K-3 getting "kicked out" by husband, need some advice for her

[Boethius]

A guy who throws a woman with a child out on the street, whether or not she is a GCG, with a plane ticket and no cash is a lowlife.  I can't even call him a man.

End of story.

[CallMeSasha]

A guy who throws a woman with a child out on the street, whether or not she is a GCG, with a plane ticket and no cash is a lowlife.  I can't even call him a man.

End of story.

without knowing the full story i tend to agree he is a lowlife.

i'm curious though, what would your position be if the guy moved to russia and his wife kicked him out in the same circumstances?

[Faux Pas]

PLEASE, Faux Pas, do not mischaracterize my statments.  Of course not all FSUW are GCGs.  I know many very decent FSU ladies and have said so many times in this forum.  At the same time, I have seen a lot since I stepped into this arena nearly 10 years ago.  What I am continually amazed by is the stories my wife tells me about FSU women that she knows or knows of ......... stories from the "woman's side" where they have taken advantage of various men in various ways.  The most recent story was of a Ukrainian woman who tricked an Italian man to marry her after she got pregnant from some Ukrainian guy.  After the Italian guy married her, he regularly provided her with trips back home to Ukraine where she was able to have frequent trysts with a host of other Ukrainian men.  Again, that is the stuff that I am hearing from my wife about SOME FSU women.  SOME.  SOME.  SOME.  And the same could be said about SOME American women as well.  No doubt. 

Regarding who is guilty and who is not in this case, I think its not possible to know, and I think we'd all waste a lot of time speculating with the facts available. 

I don't believe I mischaracterized your statement.

Really, I think that that is SO naive.  My GCG in 2002 stood in my kitchen and told me how proud she was to have gotten that far before having been found out.  She then returned to Russia to find another mule.  Just because these gals return does NOT mean that they are innocent.  If there plot is foiled, they then have to go to a Plan B if they so chose.

This statement is quite misleading. It would lend itself to newbies believing that many or most FSUW are looking for a mule when that is just not the case. I don't think anyone here would deny that they are out there. We know that they are. You seem to have known a rash of them while I have never known even one. Of course my 4 years dwarfts your 10 but I have met many RW and most of those have no interest in leaving and those that do are looking for a partner. I'm not trying to bust your chops here Journeyman but some balance might be in order?

[boaterguy]

A guy who throws a woman with a child out on the street, whether or not she is a GCG, with a plane ticket and no cash is a lowlife.  I can't even call him a man.

End of story.

I agree 100%. I can't see how anyone with a grain of decency could do this, no matter who is at fault. They obviously cared for each other if they lived together as man and wife in Russia for 2 years.

I doubt we will ever know, but what in the world could cause such a catastrophic breakup after she came to the states?

[Journeyman]

I don't believe I mischaracterized your statement.
This statement is quite misleading. It would lend itself to newbies believing that many or most FSUW are looking for a mule when that is just not the case. I don't think anyone here would deny that they are out there. We know that they are. You seem to have known a rash of them while I have never known even one. Of course my 4 years dwarfts your 10 but I have met many RW and most of those have no interest in leaving and those that do are looking for a partner. I'm not trying to bust your chops here Journeyman but some balance might be in order?

Faux Pas,

I have to tell you, again, you are NOT reading accurately what I am saying.  I am saying IF IF IF IF IF IF IF a woman is intent in being a GCG it will not make much difference what mode of entry they accept, as long as they can execute their plan.  For Pete's sakes!  I am in no way saying or implying that all or the majority or even a large minority of FSU women are GCGs.  PLEASE STOP MISCHARACTRIZING MY STATEMENTS.  READ THEM CAREFULLY AND ACCURATE.Y AND DO NOT ENLARGE THEM BEYOND EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE SAID.  The idea that if I say one thing that might read negative does not negate the fact that I could say 10 positive things in the next paragraph if I chose to give other examples of other behaviors I have witnessed or experienced or was commenting on another topic.  Please do not think that other people are so stupid that you have to protet them all.  You cannot possibly protect a hopelessly naive nubie by insisting that every negative comment made by someone has to be supposedly "balanced" by someone also making a "positive" statement about something.  It is the duty of each person to read and investigate and research the this whole matter thoroughly and go way, way, beyond anything that you or I might say in one small post in one small thread on this forum.  It is enough for me to say "some" and mean SOME, not "all" or "most."  If somebody cannot read the word "some" and understand that it means "some" they are not worth anybody's time, including that of an FSU woman.

