Adoption

[jdk1963]

Ladies,  If you married a man and you found that you (as a couple) could not have children would you consider adopting?

[Blues Fairy]

We are actually considering adoption instead of having a second baby of our own, but for different reasons (humanitarian).  However, I doubt if we're going to be able to afford it.  To adopt from Russia (the only route that makes sense with me being a native Russian speaker), one has to invest anywhere from 30K to 40K.  Besides, according to the Russian adoption law, a kid can be only put up for international adoption after he/she has been in the orphans' database for at least 6 months and no Russian family has adopted him/her, which effectively excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies from the pool.  Many orphanages purposely do not allow foreigners to adopt kids without health problems.  Of course, exceptions happen.  It's a huge gamble.

[Faux Pas]

We are actually considering adoption instead of having a second baby of our own, but for different reasons (humanitarian).  However, I doubt if we're going to be able to afford it.  To adopt from Russia (the only route that makes sense with me being a native Russian speaker), one has to invest anywhere from 30K to 40K.  Besides, according to the Russian adoption law, a kid can be only put up for international adoption after he/she has been in the orphans' database for at least 6 months and no Russian family has adopted him/her, which effectively excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies from the pool.  Many orphanages purposely do not allow foreigners to adopt kids without health problems.  Of course, exceptions happen.  It's a huge gamble.

BF thats an interesting post. I know of a local couple that adopted a healthy Russian boy from an orphanage in Moscow. The man of the couple told me his costs including the two visits was close to 100K. He also said more than half of those costs were direct cash bribes.

[ladyR]

Yes, I think I can consider this  option. Of course we both have to be sure that we can afford this  emotionally and financially. Maybe for me will be also important how many years we already married  and if we are both in the "same team" and don't have serious problems to solve between us.

[Ranetka]

We are actually considering adoption instead of having a second baby of our own, but for different reasons (humanitarian).  However, I doubt if we're going to be able to afford it.  To adopt from Russia (the only route that makes sense with me being a native Russian speaker), one has to invest anywhere from 30K to 40K.  Besides, according to the Russian adoption law, a kid can be only put up for international adoption after he/she has been in the orphans' database for at least 6 months and no Russian family has adopted him/her, which effectively excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies from the pool.  Many orphanages purposely do not allow foreigners to adopt kids without health problems.  Of course, exceptions happen.  It's a huge gamble.

If you have not legalised your marriage in Russia and still registered in Russian apartment you could adopt a child on your own. Then add his name in your passport the same way as with your own child. \no need to explain the adopted child is going abroad.

Unless I am missing something I can see no fault in this.

[Blues Fairy]

If you have not legalised your marriage in Russia and still registered in Russian apartment you could adopt a child on your own. Then add his name in your passport the same way as with your own child. \no need to explain the adopted child is going abroad.  Unless I am missing something I can see no fault in this. 

It might probably work if I still had an apartment in Russia.   Unfortunately, for the past ten years I've been renting and my registration in the Moscow region is fake.  I also have no job or income in Russia.  No way to pass the inspection with the authorities.

[Ranetka]

It might probably work if I still had an apartment in Russia.   Unfortunately, for the past ten years I've been renting and my registration in the Moscow region is fake.  I also have no job or income in Russia.  No way to pass the inspection with the authorities.

Yes, I understand now.

[jdk1963]

The extra information is very helpful.  I had hoped to get an idea of the attitude towards adoption of RW. 

[Aloe]

adoption of RW? oy oy 
adoption is great. You get a baby without having to ruin your body

[Ade]

We are actually considering adoption instead of having a second baby of our own, but for different reasons (humanitarian).  However, I doubt if we're going to be able to afford it.  To adopt from Russia (the only route that makes sense with me being a native Russian speaker), one has to invest anywhere from 30K to 40K.  Besides, according to the Russian adoption law, a kid can be only put up for international adoption after he/she has been in the orphans' database for at least 6 months and no Russian family has adopted him/her, which effectively excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies from the pool.  Many orphanages purposely do not allow foreigners to adopt kids without health problems.  Of course, exceptions happen.  It's a huge gamble.

