My experiences since starting out 2 and a half years ago

[dazzler]

Firstly, I wasn't sure if this is the right section to post these experiences on ???  Moderator, feel free to move this post if I posted on the wrong section and accept my sincere apologies!

I have been registered on RWD for about 2 years now and despite searching for some 2 and a half years encompassing 4 trips to Russia and 5 trips to Ukraine, I have never posted my experiences   Well, thats not quite true, because I did post some information about the 1st girl I ever met (23 year old) who lived in the Dimitrovgrad (neat Samara) area of Russia.  I met her through Freepersonals.ru and back in them days when I first started, things seemed so much easier.  I was like a child with no fear.  An artist with a blank canvass.  I was 30 years old back then.  I had very little relationship experience in general and even less sexual experience.  If life is tough now, imagine how tough it was back then

In them days, I really thought there was something wrong with me and I had huge hangups about my eligibility for attracting the opposite sex.  I always knew I had great personality and although never being someone who had lots of friends, was 1 of those people who made people laugh and was always being told what a gentleman I was and how '1 day I would make a great husband for someone'.  I remember thinking when I was in my young 20's that it 'will happen' because I was still so young, but for some reason it just didn't.  Unfortunately, I was never 1 of those guys who was good at approaching girls and even when I did start to finally approach, I found that most of the girls I was always interested in either seemed to have a boyfriend or just had so many choices that I was kinda of well.... overlooked   So, this only fuelled my low self esteem because I would believe that there had to be something wrong with me.  However, I should point out that I always had interest from the opposite sex from as far back as I remember.  The only problem was that the girls who always were interested in me were girls who I wasn't attracted to   This trend continued and still continues to the present day.  Many guys would say to me through life that I should just 'have fun' and go with the flow and not worry if I am attracted to the girls or not.  Life's too short!  I kinda thought there might be something in this, but the problem was that something would always hold me back.  I had to feel that 'something' within me for anything to happen.  I couldn't do what all my friends and contemporaries did.  It just didn't feel right for me :whirling:

Then of course, I went through that phase of just trying to be friends with these girls who I was not attracted to, but that never worked either.  I wanted to be friends with these girls, but for some reason, I always found that it became awkward because in most cases, the girls fancied me and I couldn't bring myself to tell them I didn't fancy them so in the end I just walked away.  That way, nobody got hurt.  So, on 1 hand I couldn't ever find someone who I felt 'compatible' with, but on the other hand I did always seem to have interest so I was very confused throughout my 20's.  So many unanswered questions.  The bottom line remained.  I was always a traditional minded lad who wanted to find that 1 special girl.  The 1 who would become my best friend and life partner and the only one I would ever marry.  That is how I am programmed.  Why?  I don't know, but we are who we are and there are some things you can't change.  I wanted to be like my friends and contemporaries and just 'have fun', because I always felt like I was missing out, but it just didn't agree with me.  In this regard, I was very different   So... I tried everything to meet that special girl.  I tried dating sites both online and offline.  I tried speedating (about 8 times!), I tried social networking sites and did the whole going out 2 or 3 times a week thing.  None of these methods were successful for me with regards to finding that special someone I was looking for