Beyond that, and regarding your comment about nubies, if a nubie cannot think clearly or read clearly what is being said by me or others then there is not much hope for him in thid kind of endeavor no matter what is said.  I started reading these boards and the early Yahoo groups devoted to FSU relationships way back in 2001.  I spend a lot of time on RWGuide before that became a prop for A Foreign Affair and other advertisers, and migrated to this board shortly after its inception when Jack Bragg and others invited me to join them with the belief that nubies and others needed a more serious discussion of the issues.   After all this time, and all the stuff that has been posted for years and years detailing the pros and cons of pursuing a relationship in the FSU, it is quite clear that there are nubies that are going to make big mistakes no matter what you say to them, and other nubies that will simply figure it out with common sense no matter how little wisdom they obtain from others.  Some nubies land in between and might be able to use some of the often conflicting advice given by a range of men who have had all kinds of heterogeneous experiences together with the additional advice of FSU women posting on this and other boards who ALSO sometimes CANNOT agree even among themselves -- showing rather convincingly that the picture is also quite cloudy even among FSU women.  So, what is a nubie to do under those circumstances when there is not much way to make heads or tail out of any particular situation based upon what might or might not have been posted on these boards in the form of confliction advice and opinions?  Of course, they have to do what everybody else has done.  Go try your luck, make your mistakes, LEARN, and hope that you don't lose your ass in the endeavor.  Also, some might get lucky.  I had the opportunity to be exceptionally lucky back in 2001 when I met the one of the nicest gals in the world in St. Pete.  Unfortunately, I got seduced by another woman .... who happened to be a GCG.  Had I stuck with the first gal, I probaby would have never had a single story of my own that could in any way suggest anything bad about any FSU woman in any way.  I might have insisted that they are all angels -- every one of them -- based upon my own experience.  But, things didn't happen that way.  Instead, I had the opportunity over many years to learn a little more about a lot of FSU women -- both good and bad ones, and some in between ones -- and particularly so after listening to SO MANY Russian women in the FSU talk about the predatory nature of some (again, SOME) of their own sisters.  Now, having said that, I will also note that, yes, ABSOLUTELY, most most most of the FSU women are honorable ladies, and of course the great majority of them want nothing to do with the idea of leaving their country and marrying some foreign man.  However, I think that that applies to women of virtually all countries, and nobody needs to emphasize the obvious. 

So, Faux Pas, tell me what you want:  100 examples of good behavior by FSU women?  No problem; I can easily supply you with 100 example from my own experience.  You want 100 examples to demonstrate the opposite?  Again, no problem.  So, please understand that when I am making a point, I might cite an example.  However, do not mischaracterize my statements as though I am ONLY saying that.  Any sensible reader does not need immediate "balance" provided by a poster.  The reader (perhaps a nubie) need to do their homework and read and read and read and read and read and read and read and read, and THEN can probably form a supposedly "balanced" perspective on their own. 

JM

[Faux Pas]

Journeyman

I still do not believe I mischaracterized your statement. Back on topic, you pretty much framed the woman in the OP as still a likely GCG. She very well could be but the limited information here in this thread does not reflect that IMO. Your experience tells you the opposite. Fine. I'll agree to disagree

I do believe a healthy dose of negative as well as positive information is only helpful to a newbie as long as it is factual and in context

[groovlstk]

I've always felt that when someone comes here with a story like this, unless they contradict themselves (which certainly happens) or their story is far-fetched, I accept it as is.

The advice offered here is nothing underhanded or illegal, she can (and will) get this information from many sources, regardless of her intent.

[Admin]

I've always felt that when someone comes here with a story like this, unless they contradict themselves (which certainly happens) or their story is far-fetched, I accept it as is.

The advice offered here is nothing underhanded or illegal, she can (and will) get this information from many sources, regardless of her intent.

Agree.

It is, IMO, always best to give the benefit of the doubt, and to NOT 'read between the lines' as the starting point. Take the account at face value, and assume it is truthful. Of course, if there are glaring 'holes' or, as groov says, developing inconsistencies - challenge those - but otherwise, I find it best to accept, then question for clarification AND to determine how to help.

FWIW

- Dan

[Faux Pas]

I've always felt that when someone comes here with a story like this, unless they contradict themselves (which certainly happens) or their story is far-fetched, I accept it as is.

The advice offered here is nothing underhanded or illegal, she can (and will) get this information from many sources, regardless of her intent.

I too agree. Usually but not always when a BS story or some sort of scam is involved it gets exposed as more information becomes available and the story unravels. I tend to lean to the author until some such does become evident. In any event, roykirk who is a good member at RWD was in need of information and in my mind the board responded.

[Journeyman]

Faux Pas, Goovlstk, Dan,

I am going to try one last time to get you to read my statements accurately. 

