Should men seek advice from RWD?

[SMS60]

Is it a good idea for men in international relationships to seek advice on relationships from the members of RWD?

I ask this in wake of the numerous relationship failures by members of this forum. I suspect there are more but they have not surfaced yet. Sometimes you can sense it by the way they post.

Does this forum need to be giving advice on relationships? Yes and No.

Some members have a good understanding of how it works. Others do not.

[Shadow]

It is IMHO impossible for anyone to give relationship advice based on the little details that can be posted on an internet forum.
The RWD membership can give hints on if certain things are the result of cultural background (usually 90% not), are 'normal' in international relations (usual 90% not), or should be considered a usual trait in women (no comment).

From this they can determine if there is a relationship and if it has issues.
As far as seeking adviise on how to improve a relationship, one may just as well ask the local grannies.

[Admin]

Is it a good idea for men in international relationships to seek advice on relationships from the members of RWD?

I ask this in wake of the numerous relationship failures by members of this forum. I suspect there are more but they have not surfaced yet. Sometimes you can sense it by the way they post.

Does this forum need to be giving advice on relationships? Yes and No.

Some members have a good understanding of how it works. Others do not.

As may be seen in our RWD Vision, the fundamental purpose of RWD is to expand our collective knowledge and understanding. Whether that falls into the category of "advice" is something each individual must decide for themselves.  

For my part, RWD was started as an effort to 'give something back' to a community that had been helpful to me when I needed it. Since then RWD has provided innumerable insights I might not have gained otherwise. I do not take anything from RWD as Gospel. I 'test' everything I read here in the context of my values and aspirations - and I take aboard those things from RWD that help, and reject that which does not. In the end, it is always my choice and my decision and I use RWD as a resource - the same way I encourage others.

BTW - your comment that; "you can sense it by the way they post" is potentially a risky proposition. I learned quite some time ago that it is best to not assume anything - and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Just a point of perspective, FWIW.

- Dan

[remiel6]

An interesting question certainly, but probably a bit vague. I think as a man searches there is a lot of value in what is to be read on these forums, but understand that most people will give you statements based exclusively on thier experiences. This can be good or bad, but it is worth remembering that thier experiences are dictated by well them. How they approach things etc... What works for one man will not work for another. The first place anyone should start searching for any mate is himself. You have to know who you are and what is acceptable for you. You have to know what your comfortable with. I think a lot of value is to be found in the experiences of others, so long as you remember that your not baking cookies here. Everyone is different.
As for relationship advice, I think some general comments about what the transition to american culture was like is valuable, but when you seek such advice you have to place a filter on it so that it applies to your girl. Not every woman is the same and hence they will all react to the culture shock differently.
As for marital advice, well the first place you should go to for marital advice IMO is your spouse. If your going here then there has been a communication breakdown with your partner and no problem can ever be solved unless you solve the communication problem first.
The one thing, and boy am I going to get hit for saying this, I would point out is that IMO often times people who are divorced, at least while they are divorcing or just after thier divorce, may be the worst people ask about why they got divorced. When talking to people it always helps to ask yourself 1)is this person really over it enough to offer objective positions, 2)Is this person simply throwing all the blame on the partner, 3) Is this person self reflective enough to even come to question one in the first place.
In short there is a lot of valuable advice here, but like all advice the key is not in recieving it, the key is in knowing which of it applies to you.

[Jazzyclassy]

I think that first of all it is a forum where some people are just sharing their experience in international dating, nobody can actually advise you , I agree here with Shadow.
This forum is trying to bring people together who have similar situations - foreign men married Russian women, or Russian women married foreign men and so on

And concerning failures in marriage of some members here it is just how life is, you should not think of anyone as a God in relations because people make mistakes and people can not resolve their issues no matter how authoritative, experienced they might sound  here in the forum.

