Single most important quality.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Dears, don't you think that communication is not a quality but a medium, a tool with which we discover certain qualities? A good communicator may reveal certain qualities that we want (or not want) to see in a person.

At the same time, an ability to communicate well is a quality, though. But what exactly do we want to discover through his communication, ladies?

Lily,

Check out this thread http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=10235.0

It would be a perfect example (in my opinion) of lack of any communication. This is what they mean by 'communication'. It's the fear of hurting somebody by telling the truth, it's not talking and discussing what bothers you in your marriage, it's communicating to your partner how you feel and coming to a compromise, etc...

[olena]

Honesty ....and of course communication....

[SunnyAK]

I vote for character (including sense of humor - VERY important!) and looks (yeah, I'm kinda shallow).

"Communication" is a process, "ability to communicate" is a quality. IMHO.

[Mars]

I vote for . . . (sense of humor - VERY important!)

Interesting that almost everyone (men and women) cites this as desireable for a mate.
Yet, most seem to not really mean it.
For instance, I communicated with and screened through hundreds of FSUW, most of which stated this 'humor' trait as one which they had and wanted in a mate.
But, in reality, the vast majority of them never commented favorably on the humorous jokes and pictures I sent them (yes, they all understood English) or sent me any jokes in return.
Yes, I understand that humor doesn't always translate back and forth well, but they still knew I was trying to show humor; and they never commented on my attempt.  And they never made an attempt to reciprocate; even if I might not have understood their humor.

So mystifying to me why most (men and women) always cite humor as a desirable trait . . . when it is really not important to them and maybe is even irritating to them.

[Gator]

But, in reality, the vast majority of them never commented favorably on the humorous jokes and pictures I sent them (yes, they all understood English) or sent me any jokes in return.
Yes, I understand that humor doesn't always translate back and forth well,

The problem is not with translation; the problem is because of cultural differences.   Russians simply don't laugh at a lot of what Americans deem funny.  "Silly" is no good.  However, "sarcasm" is very good.  While AW tend to enjoy the offcolor if not tasteless joke, most RW don't, even after you get to know them.  Overall, I find Russian jokes more intellectual than American.

but they still knew I was trying to show humor; and they never commented on my attempt.  And they never made an attempt to reciprocate; even if I might not have understood their humor.

Maybe they understood the joke, and just found it silly, so silly that they question your intelligence (even though we know better about you).    Other explanations:  1) the desire to be in control and 2) RW are not very good at diplomatic pretenses. 

[Mars]

Gator, you are wrong on all assumptions and conclusions regarding my humor.  My humor covers a wide spectrum. Not all could be considered silly, even if some is.  And the few FSUW who did comment on my humor liked it and reciprocated with humor of their own in messages.  During actual dates these same FSUW were really into my humor and also reciprocated.

So my initial thought still holds:  i.e. Most FSUW say they have humor themselves and desire it as a trait for their man.  But it is simply not true in the vast majority of cases.

Also, FSUW told me many 'off color' jokes, but not the totally raunchy type.  And my FSUW were highly educated, cultured, with good paying jobs.

Example told to me:  Men used to look at ass in the panties.  Now they look at panties in the ass.

[SANDRO43]

The problem is not with translation; the problem is because of cultural differences.

Quite so, humour is definitely culture-related. Having lived both in the UK and the US, I can attest that what makes most laugh on either shore of the Atlantic is not identical.

Social class also introduces variations, with verbal preferred to situational humour the more you move into 'cultured' environments. Here in Italy we have regional variations as well, Southerners usually leaning more towards the slapstick and Tuscans towards sarcasm.

Maybe what FSUW require as humour is just a lighter, less somber approach to everyday life, rather than outright laughs .

[Gator]

Gator, you are wrong on all assumptions and conclusions regarding my humor.

Imagine my relief!

My humor covers a wide spectrum. Not all could be considered silly, even if some is.

 

You are correct.  I have reread your posts and they have  me ROFL.  They are spiced with a mixture of George Carlin and Jay Leno, followed by Eddie Murphy.  Then a little of Chris Rock comes out.  I hate to tell you this but your Jack Black style needs work.   

And the few FSUW who did comment on my humor liked it and reciprocated with humor of their own in messages.  During actual dates these same FSUW were really into my humor and also reciprocated.

