Moscow trip report, I have returned.

[Dave13]

Congrats on your engagement, if you have any questions on the K-1 process just ask. I did all the paperwork myself with no problems also helped a few friends file their K-1.

Best of Luck.

Dave

[Wayne]

If your Fiancee access to a computer at home, you can spend time getting to know each other better, see each otherr, and talk over the computer.

Getting the visa is easy compared to what happens later.

Marrying a Russian woman is very time consuming and expensive.

[Blues Fairy]

she has even offered to pay half of the costs for the visa process, even though she makes so little money. Pinch me now!

Sounds like she really, really, really wants to move to the US.   

[Faux Pas]

I cant afford to go back and I dont have the vacation time to do it

Your outlook here reminds me of the old Midas commercial, "pay me now or pay me later, you decide". judnnc, this lady could very well be all that you suspect she is. Unlikely IMO, the chances are slim as it's a rare animal that you know someone enough to marry after just 4 days. Seems you are giving this relationship more chance to fail than succeed by taking such a chance.

Seriously, if you can't afford to travel or take time off to get to know her now, how do you think you can afford her when she arrives? Trust me here, the expenses only get greater once she arrives. Taking the position that "if you just get her here and everything else will work out" is wishful thinking. She is going to require much more of your time and attention than the 2-3 weeks you should be taking to get to know her now.

There is a bevy of red flags in your brief TR. If you continue to overlook those, you are in for a very wild ride I am afraid.

Good luck in any event.

[judnnc]

Sounds like she really, really, really wants to move to the US.   

The negativity on this forum blows my mind.

[judnnc]

So, either I am an ignorant, inexperienced American fool that cant see what all you have apparently learned, which is Russian women are money-grubbing, visa-seeking, plotting and scheming bitches?

Or did I just correspond with wonderful gal for the last 3 months and take advantage of the time I had with her?

Im not old and wealthy like alot of you guys. I cant just fly back and forth to Russia willynilly on a whim.

Shes coming, she has 90 days to live with me, then we will learn more person-to-person stuff.. if it doesnt work out, off she goes. If it does, and I think it will, then great. Things only have to be as complicated as you make them.

[Sculpto]

Shes coming, she has 90 days to live with me, then we will learn more person-to-person stuff.. if it doesnt work out, off she goes. If it does, and I think it will, then great.

So you expect this lady to quit her job and leave her country to spend 90 days with you and in case it doesn't work out just toss her out like so much trash? 

[judnnc]

she has no job. her parents have money.

and we both agreed if either of us felt like it would not work she would return home.

[SMS60]

Judnnc

I will take your side on this one ( at least for now). As long as everyone involved COMPLETELY understands the consequences of their actions.

This is not what the K1 is for, but I can see benefits of doing it your way if EVERYONE keeps a level head.

I think in a way it can reveal more this way. She will get to see her new life and then  you both decide.

I would hope both of you talk about what happens at the end of 90 days if it does not work. Who is responsible for who.

[GQBlues]

Judnnc-

I honestly wish you the very best! I hope everything works out well for you both. I also want to say the warnings you are receiving is not for lack of reasoned and well intentions. That said....

Also...you may want to know that in the event things doesn't work out for you both and she goes back home after the 90 K-period expires, you cannot file another K-Visa for 2 years.

I hope it doesn't come to that.

[Kunstkammer]

So let me get this straight.  You spend 4 days in Moscow, and you go to Red Square once and basically stay in your hotel the rest of the time yet you feel you know Russian culture?  You don't know the difference between the name of a doll and a privately owned bus... unless of course she had a bus waiting for you in your hotel room.

Getting married after 3-4 days in a hotel room, not yet meeting her parents (but you have huge appreciation of Russian culture), not seeing her home, and not even going to return to Russia "кто не рискует, тот не пьет шампанское" eh?

Take a deep breath and remember after only spending 3 days together when you are both doing your best to impress each other is not a good indicator of how real life will be.

I'm glad you feel like you are ready to take on the world (just not the airport alone) but 3 days in a hotel and you believe you have a deep understanding of Russian culture, and yet you feel sorry for them for "seeing signs of the USSR"?