[Misha]

I will (over)generalize and state my opinion that there are three types:

1. Those who learn from their mistakes;
2. Those who learn from the mistakes of others;
3. Those who never learn.

The first and second can certainly benefit from discussions in forum or real life, the latter can provide some entertainment when bored 

[Dave13]

This forum does provide some useful insights to the whole process, but it does require some filtering of the information. 

Dave

[RussianWind]

1. Those who learn from their mistakes;
2. Those who learn from the mistakes of others;
3. Those who never learn.

This is a theory. In practice exclude #2

Actually #2 helps to understand that you are not that dull like others 

[Dave13]

Sometimes mistakes can be a lot of fun.

[kievstar]

Depends on what advise your looking for and who answers it. 

For example, when it comes to whether to use a tour, agency, free personals, newspaper, roam the streets, etc there are many ways to find your true love.  However, people who have actually tried the methods may give you some tips that may or may not help.  I used to know the agencies in Kiev but have been out of that scene almost 2 years.  So I could provide little advise as the agencies change quickly.  Even where to stay in Kiev as I now stay at the intercontinental hotel in Kiev rather than rent apartment.  Hotel life is just cleaner, easier, etc. But probably not the best place for a man searching for a wife.

I find this forum interesting but you see many men come on this forum and you know the trainwreck is going to happen or divorce is in the future.  I have not been surprised by one failed relationship here.  When people marry a younger wife and they do not have kids that is a huge red flag to me.  Time is ticking. 

You will also see many men who once get married never come back to this forum.  Probably because they get bored as the same topics and answers are out there. I will admit I like reading the trainwrecks.  Shame on me.  But all good news is boring. 

[tfcrew]

Advice?
Nope..and avoid generalities
Those who tend to generalize, generally tend to be wrong.

Now..information?
You can just get that at RWD

Good luck to all
Karl

[Misha]

I will admit I like reading the trainwrecks.  Shame on me. 

I confess that I also find the train wrecks more interesting to read.

[Gator]

To the OP's question, yes with two caveats:

1.  Some advice here is bad; however, this usually becomes apparent when other posters jump in.

2.  Every situation is different, and the man must make battlefield decisions.

I started reading 7 years ago after my first trip. I survived that trip and actually met my wife yet did not know it at the time.  However, if I had read RWD before I would have had even more fun and spent less money.

As I got deeper and deeper into the process I gained a lot of knowledge from JB, KenC, Jet, AJ, DonnaPedro, etc.  This knowledge helped me as I deliberated regarding:  whether a RW was worth the trouble,  the implications of cultural differences, how to jump the next hurdle,  etc. 

Also, my local friends thought me crazy so I needed to spend time in a friendly club filled with other crazy men. 

Now I don't know why I post other than I like to:

-  hear success stories,  :kissing:

-  reminisce, 

-  enjoy a good debate,   

-  want to help the newbie, 

-  and become titillated by the graphic sex.  :evil:    

Oh yes, the occasional idiots are entertaining in their own way  .  Train wrecks make me feel bad  . 

As far as understanding how to live with RW, I need to understand only one, and I can depend on her to tell me when and how I am wrong. 

[Dave13]

Gator, Now that is a very wise post  " As far as understanding how to live with RW, I need to understand only one, and I can depend on her to tell me when and how I am wrong." 

Dave

[IAmZon]

You try on cloths and sometimes they fit, and sometimes they don't.  You cant always tell from how they look in the window. 

A couple of points:

1, Russian, Eastern European women, generally speaking, are educated and refined with a strong character.  They can be beautiful.  That puts them on top of the food chain. American men seeking foreign wives, generally speaking, are right brained, successful, and with experiences ( and that may imply, with past mistakes in life that they are trying to correct the second time around. )  That puts them at the middle, to the bottom of the food chain. So, if and when these two people get together, there can be a balancing that is more uncertain than normal, again, generally speaking.  Can an advise forum help with that?  Certainly not.

