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Author Topic: RW Having Sex just for Fun?  (Read 29594 times)

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Offline anono

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« Reply #25 on: March 06, 2005, 08:40:01 PM »
thanks andrew. i was reading the post above and was thinking the same thing.

how anyone can become engaged without knowing each other sexually is not healthy on many levels.

 

Offline andrewfi

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« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2005, 03:33:49 AM »
The sad thing is that the kind of guys who write the kind of posts above will either never know what their lives could have been, or will find to their huge cost exactly what they did wrong.

I wonder how many guys go through their lives without ever experiencing good sex because they and their partner were not actually compatible, or because their partner was so unattracted that sex was put on the back burner throughout the relationship. I kinda think that this happens a lot.

Offline Marc Dayton

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« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2005, 05:39:11 PM »
Anono

how anyone can become engaged without knowing each other sexually is not healthy on many levels.


In todays times, and normal settings a might agree with you, but what is your bases for saying not healthy on many levels.

If a man is only in Russia for 5 or 10  days are you saying she better put out or get out ?

Just like to here what you think

Offline andrewfi

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« Reply #28 on: March 08, 2005, 10:10:20 AM »
Marc, if a couple are planning to make a decsions about marriage in such a short timeframe then they bloody well better be at it like bunnies during that time! That said making a choice to be married in sucgh a short time is stupid anyway and so it would not surprise me to read of guys making a  proposal, being accepted and going home without having had sex becasue they 'did not know each other well enough'!

Offline Marc Dayton

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« Reply #29 on: March 08, 2005, 11:47:55 AM »
So you belive this is 100% about sex, if she dose this makes her a good girl, and if she dosenot then she is not worth marriang. This is a statment that tell you what head your thinking from, its 100% your wright to think this way, but thank God that not all men feel the same way.

If we were to use your thinking, then it would also be o.K. for her to run a credit check on you before buying you!

Offline Frank

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« Reply #30 on: March 08, 2005, 03:46:12 PM »
Maybe, I am too old fashioned, but I have a real problem choosing a wife based on her ability at sex.  Maybe, I am not the best at this, so why can I judge her?  My intention is not to degrade any of you, but what about watching how a woman carries herself, what is her character like, is she intelligent, does she have good manners, do we have similar interests and values, etc.  When I went to meet my now Fiancee', sex was not what I was looking for.  Really, I was afraid having sex would cloud my judgment. 
When in doubt, run!!!!!!!

Offline wxman

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« Reply #31 on: March 08, 2005, 05:40:15 PM »
Guess I'm too old too Frank. I agree with you. I didn't pay all that money for to fly over there to meet her just for sex. I could have saved the money and found a cheap hooker in my city if that's all I wanted. No woman should ever feel like she has to "put out" to find a good husband. In fact, a true gentleman should never make a woman feel like that at all. However, if a couple truly loves each other, or both feel they are fine with it with no pressure from one or the other, then it's their choice and none of my business.
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote." Benjamin Franklin -

Offline andrewfi

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« Reply #32 on: March 09, 2005, 01:10:24 AM »
Marc and other frightened guys!

Sex, for some people, but obviously not all, is an integral part of a successful relationship. For most people, the time spent making love seals a bond, creates and enhances intimacy. It is also the point in a relationship where the true attitudes of a person are shown in a non verbal, emotional manner.

SO, given that you plan to spend the rest of your life with just one woman, that you will not be having sex with anyone else and that almost all of you are incapable of communicating with your proposed life partner on a deep vocal level, one is left with the emotional inputs. So, how can a rational man make a choice about marriage after jsut a few days, in a strange environment, with faulty communication, without exploring al the availble means of communication? Madness, but then so is proposing marriage to anyone after jsut a week or so of acquantance.

One can make any number of efforts to justify not having sex with your partner before proposing marriage, but frankly all of them are bogus (and as a non superstitious person, I include religion).

