Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[Doll]

Home is where the heart is...her heart is not in this marriage or her child.

It may be her first time or tenth time. The OP didn't state. But one thing is certain: it isn't the first time she gave thought to it. This came from planning. Planning comes from desire. Desire comes from lack of fullfillment. Lack of fullfillment comes from......etc. etc.

The child needs to be protected. That is all I see.

OMG! Stop screaming, JR! 

[JR]

OMG! Stop screaming, JR! 

Screaming?

THIS IS SCREAMING!!!! LOL

[Muddy]

Russian women party....

[Muddy]

.........................

[hiii98]

I was ok with her leaving  over the weekend because i take alot of trips aroudnd the country  for business and since she cannot legally travel on a airplane yet i felt bad for her being home  and wanted her to have fun.  Plus honestly its overbearing sometimes being around her 24/7 and was looking for some down time myself.

[JR]

LOL, you guys are doomed. You need to start formulating an exit plan.

[BillyB]

i take alot of trips aroudnd the country  for business

Has most of her email records been erased or have you found evidence her emails get hot and heavy everytime right before you leave with the statement "Husband will leave and I will be all alone " ?

[Muddy]

How many times has she gone back home without you to visit her family and FRIENDS?
I wonder if she writes her ex-boyfriends and makes plans to meet them on her trips.
Its so much easier when she does not have to worry about anything, and its definitely more fun
There is so much you dont know
Good Luck Pal

[Faux Pas]

I am not failing to understand that- I am failing to understand what is going on in this family, why he married the girl who was a party girl, why he let her go with her friends. He asks these questions here though he watch his wife do what she does.
In this regard - yes, I am failing, you're right

Doll

Do you go off for entire weekends for binge drinking with men who are not your husband? 

[Doll]

she cannot legally travel on a airplane

Why?

[Doll]

Doll

Do you go off for entire weekends for binge drinking with men who are not your husband? 

I barely ever drink and never do it if I need to drive. Also, I don't have to stay home 24/7 with a baby. When you are this young, lonely, don't drive and have a baby- it is hard.
Though I do go for entire weekends if I want.

[Faux Pas]

I barely ever drink and never do it if I need to drive. Also, I don't have to stay home 24/7 with a baby. When you are this young, lonely, don't drive and have a baby- it is hard.
Though I do go for entire weekends if I want.

It was a yes or no question Doll. You don't strike me as a woman who would do such a thing. I know you enjoy being the devils advocate always on the side of the RW and that is understandable but, there must be some RW behavior you do not condone?

He didn't say she stayed home 24/7 with the baby or if he did I missed it but it still wouldn't make any difference to me. She chose to marry the OP and she choose to give birth to a baby. She is a wife and mother first.

Nothing wrong with getting out of the house. Nothing wrong with getting away from husband and baby for a evening or a weekend but if you think she was just playing drinking games and tossing horseshoes with some old Ukranian pals, I have some real estate to sell you. A wife and mother interested in her marriage doesn't go away with with strange men for a weekend of drinking 

[Doll]

It was a yes or no question Doll.

Well, it is not the Language Art class  There isn't yes or no what comes to relationships. Leave alcohol alone- yes I would go out.

He didn't say she stayed home 24/7 with the baby

He did

Speaking of advocating- the OP didn't say much. What he did say sounded like he okay'd  her weekend.

How old are they (the OP and his wife)?

[Doll]

OK, if it was my daughter I wouldn't like what she does.

[BillyB]

A wife and mother interested in her marriage doesn't go away with with strange men for a weekend of drinking 

I'm not sure the men were "exactly" strangers. When the wife first came to America, she needs friends. That's normal. It seems she chose male friends. That's not normal. Maybe she met them at an online dating site or at a club at a previous time when the husband was away on a business trip. Apparently they had to have talked in someway previously to exchange email addresses.

[Faux Pas]

OK, if it was my daughter I wouldn't like what she does.

Fair enough. That what I was looking for  

[Gator]

Gator, wow, I didn't really expect it, you guys have three kids if i am not mistaken...surprised, surprised, she is probably missing communication with Russian women a lot! 

