My RW is coming here to New York

[KenC]

Turbo,
Sh1t does happen, I agree.  Al first misled us that it was some disfunction due to the trains, but then explained he was not allowed to leave his job on time to pick up his girlfriend at the airport.  Al works for his father's company.  I have no doubt that his father was fully aware of Al's responsibility to pick up his girlfriend at the airport and exactly what time her flight was arriving.  What would YOU do if your son was in the same position as Al?  And more importantly, what would your son do if you were playing games with it like Al's dad?  Or what if your mom tried to manipulate your love life?

I do not understand how a man of 52 years old can continue to tolerate parental interference in his personal life.  I remember putting my own mother in her place when she offered her opinion of a girl I was dating.  But I was 17 at the time, not 52.  I cannot see how any woman would put up with being #3 in a man's life (after his mommy and daddy) :noidea:  At what point does a man(?) stand on his own two feet independently from his parents?  I would think LONG before 52 years old.  I was at 20.  My two kids were at 25.
KenC

[boaterguy]

I'm not going to chastize him. He did communicate with her so it's not like she thought she was there abandoned. I was going to Russia come hell or high water to accompany my wife back to the states! As far as his work, We don't know what type of business they are in. Perhaps it was very important for him to work. Perhaps this is the busiest time of the year for their business. Many small businesses are struggling these days..

[facetrock]

  I would bet my last buck it was mommy and daddy trying to do anything to trip him up. Not some business deal that couldnt wait.

[Doll]

Coming a day early to stay in hotel is a good first step.  But it really doesn't assure anything re 'not to be late.'  It is getting from the hotel (or anywhere) to the airport that is the tricky part.  And even additionally . . . getting to the place in the airport where the visitor will first appear.  Not always an easy thing to do, particularly for a person unfamiliar with the airport; and even then, there can be last minute gate changes, etc., that can thwart even the best laid and executed plans.

Mars, what are you talking about? You can get up early and get a taxi.
"Gate changes"  What gate changes? Have you ever met a person in JFK? All the people EXIT the arrival area through same "gate"

[Boethius]

I can understand Al's position with his mother.  He didn't seek her approval.  Different people react differently, and that can't be discounted.  I would never tell my mother to butt out.  She would be devastated.  I just say uh huh.  She understands that doesn't mean I will listen to her.  I clashed with my father much more often, probably because he is a strong personality.

I do think being late would be viewed as disrespectful, but in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world.

I hope you made it up to her, Al, with lots of attention.  Did things work out well between you?

[Turboguy]

I can understand Al's position with his mother.  He didn't seek her approval.  Different people react differently, and that can't be discounted.  I would never tell my mother to butt out.  She would be devastated.  I just say uh huh.  She understands that doesn't mean I will listen to her.  I clashed with my father much more often, probably because he is a strong personality.

I do think being late would be viewed as disrespectful, but in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world.

I hope you made it up to her, Al, with lots of attention.  Did things work out well between you?

Nice post Boethius,

I agree that the OP did not seek his parents approval.   I think if he had his FSU woman would still be in the FSU.  I don't see them as being very happy about the choice but once they meet his gal they will likely be more supportave.

I also agree that being late is not the end of the world.  I just hope it is not the sign of things to come.   Had he written that it is normally an hour to the airport and he allowed 4 hours but terrorists blew up the road none of use would have faulted him a bit.  I have had lots of flights where I looked like the old OJ ads and barely caught my flight.  I have even missed one or two.   The last time I flew I made the cut off by two minutes trying to cram in all I could before I left.   But those were all me flying alone.  When it came to meeting VWRW I allowed for every contingency that was reasonable and then added some extra time. 

I would love to see an update from him but I have a feeling we have scared him off.  I do wish him the best. 

[Doll]

I can understand Al's position with his mother.  He didn't seek her approval.  Different people react differently, and that can't be discounted.  I would never tell my mother to butt out.  She would be devastated.  I just say uh huh.  She understands that doesn't mean I will listen to her.  I clashed with my father much more often, probably because he is a strong personality.

I do think being late would be viewed as disrespectful, but in the grand scheme of things, it is not the end of the world.

I hope you made it up to her, Al, with lots of attention.  Did things work out well between you?

I agree. Our respected members wasted their anger.
Yes, it is a nice post.