2, Scammers on the hunt.  "Scammers" or professional daters are women with tons of game.  The men who are taken in - attracted by these women and taken advantage of - usually have no game.  The result is predicable.  Can an advise forum help that? Just a little, but not really. 

3, Cultural differences and a million little things.  I started to write a couple of paragraphs to illustrate the point, but deleted them.  It would take a book.  It is those things that this board particularly can help with.

4, Lastly, this is a group of intelligent people with enough boldness and individualism to ask "what is possible?"  The topic creates a like-mindedness amongst its members.  (I found this place some time ago and enjoy the dialog.  Although these ideas were central in my living much of the last two years in Central and South America, I still have not visited Eastern Europe and Russian is looking increasingly as being an unattractive destination.)

I think , for the man, 75% of success is knowing himself; what he wants, and what he is willing to give to have what he wants.  Guys that are prone to get "crushes" are their own worst enemies.  So, the advice is free.  And what is it they say about buying free advise?  buyer beware:)

[Gator]

Russian, Eastern European women, generally speaking, are educated and refined with a strong character.  They can be beautiful.  That puts them on top of the food chain. American men seeking foreign wives, generally speaking, are right brained, successful, and with experiences ( and that may imply, with past mistakes in life that they are trying to correct the second time around. )  That puts them at the middle, to the bottom of the food chain.

So RW are sharks and AM are chum?

I disagree with one point.  IMO, advice can help the men with little experience regarding scammers.  I say that because the ploys are routine and readily apparent, and are not as sophisticated as a carny trick.  A man needs to know just a few signs to recognize he is the being fleeced.  However, if the guy's testosterone is signaling him that he is going to get some, you are correct, he is hopeless.

[greg2654]

And what is it they say about buying free advise?

That it is worth every penny

[greg2654]

Does this forum need to be giving advice on relationships?

Absolutely. My wife, a PhD. in math and physics from Moscow Laminosov University, considers me slightly better than a talking Labrador Retriever but is absolutely amazed at my skill in choosing a quality woman. (I joke, I joke but only a little)

[JR]

I am the only person qualified to give advice on anything around here. All Hail Me!!!

[roykirk]

I've found RWD particularly helpful, but you also have to be very, very careful in what advice you do take.  When I first related how I met my wife (using EM but decided to meet in a neutral country first), I was warned by several people this was the sign of a scammer because she was clearly trying to hide something.  When we were preparing to get married and she asked me about pre-nuptial agreements, several people told me to dump her immediately as she was just trying to get a Green Card (we talked about it but decided not to do it).  I know people are probably just trying to help, but thank goodness I didn't follow any of that advice, or I would have lost the most loving and wonderful person I've ever met. 

My theory is follow advice where possible, but also recognize that sometimes you have to follow your heart.  Of course sometimes people get burned following their heart, but that's going to happen with or without RWD.

[Bored1]

I read this forum but do not post much.

I do not post much because most of what is written is not interesting to me but some of it is.

I will say that there is good advice to be taken in the physical how do I get there, what are the costs of hotels, visa issues both in Russia and America, divorce and married protocol but very little else is anything more than ego, chat and stereotype.

Almost everything written about FSU woman is stereotype general rubbish when I compare it to myself and my friends.   

I know this port will be ignored by most and that womans like me will continue to be spoken of in the stereotype way because it is the only way some ego can compete here.

Mt advice although it will be deemed worthless as I am only RW is to stick to asking basic actual physical help questions. 

When you arrive here be yourself and let others be individual also.

[remiel6]

Well Bored1, I didn't ignore your post 

As far as your comments I actually tend to agree with you. I think its always dangerous to say all RW are like ....... or all AM are like ..... or anything really.

I also agree in there is very good advice on the physical how I get there? Where do we go when together?
Also I think some good advice on how to take a ruined trip and get something out of it.
But as for me, I liked your post.