Congratulations.  You have found what you want.  Ignore those humorless wenches who did not understand your genius.

Also, FSUW told me many 'off color' jokes, but not the totally raunchy type.  And my FSUW were highly educated, cultured, with good paying jobs.  Example told to me:  Men used to look at ass in the panties.  Now they look at panties in the ass.

A prime example of Sandro's explanation.

[SunnyAK]

Example told to me:  Men used to look at ass in the panties.  Now they look at panties in the ass.

Actually, the correct version goes like that:

Men used to look for an ass inside the panties. Now they are looking for panties inside an ass. 

[Mars]

Actually, the correct version goes like that:

Men used to look for an ass inside the panties. Now they are looking for panties inside an ass. 

Well I am not sure which is the more correct version.  I think in standard English the  idea of in and inside are pretty much the same.  We can go in a building and inside a building and, in either case, we will be in the interior of the building.

But, I am a native speaker of English and, as such, don't really know all the rules.  Just go by what sounds correct or at least OK from my upbringing and education.  So, if you have learned from your English classes that, in this situation, inside is better than in, I will go with your version.  :-))

But now that I am looking at your version, I think we need a further correction.  I think it would be better to say 'look at' rather than 'look for.'  Looking  for implies there might often be something inside the panties rather than the standard thing inside.  What say ye?

[SANDRO43]

We can go in a building and inside a building and, in either case, we will be in the interior of the building.

Not really, first you go into/inside (enter) a building, then you're in/inside its interior. The preposition in before a delimited location/enclosed space indicates 'state', not 'motion'. On the other hand, inside serves both purposes.

But now that I am looking at your version, I think we need a further correction.  I think it would be better to say 'look at' rather than 'look for.'  Looking  for implies there might often be something inside the panties rather than the standard thing inside.

Depends on whether the original meaning implies 'searching'  or just 'gazing'  .

[Lily]

So mystifying to me why most (men and women) always cite humor as a desirable trait . . . when it is really not important to them and maybe is even irritating to them.

Because the sense of humor, ability to project things in a humorous way is instinctively perceived as a sign of strenght, besides the inordinary mental creativity that is required for that. People are not afraid of something that makes them laugh.

This is also a reason why people have that many male comedians, and that little female ones.

[Blues Fairy]

People are not afraid of something that makes them laugh.

Or maybe afraid to laugh at someone for fear of scaring them off.  Perhaps those women feel that their mission of finding a life partner is too serious a business to allow themselves to relax and be humorous, for they might blow it.

When my then-fiance and I were visiting my mother in Sweden, she kept scolding me in private for how much I made fun of him, warning me that the man might take offense and run off. 

[Mars]

Because the sense of humor, ability to project things in a humorous way is instinctively perceived as a sign of strenght, besides the inordinary mental creativity that is required for that. People are not afraid of something that makes them laugh.

This is also a reason why people have that many male comedians, and that little female ones.

Yes Lily, but you did not address my question as to why most women say they look for humor in a man; when in fact they actually seem to not enjoy or appreciate humor at all.  And it is not due to the type of humor because, as I stated, I know and tell a wide spectrum of types of humor.

And it is not due to other reason such as my delivery, etc.  The women who themselves actually liked humor - - - they liked my humor a lot.

So question  remains:  Why do so many women state they like humor in a man;  when in fact they do not?

[yarm]

Isn't it a little presumptuous to say women don't like humor, just because the majority of them apparently don't like your humor?

[JR]

So question  remains:  Why do so many women state they like humor in a man;  when in fact they do not?

For the same reason men say they can communicate. To get the opposite sex to be attracted to them. Most men want to think they are funny, so women play to that. Most women can consistanly communicate on a much deeper and more profound levels then men can, so men play to that.

[SMS60]

Isn't it a little presumptuous to say women don't like humor, just because the majority of them apparently don't like your humor?

Im sure glad someone made this statement. I didnt know if I could hold off any longer without a response.

The fact remains women do like humor, fun or whatever you want to call it. They like to be entertained. IE..... attention.

[Lily]

So question  remains:  Why do so many women state they like humor in a man;  when in fact they do not?

Afraid I cannot inderstand the question. Why many women state that they like humor in a man when in fact they don't. Two self - excluding things.

