RW Addiction.. Does it exist?

[BC]

NDOC,

I've tried imagining the same situation with my wife..  As with other very difficult hurdles we have had to overcome I don't think that even this situation would necessarily result in divorce.

Maybe it's just the way you describe your feelings here, but it seems that you're a 'buck stops here' kinda guy - I don't think our marriage would work either that way.

Somehow I get the feeling we see only the tip of the iceberg..

[anono]

lol!  i do not have time to read this right now (i have to go feed my addiction;))))

 

[anono]

back from my last fix...  now i can relax a bit.. catzenmouse ken, if i am ever down your way i'll bring some skins.

beefox, how eloquent! welcome!

about some of this other stuff.. i've never been married so it is foreign to me to read things like what my ex-wife or past girlfriends will think when they see my girlfriend..i just do not have that in my ego and do not care what anyone else thinks unless they are a very close friend whose opinion i respect.  as for others in general, i really am not concerned at all about them so i certainly do not care what they think.

my motivations, or the physical and pychological reasons, in my mind, are the same i have had all my life.

the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.

i am certainly addicted.

i freaking live here!. just like any addiction, i think, go to the source!

back in the 80's, during my brief cocaine experience and near addiction, i went to lima, peru.

i'm just staying in form.

 

[NDOC]

Swindon,

I wonder what it's like to live in your world.  But in this one, there are very few marriages that are ideal.  Each one is different and has its own unique dynamics.  This is an art and not a science after all.  You have a very high threshold for success and a very narrow view of relationships that can be called successful, which seems in line with your romantic view of relationships in general.  Thankfully, I don't judge other marriages from what I read in romance novels or see in the cinema. 

To generalize and say that all marriages that end in divorce are failures is far too simplistic.  You are asking a lot of two people to remain committed till death in the modern world and in some cases it is very unhealthy.  Unless one party is so dependent on the other that they cannot leave, I think that it is far healthier that two people be independent and complete persons free to follow whatever pursuits and interests life may present inside or outside one or more marriages than to have persons so fearful or dependent that they dare not embrace change and opportunities when they arise.  If this was a co-dependent relationship, I would be forgiving of her behavior and granting her anything she wishes just to preserve the marriage.  That would be romantic, but not healthy for her or for me.  Bad marriages that last because one or both parties are fearful and dependent are worse than short, good marriages where both parties enter and leave whole persons.

As for getting an ego boost from having a beautiful woman around, I agree!  It's not like coming home to a pretty girl is a bad thing after all.  That she is willing to go or I am willing to let her follow her dreams is certainly not a sign that either of us are dependent upon the other.

Finally, you make assumptions about our relationship that, at best, are false and prejudicial.  You assume in your last statement that I have spoiled her and have her around just as arm candy as a means of attacking my own credibility and the validity of our marriage.  Neither of these observations is true.  Yes, my wife likes nice things, but in all reality she has a good job as an English teacher and drives a 1999 Saturn...hardly a luxury car.  While she will piss and moan about getting all the nice things her friends have or she would like to have, when she has to spend her own money, she can have what she can afford.  While I don't necessarily agree with her spending habits, so long as she is spending money she earns, I don't have any grounds to deny her.  Now if she is spending our money or wants a gift, then I have some say in the matter.  We quarrel because I say no, not because I say yes, after all. 

BC,

She is leaving to pursue her dream.  While you or I may not consider that a reason for divorce, she frankly needs the assets from our marriage to finance another attempt.  Test tube babies are not cheap.  If she is divorced, then she no longer needs my permission and she has the finances necessary to carry through with another attempt at a child or multiple attempts.  It doesn't make sense to me, but it seems reasonable to her.  As she has said to me more than once, having your own child and fulfilling your destiny as a woman/mother is something men cannot understand.  She is already testing the waters to see if I will take her back after she has a child. 

[BC]

Anono,

There are probably quite a few around here and elsewhere that have current or prior addictions to other substances or compulsive actions.  They jump on the RW bandwagon in order to participate in a new 'thrill' jetting across oceans chasing young damsels in desire or distress.  In many ways RW are probably seeking that 'thrill' too.

Sure young hot RW's are not against the law but I can see signs of compulsive/obsessive behavior from many folks hanging around RW related sites.  That such behavior can be destructive is quite evident in some of the 'crash n burn' stories we hear about.  People on both sides get hurt.. and badly.

Sometimes, I have even wondered about my past relationships and which part I enjoyed more, the chase or the result.  To be honest in many cases probably the chase..  Fortunately only minor scrapes and bruises ensued that did not span continents.

The poll seems to support the potential for addiction exists.. a very few may be able to afford the habit financially and (un)emotionally but where does one draw the line that distinguishes a RW seeker from those that become true RW junkies on destructive paths?

[Voyageur]

BC,  Honestly, the pursuit of a RW is habit forming. I know,  because I am still reading this site daily, even though I am now  married to RW. As in any pursuit in life that you are serious about,  you learn more (hopefully) as you get more experience. In my case, I  learned about these types of web-sites after I had been to Russia and  Ukraine a few times. I was not really prepared the first times I went  there and sort of went out-of my normal behavior when I first visited  these countries and especially when I met women from the FSU.

But, I found the other site and then this forum, and learned a great  deal about this pursuit. Of course i made mistakes along the way.   But reading forums like this may have helped me have less heartache and  maybe saved some money.

