Rocked by TERRIBLE news

[MarkLeftTX]

Last Thursday, we had some really bad news...

Viktoriya's father passed away Wednesday evening. It caught us completely by surprise. He was young (62) and in pretty good health... he had some health issues a few months ago, but everyone thought he was in full recovery.

Viktoriya spoke with him Wednesday evening, and things were fine. He had no complaints about anything... it was a good call...

And then Thursday Viktoriya received an urgent email to call home...

This has been very hard, since she was VERY close to her father. He had a computer at work, and they skyped frequently. She can't imagine the weekend coming and her not being able to speak with him... And the trip she was planning this Christmas to go be there for the holidays (the first time since she left 7 years ago) is now in shambles.

In all of this, part of what we have been dealing with is the cultural differences between the way Americans deal with a death, and the way Ukranians do. In Ukraine, the family would be at our house right now. In America, they call, send flowers, and condolences from afar.

Viktoriya was surprised to find that she had to deal with this, virtually, alone.

Stas has taken an avoidance strategy... if he pretends it didn't happen, he doesn't have to face the grief. And, of course, being 7000 miles away has her cut off from everyone back home.

Adding to all of this, we found out about his passing Thursday morning, as I was packing to go on a business trip -- which could not be cancelled. So, she was literally all alone for 24 hours, and it was very hard.

Here is the thing though... and now that some of the worst grief has passed, we discussed this... Sometimes God's mercy finds us in strange places.

I'm not sure if anyone here picked up on it (since I sort of buried it at the bottom of my old "update thread") Stas joined the US Army last week. This was something in the works for awhile, but last week he took the oath.

Viktoriya and I wanted to be there when it happened. At first, his recruiter thought that was odd... and Stas seemed almost embarrassed by it... but we insisted. This was a BIG DEAL and there was no way we didn't want to be there for it.

He was supposed to swear in on Thursday. But, because I had to be out of town on Thursday, we had to get the recruiter to call his boss, and reschedule it. They did (and the recruiter's boss couldn't have been nicer) for Tuesday.

So, on Monday evening, the Army took Stas off to a hotel, where he got very little sleep, was awakened at 3:30am, and began a very intensive physical.

We joined him at the Federal building in Pittsburgh about 10am, and began several hours of meetings while we looked through job descriptions, and reserve units, and benefits packages... on and on... It was mind numbing, I can tell you. (By the time it was over, Stas was very grateful that we were there to double check some of the choices that had to be made...)

After that, he was sworn in, and we were able to attend the ceremony which was very sobering in it's simplicity and sincerity.

So, we get home very late that evening, and Viktoriya decides she has to tell her father about it. So, the next day (Wednesday) she called him, and they got a chance to talk about Stas' oath and the job he has now in the Army.

Her father died a few hours later.

So... even though my leaving on Thursday seems almost brutal... the fact is it was a great mercy from a God who sees details we can't imagine...

Had I not had to leave, Stas would have taken his oath on Thursday. Viktoriya would have had no reason to call her dad that Wednesday. Not only that, we would have received the news while Stas was taking his physical which would have meant Viktoriya would have had to keep all of this from Stas while she wrestled with it in private (because how could Stas have concentrated with that bombshell dropped on him?)

Anyway... things are still disjointed here... Viktoriya has moments where she is fine, and then suddenly will get ambushed by moments of deep grief.

It looks like we will head back to Ukraine in 6 months, since apparently she has to wait that long to settle her father's estate. This is certainly not the trip we had planned...

[Gator]

Mark,

Please convey my condolences to Viktoriya.

Because she was so close with her father, she well grieve for a long time.  Even a year later she will have bad moments, e. g. having a question that she normally would have asked her father. 

And then she will start wondering about your health.

[Admin]

Last Thursday, we had some really bad news...

Viktoriya's father passed away Wednesday evening. It caught us completely by surprise. He was young (62) and in pretty good health... he had some health issues a few months ago, but everyone thought he was in full recovery.

Viktoriya spoke with him Wednesday evening, and things were fine. He had no complaints about anything... it was a good call...

And then Thursday Viktoriya received an urgent email to call home...

This has been very hard, since she was VERY close to her father. He had a computer at work, and they skyped frequently. She can't imagine the weekend coming and her not being able to speak with him... And the trip she was planning this Christmas to go be there for the holidays (the first time since she left 7 years ago) is now in shambles.

