Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[BillyB]

My wife is away for a whole friggin month!!  I haven't a clue what she is really up to

 hiii98 WAS just like you for a majority of his marriage. No worries when wife's not in site. He trusted her but recently, unlike in your marriage, he found something out and it's not normal what his wife did within a marriage. Some people shouldn't get married if they don't want commitment or responsibility. Life would be so much easier if people wouldn't get married if they want the no strings attached relationship. hiii98 is in a marriage and within his right to tell his wife her activities, getting sh!t faced drunk with men all weekend long and flirting on the internet, has got to stop. If she's not smart enough to understand or caring enough to listen to him, then she's dumb and selfish, period. There's not one good thing about what she did that will make their marriage healthier and stronger. It's destructive behavior. Look at the evidence. hiii98 did not come here to tell everyone about his wonderful marriage full of trust.

[Lonewing]

What amazes me the most is how long and to what extent man has worried about their women.

And it is supposed to be women who are the emotional ones!!  If you want to find out just how strong a man is, take away his true love, whether she loves him or not...

When my ex-girlfriend was gone just one night with the boys I was worried sick about her until she got home.  When she got home, I was relieved but still sad that she didn't want to be with me but prefered their company to mine.  Now I am just sad she's not with me any more, because I truly did love her.  I just wish she treated me better...which is why I'm so glad it's OVER!

[Ade]

As is usual in these types of threads people are extrapolating and making huge leaps to reach absolute conclusions on very little or even no information. Get some perspective people.

Billy, really, my wife thinks that conversation was innocent enough as do other native speakers why do you insist on making it into something it was not?

Yes, the OP's wife going out all night when there's a 1 year old at home is not to everyone's liking for sure, but that's not a 100% guarantee of infidelity as some here are suggesting. And, FWIW, I know a number of women that have totally platonic men friends; I know that is difficult for some people to grasp, but it is possible. Yes, really, it is.  

[Jooky]

What was posted is only one side of a conversation. That's why it's hard to make sense of it. I'm surprised nobody caught this. Try to fill in the blanks and it becomes much clearer.

[BC]

He trusted her but recently, unlike in your marriage, he found something out and it's not normal what his wife did within a marriage.

Look at the evidence. hiii98 did not come here to tell everyone about his wonderful marriage full of trust.

Someone once told me "Son, if you go around sticking your fingers into places they don't really belong, don't be surprised if it doesn't come out smelling like roses."

They will work it out themselves one way or another, but resolution certainly is not to be found in this thread.

 

[Aloe]

so why not just talk to her ? I do not see it mentioned anywhere that he talked to her and let her know that her behavior is unpleasant to him. What i see is him snooping around her chatlogs, but not talking to her. Is that normal marriage behavior? I thought the normal thing to do was talk, if you feel uncomfortable, but the first thing he did was go through her personal stuff. Me thinks they both are engaged in unacceptable activities.

[Jooky]

Me thinks they both are engaged in unacceptable activities.

I agree. Posting your wife's private conversation on an internet forum shows as much respect for the marriage as partying all night with a bunch of dudes... in other words none.

[Doll]

I agree. Posting your wife's private conversation on an internet forum shows as much respect for the marriage as partying all night with a bunch of dudes... in other words none.

[Doll]

What was posted is only one side of a conversation. That's why it's hard to make sense of it. I'm surprised nobody caught this. Try to fill in the blanks and it becomes much clearer.

We did. Anyway none of us, natives, found anything really bad in it- the OP wife is talking to a guy who has (had) a gf. They are friends- this is for sure, but nothing about cheating.

[GoodOlBoy]

I don't know about anybody else, But....I sure feel sorry for that baby.

He/She grows up knowing Mom goes out all night with men, comes home drunk days later and invites "Uncle Sergei" over to the house for a little "fun time " while Dad's away at work.  :evil:

Sounds like an outstanding environment for raising the next dysfunctional child in the GoodOl' USA.


GOB


BTW....As an added bonus, he/she will catch it from friends and enemies at school all day long...."My Mom says your Mom is a drunk and a whore"........nice.

[BillyB]

 not a 100% guarantee of infidelity as some here are suggesting.