But I really do not need to read this forum any longer, quite  truthfully. I have really stopped reading the other forum entirely.  Because I know enough about Russian culture and my wife to not need to  seek any outside anymore. This may sound arrogant, but really, it is  not meant to be. As can be evidenced on this forum  the most  knowledgeable and successfully married people do not ask for advise  either, just to offer it when advise is asked for.  I am not  married long enough, or do I pretend to be wise enough, to offer any  advise outside of my experiences.  And my wife and I are also  against publishing personal information about our marriage on a public  forum. I would really love publish a trip report, but it would have to  be for previous relationships.  That being said, I must admit that  I enjoy reading them very much and can easily relate to them from my  previous experiences.

So, I really do not need to read this forum. But, find it very  interesting to continue to learn about this subject. It is like many of  us have passed through the University to get to this point in our  lives, and to continue learning about the FSU woman/Western Man dynamic  is sort of a hobby for me. It is a diversion, not an addiction.

But I can understand how the thrill of meeting FSU women in a strange  and wonderful culture can become addictive. I had some of the best  times of my life in the FSU, involving women and their friends (like  going to Banya, a disco, cafe's) meeting people like Pavel in Ukraine,  traveling by train to places like Kirvoy Rog from Kiev, seeing sights  like Red Square and Hermitage. These were great times and even with all  of the false starts, wasted money and time and efforts, I would not  want to change anything.

[anono]

yes BC, i agree))

one good thing, as you can see from  the poll results, at least no one seems to be in denial:clapping:

[BC]

Yeah anono..

Maybe someone ought to change their vote to 'no' so that the poll can be considered anonymous!

:D

[jb]

I don't know if RWs are addictive, but these stupid discussion boards certainly are.

[BC]

Off topic jb!, but yes I believe you are quite correct.

[dwfunk]

Would  you feel a slight tinge of delight somewhere inside you upon  viewing the icy glare on your ex-wife's face when she meets  your new RW for the first time?  Of course your new wife is a  decade younger and looks like she stepped out of a fashion magazine,  but why would the old ball-and-chain hold  that against her?

16 years . . .    <GRIN>  :clapping::D

I gave close family and friends the link to my trip photos on Walgreens,  some how the link made it's way to the ex,  whoo whee per the  grapevine, she was not a happy camper!  :burnedup::seething::burnedup: 


as to addicted, You bet!!!!!!


-david

[viking]

Oh Lord help me. I just got to reading this topic. Read BC's first post. I am addicted. Big time. this is not a good thing. It can make you callous to so many really nice AWs out there, should they ever cross my path. Somebody said to go to EHarmony and my reply was, but they are all AW'S!. Lets face, would you travel all the way to Russia if the 'woman of your dreams was next door'? I doubt it, but if you are addicted, you can miss some nice opportunities, and I think that might be my case as well.

[dwfunk]

Oh Lord help me. I just got to reading this topic. Read BC's first post. I am addicted. Big time. this is not a good thing. It can make you callous to so many really nice AWs out there, should they ever cross my path. Somebody said to go to EHarmony and my reply was, but they are all AW'S!. Lets face, would you travel all the way to Russia if the 'woman of your dreams was next door'? I doubt it, but if you are addicted, you can miss some nice opportunities, and I think that might be my case as well.

oh, could I ever tell you some eHarmony horror story's!!!  shudder, enter the psycho lady!!!  However, the book I got from eHarmoney written by Dr. Warren, "Date or Soulmate, How to Know If Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less" was a valuable addition to my relationalship knowledge. This book alone was a primary tool in determining which of the 4 ladies I was writing to at the time would be the sole lady that I would continue writing to.  It was also a primary tool in determining that my Natalia was a keeper.  All that remained was meeting her in person and making sure neither of us fled the airport shrieking in terror.  It then remained for her to determine if I truly was the man of her dreams, her other half. Within about 2 hours of meeting each other we both at almost the same time, told each other, that we felt very comfortable with each other, that we felt that we had already known each other for sometime.

As to missing the "Woman of your dreams right next door"  I have to ask, where is the list of AW that really want to get married, and are ready now, to get married, and are willing to go anywhere in the world with their new husband.  For that matter, where is the list of AM that are ready to go anywhere in the world to find the woman of his dreams??

Why here we are!!!    and there they are  (RW) !!!      and the result is  :kissing:

Anyway, I rest my case.  I like my addiction and I like what it got me!!

-david

[wasson65]

[size="1"][/size]...[size="1"]To generalize and say that all marriages that end in divorce are failures is far too simplistic... [/size]

True true!!  I was married for 16 years.  It wasn't perfect but somehow we both seemed to get something out of it, at least for a while.  We had 4 children together which bring great meaning to my life.  Is the relationship a "failure" because it ended?

I think the expectation that marriage is forever is good.  I don't think it should be something that people enter into with the expectation that it will NOT last for the ages.  But the fact is that many don't last for the ages.  So I guess I uphold the ideal, while understanding that it is just that, an ideal to strive for.

To take an analogy from the recent Olympics, to characterize all the competitors who didn't make it to the medal stand as failures would certainly be a mistake.  They gave it their best shot, they tried, and they didn't achieve everything they set out to.  Some will return every 4 years, to try again and place 63rd in a field of 65.  Are they perennial failures?  I think not.

I think they are humans learning about themselves, their capacity, their heart, their stamina, their determination, their guts, their potential.  Same for many of us here.

[Louie]