There does seem to be an undercurrent of fear running through certain sections of men in certain parts of the world. Just think of this: most, but not all women are unable to mask their true feelings, in respect of attraction, when they are skin to skin with their proposed life partner. If they do not like you enough to have sex with you, they do not like you enough to marry you. If you do not like her enough to feel the need  to have sex with her, then likewise for the man. I have seen this happen. A woman who does not like a guy enough to have sex with him will have no qualms about marrying him, but she will make all sorts of excuses, including (especially) religion to avoid sex. Russian women can have the longest, most irregular,  menstruation periods of any mammalian species!

I am not proposing a sex tour, although that is what many guys do and do want. But to restrict your activities due to some kind of artificially constructed barrier is madness, if you want a long marriage. (But then again, how many of the guys here have had a long term relationship with any woman, or have been divorced a multitude of times because they could not get these things right?)

Offline Marc Dayton

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« Reply #33 on: March 09, 2005, 07:19:38 AM »
Andrewfin

You like to twist words around a bit don't you. This is not about haveing sex its about demanding sex. put out or get out type thinking. You have you own right to feel this way and so do others. What about the RW its like saying your a pice of meet you have no choice you will or elce? 

Maybe we should twist the words around to put you in her shoes. I am just useing these words to see how you would feel in her shoes I am not saying in anyway shape or form that you are this.

Lets just say your gay, your looking for a man to be your partner for life. After a short time you like him a bit then he tell,s you bend over baby so I can see ?

Don't the whole thought of this make you sick, Some RW will feal just as sick if you demand sex from her!

Good things will happen for men & woman, but they each have there own time clock that will make it wright for each person.

 

Offline Frank

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« Reply #34 on: March 09, 2005, 09:07:52 AM »
Wxman and Marc, I agree with you both 100%,:D

Really, sex is a very important part of a relationship.  However, I don't think it should be one of the first things to experience.  If a guy is determined to sleep with a woman prior to marrying her, think he should make this activity one of the last when  making a commitment.  Really, my desire is not to condemn a guy for sleeping with the woman he goes to meet, but I don't think it should be as casual as going on a date.  I think I can safely say that a very good, quality woman from Russia or Ukraine will view sleeping with a guy as very special and serious.  I know I do.  For this reason, I try to put myself in her shoes and consider how she feels.   Would I want a bunch of women lining up to have sex with me to see if I can do it correctly or to see if I make them feel good?  Some of you would say "yes", but I would find it a little unnerving.  Mostly, I do not want to hurt a good woman.  My thought is to get past the compatibility issues and focus on hers and your feelings and desires for the future. 

I know a guy who is an attorney.  He is in his 50's and isn't married.  Apparently, he has lived with several women.  They usually last about two years with him and then they part each others company.  He told me that the sex is the only reason for being together.  The fun from sex only lasts about two years.  After that it is a waste.  For this reason, why get married?  Just rent a hooker! He does it and is perfectly happy.  Personally, I think it is sad.  This is why the focus needs to be off of sex and on other things. 

If you cannot converse verbally with your UW or RW, I don't think you will be able to transfer all of your thoughts, like a computer download, by having sex:D

« Last Edit: March 09, 2005, 09:26:00 AM by Frank »
When in doubt, run!!!!!!!

Offline Leslie

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« Reply #35 on: March 09, 2005, 10:32:13 AM »
Marc,

I agree with this part of your post -

"Good things will happen for men & woman, but they each have there own time clock that will make it wright for each person."

That advice is spot on but it begs the question - How many dates before sex???

For sure this will vary between people.

I have refused sex when offered on the first and second date because I was not sure I liked these women (and before someone comments they were young and beautiful!)  Of course once I refused these women's amourous advances I never heard from them ever again (That's an international woman's trait in my opinion!)

On the other hand I maintained a strict five date rule.  If the relationship had not gone sexual on the fifth date I ended it then.  I have used that rule from college (university) in UK, USA, Europe - Yada, Yada.  Saved me a a lot of time and heartbreak.

Talking with my wife she tells me the majority of UM expect sex on the third date and can become aggressive if it's not forthcoming.  Maybe that's why my wife and her friends would refuse to go out on that crucial third date unless they actually liked the guy!