1 day when I was 29 years old, I decided I needed some extra cash so I advertised for a lodger.  That would bring me in some extra cash I thought.  So the man who moves in is from this country I knew very little about, Uzbekistan.  He was a nice man and we hit it off straight away.  We talked about everything and of course that included our relationship experiences.  This man had lived all his life in Uzbekistan and had been in London for 2 years if I recall correctly. He had just moved to Sheffield at that time and he understood my problem about meeting girls.  I remember he told me that it was so different in his country.  I was surprised to hear this and I always remember him saying to me that when he was walking in the streets of Uzbekistan, girls would look at him, but he noticed this didn't happen in London.  A light bulb went of in my head.  Maybe, it is different in other countries I thought!  He was very disillusioned with girls in England.  At that time he had managed to find a girlfriend in Sheffield, but she was from Latvia, another country I knew very little about.  She used to come round a lot and I remember thinking what a lovely girl she was.  He had met her through a local dating site on the internet, and he spoke Russian so he had access to Russian speaking girls   I shared a story about how I remember going to Greece for a family holiday when I was 22 and we were the only people from the UK on this complex!  Half of the site were Germans and the other half were Russians!  I remember explaining to him how I was intrigued by these Russian girls I met because they were so well presented and although they never spoke English, me and my sister would spend our evenings with them.  The truth was, I was really attracted to them, but I knew nothing about Russia ???  I don't even think I knew where it was on the map in those days, lol.  After explaining about this experience, my friend from Uzbekistan told me this.  He said "Darren, you have tried everything and it hasn't worked".  But you told me how you liked Russian girls from your holiday all those years ago.  Why don't you try and meet girls from Russia or Ukraine on the internet"?  I thought the guy was crazy!  I put up all the objections to it, but he kind of had a point and as a result I wrote hundreds of letters through freepersonals.ru and another free site. Of course, back then I was completely unaware of 'scams' and 'scammers' and 'pro daters'.  I was naive to say the least. 

Nearly 2 years ago after I had suffered my 1st heartbreak with the Russian girl from Dimitrovgrad, I decided to research some more and that was how I came across the idea of placing a newspaper advert.  I had read Thor's post on this site and I liked the idea because it meant I didn't have to approach the girls and so I decided to give it a whirl.  The 1st advert I placed was in December 2007.  I stayed for 3 weeks, met around 12 girls and decided to choose 1 who was to be my 2nd love since beginning this FSU adventure. She was 27 and although not the most attractive girl by FSU standards, I knew she was the 1 for me.  After spending the final week of my 3 week trip together with her, we decided that I should come back in 12 weeks time (Easter period) for another 2 weeks and develop the relationship further   I was so happy and did come back like we had planned.  Well, 3 days before my flight, she sends me an e-mail explaining how an ex boyfriend has suddenly come back into her life and she didn't know what to do.  I remember thinking, why now....  But I also thought that if I am going for 2 weeks, I can win her back and anyway I will see her so it can be OK in the end.  Wrong!  I went all that way and she was not even there to greet me.  I was in this lovely apartment all by myself for a day and a half before she finally came around to see me.  Then she arrives and I could see by her body language that she had already made her mind up and that the other man was to be her boyfriend and I was in this foreign country all by myself with nobody   I chased her and chased her and did all the usual sad things that guys do when they really care about someone and it was to no avail.  I only came for her and now I had to find a backup plan.  So I ran another newspaper ad (2nd time) and although I met around 15 girls, the problem was I only had 8 days left, which isn't a massive amount of time and besides, there wasn't anyone I was that interested in.  So back to the UK with tail between legs feeling devastated at a 2nd heartbreak in a year.  Now, I was beginning to understand how difficult international dating can be.  However, on the positive side, I had fallen in love 2 times in only 1 year and that had only happened once in 12 years in UK!  So, I must be on the right track I thought

