Big city FSU to small city / town North America

[Brian]

I live in the suburbs.  My small city and surrounding area has a population of less than 200,000.   When I look at profiles of ladies I automatically move on to the next profile when I see that lady is from Moscow, St. Petersburg or Kiev.  Moscow, St. Petersburg and Kiev are beautiful cities with many more cultural advantages than I could ever hope to offer to my future wife.  There are probably many other larger cities that I should avoid as well.  There are many ladies that prefer living in the city and I am not looking for this.  I am trying to be realistic on what I can offer.  Am I being unreasonable in my perception that I should only focus on ladies from small cities, towns, villages?
     Over the years I have had several trips across Canada and the United States.  I find vast differences in the mind set and attitudes of people.  I find people in the very large cities like New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Toronto live a much faster paced life than say someone from Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, some mid-west states, and northern states.  I have found people from the southern states generally hospitable.
     What about ladies from the FSU?  Aside from the large cities to the small cities and larger towns what are differences with attitudes and mind sets between ladies from Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan, Moldova, and of course other countries?
     I do recognize that there is no right or wrong.  It is just about 2 people sharing their thoughts, ideas, and dreams with the desires to make a relationship work.

[Misha]

My question: what is it that you like doing in your small city? What are your interests and what is it that you do for fun? In my small city, for example, I enjoy bike riding, going camping (great lakes within an hour's drive) and some snowshoeing or cross-country skiing in the winter. These are things that my wife loves doing as well. Some of these she picked up due to my influence, some I started doing because of her (cross-country skiing and snowshoeing).

Simply put, you have to understand yourself why you enjoy life in your small city, and find a woman who will be able to enjoy that lifestyle as well. Where you will find her is anybody's guess.

[SMS60]

Actually you are doing yourself a disservice by skipping over the large cities like you mentioned. Lots of women to look over.

Quit fricken worrying about if you live in a big enough city for her. My gosh, your the man. You chose. She decides if she likes the choser. Natural order of things

I dont have the numbers but I think it is a large percentage.

There are a very large number of women who move to the large cities from small villiages. They move out of "neccessity" not because of a more so called cultured life. They can find the schools, jobs, and transportation in the large cities. IE. Moscow and St pete.

Single women and moms can find a job easier in the larger cities. Translates to survival. This is where the opprotunities are. Not because they want the glitzy lifestyle. If you ask, most hate the crowds, lines, and traffic but this is what it takes to have a life.

They dont live there because of the so called "big city" life. The vast majority dont experience it. They are too busy working and riding for hours on subways and trains.

I do think age has a factor of how they view the big city life. The younger women will lean more to the " its the in thing to live in a big city" compared to the  older and mature ladies.

[Vaughn]

I am trying to be realistic on what I can offer.

Don't for a minute believe that you'll have to settle for less. I used to agree that we WM would be best
served by searching in areas of similar population - I've grown to realize the fallacy of that notion through
noting countless examples that defy it. Lend more attention to her fiber than her surroundings.

[Ade]

My fiancée is from Arkhangelsk, a town of 350,000. She lived and worked in Moscow for some years and now she's about to move to my town of 25,000 or so. Actually, my house is a 10 minute drive from the center of town and I have just 5 close neighbours. She has spent 4 of the last 12 months living here and loves it.

The only real issue is the lack of frequent public transport (just 3 times a day) so I currently have her taking an intensive driving course back in Arkhangelsk.

We do live within 1.5 hours of the centre of Oslo if she needs a little more of the city but she's not really a city lover. In other words, don't assume a city girl won't want or even crave a small town life especially if it's in an area of great natural beauty.

[groovlstk]

When I look at profiles of ladies I automatically move on to the next profile when I see that lady is from Moscow, St. Petersburg or Kiev.  Moscow, St. Petersburg and Kiev are beautiful cities with many more cultural advantages than I could ever hope to offer to my future wife.

I've come full circle on this issue since I met my wife.

My wife was born in Moscow and lived there her entire life until we married. I live just outside of Manhattan so within days of her arrival in the US she was taking the subway alone.

I know for sure she would be just as happy if we lived in the suburbs or even a rural area (particularly when we have a child).

The advantage of living in a city, at least for us, is that it eased her transition. She didn't feel isolated having to sit home all day waiting for me to come home from work. She was also able to find a job very quickly, and probably most of all she was able to find Russian friends since NYC, like most big cities, has a sizeable Russian/Ukrainian expat community.