When you have sex with someone you find out a whole heap of things.  Perhaps the most important at that time is whether this woman really likes you.  If she is play acting or "holding her nose" then the very next day it's time to send the "Dear Jane message"  Bad sex almot never gets better and this is particularly true when there is a large looks/age difference.

Hey, you can continue your masturbatory fantasy and dream that a strong mutual sexual relationship is not a prerequisite for a marriage to a woman who is both younger and better looking than you. 

The 366 day timer starts when you say "I do"

 

 

 

Offline Frank

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« Reply #36 on: March 09, 2005, 12:38:05 PM »
Let's face it;  some guys are pretty much into the physical and not so much into the psychological, emotional.  Other guys try to focus on all aspects.  I am in the second group.  Marc's views are not a fantasy.  He cares about other people, especially the woman.  I would expect he see's a certain amount of the backlash of relationships from the business he is in.  If he is married to a UW or RW, I expect she and he are both very happy.  As a caring person, I would advise any woman stay clear of a man who expects sex by a specific time.  She needs to pick her own time.  By dumping a gal that will not have sex by a specific date, in reality the guy is doing her a favor. 
When in doubt, run!!!!!!!

Offline Leslie

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« Reply #37 on: March 09, 2005, 02:10:49 PM »
Frank,

 

I actually agree with what you said -

 

"She needs to pick her own time.  By dumping a gal that will not have sex by a specific date, in reality the guy is doing her a favor. 

 

Like most high mileage guys I know that the woman decides when a relationship goes sexual.  I never ask.  Always wait until it is offered.  If the woman can't make up her mind after 5 dates then I just accept that I don't turn her on and stop dating her.  Other guys have different limits.  Everyone plays the dating game by their own rules.

 

Trying to melt the "Ice Maiden" is always an expensive and potentially a heart breaking mistake. If a guy acts like a "white bird" the majority of FSU women will pluck him.  This is not wrong in their culture - especially so when the guy is a foreigner.  The message boards are replete with variations of this sad tale.  My own personal experience has taught me that if you act like her lap dog she will treat you like a puppy. 

 

My point for Marc is -

 

The type of guys who make these mistakes tend to use "full service" agencies. They act like tourists and throw their money around not realizing the effects this has.  I reckon you know what I think about your spiel on chaste traditional young Russian women.  After all you are in the business of fleecing foreign guys who have not got the wherewithal to find an FSU girlfriend for themselves !!

 

If you are self confident and know how to play the dating game in FSU you hardly need to use an Agency at all.  I have never been to Tver but I reckon I could visit the disco bars there on any weekend and meet lots of your "hand picked" young women there. Dressed to thrill and smoking Davidoff's.   I speak Russian quite well enough now to introduce myself and start a conversation…..

 

The problem with Andrew, Anono and me is we KNOW our way around.  That really is poison for a full service agency…..

 

Offline wxman

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« Reply #38 on: March 09, 2005, 02:12:13 PM »
We all have differing philosophies when it comes to sex, and no one philosophy is best. Whatever each individual is comfortable with, is the way it should be for them. Let's face it, sex is very important in a marriage. Anyone who says it isn't probably has an unhappy mate. Intimacy is critical, and without it, other issues become even more amplified.  Ask most divorced men how was your sex life during marriage, and you will find out that there really wasn't much of one, especially the last few years.   
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote." Benjamin Franklin -

Offline Bruno

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« Reply #39 on: March 09, 2005, 02:27:18 PM »

[line]
Ask most divorced men how was your sex life during marriage, and you will find out that there really wasn't much of one, especially the last few years.
[line]


I was married with a russian woman... and sex was always great for both... same after the divorce ( she have call this physical need and me pleasure )... no problem with sex but all the rest was problem...

Offline Frank

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« Reply #40 on: March 09, 2005, 02:46:15 PM »
Leslie, I liked what you had to say.  There is something I'm not sure about though.  When a guy is plucked, is this like being hen pecked or being taken advantage of?  If I see that happening, I will disappear really fast!!   I don't like women who want to rule the roost or take everything they can get.  I expect in return what I give.
When in doubt, run!!!!!!!