Roy, I think you make a very valid point. A person has to know when to take the advice given and when to throw the advice away. Yes, you may get burned and do something you were advised not to do, but as in your case you may not as well.
Getting scammed is a terrible thing and I think the experience tends to warp some peoples perspective, but like all experiences in life it is in the end just one of them.

the other areas I would RWD is very good at, is it has been a nice support network for people trying to get back on thier feet after bad experiences. I personally like trading stories with the other posters just because I find thier stories fascinating.

[BC]

Is a funny but good question..

When asked in person about this whole RW thing I'll quickly respond 'move on' regardless..  AKA one of those 'if you have to ask, forget it' type things.. same you get from the salesperson when you walk into a store where there are no price tags except they will usually roll their eyes and let you count the hairs in their nose.

On the forum it's a little different because by the time someone gets here they are usually so hooked on this venture (and probably a specific girl) that whatever you say it won't make a darn bit of difference.  I've only seen one or two that 'bowed out' gracefully after conceding that this might not be a wise choice for them.  I tip my hat to those Men (yes with a capitol M).

RWD sorta sits at the edge of the 'event horizon' so giving a nudge here or there might make a difference to those that absolutely insist on diving in to the black hole but it will still remain a 'fly by the seat of your pants' venture for the most part.

Just remember, if you lined up 1000 typical guys interested in RW and told 999 to just forget about it chances are you would be doing much more good than harm..  The 1000th will probably insist and end up at RWD but his chances of 'success' (whatever that is) are always 50/50, either you make it or you don't.

Ever wonder why so many seem to not want advice, but instead only confirmation?

We know roughly 10 FSUW/WM couples and over the years two have split.  None anywhere close to MOB circumstances and none that I know of actively sought a FSUW.  Mostly plain and simple boy meets girl scenarios.

It's the 'actively seeking' part that worries me the most and I don't see anything at all resembling sanity jetting halfway around the planet to chase skirt.

[Jazzyclassy]

I read this forum but do not post much.

I do not post much because most of what is written is not interesting to me but some of it is.

I will say that there is good advice to be taken in the physical how do I get there, what are the costs of hotels, visa issues both in Russia and America, divorce and married protocol but very little else is anything more than ego, chat and stereotype.

Almost everything written about FSU woman is stereotype general rubbish when I compare it to myself and my friends.    

I know this port will be ignored by most and that womans like me will continue to be spoken of in the stereotype way because it is the only way some ego can compete here.

Mt advice although it will be deemed worthless as I am only RW is to stick to asking basic actual physical help questions.  

When you arrive here be yourself and let others be individual also.

Totally agree with this and a lot of information does not make sense at all especially in terms of relations and even when people share their so called "experience" on how to live, understand , etc. with Russian women - it is irrelevant most of the time

People are all different so  are their situations , but a lot of members do not want to hear any other possible thoughts on the topics and it has started on this forum long long long time ago  and nothing has changed, but I guess everybody like it like that.
There is no room for controversy here and that is what this forum lacks to my mind, no room for real debate.

Yes, this forum tries to bring people together with similar situations as i said before, but this forum only tries, unsuccessfully

[Bored1]

It is not a sirprise to me that there is so many problems.

To read this forum as a RW there is only maybe a few mens who do not do them self harm in any thread by what they write.

Even many of the married mens and those which were have very steroetype views of RW.

Any RW who read this forum and would be dismayed by what they are perceived as.  

Any RW who was writing of some of the single mens here, if they read the forum and saw what was written would not have anything further to do with these mens if they had an sense.

Most of the writers here seem to forget this is public and can be read by RW also at any times.

Any thoughts a RW may have of marrying mens from a foreign country would be completely removed if they saw how they were spoken about here.

I read the forum for other reasons than the mens, but some womens may read it to find out about how foreign mens think of them.

It does not do your chances much good or those you claim to try and help by consistantly stating RW are schemers, untrustworthy, using a mans for this or that.

Why would a womans be interested in a mans who says one things to her and then writes on here that RW are so bad?