Do yourself a favor, before you go rushing into something take some breaths and take off the honeymoon goggles before reality smashes into you hard and fast.

[tim 360]

Four days?  Negativity on this board?  Nah.  Nonsense.  I think it is an absolutely splendid idea--a great adventure and you will learn alot.  I am sure many marriages after 4 days together work out just jolly well fine.   Congratulations to you and your new bride.

[KenC]

So, either I am an ignorant, inexperienced American fool that cant see what all you have apparently learned, which is Russian women are money-grubbing, visa-seeking, plotting and scheming bitches?

Or did I just correspond with wonderful gal for the last 3 months and take advantage of the time I had with her?

Im not old and wealthy like alot of you guys. I cant just fly back and forth to Russia willynilly on a whim.

Shes coming, she has 90 days to live with me, then we will learn more person-to-person stuff.. if it doesnt work out, off she goes. If it does, and I think it will, then great. Things only have to be as complicated as you make them.

judnnc,
EASY tiger!  Everyone is being very kind with you here.  On the surface, you just got in engaged to marry a woman that you have spent 4 days with (most of them in the sack).  Does that on it's face sound smart to you?  BTW, your financial inability to do things the right way is not relevant.  The 90 day period is NOT set up to allow couples to make their final decision to marry either.  It is only to allow them time to arrange a wedding.  I asked you a question up thread that you choose to ignore.

ANYONE (including you) can put up a false front for a period of time only to reveal the "real" person over a period of time.  I dated a lot of American women for a while and they could keep it up for as long as 6 months and then the true colors began to show.  Do what you want, Dude, you will any way but just understand the gigantic risk you are taking.  Total up your assets divide them by 2 and add the lawyers costs and see how that relates to the cost of actually spending some face time.  What the hell is your hurry any way?
KenC

[Sculpto]

I have to agree with Ken that everyone is being kind.. at the moment at least. 

See.. the thing is.. as has been stated, the 90 days isn't designed to give you a test period.. you are supposed to already know you want to get married.

You are taking an undo risk that your visa app can be rejected because you have only visited once and for such a short time.  Also, you have to PROVE you can give financial support.  If you can't afford a second trip do you think you will meet the embassy requirements for financial support?  What USCIS requires and what the embassy require are not always the same thing.

The other thing.. and this is where people are being more than generous with you, so far, is, there are far too many stories around of men who have brought ladies over for a 90 day experiment without ever considering what the lady is going through.  The sense of a "disposable" girlfriend permeates the concept.  No one is accusing you of that, but, I suspect most everyone had that thought upon reading your story.

Anyway, if you don't mind telling us, what is your age and the age of your fiance?  This might help us to understand your thought process more. 

[OlgaH]

Or did I just correspond with wonderful gal for the last 3 months and take advantage of the time I had with her?

Actually Robert and I had almost the same situation. Though I would not advise anybody because everybody's situations are different     If you both are not afraid to take a chance and risk, and you both are ready to take all the responsibility in the future just do it.

Shes coming, she has 90 days to live with me, then we will learn more person-to-person stuff..

We weren't in hurry to get married. I came to US at the end of August and we got married after the middle of November. I had a good and well paid job in Russia but I also have wonderful loving relatives and friends. When I was leaving for US my boss and colleagues said that if something would go wrong I could always come back and they kept my position till my and Robert's wedding  

Good luck to you and all the best.

[Misha]

Here is one thing to keep in mind. Even if she is a wonderful woman, and you are meant to be together, you should do a bit of reading on culture shock. After an initial euphoria, she may be hit by a bout of culture shock which will change her mood. It may happen before the 90 days are up, or it may happen after you are married and starting your new life together. After weeks, months (or longer) she will get out of it, but it may be very difficult for both of you. As they say, forewarned is forearmed....

[BillyB]

Im not old and wealthy like alot of you guys. I cant just fly back and forth to Russia willynilly on a whim.

