My RW is coming here to New York

[Al_C]

As some of you may recall, I traveled to Ekaterinburg to meet my Elena this past June.

Now she is coming here to New York for a visit.

Impossible, you say?  Forget the naysayers.  It really wasn't that hard for her to get her visa.  It was simply a matter of overcoming the presumption of immigration by convincing the U.S. Consulate folks that she will be coming back home.  It really helped that she owns her Ekaterinburg apartment and has a steady job there.  It helped as well that she was able to assert reasons for wanting to be here other than to be with me (such as to experience American culture).

For those who were wondering, everything we did here was 100% legal.

So forget the naysayers.  If your lady wants to come here, give it a shot.  The worst possible result is that she will be told no.  So you have nothing to lose by trying.

Anyway, she will be here November 20 to the 28th, so Thanksgiving with my family (none of whom currently know that Elena exists) will be on the itinerary.  We have an otherwise ambitious agenda, including Radio City Music Hall, a Broadway play, the Statue of Liberty, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the Empire State Building.

More on this in about three months or so. . . . .

[BC]

Welcome back AL!

Yes, IIRC you did meet quite a bit of resistance.. believe most from a member that does not post here anymore.

Anyway good to hear that things are progressing well and a visit is possible.

Cheers@u!

BC

[Vaughn]

I echo BC - welcome back to RWD, Al.... 

I cannot proclaim the floodgates have opened completely, but we've noticed more
and more cases of the "impossible" happening in recent years. Last month we met
with friends in a neighboring state who were enjoying a visit by THREE sisters, all
of whom were approved on the same interview day...

Glad you saw fit to give it a shot. You never know.

Vaughn

[BC]

I echo BC - welcome back to RWD, Al.... 

I cannot proclaim the floodgates have opened completely, but we've noticed more
and more cases of the "impossible" happening in recent years. Last month we met
with friends in a neighboring state who were enjoying a visit by THREE sisters, all
of whom were approved on the same interview day...

Glad you saw fit to give it a shot. You never know.

Vaughn

Vaughn,

I also don't think floodgates have been opened, but am quite confident, based on the number of FSU folks we saw in DC a couple years ago that those who do qualify for tourist visas get them.

We had probably one of the toughest calls..  AM married to RW living in Italy, wanting to bring the whole family of 4 back to the USA.. perfect setup for someone trying to bypass a K3..

We had a ton of evidence, property deed, IT tax returns, EU bank accounts, CC's etc.. but I believe it all came down to one question.. Why don't you go ahead and request a Green Card?..  My wife responded 'Why do that.. I don't need one'..

I really think that an experienced CO has a knack for identifying possible problems and acts accordingly.  A good K1 example is in the archives.

[Al_C]

Elena does have access to some top shelf advice.  We did not come up with all of the ideas ourselves.  First, she knows people in a travel agency, and second, she used to work for a marriage agency and still keeps in touch with the folks there.

The most important part of their advice was to keep me out of the discussion, since I would have been one huge red flag.

Most of the factors are things you either have or don't have, so it is ia matter of playing the cards inn your hand.  Elena owns her apartment, a big plus, also she had to prove by employer letterhead that she has a long time steady job there, and she had to prove by bank statement that she banks in Ekaterinburg.

The consulate interview took about five minutes, so it seems that the decision was already made by then and the interview was just a formality.

BTW I do come here regularly to read posts; I just don't post myself unless I either have something to report or have useful advice for somebody else.

[ECOCKS]

For Ukraine, getting the visas is relatively painless as well. Three to fice minute interviews are by far the common story. At least for those with proper employment, property and able to present themselves appropriately.

The urban legends and myths about interrogations, financial checks and such seem to keep a sizable percentage of people from even trying to get a tourist visa.

The myths are more accurate when applied to those 20-somethings who are single, with no real employment or recognizable interests in returning.

[BC]

The myths are more accurate when applied to those 20-somethings who are single, with no real employment or recognizable interests in returning.

Which likely represent maybe a majority that apply..  No wonder we're in trouble.

[GoodOlBoy]

We have an otherwise ambitious agenda, including Radio City Music Hall, a Broadway play, the Statue of Liberty, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the Empire State Building.

Hey Al_C.

Congratulations!

Marina and I were up in your neck of the woods over this past 4th of July for a long (5 day) weekend and had a great time.

A suggestion, if I may.

I think your RW would like the view at the "Top of The Rock".

http://www.topoftherocknyc.com/welcome/default.aspx

It was very "modern" and awesome!

Oh yeah, my wife also loved the Phantom of the Opera show.

The 4th of July fireworks show on the Hudson River was UNBELIEVABLE.

We sat on the waterfront across from the U.S.S. Intrepid (thanks for all the great advice Groovlstk ).

GOB

[kievstar]

That is great news.  How old is your girlfirend this may help others on getting visas.