However, before doing newspaper ad number 3, I wanted to try writing to many girls so I wrote to over a hundred different girls on a couple of free sites, like I had done before when I met the 1st girl from Dimitrovgrad.  I liked this idea because I could choose who I was interested in.  However, this time I began to see so many red flags.  So many of the girls sent letters that were clearly not from the heart and they never answered my questions so it was plain to see these girls were not sincere in their intentions.  Plus I began to realise that these girls are so spoiled with so many letters that it could be difficult to find someone who was simple and looking for the same things I was looking for.  OK, lets try bride.ru I thought.  So I must of wrote to about 100 girls on this site and did seem to have some very good prospects.  I came across 1 girl (22) who I really liked and we hit it off so well.  The letters were fantastic and from what I read it seemed we shared a mutual desire.  she lived near to Ufa and it just so happened her mother had married an Englishman who lived near to me in Sheffield!!  She told me in her letters that I could visit her Mother and her husband and this sounded great so I visited them a few times.  It seemed to me that this girl was a very good prospect although I wasn't 100% sure we would be attracted to each other since we had only exchanged photos.  However, everything seemed to be positive so far and I at least expected to visit her and have many things in common.  We both seemed to be traditional minded, kind, caring, fun people so I couldn't see too many issues.  And, perhaps even more of an advantage was the fact that I had met her mother and she was lovely and so was her English husband too.  I thought I'd hit the jackpot at last!  So many of the boxes were ticked.  I had originally wanted to keep my options open by visiting 3-5 different girls in Russia so that my eggs were not all in 1 basket.  My experiences from the 1st and 2nd girlfriends had taught me that, but I also knew how difficult it was with regards to the logistics of travel, not to mention the costs involved.  And this girl seemed like a very good prospect so I did a VOWO trip.  In any case, if it didn't work out, then I would go to Kharkov and stay for 5 weeks and run a newpaper ad where I would meet many girls anyway, so I had a backup this time. 

So, off to the Bashkortostan region (near Ufa) of Russia I went and after 5 or 6 very tiring days of travel (bus from London - Kharkov and then trains from Kharkov to Moscow and Moscow to Tuimazy) I stepped off the train luggage in hand to meet this wonderful prospect.  At 1st, I didn't see her and wondered if she was even here and then I saw her and my 1st reaction was that of utter shock.  I remember looking at her in the distance and thinking "oh no, this girl is the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life".  You may think this is strange, but really, I couldn't see how we would match at all because to say that this girl was way out of my league would of been the understatement of the century.  Don't get me wrong, I now know that I am a handsome lad after being repeatedly told this by younger girls in England and likewise being told it by most girls I meet through newspaper ad, but this girl was so hot, it beggared belief.  But... our letters were good so we must have a chance I thought.  And we had exchanged many photos so she knew what I looked like.  The only thing was that this girl looked 3 times hotter in real life than her photos, but apart from that everything else was equal or so I thought.  But, within the 1st moments of meeting her and talking with her etc, I could see that this was going to be a completely wasted trip.  She spoke hardly any English, even though her profile suggested she did.  Also, her Mother's husband had reassured me that she was learning English so well and knew many words but the reality was very different.  Maybe she deliberately didn't try to speak English with me.  At least with the 1st girl I dated in Russia, she had shown me the same level of interest that her letters and our correspondence had suggested.  So there was consistency on that occasion, but this girl was like a different person.  Sure, she was the most attractive girl I ever met in my life, but no way was this the same girl who wrote such lovely things in the letters.  No way.  She knew she could have any man in the world (within reason) and quite frankly I wouldn't blame her for that, but then why did she write to me I thought?  Why did she want me to meet her Mother and her new English husband?  Why would she have me come all this way to Tuimazy, if there wasn't at least some serious intentions to get to know me and develop our mutual goals of finding love?  So I stayed with her for 4 or 5 days in her flat where she lived with her Grandparents and I was well looked after.  No complaints in this department   Her grandparents were very hospitable and Grandma prepared wonderful cuisines   But the girl I was here to get to know was mostly in her room (door closed) doing her makeup and chatting with people on msn.  I ended up spending more time with her grandfather playing chess than anything else.  It was a horrible experience and 1 which still gives me nightmares today.  I couldn't even play chess and I never won a single game :ohbrother:

On the few occasions I did go out with the girl, she invited other friends along so I felt like I was frozen out of the picture.  On the whole trip, she never let me in at all.  The only time I saw any interest from her was when she wanted me to take photos of us both together and boy was she keen for me to upload these photos to her computer.  Wonder why ???  When her Mother and husband called, I would speak with the husband from England and he told me that she likes me and thinks I am the one.  I almost fell over because I knew this could not be true and I told him that she is showing me no interest at all and it was obvious to me that she wasn't into me.  This pattern repeated itself for a couple of days with phone calls suggesting she liked me and excuses as to why I couldn't see it or more importantly feel it.  I was forever being told (even before the trip) that she's shy and her ex-boyfriend didn't treat her well etc etc.  I knew something wasn't right and I could only imagine I was being used for a greencard to England.  It had to be this because what else?  Her mother was in England married with an Englishman and this girl was in Russia.  She needed to get to England to be with her mother was the only clear motive I could suspect.  Apparently she was already in the throws of obtaining a 6 month tourist VISA to UK so maybe having a boyfriend would of helped her cause?  I don't know, but then she can find any man she wants once she arrives in England because she is so attractive so why would she need me ???  None of it made sense.  But what did make sense was that this girl had zero interest in me despite all the wonderful letters etc

So, after an awful experience (though hospitable Grandparents) I came back in the summer of 2008 to Kharkov, for 5 weeks this time and ran a 3rd newspaper ad.  This was probably the most productive ad campaign in the sense that I met around 12 girls and liked about 5 of them!!!  However, 1 of the problems I was beginning to find with this method is that when you have more than 1 girl you like, it is really difficult to juggle between them let alone when there are 3-5 girls you like!  It becomes really difficult.   It's kind of annoying because I had already done the whole VOWO method with 2 girls and it seems clear to me that this method is not necessarily as sensible as I originally thought.  So I desperately wanted to keep my options open on the 3rd newspaper ad, but once again the same thing happen.  I had met this lovely 22 year old girl who seemed like the type who was ready for a serious relationship, but spoke very little English so it was difficult.  We hit it off and dated solid for a week.  But then I met this lovely 18 year old who spoke really good English (very rare in my experiences) and I was under her spell   I know, shame on me.  But really, it wasn't just lust.  We hit it off in every way and to this day we are still good friends and share so many laughs.   In fact, she is even helping me on my recent trip to Kharkov by introducing me with girls whom she personally knows!  So at that time this 18 year old girl gave me an ultimatum that I either am with her and stop meeting other girls or its over.  I was already hooked on her and it meant kissing goodbye to the 22 year old and some of the other girls who were probably better prospects, but I did have 2 wonderful weeks with this 18 year old.  I won't go into details because I am a gentleman but it really was great and in hindsight, I have no regrets.  Of course, I am a little regretful of missing out on the 22 year old who I recently found out is now married with a local man.  Clearly, if I met another girl like her this summer then I should try to keep her.  So, at the time I did hope to try and make a go of it with the 18 year old, but it was clear for me to see that this girl was just a GTG and was way too young for anything so serious.  However, we were very compatible and I can't remember hitting it off so well with any other girl in my life.  So, after returning from a wonderful 5 weeks in Kharkov last year, I knew I had a difficult 10 months ahead.  The plan was to work 10 months, save my money and not have a life in England.  I did that and now if you really want to know what is happening in my latest 10 week adventure in Kharkov, then go to the Trip Report section and find out....  However, you won't find it just yet because I haven't got round to writing it!  I am such a tease :evil: But, I still have 4 more weeks left in Kharkov and I will write the Trip Report up as soon as I can, promise

[TwoBitBandit]

Wow, you wrote a lot.

I'd like to interject some random ideas:

1.  There really is no "one" special girl for you.  Part of the beauty of dating and understanding women, is that your idea of what a great woman is changes as you get more experience with them. 

2.   Girls under about 23 aren't really ready, even if you are age-appropriate for them.  There's so many hurdles in these types of international relationships.

3.  If you don't have that much experience with dating in general, I recommend (in addition to actually dating as much as possible) reading some books on female psychology and also on picking up girls.  A lot of dating is about doing the right thing at the right time, and if you don't you'll get flushed out.  Women are looking for a sign of weakness or inexperience to deep-six you.  Improve your act with women in general and you'll get better results.

4.  Your post seems to scream out that you're lacking confidence.  Work on it!  Read books about confidence, step outside of your normal box, every day try to do something difficult.  Pump some iron, it will help you look better, feel better, and give you some testosterone.