Don't be surprised.  Everything is fine.  My wife is very social and has several groups of friends.  One group for shopping, another for chatting, one for sport club exercise classes, one from children's schools, etc. The "2 am party" occurs twice per month when a large group of RW in the Tampa area (from 50-200 dependent upon the turnout) get together.  Yes, she says those evenings are like returning to Russia.  

She has two kids.  When we first met, they were 4 and 5.  Now they are 12 and 13.  She is a fantastic mother or otherwise we would not have married.  Even though she became a single mom when the kids were only 2 and 3, she has given her kids the parental attention that she missed as a child when first her father and then her mother abandoned her to be raised by her grandmother.  

The three of them are like a mother hen with two chicks following her ever step.  They soon will be hormonally impaired teenagers, and the eventual leaving of the nest is starting to unfold.

She and the kids are embracing the American way.  For example, I have the boy playing Pop Warner football and the girl is a cheerleader for his team.  Nevertheless, it feels good to her to hang out and party with some RW, a culture she does not want to forget.  Unlike the OP's wife, she avoids RM and only one of her best RW friends is married to a RM.

[Faux Pas]

I'm not sure the men were "exactly" strangers. When the wife first came to America, she needs friends. That's normal. It seems she chose male friends. That's not normal. Maybe she met them at an online dating site or at a club at a previous time when the husband was away on a business trip. Apparently they had to have talked in someway previously to exchange email addresses.

The OP said he didn't know them and wasn't introduced to them. In my mind that makes them strangers. I am baffled as to why he would allow it. I can understand her needing friends but not men friends that take her away for a weekend. There is nothing good that can come from that. She obviously has no respect for the husband, the baby or the marriage.

[Muddy]

I've been a big defender of RM on here .....

PSYCHO!!!!!!!!
Russian women have a strong personality and are defintely smarter than men who stalk posters on the internet forums.

[GQBlues]

She and the kids are embracing the American way.  For example, I have the boy playing Pop Warner football and the girl is a cheerleader for his team.

LOL. I can't even begin to imagine the grown up version of those kids I met that day. Good for them and great for the two of you.

 Nevertheless, it feels good to her to hang out and party with some RW, a culture she does not want to forget.  Unlike the OP's wife, she avoids RM and only one of her best RW friends is married to a RM.

Two of my wife's friends are married to RMs. Great, great guys. One, the quiet one, is an extremist. Snowboards vertical inclines without hesitation and goes sky diving every weekend. He and his wife have a gorgeous little baby boy. Neither one drinks other than the casual beer.

[Misha]

No offense intended, however, if my wife were married to you she would be bored to death. 

Fascinating. When people say "no offense intended," it is of course intended as an insult  :evil: No offense intended, Gator, but your wife would bore me to death as well, and you wouldn't be my wife's cup of tea either   

[Muddy]

Fascinating. When people say "no offense intended," it is of course intended as an insult  :evil: No offense intended, Gator, but your wife would bore me to death as well, and you wouldn't be my wife's cup of tea either    

Misha, I must tell you Gator has been using the same boring avatar since he joined this forum, it cant get worst than this. So, I don't know what to say Gator, maybe its time to get a more interesting avatar my friend!
What do you think pal?

[Lonewing]

This is such a hard place to be, and yet I have some experience with the situation that may be so very informative to this discussion.

The W in question is my now Ex-AW girlfriend of 2.5 years.  I know, she's not Russian, but W are W no matter where you go and her situation is strikingly similar to that of a RW just imported to the US.

My ex met my city in December of 2006 [has it been THAT long??? ] when she moved here from another state.  She had been divorced in September of 2006 in which her 2nd ex-husband simply got tired of dealing with her crap so he bought her a car and told her "there is your car, you may leave."  In short, she was in a mental rollercoaster finding herself, as her life had been turned upside down all over again.  She banished her religion [which was great, as I am Agnostic and quite Anti-religion due to the pyramid scheme underneath it all] and in that moment found herself explore herself and the world like never before.