Shes coming, she has 90 days to live with me, then we will learn more person-to-person stuff.. if it doesnt work out, off she goes. If it does, and I think it will, then great. Things only have to be as complicated as you make them.

I suggest you talk to your fiancee about your financial status, lifestyle and the fact you won't be visiting her again during the k-1 process. Tell her everything and see if she still accepts.

Ask her about the roles a husband and wife are to play in a marriage. You may or may not like what you hear. You might learn it's a husband's responsibilty to provide things you can't afford.

Start asking the serious questions now. If you two aren't compatible, then you or her can stop the k-1 at any time before getting approved.

Not many men can turn down a woman who wants to have sex on a first date but we all have to ask ourselves "Why?" Is she really attracted to you? Was she just in the mood and the moment and felt like doing it? Does she want something from you for selfish reasons such as a green card to escape from her current life? As of now, I don't think you know the true answer to "Why?".

There's no doubt in my mind the sex was mind blowing and by your account, more than you can handle but sex will get old quick if you two can't stand living together.

Hopefully when you have your first disagreement, it doesn't turn out to be a full blown argument involving false domestic violence charges. Until you see a person in a bad mood, you don't understand how ugly they can get.

[I/O]

she has even offered to pay half of the costs for the visa process, even though she makes so little money.

she has no job. her parents have money.

I'm missing something?

[Blues Fairy]

The negativity on this forum blows my mind.

What else did you expect offering a TR strewn with red flags?

A woman accepts a marriage proposal after 3 months of emails/phonecalls and 4 days in a hotel room with a guy she sees for the first time in her life?

She does not have a job, lives with her folks?  Took a plane to see you and got out of her way to please you the whole time, even missed her own plane?  Thanked you every time after having sex?

Believe me, even if she's not a green card girl, she decidedly has some MAJOR self-esteem issues which will surface in a very destructive way sooner or later, I guarantee you.   Do yourself (and her) a favor and postpone your engagement until you find a way to spend more time with each other.  Right now you are acting like an impetuous child.  

[Sculpto]

I am betting they are both under 25.. if the OP will even tell us their ages.

[Ulysses]

Hey....no negativity here.....I'm hoping things work out grandly.  You're the one that's had the past months (?) of communication.....hopefully ones with a lot of depth and understanding.  
     There has been a shift in the tone here over the past couple of years.....IMHO.   Once there was more openness and "positive" thinking.   Now I seem to be reading a lot of knee-jerk responses and arm chair psychology advice...
even when the OP hasn't  fully or totally explained his/her story....
      I'm all for Constructive criticism...........and thoughtful input
Just my 2 quid.......Ulysses

[Blues Fairy]

Now I seem to be reading a lot of knee-jerk responses and arm chair psychology advice...

Most of the advice given here was to spend more time together; is that what you call knee-jerk responses and armchair psychology?   

It's such a warm and fuzzy feeling, being an encouraging buddy to a neophyte and condemning the naysayers, isn't it?

[brave girl]

So, either I am an ignorant, inexperienced American fool that cant see what all you have apparently learned, which is Russian women are money-grubbing, visa-seeking, plotting and scheming bitches?

Learn Russian language: SUKA!!  brave girl

[Ulysses]

Hello Blues Fairy,
       I have thought your responses over all of my time as a participant on this list to be one of the more balanced and thoughtful ones.   My comment was not so directed to this particular situation, but to note ....what I have perceived....as to be a general decline in objective criticism and comment and an increase in subjective and even hostile commentary.
      Now......as to my personal thoughts on what I've heard from Judnnc............"spend more time together" is absolutely the best advice.  I've traveled some of that same road.  That he thinks the time or money is not available for more visits......I would say  "short-sighted".   I just don't want to put so many arrows through this guy that he won't tell us the play-out of the story.  I will learn more when I know more of the details and how this progresses.
And I really don't need "a warm and fuzzy feeling"......I just wish to hear more of the story
      Thanks...Ulysses

[RussianWind]

I am betting they are both under 25.. if the OP will even tell us their ages.

I bet she is under 25... he should be 40+