In all of this, part of what we have been dealing with is the cultural differences between the way Americans deal with a death, and the way Ukranians do. In Ukraine, the family would be at our house right now. In America, they call, send flowers, and condolences from afar.

Viktoriya was surprised to find that she had to deal with this, virtually, alone.

Stas has taken an avoidance strategy... if he pretends it didn't happen, he doesn't have to face the grief. And, of course, being 7000 miles away has her cut off from everyone back home.

Adding to all of this, we found out about his passing Thursday morning, as I was packing to go on a business trip -- which could not be cancelled. So, she was literally all alone for 24 hours, and it was very hard.

Here is the thing though... and now that some of the worst grief has passed, we discussed this... Sometimes God's mercy finds us in strange places.

I'm not sure if anyone here picked up on it (since I sort of buried it at the bottom of my old "update thread") Stas joined the US Army last week. This was something in the works for awhile, but last week he took the oath.

Viktoriya and I wanted to be there when it happened. At first, his recruiter thought that was odd... and Stas seemed almost embarrassed by it... but we insisted. This was a BIG DEAL and there was no way we didn't want to be there for it.

He was supposed to swear in on Thursday. But, because I had to be out of town on Thursday, we had to get the recruiter to call his boss, and reschedule it. They did (and the recruiter's boss couldn't have been nicer) for Tuesday.

So, on Monday evening, the Army took Stas off to a hotel, where he got very little sleep, was awakened at 3:30am, and began a very intensive physical.

We joined him at the Federal building in Pittsburgh about 10am, and began several hours of meetings while we looked through job descriptions, and reserve units, and benefits packages... on and on... It was mind numbing, I can tell you. (By the time it was over, Stas was very grateful that we were there to double check some of the choices that had to be made...)

After that, he was sworn in, and we were able to attend the ceremony which was very sobering in it's simplicity and sincerity.

So, we get home very late that evening, and Viktoriya decides she has to tell her father about it. So, the next day (Wednesday) she called him, and they got a chance to talk about Stas' oath and the job he has now in the Army.

Her father died a few hours later.

So... even though my leaving on Thursday seems almost brutal... the fact is it was a great mercy from a God who sees details we can't imagine...

Had I not had to leave, Stas would have taken his oath on Thursday. Viktoriya would have had no reason to call her dad that Wednesday. Not only that, we would have received the news while Stas was taking his physical which would have meant Viktoriya would have had to keep all of this from Stas while she wrestled with it in private (because how could Stas have concentrated with that bombshell dropped on him?)

Anyway... things are still disjointed here... Viktoriya has moments where she is fine, and then suddenly will get ambushed by moments of deep grief.

It looks like we will head back to Ukraine in 6 months, since apparently she has to wait that long to settle her father's estate. This is certainly not the trip we had planned...

Mark,

My deepest, heartfelt sympathy and condolences to you, Viktoriya, and Stas.

I lost my Dad this past April, and I know from recent experience the hole it leaves in one's heart. More tragic in the case of Viktoriya's Dad who was taken abruptly and with little notice.

Please know you and Vika are in my thoughts and prayers.

Warmly,

- Dan

[BillyB]

Thanks for the update Mark.

There are two guarantees in life, death and taxes. I don't get shocked when either of them happen anymore. My ex wife is Ukrainian who I met in the States. Her uncle who lives here too was at the ocean with his son. His son struggling to swim called for help. He ran in to save his son. He grabbed his son and threw him to shore where someone else grabbed him to safety. My ex's uncle himself started to have trouble swimming and an undertow grabbed him and took him out to sea. His body was never found. He died in his early 40's. Life is fragile. You never know when it's your turn. Make the most out of your life for the best.

[Jumper]

Mark,
So sorry to hear this, deepest condolences for you ,Viktoria,and Stas.

[JR]

Sorry for your loss...

[Vaughn]

My father passed away when I was 43. Sixteen years later I still get sudden urges to call him
and then realize I cannot.

Our deep condolences, Mark, to you, Viktoriya and Stas.

[Dave13]

Mark,

My condolences to you and Viktoriya.

[remiel6]

I also send you my condolences

[Phil dAmore]

So sad when things like this happen, but happen they do, for no one gets out of this life alive.

Sincerest condolences to Vika and the remainder of the family.