And thus, her first ex who lived in this city of mine showed her to the club I frequented.  I didn't drink, as it is bad for me, and she now found out she could drink because she no longer had a religious statute standing over her telling her NO!  By natrual selection, I then became the safest ride home for her, especially considering I was adhemently not interested in being in a relationship with her.  But I fell for her anyway.

There is a reason I fell for her: she is extremely flirtatious becasue she does not understand social ettiquette, body language, and lacks self control.  As such, she has no problems running up to a person she's met a couple of times and giving the hug[coupe]-de-grac across the bow.  It enough to turn any heart, and she does it with ALL of her friends.

She never got along with other girls as she was growing up, and to this day her friends are almost 100% guys.  The problem is, while she just wants to be friends with them, guys are guys and it is especially hard when she send so many false smokesignals up their pipes.

Naturally, she recognized after one really bad night of binge drinking that we couldn;t go out anymore because it was so embarassing for me and for her.  But after a couple weeks, she had to fill the void with another vice, and she did them always to extreme.  religion, for example, came back to her as she watched a couple missionaries peddle across a parking lot, sending her heart all a flutter.  Then when that crumpled her, she had to find something else.  Her friends were in constant contact, asking when she would be out again, and finally she started going out again.  The early times, it was me and here.  Later on in the relationship, it was just her.  I was working a serious job, and when I came home I was mentally and phycislaly worn out, and I needed sleep.  she had been cooped up in an office all day, and so she was ready for some playtime.  It just didn't work out.

In short, if she'd going out and drinking with a lot of guys, it only takes time for emotional relationships to start developing and for her to become another "AW' like the so many we wish to avoid in the first place.  

Naturally, over time her feelings for me dissapaited.  Now she is in the arms of some other poor sap and he's in line for the next toxic bomb she drops and my only relief is that it won't be ME this time!!!

[BC]

boy oh boy, such grand quantities of sage advice being offered.. won't even bother quoting.

The 'take names, kick butt, my way or highway' 'tude is really overbearing.

To hiii98 I can only say that I can identify a wee bit. We also live together 24/7 aside from a few business trips.  Right now we're on 'break' for a whole month.  I really can't add much, only to say again that if you have doubts, work them out.

To the rest of the peanut gallery.. did you hear me correctly??  My wife is away for a whole friggin month!!  I haven't a clue what she is really up to and we don't even phone every day.. more like two or three times a week.  She could tell me anything and I'd have to believe her.  This ain't the first time either.. think it's about the tenth.. OMG.. I lost count! Sometime with kids, sometimes without, this time 50/50.. She even took most of her jewelry, her best threads AND the credit cards.  I'm quite absolutely sure she is partying, even with folks I don't know, not even if they are male, female or shemale..

Am I doomed? Should I call a lawyer? maybe a detective?

...........

What amazes me the most is how long and to what extent man has worried about their women.

Anyone know where I can pick up one of these?  Bet they are selling like popcorn.

[Ade]

boy oh boy, such grand quantities of sage advice being offered.. won't even bother quoting.

The 'take names, kick butt, my way or highway' 'tude is really overbearing.

To hiii98 I can only say that I can identify a wee bit. We also live together 24/7 aside from a few business trips.  Right now we're on 'break' for a whole month.  I really can't add much, only to say again that if you have doubts, work them out.

To the rest of the peanut gallery.. did you hear me correctly??  My wife is away for a whole friggin month!!  I haven't a clue what she is really up to and we don't even phone every day.. more like two or three times a week.  She could tell me anything and I'd have to believe her.  This ain't the first time either.. think it's about the tenth.. OMG.. I lost count! Sometime with kids, sometimes without, this time 50/50.. She even took most of her jewelry, her best threads AND the credit cards.  I'm quite absolutely sure she is partying, even with folks I don't know, not even if they are male, female or shemale..

Am I doomed? Should I call a lawyer? maybe a detective?

...........

What amazes me the most is how long and to what extent man has worried about their women.

Anyone know where I can pick up one of these?  Bet they are selling like popcorn.

Probably the most sensible post in this entire thread.