Men (and women) why do you let age inappropriate relationships get started?

[BillyB]

You'd better discuss what women should do to find a partner of the same age than to start this age gap nonesence again  

I don't discuss the age difference anymore unless the woman wants to talk about it. Dating sites are good places where women honestly list the age range of men she will associate with. Agencies many times will convince the women to stray outside her comfort zone.

I remember a 19 yo RW coming to the forum and after I seen her profile on bride.ru, I asked her why she is looking for a man 30 years and older. She said younger men do not appeal to her since most are immature.

Two RW I dated that I've mentioned in my other thread are around 24 yo each. One told me she never dated a man under 30. The other told me she dated one man under 30 and never cared about dating a young man again. I ask what was his problem. She said he was a "yes" man and always trying too hard to please her and wanted to do what she wanted. He could not make his own decisions and speak his mind freely.

Some young women on bride.ru are searching for young men only. Some are looking for 18-20 yo men. The women are young themselves but after enough experience with young men, I think they will change their views and open up to dating men older than 20.

Check out bride.ru and other dating sites for yourselves. MOST women there write their own profile. Some agencies have been known to list their women at bride.ru to bait men to switch to their company.

[OlgaH]

In Donna Pedro's words, if you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

Sorry for off topic.

Gator, who is Donna Pedro? Because I heard the phrase in Clint Eastwood's "The Rookie"

[RussianWind]

Check out bride.ru and other dating sites for yourselves. MOST women there write their own profile. Some agencies have been known to list their women at bride.ru to bait men to switch to their company.

bride.ru must be a wonderful site full of smart honest women.

Do you see their menu?

18-20 years old
21-25 years old
26-30 years old
Over 30

They consider women over 30 to be old bags 

[Mars]

Mars, why do you let it bother you when adult people decide to do something that's not violating man's law or God's law by simply dating or agreeing to marry?

Doesn't bother me at all.

I covered it well in my first post:

Most here agree on the potential problems that await.  Most of the people involved in the large age gaps readily agree there are potential problems and they talk openly about it.

So nothing new or accusatory in my remarks.

And, as I said, those involved at one stage or another in these age gap relationships continue to post about it over time; so we must conclude it is still eating at them.

Thus my original question.

Why let it get started in the first place??????????

This really is a different slant compared to other threads which debate what is an inappropriate age gap as viewed by third parties, etc.

Here the question is:  Given that one or both of the parties themselves consider (on some level) that the age gap is inappropriate . . . why let the relationship get started???

[BillyB]

bride.ru must be a wonderful site full of smart honest women.

Do you see their menu?

They consider women over 30 to be old bags

I take it as if you don't like that place.

Do you have a problem with women writing their own profile? I think it's great and of course not all women there are smart and honest.

I don't care about the menu and the search engine there is awful. You can't search for a lady based on the city she lives in. Bride.ru would do much more business if they improved their search engine making it easier for people to find the their ideal person. Like many companies in the FSU, they don't fully understand concept of service and customer satisfaction yet.

Where did they say they consider the 30 and over women old bags? They may consider that to be the hotties department.

RussianWind, I sense you need a little loving. Send me your bikini photos and I'll help post them on dating sites and we'll find you a man that will make you forget all the problems at the forum but if you're too good looking, I might keep you all to myself!

[Sculpto]

Mars.. I am reluctant to even post because your original question is filled with judgment.

I have a good friend here in the states that I chat with almost daily on facebook.. a young lady who is 21 years old, very slim and good looking and actually very cool AW.  She only dates older guys.  Her current BF, who I know, is the same age as me.  I know them both IRL via a sports hobby.

Here is how she answered your question two minutes ago...

"Guys my age are idiots.  They mostly just want sex and aren't very good at it.  When I am with an older guy I get a lot more attention and better attention, I feel more appreciated and understood."

I have heard the same from a lot of FSUWs.  Some women, in fact a substantial number of them, DO like older guys.  For some men.. its just a lot more fun to be with someone much younger for a large variety of reasons. 

[GQBlues]

Sorry for off topic.

Gator, who is Donna Pedro? Because I heard the phrase in Clint Eastwood's "The Rookie"

DP was a prolific poster from the old board and during the early years of this board. DP, based on what people say who knew her personally is one of the nicest RW around. She used to be fairly tough on the boards though...

I met her once along with Gator, his beautiful fiancee and children back in Moscow. DP is a classy, nice and warm individual as far as I'm concerned.

[JR]

So my question is:  Why on earth did you ever get started with it in the first place?????