Don't get me wrong, this transition period is very delicate and the easier you can make it for her the happier she'll be, so don't discount living location. If your gf/fiancee/wife plans to work, what's the job market look like for her profession? Is there a Russian/Ukrainian community in the area? If you don't have an extensive public transportation network, how soon can you get her behind the wheel of her own car? Most big cities will have all these considerations covered, but the element that towers above all others is finding a woman who truly loves you. Everything else is manageable and will fall into place.

[philb]

Vaughn, SMS60, and Groovlstk are right on with their posts.  I spent 3+ years running around in the boonies of the FSU (Antratsit, Anapa, Novokuznetsk...), I ended up marrying a women from Kiev and I live in Wyoming.

As stated above I think age and "fiber" are of extreme importance.

[Blues Fairy]

The fact that those girls live in big cities does not necessarily mean they prefer big cities.  Ask them about their goals, particularly having children, and what kind of environment they would prefer for that. 

[Misha]

I have come to the conclusion that boring people are always bored. Some women will find something interesting to do anywhere, and they are invariably the most interesting women, the women you should be looking for IMHO.

[Brian]

Thank you for your comments.

In the small cities there are less cultural centers like museums, etc.

For me the advantages of small cities / towns is I feel safer, easier to get around, and closer to nature.  Cities are okay but I have no desire to live in the city.

My perception is that a lady from the big city would be disappointed living in town or small city.  When viewing profiles of ladies I just pass over any lady from the big cities and capitals.

The cities may be attractive to ladies in offering more employment opportunities.

In my situation I am not expecting my future wife to find a job.  I am a self-employed businessman and she can work with me if she chooses.  I wonder if many FSUW realize that some work certifications in FSU do not apply in North America.

[Shadow]

MrsShadow is from Moscow, but perfectly happy to live in a smaller town, although living in a farm land where villages look like ghost towns and the biggest news of the month is a foreign car driving past would be too quiet for her.

It depends on the woman and her preferences.

[Misha]

In the small cities there are less cultural centers like museums, etc.

How often do women in Moscow visit museums? Once a week? Once a month? Once a year? I love museums and that is why I visit them on vacations.

Live theater: our small city has some decent plays. We don't go every weekend, but once a month.

Symphony? We have one too. Again, it can't compare with those in Boston or New York or London, but quite decent for someone who wants to have a nice night out.

The people who whine the most about living in my city are those who do not put any effort into actually going out and appreciating what it has to offer. Also, some people seek to elevate their status by putting down others. They will do it wherever they may be living.

[facetrock]

     Recently I have been communicating with a lady from St. Pete. She grew up in a smaller village two hours away from there. Her mother still lives there and she finds herself going back more often as she gets older. Says she likes it there better. Simpler life, less pollution, little traffic and easier for her son to go out and play. St. Pete is not the same city it was 10 years ago, same for Kiev and Moscow. Many of these people who moved there from small villages find themselves missing their old life as the large city becomes more fast paced, expensive and crowded.
    I live in a suburd of another city. Total population for the area is about 90 thousand and when I explain what life is like here it facinates her. Our smaller citys are far different from theirs and it wont seem as small to them. We might not have an opera or ballet but how many times do these women actually go to one? Do you really want a woman that has to have this in her future city? You can get everything you need where I live other than some high end clothing stores, and again do you want a woman that cant live in your city because you dont have them?
    Most of these women who are now in their 30s, that have a child love the idea of a simpler life. I believe many of the women in this age bracket that were born in the big three think the same way too. But you must go into detail when explaining what your city is like and what is available. They will compare your citys population to one that they have been to the same size and will have a hard time believing what you tell them. Be patient, send them the website for the school her child would go too, your citys website, newspaper website. By doing this they will soon learn you dont live in Hooterville.
    Here are some of the things she had a hard time believing.

We have three public swimming pools, one is only a five minute drive from where I live.
I live close to the Mississippi River and it is not so polluted that you can swim in it and eat the fish you catch.
We have lots of wildlife and lots of trees.
We have two Universities and one tech school which is hard for her to believe why there would be one in such a small city.
Many people here have their own boats for the river
Our food is cheaper
Our gas is cheaper
Our schools look brand new( they are)
Our hospitals and clinics look like huge office buildings( this impressed the hell out of her)
Lots of people here go camping and yes I do know how to cook on a grill:)
And best of all, you can hunt for mushrooms in the spring, you can pick your own strawberries and your own rasberries:)))

[Turboguy]

My wife and I discussed this thread over lunch and I found her comments very interesting.   She lived in a city of 800,000 people (Barnaul, Russia) and moved here to a small town of 8500 people with about 180,000 total in the surrounding area. 