[KenC]

Al_C,
I want to apologize to you for my overzealous approach to making my opinion known.  Understand that I still believe what I posted here to be true.  My intentions were to smack you along side the head and maybe, just maybe wake you up to see the bigger picture involving your parents control of your life as I see it.  But my methods were akin to baby seal bashing and I do not mean to drive you off.  If anyone needs the support that RWD does offer, it is you.

I hope that you are still following this thread and will return to finish the story.  I will not participate unless addressed by you or others here.  I do respect that you did have the balls to actually get on a plane and visit the fsu a few times.  You may not understand this because of my methods, but I do sincerely wish you the best of luck in your search to find a life partner.  I also hope that you have given at least some thought to the points I made no matter how brutal they were made.
KenC

[Al_C]

It is simply amazing how many people ignore the facts, distort the facts, or create their own facts out of thin air in order to turn a simple post in a simple messaging board into whatever soap opera fulfills their fantasies.

For those of you interested in the facts that were distorted or re-invented by the soap opera crowd, here they are.  For the rest of you, please turn your televisions on from about 12:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M. on CBS, NBC, or ABC to get the fictional entertainment you are apparently looking for here.

The company I work for, owned by my father, makes military hardware for the United States Department of Defense.  Please do not ask for any details because all of it is classified, and I would be committing a Federal felony by posting about any of it here.  I cannot even tell Elena what I did in work, a normal daily conversation between two people in a relationship but a big no-no for me.

The direct defense contractors have rigid timetables to ship their completed products.  If any of those companies ship their stuff to the Pentagon even one day late, they risk losing the multimillion dollar contracts they need for their companies to survive.

Our company has the same problem, albeit on a smaller scale.  We face stiff competition from other sub-contractors, and the direct contractors who award us our work would not hesitate to jump ship and take their business to our competitors if we are even one day late with our deliveries.

Right now, orders are pouring in at an uncontrollable rate, and our production schedules are strained to the maximum.  When somebody calls in sick, everyone else has to stay late to make up for it because we cannot delay any of our production, not even for one day.

With me, since I do high level work that nobody else there is qualified to do, if I miss time from work, jobs become late.  Sure, I can be replaced by a technically qualified person hired from the outside; therefore I can be fired.  And I was fired once, about 20 years ago, over an argument I had with my father.  As a result of it, I worked for a competitor for two years before I got hired back.

But I cannot be replaced in an instant, so if I abandon a job, even for an imperative trip to JFK Airport, the job becomes late, and I place the company at risk for loss of an account.  The specific customer whose job I was working on happened to be our single largest customer (please don't ask for the name because I cannot disclose it).  I had to finish the job, no ifs, ands, or buts.  The truck was coming Monday morning to pick up the completed job, and if my parts were not on that truck, you can guess the rest.

Yes, I was late arriving at the airport.  I apologized to Elena for it, and I did my best to make it up to her.  Even though there was nothing I could do about it, I knew that the problems in my company were not Elena's problems, so I accepted the full blame for what happened.

In retrospect, I should have taken the day off from work.  My father had a fit anyway over my taking off three days, so a four day fit would not have been much worse.  It did not severely hurt the company because we were able to plan for it and adjust production schedules accordingly.  But I tried to play hero, thinking I could be on time for Elena and minimize the disruption to the company that resulted from it.  The two forces collided.  It was my fault that it happened, and I accept the blame.

Unlike many people, I do not hide my mistakes, nor do I try to blame them on other people.  This was no exception.

So can we please move on?  Again, to those who find this entertaining, CBS, NBC, ABC, 12:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M.

My father could not care less about Elena, did not care less about other ladies in my past, and does not even care about his own wife, my mother.  He gives her money, she spends it, they ignore each other, and they are both satisfied.  They lived this way for 53 years.  She is 76.  He is 83.  He is a consummate workaholic who lives and breathes for the company.  She lives her own life with her friends and her children and grandchildren.  Neither one of them is going to change, nor would I want them to.  With all the divorces going on in the world, whatever force has kept them married for 53 years is something I do not want to mess with.

So can we please move on?  Again, to those who find this entertaining, CBS, NBC, ABC, 12:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M.

Yes, I could move to another company.  With all the military work out there right now, defense companies are hiring, and someone with my skill and experience could find a position quickly and easily.  But to what end?  To work for an equally demanding boss?  What do I gain?  At least my father's company is one that I will eventually inherit.