I did not say that this particular woman was a GCG.  I said that I could make a case for it on the basis of the very limited facts.  However, I also said that it is a waste of time to try to conclude anything on the basis of these limited facts.  I then withdrew from making any further comment about this particular woman. 

Instead, I made comments from my own experience and that of others I know well about the phenomenon of GCGs generally, and that they could come on K-1s or K-3s or anything that made their objectives obtainable.  I was NOT commenting further on this particular FSU woman!!!  Got it!!!???

Finally, I agree with the idea that one should be given the benefit of the doubt about a story unless it appears like a load of BS or is just another troll.  Absolutely.  However, I did not doubt the OP, but only agreed with another poster that there could be another way to look at the facts presented.  I then gave examples only to support the general case of the sneakiness of the GCGs.  However, I was not commenting in any way on any facts about the specific K-3 wife involved.

Now, I think that we have all enjoyed enough MIS-communication for one thread.  Let's move on.

JM

[Blues Fairy]

I did not say that this particular woman was a GCG.  I said that I could make a case for it on the basis of the very limited facts. 
(...)
I did not doubt the OP, but only agreed with another poster that there could be another way to look at the facts presented.  I then gave examples only to support the general case of the sneakiness of the GCGs. 

Two very contradictory statements, Journeyman.  If you agree that the facts were limited, why even entertain "any other way to look at the facts presented"? 
Just for the sake of telling your own sad story, "totally unrelated" to the OP's?   
Sorry but that's nonsense.   

[Mod3]

Cleaned out the worst mess. Perhaps people oculd stay on topic insted of at each others throats ?

[Journeyman]

Not a sad little story, BF, but the essential stuff from which this forum takes life -- the real stories of men offered to simply help other men learn the lay of the land in this new territory.  The men on this board understand.

JM

[groovlstk]

Faux Pas, Goovlstk, Dan,

I am going to try one last time to get you to read my statements accurately. 

JM, I read and understood your post completely, my response wasn't intended to refute your posts, simply to point out my thoughts on the futility of getting enough information about these breakups (particularly those that come via a 3rd party, as in this example) to take a side. We're all on the same chapter, if maybe not the same page.  :noidea:

[Journeyman]

JM, I read and understood your post completely, my response wasn't intended to refute your posts, simply to point out my thoughts on the futility of getting enough information about these breakups (particularly those that come via a 3rd party, as in this example) to take a side. We're all on the same chapter, if maybe not the same page.  :noidea:

Groovlstk,

I agree with you completely.  Getting or giving advice on these boards is extremely hazardous and difficult.  It is almost always impossible to collect enough facts to give anybody sound advice in such circumstances. 

If advice is limited about a subject like "how to ride the express train from Kiev to Dnepropetrovsk", I think that kind of advice is something the board can give very well.  Personal matters and crisis events, however, are just too complicated and subject to too much (mis)interpretation and missing facts to be reasonably certain about the advice you are giving or receiving.  As a result, veterans who have something to offer can probably only speak about generalities fairly well, although giving specific examples from one's experience to illustrate the point(s) one might make can be sometimes useful and instructive.

Once again, agreed.

JM

[Ronnie]

So, did the lady leave?   

[roykirk]

Yes

[BillyB]

First time reading this but wow. A play on words can be pretty powerful. First is was assumed the woman is getting kicked out on the street only for everyone to learn she and her husband are living in different parts of the house before she goes home. Sounds like they had a talk and made an agreement over whatever problems they were going through.

The husband in question got quite the bashing. Did he deserve it so rough? No.

It's important to hear an accurate story so people don't have to waste so much time giving advice of her going to a women's shelter when she's not abused and living without fear in the house. I'm sure the husband was buying her food and necessities too before she left. Maybe he even offered her to stay and help her adjust living on her own and it was more her idea to leave?

He was married to his wife in Russia for 3 years living with her and supported her and her son since the wife didn't work. They must have been happy together since she agreed to come and he agreed to buy a ticket to continue a life with her and her son in America. They BOTH wanted this marriage to happen

In less than 2 months something went very wrong and they decided they couldn't live together anymore.

In those 2 months who knows what happened? Maybe one of the two had an affair or was caught trading love letters with someone else? Although they were living together in Russia and were happy, maybe one or both of them changed their behavior in America which could be considered deception. Not many people would be happy with their spouse if they did a 180 on their behavior. We normally would be happy to be married to a person we KNOW.

[Ronnie]

Depending on the woman, adjusting to life in another country is often very stressful.  When under such stress, a word taken wrong, any minor misunderstanding, can quickly escalate into a full-blown shouting match maybe even turning physical.  BTW, I have read studies that show that women more often commit to domestic violence than men, but men seldom report it.  They decide the marriage is not salvageable at that point and neither will admit to the true events that precipitated the break up.