I hear a lot of people on RWD talk about the lack of culture in small towns compared to the big cities and the big cities in the FSU, but in reality how often do people really go to the museum.  What she misses a lot about big city life compared to small town life is the crowds in the street.   Here you rarely see anyone in the street.  If people want to go somewhere they drive.   She does not feel comfortable walking here because there are so few others walking, she feels conspicuous.  She says walking the crowned city streets and feeling the crowd around her energizes her and she misses that a lot.

I don't think she has missed much else about big city life.  Museum, Zoo, performing arts, festivals are a bit less than an hour away so if we wanted those they are doable.  International Airport is 30 minutes, We have good shopping, restaurants, and the normal things. 

I think she enjoys going out in our back yard and watching the squirrels and birds and she can drive anywhere here and I think driving in a big city would be much more challenging for her.  All in all big cities and small towns have their good and bad.  We are happy together and would be happy where ever we lived.   I think it is more important to find a woman who loves you and who you love and it is not that important where you sleep at night. 

[Gator]

It all depends upon the woman and the man.

My wife is from Moscow and full of energy.  She did participate in Moscow's offerings and is particular about where she would live.  She eliminated many men at the first letter if they did not live in an acceptable place.   You may think her arrogant; I refer to it as knowing what makes you happy.

Why do I say the man?  She visited Sydney, Australia and thought it a "big village."   I suppose that is the fault of the man - the bloke was a homebody and his limited social life always occurred in the same few places with the same few people.  Such would make New York City seem like a village.

I thought Tampa would bother her.  She teases me by calling it a "lovely village." 

In Tampa she actively participates in the following, something she perhaps could not duplicate in a smaller city.

-  She is very social and networks with 250 RW from young 20s to upper 40s in the Tampa Bay area.  The large group meets 1-2 times per month, and we socialize frequently with a few and their husbands

-  Latin dancing lessons with Latin teachers and an abundance of Hispanic men (I am not the jealous type)

-  An English Language Institute

-  One of the top 10 largest universities in America only 10 minutes away

-  A vintner's club with a number of true aficionados and some fine tastings

-  Gourmet cooking classes with traveling chefs

-  Artsy fartsy movies, theater with Broadway performers, a few interesting concerts.

-  Diverse job opportunities once she is ready to work (and the economy recovers)

To continue with the Tampa Chamber of Commerce spiel, the locale also appeals to her because of the warm weather (she thinks Tampa in July is perfect), one of America's best beaches less than an hour away, and day-trips to Orlando (getting a little old to me).

And she and the kids enjoy the wildlife.  Within our yard we see deer every morning (actually a nuisance at times) and this past week we saw a river otter and a flock of wild turkeys.  I should not have pointed to the snakeskin on the patio.  The bobcat no longer come around with our Great Dane puppy.

The traffic is not bad either.

[SANDRO43]

-  Diverse job opportunities once she is ready to work (and the economy recovers)

Phil, I'm thoroughly disappointed by the general lack of the vaunted US inventiveness, only one RWD member so far came up with a new idea - selling selected used-car parts on Ebay. RWD is a mine of hitherto untapped talent. Here's an idea:

- Sabina could ensnare some local gators - she's already been successful with one - skin it,  and sell the material to
- Sculpto to face/line his cabinets with, and sell them on Ebay for outrageous  prices - installation included, with fire-twirling a graded option (naked/non-naked).

Synergy, people! Everybody's welcome to improve on my basic outline . 

[ECOCKS]

My wife is facing the transition from a city of 3M or so (Kyiv) to the burbs of Boise (pop 200K with an SMSA of almost 600K). At first there were the same concerns regarding "culture" but then she was walking through the airport and noticed the Broadway road companies coming through. Now she is thinking more and more about having her own room in the house for her painting and crafts, as well as planning out her travels over the next decade to check out the US.

Talk about it as much as you can. Make sure she sees things in the new locale like theater groups, roadshows, zoos, University activities, sports, etc. Find hobbies and other undiscovered interests! Mine never dreamed of owning a gun now she is wondering about competitions and maybe even trying to hunt. I love her paintings - when we were looking at homes, make sure you are clear where her space will be and fish for what she might do with it. Other than sleeping, not many FSUW just sit and veg out. Mine also wanted to know if we could have a workout area in our upstairs den.

The point is to make them stakeholders/owners of their new homes, not just roommates with privileges or tenants pending the trial period. Get her involved in planning the new life and agenda.