The innocent speach led to un-marriage like activities based off a converstation that the husband is leaving and she will be alone"smiley face". The wife doesn't have to be unfaithful but she put herself in a position of weakness that could destroy her marriage. Stupid. Most people can't live with stupid.

[Misha]

Yes, the OP's wife going out all night when there's a 1 year old at home is not to everyone's liking for sure, but that's not a 100% guarantee of infidelity as some here are suggesting. And, FWIW, I know a number of women that have totally platonic men friends; I know that is difficult for some people to grasp, but it is possible. Yes, really, it is.  

There are no 100% guarantees in life. Still, a woman going out on a тусовка with a group of men is certainly increasing the odds exponentially that it will happen sooner or later. I related this story to my wife. Her reaction: "Are they idiots? It would be normal for a man to be a bit jealous under these circumstances." She didn't believe that the OP's wife would stay faithful for long.

[SMS60]

This situation reminds me of a time of my life when I was like an uncaged animal in the singles world.

I dont know weather to laugh or cry.  ???

My friends and I were very social people. I.E. After the business was done for the week there was not a club,bar,and or event left unexplored.

It never failed. In fact you could count on it. You would eventually meet some married women before the night was over.

Most were respectable women out with their girlfriends for a night on the town. But there was always 1 or 2 who were different.

When you met one of the different ones your moral compass would start to work. There would never be a problem to satisfy your urges if you chose to go that route.

The questions going off in my head were, wheres the husband? What kind of man would be alright with this? Which leads too, she must be lying to him for him to be okay with this. Or they have a very open relationship which means its ok to proceed?

The laughable part?? Well I always wondered who the husband was of the women who was grinding her backside in my crotch. I felt bad for him until the alcohol kicked in. Im getting a glimpse of him in this thread.

[Aloe]

that reminds me, some women say that dancing in the ways you describe (rubbing up against someone) is a way for them to prevent cheating. Im not sure its good, but its definitely better than going and actually cheating. They will dance, but not cheat

[SANDRO43]

that reminds me, some women say that dancing in the ways you describe (rubbing up against someone) is a way for them to prevent cheating. Im not sure its good, but its definitely better than going and actually cheating. They will dance, but not cheat

Being flirtatious to satisfy themselves that they're still attractive to men? If so, maybe they don't - or think they don't - receive as much attention from their husbands as they expect.

[GQBlues]

As is usual in these types of threads people are extrapolating and making huge leaps to reach absolute conclusions on very little or even no information. Get some perspective people. <snip>  And, FWIW, I know a number of women that have totally platonic men friends; I know that is difficult for some people to grasp, but it is possible. Yes, really, it is.  

There are definitely men in this thread who likely gets bent out of shape when they see their wives having a conversation with another man. Heaven forbid if she ever crack a smile while speaking with him. How people can put so much in between, and make damning conclusion, in what little they read.

[Ade]

There are no 100% guarantees in life. Still, a woman going out on a тусовка with a group of men is certainly increasing the odds exponentially that it will happen sooner or later. I related this story to my wife. Her reaction: "Are they idiots? It would be normal for a man to be a bit jealous under these circumstances." She didn't believe that the OP's wife would stay faithful for long.

I guess what you and Billy don't understand is that if your wife is going to cheat, she will cheat regardless of whether she is out partying all night or not. Stopping her from going out with friends will more than likely drive her away and weaken a marriage. Remember, trust is everything and once that is lost, you may as well give up.

I do agree that what the OP's wife did was unacceptable in that she partied a good portion of the weekend and came home drunk when there was a 1 year old kid in the house. It's not something I would accept at least but I would not assume infidelity based on that.

[Jooky]

They are friends- this is for sure, but nothing about cheating.

Nothing direct about cheating, I agree. She's talking to one party guy about a friend who passed out in the car and another guy whose house she left her dress at, probably where she spent the night. She invites him over to hot tub while her husband is away. Wink wink. Typical party girl stuff. Doesn't sound good to me. Really, who knows? Half of the conversation is missing.

I've know quite a few women that would go out partying with the guys (including me) while their husbands sat at home. Without exception they all ended up cheating and leaving their husbands. I could see it coming a mile away. If a woman would rather spend her weekends getting drunk with a bunch of party animals like me rather than with her husband, she married the wrong man.