[dazzler]

Some interesting ideas.  Thanks for that TBB.  Please understand that it is more a figure of speech when I talk about that 'special 1'.  I do know that there is no such thing as a perfect man or perfect woman for that matter.  It just so happens that my experiences have shown that there are more girs who I feel comfortable and compatible  with in the FSU than back in England.  Just because I am selective, doesn't mean I am looking for something thats not there, otherwise I wouldn't be dating my current girlfriend (you heard it here first!).  She is certainly not perfect and neither am I, but she is a great match for me and it 'feels' right so of course she can be that 'special 1'.  That was my whole point about the 2 girls I dated in Russia.  Both of them were 'smoking hot' but their other qualities were not so good and as a result I lost my attraction for them.  Experience teaches us that for sure, but not a bad experience   As for the under 23's, well for sure many of them are not ready especially these days.  It's just unfortuante that I always attract younger girls :evil:  It has been a feature of my dating experiences down the years.  There always too damn young   It is of course another reason why I never found someone serious before.  But then again, all girls are different!

Anyway, I hope my post will help some of the other guys, especially those newbies.  Many guys are afraid of dating girls these days in England.  I know because I see the fear in some fo the young lads I have taught in schools.  I also seen it in older guys too, but very rarely do I hear them admit to their fears and discuss it in the open.  Actuially, they do when it is between men   So, at least I have been honest and shared some of my experiences which I hope will help other guys   Because I know they are out there

P.S. Yes, it was a long post!

[kryten41]

Am I correct that you never spoke to any of these women on the phone before travelling to meet them?  If so, I think that was part of the problem. 

Just my 2 grivna

[BrianW]

Dazzler,


As a young guy and newbie I really enjoyed reading your post. Keep the faith, I'm sure you will be successful.

[Gator]

Dazzler,

You are blessed to have ample time to spend in the FSU.  It should be fun and happy times, so enjoy your journey even though the road seems long and crooked.   

It also seems that you are learning something with each experience.

Keep trying,  '1 day you will make a great husband for someone'. 

[Vaughn]

It's difficult to recall such a refreshingly honest post....   way to go, dazzler.

I think Two Bit Bandit would agree with me that Russian is a tough language to
just pick up and master quickly - I've been at this for many years, and age is
slowing down my rate of absorption...  that said, concentrate only on ladies
that have a fair to good command of English. The phone calls as suggested
above by kryten is of tremendous value to confirm their ability - as well as to
glimpse their personality before meeting.

Looking forward to your TR...

[TwoBitBandit]

It's difficult to recall such a refreshingly honest post....   way to go, dazzler.

I think Two Bit Bandit would agree with me that Russian is a tough language to
just pick up and master quickly - I've been at this for many years, and age is
slowing down my rate of absorption...  that said, concentrate only on ladies
that have a fair to good command of English. The phone calls as suggested
above by kryten is of tremendous value to confirm their ability - as well as to
glimpse their personality before meeting.

Looking forward to your TR...

I agree that Russian is a very difficult language.

I've been studying Russian for about five years now for a few hours a week.  It wasn't until about year three that I could really carry on a meaningful conversation.  Now I'm quite comfortable with everyday language, and I can speak and understand conversations pretty well if I'm participating.  My writing is better than my listening, since I don't often talk to native speakers.  I still have some trouble with understanding conversations where I'm a third party and speech in films, although I usually understand the topic of the conversation.  I can read and understand a newspaper, although I was a failure at reading the first page of "War and Peace."

I know a woman who teaches Russian at the Monterey Defense Language Institute.  They have a one-year immersion program for spooks in the armed forces.  She teaches Russian every day, all day.  She tells me that some people simply don't have the mental capacity for a language like Russian.  Before I knew her, I simply thought that people who couldn't pick up a language like Russian simply lacked discipline.  However, she disagrees, saying that aptitude is a requirement: not just something that makes it easier.   She's told me a few stories about students who really worked their butts off and still couldn't succeed.