I bit my tongue and didn't go with my initial reaction when I read this first but now that I've had time to cogitate maybe you can clarify these two seeming disparate statements for me?

for different reasons (humanitarian)

and

which effectively excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies from the pool.  Many orphanages purposely do not allow foreigners to adopt kids without health problems.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your motives or possibly we have different interpretations of what a humanitarian is?

[Blues Fairy]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your motives or possibly we have different interpretations of what a humanitarian is?

Wow.

1. Where exactly did I say that I would not consider a kid with health problems?  I was describing the situation with international adoptions in Russia.
2. Adopting a healthy orphan cannot be considered humanitarian (enough)?
3. If we decide we cannot afford it, scrap the whole idea and have our own baby instead, how will you judge my motives?

[Ranetka]

Ladies,  If you married a man and you found that you (as a couple) could not have children would you consider adopting?

Yes.

And if I discover he knew he could not have children beforehand and never told me I could never forive him. Would most likely leave.

[pitbull]

Ladies,  If you married a man and you found that you (as a couple) could not have children would you consider adopting?

No. The emotional/financial/time etc. commitment of raising a child is such that I will only do it for my own biological child.

Modern science and medicine are so well developed in the infertility treatment area that there are relatively few instances when a couple absolutely cannot have children of their own.

However, if there is absolutely no way, and it's the man's "fault" (as I suppose the OP suggests) I would go for a sperm donor.

[Aloe]

hey, i read they made absolutely healthy sperm from stem cells, but they need a few years to make sure everything is working properly; so anyone will be able to have children, even girl with girl

[Ade]

will you judge my motives?

I asked and didn't accuse. I thought I was being restrained for once.

Still, I thought it a bit strange you mentioning humanitarian and lack of cute cuddly kids in the same post.
 

[Lily]

Ladies,  If you married a man and you found that you (as a couple) could not have children would you consider adopting?

No. I only would wish a kid that is flesh and blood of my beloved man. I wouldn't want to have any other children than HIS natural offspring.

[jdk1963]

No. I only would wish a kid that is flesh and blood of my beloved man. I wouldn't want to have any other children than HIS natural offspring.

Not even his un-natural offspring?      Sorry I could not pass that one up!

[Lily]

How can an offspring be other than natural?

[Tamara]

We are actually considering adoption instead of having a second baby of our own, but for different reasons (humanitarian).  However, I doubt if we're going to be able to afford it.  To adopt from Russia (the only route that makes sense with me being a native Russian speaker), one has to invest anywhere from 30K to 40K.  Besides, according to the Russian adoption law, a kid can be only put up for international adoption after he/she has been in the orphans' database for at least 6 months and no Russian family has adopted him/her, which effectively excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies from the pool.  Many orphanages purposely do not allow foreigners to adopt kids without health problems.  Of course, exceptions happen.  It's a huge gamble.

I have been working with many adoptive parents through teaching Russian for Adoptive Parents course and have seen many cases with both healthy and unhealthy babies.  I would disagree that 6 months waiting period "excludes the majority of cute, healthy young babies". It is certainly a gamble, but it greatly depends on the orphanage and the person adopting. Some orphanages will actually allow you to take a baby to an independent doctor/clinic. A bribe might be involved, but it's possible to do so to get an independent opinion on baby's health. Regarding cost, it will be around 30 to 40 k for Blues Fairy as she is a Russian native speaker. Others pay more for all of their trips, documents, translations, etc.

To answer an initial question on whether my husband and I will consider adoption - definetely YES. We'll try to have our first baby and consider adopting our second. There are so many children in need of family and parents, so why not give them a loving home and a chance in their life? I feel deep respect and gratitude to everybody who adopted and would like to do it in future myself.

[jdk1963]

How can an offspring be other than natural?

Just remember, you asked!

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gLN3QoN-q8[/youtube]