I can't say much about this situation. I have too many questions for the original poster:

How old are you and how old is your wife?

Was your child planned or did your wife get pregnant by accident? You say you've been married for 1 year with a 1 year old child. Did you get married because she was pregnant?

How did she meet these guys?

Was this weekend a one time thing, or is this her regular behavior?

You say you usually spend 24/7 with her, do you work from home?

Does your wife work?

What did she do back home?

How much time did you spend with her before getting married?

Why is she taking a bus to Chicago? Does she not drive or have a car?

Why wasn't she allowed to fly???

[Misha]

I guess what you and Billy don't understand is that if your wife is going to cheat, she will cheat regardless of whether she is out partying all night or not.

When the signs are there that your wife/husband is going to cheat, you have to sit down and talk through it. You have to figure out what is going on and define what is acceptable to both of you. Sticking your head in the sand won't help. If anything, it may just as well tell your spouse that you could care less about them.

Stopping her from going out with friends will more than likely drive her away and weaken a marriage. Remember, trust is everything and once that is lost, you may as well give up.

And going out partying with men strengthens a marriage   I believe that trust is not a given, it is something that is earned over time. To trust blindly is naive at best. But then again, perhaps ignorance is bliss.

I do agree that what the OP's wife did was unacceptable in that she partied a good portion of the weekend and came home drunk when there was a 1 year old kid in the house.

At least we can agree on that.

[Doll]

She invites him over

She invites them-plural

[Jooky]

She invites them-plural

Yup. Them. Dima and the guy at whose house she left her dress. Party time!

[GoodOlBoy]

Yeah....and meanwhile junior is in the next room listening to Mommy dearest with "Uncle Dima" and "Uncle Sergei" having a little "private party" in the hot tub!  :evil:

Where's my Daddy?  :noidea:


GOB


PS........It might be time to call the Jerry Springer Show?  :evil:

[Doll]

It might be time to call the Jerry Springer Show

It is time for the OP to say NO to his wife's parties

[tim 360]

boy oh boy, such grand quantities of sage advice being offered.. won't even bother quoting.

The 'take names, kick butt, my way or highway' 'tude is really overbearing.

To hiii98 I can only say that I can identify a wee bit. We also live together 24/7 aside from a few business trips.  Right now we're on 'break' for a whole month.  I really can't add much, only to say again that if you have doubts, work them out.

To the rest of the peanut gallery.. did you hear me correctly??  My wife is away for a whole friggin month!!  I haven't a clue what she is really up to and we don't even phone every day.. more like two or three times a week.  She could tell me anything and I'd have to believe her.  This ain't the first time either.. think it's about the tenth.. OMG.. I lost count! Sometime with kids, sometimes without, this time 50/50.. She even took most of her jewelry, her best threads AND the credit cards.  I'm quite absolutely sure she is partying, even with folks I don't know, not even if they are male, female or shemale..

Am I doomed? Should I call a lawyer? maybe a detective?

...........

What amazes me the most is how long and to what extent man has worried about their women.

Anyone know where I can pick up one of these?  Bet they are selling like popcorn.



Nice post BC.  It is sort of the human dilemma...trust .  Either you will trust someone or you won't trust them.  Or maybe trust them by degrees which is a partial trust.  One can trust the wrong person...happens all the time.  Suffice to say you can trust someone and be disappointed and thats life, read some Shakespeare and you'll find us humans have a skill at betrayal.  Sooner or later we all place some trust in the wrong person and hopefully we learn from it.  Can't figure out much from what the OP posted or the translations but he should be aware that something is not quite right with his wife.  Sometimes you just have to trust or you become like a guy I used to know.

Used to know and had to lose him.  The guy could not trust ANYBODY.  Except for his wife of 30 years, but he really didn't trust her because he would read her emails and track her computer visits and listen in to her telephone calls and and check her car mileage even while she was at work he would believe she was screwing some guys at work.  Absloutely crazed.  Talk about clinical paranoia. After 30 years of marriage he did not trust his wife although she did nothing untoward.

[Misha]

It is time for the OP to say NO to his wife's parties