Nevertheless, I think that some Russian is immensely helpful for everyone.  I advise everyone seeking a Russian girl to at least do the ninety-lesson Pimsleur audio course.  I think that everyone can benefit from knowing how to form sentences like, "I need to exchange 100 dollars, can you please tell me where to go?" or "What time does the train to Novosibirsk leave?"  The first few hundred words will go a long way.  You don't need to be able to build a grammatically correct sentence with the participle становящемуся to benefit from knowing some Russian.

The argument, "I'm chasing girls who speak English, therefore I don't need any Russian" is both valid and invalid.  It's technically true, and there's plenty of examples of guys who have learned zero Russian, gotten married and are doing well.

However, it doesn't solve the following problems:
1.  Speaking Russian opens the door to dating way more girls.  What percentage of FSU girls speak English well enough to have a relationship?  1%?  5%?  I don't know the exact number.  On my last two trips, not a single woman I dated spoke more than a few phrases of English.  I spoke with them entirely in Russian.

2.  Correctly sizing up a girl requires understanding her life, including her friends and family.  Even if the girl herself speaks English, they probably won't.

3.  Gaining a woman's respect is way easier when you speak Russian.  How can you prove yourself to be a strong guy and a capable leader if you can't even negotiate your own taxi fare across town?

4.  Russia is one of the most tourist-unfriendly places I've been in my life (and I've been a lot of places).  The lack of other languages, Soviet mentality of customer service, apathy toward strangers and chaos of traveling makes it difficult to get what and where you want.  Speaking Russian has saved me an enormous amount of grief.

5.  Being able to recite some of Pushkin's poetry really makes girls' eyes light up.  You won't believe how much until you try it yourself. 

Although I'm probably not the right person to rant: I'm still single.

Of course, this had a cost for me: I have probably 1500+ hours invested in studying Russian.

[Vaughn]

I know a woman who teaches Russian at the Monterey Defense Language Institute.  They have a one-year immersion program for spooks in the armed forces.  She teaches Russian every day, all day.  

That's the course I took - not by choice, though. I entered the USAF intent on Air Traffic Control. One look
at my transcripts overrode my desire. Studied Russian 8 hours a day for 9 months with teachers who were
native speakers. By month 5, the vocabulary became limited to military terminology - not too useful when
pursuing a Russian dyevushka. But even after 20+ years absence, I was able to rebuild my vocabulary with
far more ease by having clear recollection of grammar rules. To be honest, knowing enough Russian to carry
on conversation, go shopping without a terp, and getting around on one's own is invaluable - not to mention
it opens up a vast field that remains, for the large part, closed to non-speakers. I DO make mistakes, of course,
that clearly tickle some Russian company: I didn't know the word for "male nurse" was "medbrat" but I knew
the word for "nurse" was "medsestra" - so I incorrectly concocted "male nurse" by saying "muzhskaya
medsestra" - in effect, a masculine female nurse - THAT one brought down the house at a party. I found
even the mistakes endear one to the locals - who well appreciate the effort - and helps to dispel the notion that
all Americans speak only one tongue.

[Az1]

Hello Darren

I hope things are going well for you in Ukraine and i look forward to your trip report.

[Lonewing]

Dazzer, it's good to hear from someone who has already walked the path before me.  the similarities between your story and my own are striking, minus the book [international dating & travel] where I do not have experience.  I wish you luck.

[dazzler]

kryten41 , I didn't mention it, but the 1st girl from dimitrovgrad, I spoke with by telephone at least 4 times before meeting her plus exchanged many e-mails   Also, the 2nd girl from Russia whom I met via bride.ru, I spoke with by telephone on many occasions as well as loads of e-mails (this was the girl whose mother had married an Englishman and was living together with him near to Sheffield where I live) The girls from the newspaper advert campaign, I obviously meet in person as I am already in Kharkov when the advert runs

Yes, I have found that most of the girls I have met via newspaper ad (over 80 now) speak either no English or only some words at best so it is really difficult.  Have been learning Russian for over 2 years now and know many words but struggle to ping too many conversations together that are meaningful  

TwoBitBandit - It is great that you have mastered Russian and I only hope I can 1 day be able to make meaningful conversation like you, and not just basic everyday stuff that only gets you so far!  Mind you, a lot of the locals seem to love the fact that I know some sentences and words and find it funny

Lonewing, that is 1 of the main reasons I wanted to make this post for people who may benefit from what I have been through both in the home dating scene (virtually zero in my life) and the dating scene in Ukraine/Russia (10 times better, albeit with international dating difficulties which 1 should expect).  Glad it has been useful for you.