[viking]

AL

This is great news. I hope you both have a good time. And do not forget the beach on a hot day. Chances are she never saw the ocean upfront and personal.

[viking]

Crap. I just noticed she will be here in November. Forget the hot day on the beach. Maybe a nice walk instead.

[Rina_G]

To Al_C
my congratulation to you - too!
it's nice news for all and hope you'll be together soon and forever.
yes to bring wife from East to West difficult but possible if two want this all their souls
Be happy!
and long walk are wonderful too if you'll together.

[Al_C]

The beach is on the agenda because I practically live there in the summer, so she wants to see it.  We will dress warmly and just have a look.

As for the sights, Elena will be picking and choosing since I get to see these things all the time.  She already expressed a desire to see a Broadway play and the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, as well as the observatory on the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty.

Elena is 46 and has a long history of responsible international travel, mostly for business.  I am sure these were two big factors.

[Al_C]

Hello again, everyone.

We are now at T-6 days.  Elena and I will be together again, starting next Friday at about 7:00 P.M. or so in JFK Airport.

We are both quite buried in things to do, Elena in last minute trip preparations, and me in cleaning my house.

I told my family that she is coming (as little as possible) since I can't very well surprise everyone with my guest at the Thanksgiving dinner table.  My sister, who is hosting dinner, is excited to meet her.  My mother, the BIG problem, is being very quiet.  My father is tiffed that I am taking three days off from work (he owns the company), but he will just have to deal with it.

So far, we will have a busy Thanksgiving Day (at my sister's house) and a busy day before, with the Radio City Christmas Spectacular and Mama Mia on Broadway in the same day.  The rest of the days we will just play one at a time.

More when Elena arrives, in 6 days.

[Mars]

My mother, the BIG problem, is being very quiet.  My father is tiffed that I am taking three days off from work (he owns the company), but he will just have to deal with it.

I certainly wouldn't be subjecting any new girlfriend to this potentially uncomfortable situation this early in the game; whether she were an AW or a RW.

Not fair to her and could ruin your budding relationship.

[viking]

Al

I hope all goes well for you. You deserve it. The next few days will be a bit on the anxious side. ( duh?) . E's visa app is now at the Warsaw embassy and we are waiting  for her packet to arrive. I think her interview will be in late December or early Jan. Holidays and all.

If you guys have some down time, or you decide to visit the beach ( boardwalk?) it would be great to meet your lady. Let me know.

[BillyB]

 My mother, the BIG problem, is being very quiet.

How big is BIG? What is the problem? Your mom don't like Russians, she's worried about you getting scammed, you have a reputation for picking all the wrong women, jealous another woman is taking the attention of her favorite son away from her or something else?

Since you told Elena you will be going to your sister's house to meet the family, you better do it otherwise she will think you're hiding something from her if you don't introduce your family. Have a backup plan. Some restaurants are open and serve on Thanksgiving day.

If your mother says or makes Elena uncomfortable in any way, don't argue and don't stay. Excuse yourself and Elena politely and eat elsewhere. Elena will admire you for making a difficult decision in an uncomfortable situation for her benefit.

[Al_C]

I certainly wouldn't be subjecting any new girlfriend to this potentially uncomfortable situation this early in the game; whether she were an AW or a RW.

Not fair to her and could ruin your budding relationship.

The way I see it, she is going to have to meet my mother sooner or later, and Thanksgiving, where my mother's conduct will be suppressed by the presence of the rest of the family, is the perfect place to show her that Elena is not the she-devil she thinks she is.  This way, when my mother is free of the shackles of the rest of the family, she will have a different view of Elena than her pre-conceived notion that all RW are just money grubbing gold diggers.

Just so you all know, Elena is anything but a money grubbing gold digger.  She turned down a marriage proposal from a wealthy man in England who would have bought her anything she wanted.  She did not love him and refused to marry just for the money.

I told her in no uncertain terms that there is no way I could support both of us on my one middle class income and that she would have to work, and she is fine with that.

[Al_C]

Al

I hope all goes well for you. You deserve it. The next few days will be a bit on the anxious side. ( duh?) . E's visa app is now at the Warsaw embassy and we are waiting  for her packet to arrive. I think her interview will be in late December or early Jan. Holidays and all.

If you guys have some down time, or you decide to visit the beach ( boardwalk?) it would be great to meet your lady. Let me know.

Hey Greg, I am glad your K-1 is moving along quickly, just like I thought it would.

I would love to introduce you to Elena.  This is, of course, subject to her wishes since I don't pretend to speak for her, but I will certainly ask her if she is interested.  Check your e-mail for my home and cell numbers and e-mail address (all new since we last spoke).

She will be here Nov. 20 to Nov. 28

[Al_C]

How big is BIG? What is the problem? Your mom don't like Russians, she's worried about you getting scammed, you have a reputation for picking all the wrong women, jealous another woman is taking the attention of her favorite son away from her or something else?