So can we please move on?  Again, to those who find this entertaining, CBS, NBC, ABC, 12:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M.

I do not plan my social life around my parents' desires.  I have a responsibility to the company, which I meet every day, but beyond that, I do what I want.

But just because I do not plan my social life around my parents, does that mean I should stick the parts they don't like in their faces?  What would such a display of contempt get me?  Would it improve how my mother treats my FSU lady?  Or would it make it worse?  What is better for my FSU lady, contempt for my mother, knowing that my mother will take it out on the FSU lady, or treating my mother with kid gloves, which would improve her treatment of the FSU lady?  Shouldn't my priority with my parents be whatever has the best effect on my FSU lady?  With all of the accusations here that I did not maintain Elena's interests as my top priority, how many of you failed to see that I did exactly the opposite of what you accused me of?

So can we please move on?  Again, to those who find this entertaining, CBS, NBC, ABC, 12:00 P.M. to 4:00 P.M.

I will wait for signs from the rest of you that we are ready to move on, and then I will continue my story.

[SMS60]

What do you want to move on to??


We are all game

[KenC]

Al_C,
I am surprised you seem to wish to continue the debate.  I told you I would not participate here unless addressed, yet you choose to continue to debate and belittle my previous statements without naming names.  Is that what you really want?

It is simply amazing how many people ignore the facts, distort the facts, or create their own facts out of thin air in order to turn a simple post in a simple messaging board into whatever soap opera fulfills their fantasiesFor those of you interested in the facts that were distorted or re-invented by the soap opera crowd
With all of the accusations here that I did not maintain Elena's interests as my top priority, how many of you failed to see that I did exactly the opposite of what you accused me of?

I will wait for signs from the rest of you that we are ready to move on, and then I will continue my story

If you wish to continue, then do so without the drama.
KenC

[Al_C]

Al_C,
I am surprised you seem to wish to continue the debate.  I told you I would not participate here unless addressed, yet you choose to continue to debate and belittle my previous statements without naming names.  Is that what you really want?
 If you wish to continue, then do so without the drama.
KenC

No part of my post was about you in particular.  The fact that you see yourself in a post that is not about you is interesting.  But that is a topic for a discussion in a different place, one that may not interest a lot of people, myself included.

[KenC]

No part of my post was about you in particular.  The fact that you see yourself in a post that is not about you is interesting.

Uh huh, whatever dude.

  But that is a topic for a discussion in a different place, one that may not interest a lot of people, myself included.

Then why did YOU bring it up?  Look, if you want to continue sparring, fine I will comply.  If you want to move on without confrontation, then do so without the pot shots, OK?
KenC

[facetrock]

  Ok Al, you have alot of responsibility working for the family business. Understood. But we need some closure. How did your girlfriends trip go? Was it a success or not?

[Al_C]

I need closure too, so I will wait a couple of days to make sure the soap opera crowd has gone elsewhere for their entertainment.

[sunandsail]

If you wish to continue, then do so without the drama.
KenC

When you attack a man in an uncivilized manner, it isn't surprising he might be offended.  KenC, criticizing the OP for "drama".... hmmmm - your initial hostility towards the OP was the cause of any drama.   

I get that he isn't perfect.  It could be expressed in a much kinder and more useful way.

[Al_C]

What do you want to move on to??


We are all game

I want to move past the soap opera issues.  I am tired of hearing how much of a screw up I was arriving late at the airport.  I figured out, all on my own, that I screwed up, long before anybody posted about it here.  But the soap opera crowd just won't let it alone.

I also want to move past family issues.  I cannot change who my family members are but instead need to handle them in such a way as to minimize any adverse impact they may have on any FSU lady, whether it be Elena or anyone else.  I already concluded that treating family members with contempt is counterproductive to that goal, and that treating them with kid gloves is the way to achieve that goal.  But the soap opera crowd, salivating for more juicy trash, won't let that one go either.

I also want to move past job issues.  I am sure that I am not the only person here with a demanding job and an employer who could not care less about my social life.  That fact will not change because we all need our jobs, and I am no exception.  But the soap opera crowd will not leave that one alone either.

We are supposed to be helping one another, not displaying contempt for them or for the choices that they made.  Yet the soap opera crowd does not think this way and wants only to entertain their small minds.

So I will wait to see if the soap opera crowd has gotten their fill of cheap entertainment here and has moved on to another thread, where they will no doubt trash another member seeking help and advice, with their insults and innuendos.  It is so sad that they are ruining this place and not letting the grown-ups here have the intelligent and respectful discussions we came here for.