Gator.  You are a true gentleman.  I have read many of your posts in the past 2 years and not only do I find myself laughing at them, but I also find most of what you say makes a lot of sense. 

BrianW.  Thanks mate.  I wish you success too.

Az1.  Nice to hear from you and hope things are going well for you back home.  As a psychologist you should be able to work out what I'm on about below, plus you have met me a few times so read below and see if you understand what I learned this weekend.

Vaughn, I am not able to lie and experience has taught me that this is not necessarily a good quality.  I usually find that being honest upsets people who have an ego to protect or have way too much pride (call it what you will).  Then there are those people that are just too closed minded to accept different view points.  For example, only this weekend have I learned something very interesting with regards to relationships that I now know to be true (for me!).  I had always suspected it, but had never fully proved it.  That was until Saturday.  Bear in mind that this is only applicable to me and not necessarily every man.  But, I won't say what it is because I know it will upset many egos.  I really want to share it with men that are open minded to hear it, but I know there will be men and probably some women too, who would not be strong enough to hear it and take it on board.  But, boy has this discovery really made me feel much more confident because I always felt it would be this way, but I never knew 100%.  Now I do!!!  And no.... I haven't just lost my virginity   Although it does have something to do with the physical aspects of relationships and that whole being with someone you really want to be with versus being with someone for the sake of being with someone.  Can't say anymore than that, but maybe you can read between the lines from my original post and this post and be very close to understanding what it is that I just learned

[dazzler]

And I will hopefully get round to writing up the TR tomorrow evening though it will be the gentlemans version so no x-rated stuff and I won't be posting any pics because I don't agree with that since I have not got the permission from the girls in question.  I will try to make it less than 10,000 words.  That way, no one falls asleep  

[Muddy]

I stayed for 3 weeks, met around 12 girls and decided to choose 1 who was to be my 2nd love since beginning this FSU adventure. She was 27 and although not the most attractive girl by FSU standards, I knew she was the 1 for me.  After spending the final week of my 3 week trip together with her, we decided that I should come back in 12 weeks time (Easter period) for another 2 weeks and develop the relationship further   I was so happy and did come back like we had planned.  Well, 3 days before my flight, she sends me an e-mail explaining how an ex boyfriend has suddenly come back into her life and she didn't know what to do.  I remember thinking, why now....  But I also thought that if I am going for 2 weeks, I can win her back and anyway I will see her so it can be OK in the end.  Wrong!  I went all that way and she was not even there to greet me.  I was in this lovely apartment all by myself for a day and a half before she finally came around to see me.  Then she arrives and I could see by her body language that she had already made her mind up and that the other man was to be her boyfriend and I was in this foreign country all by myself with nobody

Make sure you dont make the same mistake again, any girl you meet has had boyfriends before you, she will meet one of her old boyfirends or may meet a new boyfriend after you leave, if you make the same mistake again you will lose her, you cannot wait for so long you have to move faster or she will lose her interest, she may think you are meeting girls in the UK and you are just bull*snip*ting her.
Did you really she will sit and wait for you?

When she goes home and talks to her family and friends what do you think will happen?
After some time they think you just want sex and you are not serious about her at all, wait 12 weeks for what?

