Need some advice

[phantom]

Thanks for all the input on this one, I had a relationship like that with an AW, as she wanted to control everything and her family wouldn't stay out of it.  I got the upper hand, and ended it, when she tried to get back with me, I simply told her, I was going to find an RW and broke contact with her.  I will not be doing anything wit this lady, and as Ludmila did mention, she would try to dictate, which she is, as she wants to meet on her time and her terms.  So, Ludmila, I did not tell her yes, but simply said, a meeting maybe could take place in May, not before, THAT'S when I could DO IT.  

If she does not like that, then Bye Bye, she will not be my only contact, as I have made a few of them.  Don't know where the next meeting will be, but I can honestly say, it will not be Kazan, as I can see now.

[Ludmila]

Billy, I may have failed to make myself understood.

I meant it would be  absolutely  ILLOGICAL to make a trip now. No way. She should be notified (indirectly) that things will not be as before, ON HER TERMS.

Phantom, why do you have to tell her exact timing ( months) of the future visit? As i said, you will need to have TIME to see, whether she has changed her "pitch". So, keep it indefinite. " I have the visit in my plans, but it will be in the RIGHT TIME). Let her know that you want to see how serious she is about everything,  esp after what happened in the past.
If she disappears, so be it. At least, you know:

1. she isn't motivated, when you are giving the relationship a chance

2. It will be her, who will take the decision to " jump off the train".

 DO NOT FOCUS ON ONLY HER.

[BillyB]

Billy, I may have failed to make myself understood.

I meant it would be  absolutely  ILLOGICAL to make a trip now. 

I understood you Ludmila. It is illogical for phantom to make a trip now. It is logical only to his lady to learn if her man is willing to do illogical things for her benefit even if it comes at a heavy financial cost.

A RW sacrifices a lot if she comes to the land her husband lives it. Before that it doesn't take much on her part to ask a man to come visit her. I get a lot of invitations from RW to visit them or basically take them out on a date. I'd like to know they are truly serious and compatible with me before taking them out on a $3000+ date.

[phantom]

Ludmila,

I will be leaving this one alone, as it didn't work at first, the same thing will happen again.  I've decided to just let her go her way.  I have a few I'm concentrating on now.  Before meeting, she would sometimes get an attitude in our talks, but I just attributed it to being tired.  Sometimes, I would just call, and she would sometimes say "Yes!"  Should have told me something.  But, as far as another meeting?  Forget it.

[Ludmila]

Yes, Phantom,
considering such "attitude" of hers-- isn't worth the while. I thought you were in doubt and undecided.

If I were a man, I'd visit ONLY,  if I saw sacrifice on the part of the lady -- AT LEAST FOR TWO MONTHS-- ( long letters/ emails, readiness to skip Saturday nights out and dedicate the time  to long phone conversations, learning English ( each time he is calling , demonstrate progress in your English, taking interest and learning history of US( even if in Russian, sharing American music she heard and wants to share). She is also  supposed to make sacrifices, dedications of some sort, if she is motivated. Otherwise, the man will look as an errand boy, who hops on the plane to come when she is alone and bored.

But then , again, my husb and I are  strictly WOVO.

[phantom]

Hello Ludmila,

Her English is good.  Excellent, I have to admit I was a bit undecided when she contacted me again.  But, her letter today, short and very bossy and rude, answered for me and does not even justify a reply from me.

I'm happy to hear the WOVO worked for you.  I'm in contact with a few women, in a couple of different cities in Russia now and will decide from those which one/ones to visit.

[XMan]

Interesting. 
One has to wonder, did she try her bossy / rude approach on someone else, and did it work or not? 
Will she learn anything from her approach and actually try to be less annoying the next time around? 
Or will it simply not sink in that had she actually behaved appropriately she could have had an interested man with serious intentions visit her?

[phantom]

Yes, my intentions were serious with her.  I will not be going back to see her again, and have since moved on.  I let her know that, after her last bossy letter to me and have since began corresponding with a few ladies, most near my age rage, except one younger, that has contacted me.  The range being 32-40 this time.

[wiz]

I will never claim that I know everything about relationships and women but I have had some experiences in life and I can only blame my self for a lot of things and mistakes that I have made in the past!

I should have trusted my instinct more and listen to the advice of other people, had the courage to bail out when that instinct told me it was time to exit stage. What grief I could have saved!

I don't think it can be stated enough that if something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't and you shouldn't spend any time, whatsoever, trying to figure out the what, why or how of the situation and how to make it work and hope to find happiness.

Don't allow yourself to start making excuses for a Russian Woman's poor and unreasonable behaviour by rationalizing to yourself (or with other guys) that such behaviour occurred because of "different culture" or "different background" or "maybe there was a language issue."

Those who have made this venture into the wilds of an unknown such as international courtship have all been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

I was advised, many times, but didn’t listen, from people who have been through this endeavour that the best course of action is to just move on.
 

[Ronnie]

FSU women are quite different from AW.  There are some real gems over there but they are far outnumbered by people who can really make your life miserable.  The biggest mistake you can make is failing to move on when you know you should.