Offline Marc Dayton

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« Reply #41 on: March 09, 2005, 04:50:51 PM »
Leslie Think about this

If a man has been in my service he pay a wapping $ 200 a day lets break that down

If he has 10 hours service per day thats a whole $ 20 per hour. It pays for two Interputers that work 6 hours per shift, but in 90% of the time a man keeps his second interputer about 8 to 12 hours. That would be lower the rate under $ 20 per hour. Know that also pays for the girls in the office setting his dates for him. Pluss pays for his flat.

So all is less then $ 20 per hour, ? how much do you make per hour who is stealing from who?

How many times have you been to Russia?

 

Offline andrewfi

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« Reply #42 on: March 09, 2005, 11:30:55 PM »
Marc, I have never demanded sex. Ever. Don't need to and do not consider it to be a part of what I beleive in. But, if two people planning to get married do not want each other enough to be having sex then one or both does not like the other enough.

Frank, whilst I do not beleive sex transfers data in some mechanistic way that you seem to think I implied, those of us who are getting some, know that it is absolutley one ofthe best ways to ascertain how people feel about each other and about how they relate, in real life, to each other. The man who is a selfish lover, is probably selfish in real life, notwithstanding any acts of genrosity he may make on his whirlwind romance.

Leslie is spot on about bad sex and I posit that the only peple who would disagree are those who have not had good sex. I also suggest that many here and in the real world have not had good sex. Sex can get better when two people with mutual attraction learn more about each other, become better tuned, more mutually skilled; but then in this case, it already started out good. Bad sex does not get better, it is not about technique, but about attitude. One can have great sex with a partner who is totally unslikked and terrible sex with the most technically adept practitioner.

Do I focus on sex in a relationship? Not particularly; it is important, but not even close to everything. It is why we need to have communication on a verbal level as well as emotional. I and a few others here, I think, learned a long time ago that having sex when one runs out of words to share is not, in the end, a basis for a relationship. On the other hand, in a good relationship, one can be making love almost all the time.

 

Offline retired_army_ranger

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« Reply #43 on: March 09, 2005, 11:39:10 PM »
Well, you use it, or you lose it.  I prefer using it.

Offline jb

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« Reply #44 on: March 10, 2005, 05:11:35 AM »
retired-ranger

Absolutely right,,, what you use today  you may not have tomorrow.  Get while the getting is good, I say.

Offline OhioGuyRob

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« Reply #45 on: March 13, 2005, 05:55:16 AM »
[user=101]Dave_home[/user] wrote:
Quote
Quote from: BC
Well sex can be accomplished about anywhere.... at work with the boss after hours.... Oh, that could be another thread as well:  "Sex with the boss" :-)  Families also go to other family member's houses for visits,(they visit each other's homes more frequently than families in America do.)  sex can be arranged in the home of her parents when they are out. Necessity is the mother of invention as they say, and these girls do think sex is a necessity.
Yes, even  doctors advise young girls to have regular sex!  My fiance' had some female problems a few months ago and went to the doctor....  he gave her some medicine and suggested she and her boyfriend have more sex as preventative medicine! :-)   She laughed and told him  her fiance' is in America and she will have to wait.  For whatever the reason Russian doctors also believe frequent sex is a good preventative for female disorders,  I've never heard American doctors suggest this so I'm not sure if this is just opinion, or medical fact.  Dave



You need help Dave....

Offline ConnerVT

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« Reply #46 on: March 14, 2005, 11:03:22 AM »
Actually, Rob, what Dave wrote is pretty accurate.  I have heard a very similar thing from my Russian wife.

Offline Noyrt

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« Reply #47 on: March 14, 2005, 08:41:13 PM »
Keep the canal open??  Doctors orders?? 

Sounds like a load of crap to me,, I think all these doctors are MEN, and want to keep the society LOOSE, for their own benifit..  Or their trying to find a date at the office.

IMO... Yes, I've been there too, but you guy's who have money, go all the time, and date many women, without commitment, just makes it harder for the rest of us to negotiate the maze, and find a good woman!

 

Noyrt...