From your long post it seems you are not even thinking marriage, it seems you just go there on long trips to meet girls and then what? Come home for 12 weeks, go back and meet them again and then what? Its crazy

Its like you are doing so much to find a special girl, then dont even think about what she, her family, and her friends may think,  and then you set yourself up for losing her so easily

[Vaughn]

  But, I won't say what it is because I know it will upset many egos.  I really want to share it with men that are open minded to hear it, but I know there will be men and probably some women too, who would not be strong enough to hear it and take it on board. 

Damn, are you going to leave me here on the edge of my chair? Your
charmingly coy effort to bait, then pull back so as to spare the faint
of heart reveals much.   

I wish you well, dazzler.

[dazzler]

Muddy,

Some interesting points raised.  I am looking for marriage, don't you worry about that.  I will be coming back 6 weeks after I leave and will return at 5-6 week intervals.  The ONLY reason it was 12 weeks in the past was due to having to raise enough money to come back.  My partner at the time was well aware of that.  I do appreciate there are difficulties when returning back to your homeland because as you say your partner will talk with friends, go out, speak with parents etc and when these things happen, doubts can creep in and that 'feeling' can be lost.  Plus men will invariably approach as they do.  That is just 1 reason why I will make sure it is only 6 weeks in the future.  Whilst this doesn't guarantee anything, it does mean we are not apart for 'too long'.  I have told my current partner this and I have also let her know I will be paying for her to learn English in the meantime.  She is very happy and has agreed  I have promised her that I will continue to learn Russian though she joked with me yesterday evening about how my levels wouldn't be any different.  The funny thing is I think she is right  I do find it hard to motivate myself to learn Russian.  Will she wait for me for the 6 weeks and be faithful?  Well, I hope so and I'm willing to trust her.

[dazzler]

Damn, are you going to leave me here on the edge of my chair? Your
charmingly coy effort to bait, then pull back so as to spare the faint
of heart reveals much

Vaughn,

I am indeed going to leave you on the edge of your chair.

[Muddy]

Girls in the FSU start to have boyfiends in their teenage years just like western countries. You can be sure a 22 year old girl has had boyfriends and just because she broke up with them does not mean its all over. Of course they also have friends, they go out, to parties, to clubs, and meet people.

gl

[Faux Pas]

Girls in the FSU start to have boyfiends in their teenage years just like western countries. You can be sure a 22 year old girl has had boyfriends and just because she broke up with them does not mean its all over. Of course they also have friends, they go out, to parties, to clubs, and meet people.

gl

You're just a bubbling caldron of POSITIVE there aren't you Muddy?

[dazzler]

Girls in the FSU start to have boyfiends in their teenage years just like western countries. You can be sure a 22 year old girl has had boyfriends and just because she broke up with them does not mean its all over. Of course they also have friends, they go out, to parties, to clubs, and meet people.

Yes, you are right Muddy.  But.... lets just hope this girl isn't like that

[Lonewing]

I think I have a good sense of what you have learned this time, If I'm on the same page then I learned it well throughout my relationship.  Physical and personality compatibility isn't enough - there's more that has to be compatible in addition to this which just makes this whole game THAT much harder!

[Gator]

Yes, you are right Muddy.  But.... lets just hope this girl isn't like that

Don't worry Dazzler!  Based on RWD posts, I doubt that you and Muddy date the same type of women.  For sure, you do not treat women the same as he does!

[OlgaH]

I have also let her know I will be paying for her to learn English in the meantime.  She is very happy and has agreed  I have promised her that I will continue to learn Russian ...

Actually you can teach each other through Skype  and therefor spend more time together  

[Muddy]

Don't worry Dazzler!  Based on RWD posts, I doubt that you and Muddy date the same type of women.  For sure, you do not treat women the same as he does!

Dont be so jealous Gator, here is a girl for you, your kind:
http://angelika.net/ladies/mi9220.shtml

[Gator]

Dont be so jealous Gator, here is a girl for you, your kind:
http://angelika.net/ladies/mi9220.shtml

 

Small world!  I met Ludmila a few years ago and she was a lot of fun.  She did not want to have any more babies, so I moved on.  Too bad because she was perfect otherwise.