exchange rates and all, too bad Putin made my Russian stocks worthless LOL.

DKMM

[GoodOlBoy]

Wow....DKMM.... I really came to this party late. I will have to do some research on your previous posts. But if I understand you correctly, you have 2 women (K1 and Student Visa) in the USA from Russia and you only married ONE? Why didn't you move to UTAH and marry both of them? 

[William3rd]

Hey guys how's it going?

I haven't been around in ages but I thought I would drop a line and say all is well in DKMM land!  I'm on cloud 9 with this girl, she's absolutely perfect for me.  We are getting married later on this month, which is about 110 days after she arrived in this country.  The first 2 months were a bit tricky but now her english is very good and we hardly ever have misunderstandings.  Its kind of strange to learn her real personality only lately thanks to improved english but to my delight she's totally a perfect match for me.  We laugh about things we used to fight about...

Anyhoo, don't sweat the immigration stuff guys.  The only catch is the intent prior to arriving thing and my O absolutely had no intention of marrying me or immigrating when she came here (my intention doesn't count hehe).  I'd love for someone at USCIS to try to convince her she had this in mind when she came, they would be in trouble LOL!  In any case, I'm covered but I won't get into all the details.  My only small fear is my stupid ex apparently came here on the K-1 thanks to rumors from friends of friends in Moscow... so who knows where she is or what she is doing but its not my fault if we broke up after she got the visa.  Y'all are paranoid if you think the government is going to deport my wife because they wrongly think she wanted to marry me before she came here.

Well I hope everyone is doing OK, I sure wish I was in the FSU now with the favorable exchange rates and all, too bad Putin made my Russian stocks worthless LOL.

DKMM

You did notify USCIS/DOS about the failure of your relationship after the K1 visa issuance, right?

[ScottinCrimea]

DKMM,  Unless you do something about it, you are still the sponsor for your ex and on the hook for the next ten years.  You can ignore it and hope for the best, but it could easily come back to bite you.

[Gator]

.....We are getting married later on this month.......

Splendid news!  Congratualtions!!!