To me, either such women have a particular understanding of humor, that is perhaps not shared in this case, or they just don't appreciate the sense of humor that the particular man exhibits. Kind of miscommunication in the requirement.

Or perhaps you could illustrate on an example?

Again, back to general statements why women like humor, it is because this is a sign of strenght, of positive attitude, also of creativity, of a certail intellectual level, last but not least, it is just fun and entertaining...

[SunnyAK]

Didn't think that the "panties" joke would require further clarification...It actually refers to the invention of strings or thongs. That's why now men have to "look for" (search) for panties inside an ass.  

[Gator]

Didn't think that the "panties" joke would require further clarification...It actually refers to the invention of strings or thongs. That's why now men have to "look for" (search) for panties inside an ass. 

I understood it.

When thongs first started to be worn by some AW (20 years ago?), we jokingly referred to them as "anal floss" (vs. dental floss).  I found that funny at the time.  Today, 20 years later, the Russian joke about looking for panties in the ass did not humor me even though I understood it the first time Mars told it. 

Guideline:  If a man must explain his joke, it is not funny.  Worse, it can mean that the people claiming that they did not understand it, actually understood it but are trying to ignore it.   

There is a difference between the two jokes about ass and panties.  The American version I presented is definitely more gross while the Russian joke is borderline cute.  20 years ago I enjoyed tasteless jokes among my business colleagues.  Today, I mostly ignore them, perhaps because I have been trained by my RW wife never to tell gross jokes.  She finds most of them not funny if not offensive, yet will laugh about jokes in which words such as "erection"  are necessary.

Do any of the RW read the RWD thread, "Time for Some Humor?" in Odds and Ends.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=4594.0

If so, your reaction please.

[Mars]

Didn't think that the "panties" joke would require further clarification...It actually refers to the invention of strings or thongs. That's why now men have to "look for" (search) for panties inside an ass.  

OK, sure for the second case I think 'look for' might be appropriate.

But in first case, I think 'look at' is still more appropriate because, regardless of how slender the woman is, I don't think her ass would have to be searched for.

But, in any event, this is certainly a great way to learn some of the finer rules of English grammar.  :-))

[Mars]

On a related note, it is now understood that the string type of panties present a health hazard in that they promote or allow the transfer of bacteria from anal area to vagina area.  Various bacteria existing in certain areas of the body cause no harm in those areas, but they do cause harm when transferred to other areas.

[Mars]

Isn't it a little presumptuous to say women don't like humor, just because the majority of them apparently don't like your humor?

Sure, I understand that is an easy insinuation for anyone to throw out at the party who dares to bring up such a question.  I tried to carefully explain your point away previously, but I realize it is easier just to attack than address the question seriously.

[Mars]

Afraid I cannot inderstand the question. Why many women state that they like humor in a man when in fact they don't. Two self - excluding things.

To me, either such women have a particular understanding of humor, that is perhaps not shared in this case, or they just don't appreciate the sense of humor that the particular man exhibits. Kind of miscommunication in the requirement.

Or perhaps you could illustrate on an example?

Again, back to general statements why women like humor, it is because this is a sign of strenght, of positive attitude, also of creativity, of a certail intellectual level, last but not least, it is just fun and entertaining...

Lily, I fully understand why many people like humor and like others who have humor.  Some of the reasons you have stated above.  And there are other good reasons why people should like and enjoy humor.  For instance, there have been proven health benefits to laughing, etc.

But the fact remains that there are some people who do not enjoy humor.  They do not enjoy humor in any form regardless of who is telling the humor and what the type of humor.

However, these humorless people still insist on writing in their profiles that they are looking for a mate who has a sense of humor.  That is the basis of my question.

Perhaps the answer is as simple as they type in what they think is appropriate.  Like has been commented before; many FSUW who are smokers type in their profiles that they do not smoke.

[groovlstk]

But the fact remains that there are some people who do not enjoy humor.  They do not enjoy humor in any form regardless of who is telling the humor and what the type of humor.

However, these humorless people still insist on writing in their profiles that they are looking for a mate who has a sense of humor.  That is the basis of my question.

Do you know these women well enough to say that they are humorless? Humor is very dependent on context and a lot of folks who appear shy and reserved are extremely funny, but only show this side to those whom they feel very comfortable being around.