On dating sites where I am registered, I get almost daily contacts from underage women (under my age cutoff).  I immediately delete.  Very simple to do at that stage.

under my age cutoff

Why do they start it? My dear fellow, with a few exceptions the men are in the endeavor for two reasons:
1. Younger
2. Prettier
Let it get started? Hell they're trying to get it started!!!

[Gator]

Gator, who is Donna Pedro? Because I heard the phrase in Clint Eastwood's "The Rookie"

Thanks, now I know this was first stated by Clint Eastwood.  

Donna Pedro's real first name is Irina.  She is from Moscow and married an AM.  She was very active in 2002-04 at the RWG forum which preceded RWD.  She was bored living in smalltown Alabama.  And she did not embrace the American culture.

I found her intelligent although I disagreed with her frequently.  Because she was outspoken, a number of men disliked her posts.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=profile;u=115;sa=showPosts;start=100

Donna would tell some men this Clint Eastwood quote when they were fretting about risks, insisting on a prenup, etc.  Donna stressed the need for a man pursuing RW to be strong, to be confident.  She even gave examples.

The last I heard she had just started a tax accounting career after moving to the Florida Panhandle.  

[OlgaH]

Thanks, now I know this was first stated by Clint Eastwood.  

Donna Pedro's real first name is Irina.  

You are welcome Gator.   I thought may be I missed something in the movie or Eastwood borrowed the phrase from someone 

[Misha]

You'd better discuss what women should do to find a partner of the same age than to start this age gap nonesence again  

Easy. The woman just has to find some way of going to work or study in another country and date like mad until a young guy proposes  

Most young (35-and-younger) men living in large cities that have good jobs and who happen to be hot studs would get a lot of attention at home and have no need to venture farther afield   I doubt you will find many such young men on agency sites looking for Russian wives  

[OlgaH]

Donna stressed the need for a man pursuing RW to be strong, to be confident.  

Agree, a good advice!

[Lily]

Here is the thing I do not understand about men involved with large age differences; whether in the beginning stages as Markc444 or in married stage as Gator.

All seem to understand it is a large potential problem.

So my question is:  Why on earth did you ever get started with it in the first place?????
 

Mars,

Age is just a certain year of birth, istn't it?

I wouldn't tell that this is a big personality determinator. It MAY be the one but not necessarily. It may incline a person to act or to think in a certain way, but it does not urge people to it. I sympathise with people who believe that the age is the factor that determine their personality.

On the topic: it seems to me that those men were just attracted by the girls on dating sites, that's it.

[I/O]

what women should do to find a partner of the same age

R/W: That's too simple, lie about her age and put out on the first date. The first is the bait, the seond is the hook.

[Mars]

Mars.. I am reluctant to even post because your original question is filled with judgment.

I have repeatedly said I make no judgement at all.

My focus is on the situations where one or both of the parties themselves (not myself or any other third parties) feel that the age gap is too large, inappropriate or any other such words.

And specifically the focus is not on those men who actively seek a much younger mate and feel no regrets, insecurities, or any such words, about it.

But we repeatedly hear from men who say things like:  She was much too young for me, but she was interesting, so I agreed to just talk as friends, one thing led to another and bla, bla, bla.

They never stopped it in the beginning and now fret about it constantly.

[Gator]

You'd better discuss what women should do to find a partner of the same age than to start this age gap nonesence again  

Its like selling:  the more sales calls you make, the more sales you produce.  

Its like finding oil:  the more holes you drill, the more oil you discover.  

Its like hitting home runs:  the more you go to bat, the more home runs you hit.

Do you know your target market?  Have you developed a marketing plan?  How do you come into contact with your target market?  How do you select and qualify prospects?  What is your sales pitch?

[remiel6]

I can't really comment too much as I never really limited my search in the first place, but I will say this.

If a person does not close the door right away, are they against the idea? The problem with setting boundaries and walls "no older than....." "no younger than....""Must have blond hair, be at least 5' 6" Whatever. Is that these ideas are just words. We don't form relationships with words and concepts, we form them with people. All the great ideas in the world, all the artificial boundaries people set for themselves are thrown away in less than 1 second with a pretty face, a lovely smile, and a charming personality. Once all the above and you start chatting all the walls come tumbling down. They will rear their head again. They do this in the form of fears, but the fears, like the ideas above aren't real. I don't have a relationship with ideas. I have a relationship with people. My problem with such boundaries is that soon it doesn't sound like you are trying to find a partner as much as it sounds like you are shopping.
i personally start with only the notion that I will not do that which is Illegal. A) because its sick b) because it really won't help me pass the bar exam.
If a 19 year old girl wanted to flirt with me, why not. A conversation is free. If she's immature and I can actually write a letter. Then I will find out, but she would get crossed off the list not because of some artificial wall I had built, but because I found out by communicating with her that she was not for me.
On that note however. The younger they were the more I advise you to let them write to you first. Walls you state are good for initiating contact, but if they initiate with you all you have to lose by writing back is the time spent to write the letter.