 

Offline ConnerVT

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« Reply #48 on: March 15, 2005, 05:34:27 AM »
No, my wife's doctors in Russia have all been women.  We discussed this when looking for a primary physician for her and our son.  And I believe the recommendation is based more on the body's production of hormones stimulated from regular sexual activity, and not based on the results of the physical activity.

As for guys who have a lot of money -- I'm certainly not one of them.  My wife made a good salary at the position she left in Russia.  One that had her living in a lifestyle that (to her) is remarkably similar to the one she lives now.  I think of it as comfortable middle class.  No big home, no new cars, no high price tag toys.  Just decent clothes, good food, small but 'cozy' home.  And little debt.  We couldn't be happier.

Many trips?  Well, I've been to visit my wife in Russia 5 times.  Lived cheaply between trips, and every purchase made was weighed to how it was needed by our family in the future.  When in Russia, we lived as a family -- not as we were on a big vacation.  Shopped at the local markets (ever carry 2 dozen loose eggs in a cheap plastic shopping bag brought from home?), rode busses and trains everywhere, picked up our son at the Kindergarten.  It was a treat for both of us to visit a cafe once or twice a trip.  No interpretor -- just taking the time to learn how to understand and be understood.  Just like life, only better IMO.

Offline Bruno

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« Reply #49 on: March 15, 2005, 06:12:01 AM »
From American doctor :

GOOD SEX IS GOOD FOR YOU!
Anthony Fiore, Ph.D.

"Life without love is like a coconut in which the milk is dried up." Henry David Thoreau

"Good sex....Improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity."
Scientific evidence is accumulating support what many of us have suspected all along: good sex not only adds great enjoyment to our lives, but it also actually improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity.

In a new book called Sexual Healing, Dr. Paul Pearsall, Director of Behavioral Medicine at Detroit's Beaumont Hospital, writes that the joys and pleasures of living life and loving may provide us with something called an "intimacy inoculation" that actually protects us from disease.

Dr. Pearsall, who cites numerous other researchers, concludes, "Growing numbers of physicians now recognize that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet, and exercise, but also --to a large extent-- on the social and emotional health of the individual."

Sexual healing is achieved primarily through the daily challenge of maintaining a close, intimate relationship which, when accomplished, leads to balance between our health and healing systems.

Can lack of sexual intimacy create a risk factor for certain diseases? Dr. Pearsall cites research and his own clinical experience ndicating that sexual dissatisfaction seems to be prevalent prior to a heart attack in a high percentage of persons. Conversely, sexual contentment appears related to less severe migraine headaches, fewer and less-severe symptoms of premenstrual syndrome for women, and a reduction in symptoms related to chronic arthritis for both genders.

Although the exact biological mechanisms are not yet identified, many researchers are investigating how our thoughts, feelings, brain, immune system and sexual/genital system interact, influence each other, and affect our health. There may be an actual biological drive toward closeness, intimacy, and being connected to other human beings.

When we experience intimate, mutually caring sexual intimacy, we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body and help promote health and healing.

"Hormones that pour through the body help promote health and healing."
Does this mean that to live longer or be more healthy we just need to DO IT more often or better? Of course not! Sex is a much broader concept that genital connecting or having an orgasm. Psychologist and author Gina Ogden, Ph.D. notes in her book, "Women Who Love Sex", that sex has everything to do with openness, connection to and bonding with a partner, feelings about what is happening to us, and memories. For those who love it, sex permeates their lives and is not merely a specialized, time-intensive, physical activity that takes place under the covers--as quickly as possible.
As a result of interviewing many women, Dr. Ogden learned that sexual desire, or lust, was produced by much more than physical stimulation. For women, according to Dr.Ogden, it has more to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships: "Heart to heart, soul to soul, even mind to mind."
5/29/98

Author Anthony Fiore, Ph.D. , is in private practice, teaches sex therapy, and owns September Products, a multimedia resource center to enhance relationships and improve sexuality. 1450 N. Tustin Ave., Suite 200, Santa Ana, Ca., 92701.
Voice: 714-771-0378.
Fax: 714-953-9717.

A other good link : Your Health - Is Sex Necessary?

http://www.forbes.com/2003/10/08/cz_af_1008health.html

 

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