[facetrock]

  Okay, Okay, Okay already. You made your point. If you want advice you will have to post what happened.

[KenC]

When you attack a man in an uncivilized manner, it isn't surprising he might be offended.  KenC, criticizing the OP for "drama".... hmmmm - your initial hostility towards the OP was the cause of any drama.   

I get that he isn't perfect.  It could be expressed in a much kinder and more useful way.

I guess my offer of peace went over your head?
KenC

[KenC]

I want to move past the soap opera issues.  I am tired of hearing how much of a screw up I was arriving late at the airport.  I figured out, all on my own, that I screwed up, long before anybody posted about it here.  But the soap opera crowd just won't let it alone.

I also want to move past family issues.  I cannot change who my family members are but instead need to handle them in such a way as to minimize any adverse impact they may have on any FSU lady, whether it be Elena or anyone else.  I already concluded that treating family members with contempt is counterproductive to that goal, and that treating them with kid gloves is the way to achieve that goal.  But the soap opera crowd, salivating for more juicy trash, won't let that one go either.

I also want to move past job issues.  I am sure that I am not the only person here with a demanding job and an employer who could not care less about my social life.  That fact will not change because we all need our jobs, and I am no exception.  But the soap opera crowd will not leave that one alone either.

We are supposed to be helping one another, not displaying contempt for them or for the choices that they made.  Yet the soap opera crowd does not think this way and wants only to entertain their small minds.

So I will wait to see if the soap opera crowd has gotten their fill of cheap entertainment here and has moved on to another thread, where they will no doubt trash another member seeking help and advice, with their insults and innuendos.  It is so sad that they are ruining this place and not letting the grown-ups here have the intelligent and respectful discussions we came here for.

Al_C,
As I told you in my PM, I do not want your lectures on how I post nor do I agree with your BS justifications above or appreciate your veiled put downs here.  (I am one of the soap opera crowd, if not the leader)  If you truly want to move forward, then do so without your commentary about posters here.
KenC

[Gator]

I figured out, all on my own, that I screwed up, long before anybody posted about it here.  

Was it before or after Elena expressed her feelings?   

I also want to move past family issues. 

Considering your parents' age they certainly are active in your life.  Some families are that way.  It matters little if Elena has the same views regarding family.  You have to reach some happy accord with your wife, not with the soap opera crowd.   

We are supposed to be helping one another, not displaying contempt for them or for the choices that they made.  Yet the soap opera crowd does not think this way and wants only to entertain their small minds.

The "help" is there in the soap opera crowd posts, albeit not sugar coated.

It is so sad that they are ruining this place and not letting the grown-ups here have the intelligent and respectful discussions we came here for.

If you don't like something that somebody writes, ignore it or write around it.  There is no rule saying that you must respond directly to every comment.

[Vaughn]

Al,

 I'm looking forward to hearing more about her visit. Radio City. And so on...

 Having been born in Queens and raised in Suffolk County, I'm curious to hear
about her impressions of Long Island - a loooong way from Ekaterinburg !!

[OlgaH]

As a result, she waited for me for 2 hours and was not too happy about that, but she got over it.

Most likely after so long trip I would not be happy either.  But I had a job in Russian that time to time crashed my personal plans. So, for example, in such situation the explanation you have given would be enough for me to understand the situation. Robert and I run the business that also sometimes demands the sacrificing of our personal plans.  I also agree with Boethius that it is not the end of the world and with members who advise not to strain already complicated relation between you and your mother over Elena and therefore between Elena and your mother... it will not help so much in the future. I hope your Elena understands it as well. If so, she is a right woman for you... I think. I wish you the best and join to Vaughn's "I'm looking forward to hearing more about her visit".
 

[Jumper]

Al C,
 
The story  of a RW's first impression of NYC,you, and the dynamic ,
is what is of value here..

not various opinions on how you could have managed your time  better,
we all know ,as well as yourself ..
so try not to take the obvious jousting too personally..?
you admit you agree with some of it, (could have taken 4 instead of 3 days off)
 just not in its delivery,
so it should be easy to move past  and continue the story..

 I for one would like to hear it.

[Doll]

Seriously, Al, where is your story how it went?
(Guys, members of soap opera, enough of b-tching, things happen)