[Mars]

I once dared to answer that I didn't want a partner of an age of my father. My God, you would see how much he got furious 

No need to be rude or insensitive or any other such words on a dating site.

A gentle, 'Thanks for your contact but I am not interested,' is sufficient.
No need to remind other person of any shortcomings, as perceived by you.

[Gator]

The younger they were the more I advise you to let them write to you first. Walls you state are good for initiating contact, but if they initiate with you all you have to lose by writing back is the time spent to write the letter.

Unless its a pay by letter site. 

The MO of young scammers is to write men first, selecting what appear to be lonely men or men who would give their right eye for a young woman.

I received a few letters from much younger women.  I dismissed most (perhaps I don't like being hunted).  The few I corresponded with never materialized.

[Gator]

I wouldn't tell that this is a big personality determinator...I sympathise with people who believe that the age is the factor that determine their personality.

In looking back I would say age affects us all.  Some men become grumpy, yet most mellow.   

Compared to 20 years ago, I am far more patient now, far more willing to accommodate, far more empathetic, and certainly far wiser.  I don't think my wife would be as happy with me if I were the man (body and spirit) I was 20 years ago.

Then again, 20 years ago I was married to a clinically depressed woman.  In so many ways that gnaws away at one personality.  Was it age?  Or the removal of a constant irritation?

[Gator]

They never stopped it in the beginning and now fret about it constantly.

Are you misinterpreting something?  There are many RWD members involved with much younger women.  I don't recall anyone fretting.  I could be wrong because I have a positive attitude and frequently miss the negative aspects.  Can you please name someone who now regrets his decision to meet young women.

Without asking KenC for his indulgence, let us discuss the icon of age gap marriages.  KenC was happy for virtually all of his 10 years of marriage.  IMO I don't believe he ever regretted his decision to pursue Lena, even at the darkest hour.  Now that his marriage with Lena is over, he is moving on; he has not sufferred mortal wounds. 

Life is not a dress rehearsal.    Enjoy the journey.    

While KenC was married his posts showed that he was enjoying his life to the fullest.  During those many years, how was your life?

[remiel6]

I certainly think if you are on a pay by letter site then there might be a red flag there. I might advise not joining such sites as the expense add up very quickly.
Still then the problem is with the site and the women it attracts not with the young woman in particular. Still one would not technically know she was not genuine unless you opened the letter to find out.

[groovlstk]

No need to be rude or insensitive or any other such words on a dating site.

A gentle, 'Thanks for your contact but I am not interested,' is sufficient.
No need to remind other person of any shortcomings, as perceived by you.

I disagree, I think R/W's response is to the point and not at all insulting. If a guy who chases women half his age gets mad when a woman points out the obvious, without rancor or profanity, his anger is his own creation.

[RussianWind]

No need to be rude or insensitive or any other such words on a dating site.

A gentle, 'Thanks for your contact but I am not interested,' is sufficient.
No need to remind other person of any shortcomings, as perceived by you.

You are right Mars and I normally don't replay with rude comments. It is something like that: "You seem to be an interesting man but I don't believe in a big age difference bla bla bla". I think it sounds ok. But that man was at the age of my father, it means around +27 and I was 30. He was furious? It was ME who was furious!

[Turboguy]

I would think that a guy writing much younger women would expect a little higher rate of rejection than those who are not.   I can't see that it would bother him very much.   

When I was in the searching stage I never wrote to women who said they were 25 and wanted to meet a man from 25-35.   If a woman lists that she is willing to meet men who are much older then I don't see that she should be upset if they write to her.   I know some may just leave the default setting of 19-99 or something like that but that is their fault not the man's.  I always figured most email programs came with a delete button.  I am sure in some cases the lady may not have specified an age range and the agency to encourage letters could list an age that is not acceptable to her.   In that case her problem is with the agency not the man.

I do know there are men who will write women who have stated they are looking for a man much younger than they are.  I think some of those have the "I am buying a woman mindset"   I can think of one guy who I met on my last EC tour who would not tell his age,  on the one time an agency owner pinned him down he lied by 10 years.  He carried a photo book showing his mansion with servants quarters, private plane, his vineyards, his rolls etc.   I know he also paid little attention to the age range a woman said she would accept.  To me he was pretty much a jerk.