All of the above, and then some.  She thinks she is doing me a favor by protecting me from the dangers of the world, not understanding that she is blocking me from the pleasures of the world at the same time.  I know the RW scene is a minefield, and I am quite adept at calculating my own risks.

Five years ago, on my very first trip to Russia, I hit a home run with a woman named Arina.  Or at least I thought it was a home run. I was called out sliding into home plate, as our relationship blew up three days before her interview at the embassy.

I made a colossal mistake with Arina.  Believing that nothing could possibly go wrong once she accepted my marriage proposal, I announced our engagement to the world immediately upon my return to New York.  My mother flipped out solely because of Arina's country of origin. I spent the next three months assuring my mother that she is totally wrong and that Arina was a wonderful woman.  Then, when I was called out at the plate, that incident validated everything my mother believed about RW, and nothing I could think, do or say would change her mind.  Every trip to Russia thereafter was met by a comment to the effect that I was going there to meet another FLOOZIE.  In reesponse, I drove my search underground, not telling my mother or anyone else what I was doing when I was there, even censoring my vacation photos to show only those in which my RW did not appear.

As for now, Elena is my friend from Russia. and that is that.  I am still keeping my intentions secret.  If I get her here on a K-1 (my objective, of course), I will do the same thing I did with this trip, give my mother about 10 days advance notice.

I know this is a recipe for trouble, but there is no other way.  My mother demands to be kept in the loop, but with each contemptuous comment, she pushes herself farther and farther outside of the loop.  Right now, she is so far out of the loop that she is not even in the same galaxy as the loop.

Since you told Elena you will be going to your sister's house to meet the family, you better do it otherwise she will think you're hiding something from her if you don't introduce your family. Have a backup plan. Some restaurants are open and serve on Thanksgiving day.

If your mother says or makes Elena uncomfortable in any way, don't argue and don't stay. Excuse yourself and Elena politely and eat elsewhere. Elena will admire you for making a difficult decision in an uncomfortable situation for her benefit.

Your advice is well taken.  I am betting that the presence of the rest of the family will suppress my mother's conduct enough for this to not be a problem, but what you suggested would be a good Plan B.

[Mars]

The way I see it, she is going to have to meet my mother sooner or later,

Perhaps; but much later would be better.

The first priority is for the man and woman to cement their relationship with such rigor that nothing can tear it apart.  This cannot be done in the presence of conflict with family members.

From what you have described in other parts of this tread; your lady is not going to be welcomed by your mother.  You run the risk of losing your lady because of this.  Why risk losing the chance for the love of your life . . . ?????  It makes no sense!!

Any reasonable and logical person (your woman in this case) will bail on a relationship where they see a serious conflict brewing with a family member and, at the same time, see that their intended will not separate permanently from the offending family member.

[Vaughn]

Every trip to Russia thereafter was met by a comment to the effect that I was going there to meet another FLOOZIE.  In reesponse, I drove my search underground, not telling my mother or anyone else what I was doing when I was there, even censoring my vacation photos to show only those in which my RW did not appear.

It could be my memory is failing - but I don't recall ever having read on RWD about such a trying situation.

I have to agree with Mars just above. Subjecting your lady to an unwelcoming Mom would be an act I'd tend
to pass on. I hope all works out, though, and that eventually they become friends.

I'm not judging your Mom, Al_C, but I've met many potential MILs for whose sons there will never seem
to be a woman good enough to take away her boy.

[groovlstk]

Any reasonable and logical person (your woman in this case) will bail on a relationship where they see a serious conflict brewing with a family member and, at the same time, see that their intended will not separate permanently from the offending family member.

I'd agree w/Mars, here. If you're at an early and tentative stage of your relationship this is a big complication, one that you'd be wise to avoid until you can unequivocally say to your gf that her opinions and needs outrank your mom's.

Good luck, Al.

[Al_C]

I'd agree w/Mars, here. If you're at an early and tentative stage of your relationship this is a big complication, one that you'd be wise to avoid until you can unequivocally say to your gf that her opinions and needs outrank your mom's.

Good luck, Al.

I already did tell her that.  And I told my mother that too, not specifically as to Elena, but generally that in the event of such a conflict. the woman I wake up next to each morning is going to get priority every time.

There is no way I can bail out of Thanksgiving dinner with the family based on mere potential for conflict.  It would cause me to lose credibility with Elena and cause more damage than an out of control mother could possibly dream of causing.  The best plan I heard here so far is the Plan B of leaving and going to a restaurant if my mother drives us to that point.

[KenC]

Al_C,
I am going to try not to be too harsh here even though "Momma's boy" and "grow a set" do come to mind. "Bailing" is not an option and it is even foolish to give it serious consideration.  Face your Momma, support your woman and hope for the best.

I would let your gf know that you are 100% protective of her in this situation and also let your Momma know clearly, that no disrespect from her will be tolerated.  I remember that conversation with my own Mother, but it was when I was 17.  Man up dude.  Good luck.
KenC