Increasing the chances of Chemistry

[munna]

I have heard story's about people writing each other for months and talking using Skye etc. only to be disappointed by there first meeting due to lack of chemistry.

I am new to the world of international dating so take caution when reading this. But I am not new to women and chemistry. I dont think it maters where in the world men and women come from chemistry is chemistry. I have dated women visiting my country from abroad and have found to be true. I am generalising here a little but I think for most of us this is true.

Most of us men are simple creatures and chemistry is a lot simpler for us.
See hot woman, attracted to hot women
We want to know more about her and will become more attracted or less attracted depending on personality traits, common interests etc. But if she is not at all physically attractive the chemistry is not there right away. Yes, in some cases we may become attracted after getting to know her. But in reality most of us would not give her a second look. This to me is the cold hard truth about us guys as shallow as it may sound.
 
So here is how to increase our chances of chemistry with the women you are corresponding with.   

Looks
- you want plenty of full photos (not just head shots) in plenty of settings that are not just glamour shots.
- Videos
- Video calls
personality
- does she have the personality traits you are looking for?
- do you have plenty of common interests
- chat often via msn etc
- Chat often via phone
- does the conversation flow
- Does time go by fast when talking
- Do you find yourself not wanting to get off the phone to her
- Are you both having fun laughing about different thing etc.

After you know for sure she is physically attractive to you the phone is where its at not letters! Better still video calls using Skye. From this you should be able to pick up her personality traits and interests. These things can be made up in letters but are very hard to fake over several phones calls. OK so with all things or most of these done, I dont see any reason for there not to be chemistry on your side when meeting. Unless of course she doesn't feel it for you.

Now the Chemistry for her.

Looks are no where near as important here as your personality traits.  Your ability to be a real man is what she will be attracted to. Of course similar interests and personality traits play a part too. But you need to be this real man for her, and continue this from your first letter until the day you die. If you are not, the chemistry will die. I am not talking about been a Marcho man here either.

Do a google search on "Traits Of A Real Man" and ask yourself which traits do you poses and which ones do I need to work on. If you think this is a little strange I ask you this.
What man is a man if he does not try to improve himself? 

Its easily to protray yourself how ever you wish through letters and even a few phone calls. But with continued phone calls and long conversations she may start to see things she does not like about you . She is always looking for insecurity's and testing you, weather she is aware of it or not its a subconise thing for her. Its better she nows now than when you meet.

You need to have the attitude. I am going to show her exactly who I am and what I want  to the best of my ability and if she doesn't like it I will move onto the next one. Dint be afraid of losing her because she may not like something about you!

During your correspondence you need to be absolutely 110% honest with her. Dont try to be someone your not. When you go meet her she will see straight through you and the chemistry will not be there. None of us are perfect we all have insecurity's and things about us we are not proud of be honest about these things. She will appreciate it and be glad that you where man enough to admit it. Joke about your flaws a little dont take yourself to seriously.

You should be able to gauge her level of interest and attraction through phones calls. Do what ever you can to have some video calls with her. This way you can read her body language. Its truly amazing what is expressed without words. She may be shy the first few times you do this so you may not get positive signals. But once she is relaxed the signals should be there.

With the photos you send her dont get them professional done. But have some shots of you nicely groomed and dressed. Also have shots of you doing things you enjoy. Better still send her some video footage of yourself doing things you enjoy. Make it fun and interesting for her to watch.

Now the moment of truth the meeting
When finally meeting in person you need to continue to be a man don't go week at the knees at the sight of her.

Dont shower her with compliments.
Dont agree with everything she says and does.
Dont become submissive
Dont try buy her affection let her earn it by her actions towards you
lead her dont let her lead you

Still be a gentlemen, open doors for her, pull out her chair, be nice to her, if thats what you usually do, but dont turn into a pussy.  If you have been yourself through the correspondence,  continue your good qualii es and be a real man I dont see why the chemistry wont be there.

I may be wrong about all of this but this is my view and it may help others. Feel free to pick it to pieces and say as you wish. I wont take offense its your opinion. I am sure plenty of you with more experience will have plenty more good suggestions on what to do to maximize the chance of chemistry when meeting.
Sorry about the spelling and gram er to people.

cheers

[Lily]

Now the Chemistry for her.

 

munna, you started an excellent topic. Perhaps it would help working out some sort of RWD manual like 'Advanced Human Chemistry'

Despite I am not a man, I find your advice on working on chemisty for men very helpful. Nevertheless the part 'Chemistry for her' should probably better be written by a female

The issue of 'looks' would perhaps be not exactly the same as for men, but in a woman's mind looks are rather important. The other thing is however that she perceived his look in a different way. I mean, a woman sees man's looks as a kind of outer proof of inner qualities, which may attract her, or, on the contrary, may repulse her. A human is always inclined to believe that a person's looks are a reflection of his / her inner life. It is called personal image, or, in theatrical world, un emploi . Sometimes it is deceiptive, yes. Often people consciously work on their image for a long time in order to appear like people that they are not

[ECOCKS]

I was thinking about this on the way home tonight.

It seems we have had a disappointing rash of WOVO trips recently and several divorces this last 12 month period.

It seems more people are rationalizing breaking the Commandments and ignoring warnings, which of course is their right.

Is it the economy? more newbies attempting relationships? increasingly desperate people? too much media and Hollywood?

Thoughts?

[Misha]

I am new to the world of international dating so take caution when reading this.

Welcome to RWD. I have a couple of questions. Have you actually met and dated any Russian women?

Looks are no where near as important here as your personality traits.  Your ability to be a real man is what she will be attracted to.

Don't believe the hype. Russian women, all things being equal, will prefer attractive men. If somebody tells you otherwise, they are lying. If you believe that RW are not interested in attractive men, you risk falling for a woman with less than noble intentions.

[Faux Pas]

I was thinking about this on the way home tonight.

It seems we have had a disappointing rash of WOVO trips recently and several divorces this last 12 month period.

It seems more people are rationalizing breaking the Commandments and ignoring warnings, which of course is their right.

Is it the economy? more newbies attempting relationships? increasingly desperate people? too much media and Hollywood?

Thoughts?

Ed I seem to recall a year or so ago (maybe longer as time flies) and more specifically 3 years ago when I went on my first trip most men here on RWD were doing WMVM. I really felt like the odd man out going WOVO. Then there were a rash of the younger whipper snapper's that came through doing the WMVM. They all have long since quit posting but I take it and assume those were mostly failures also.

Without side tracking the thread into another WOVO vs WMVM it would seem to me the success or failure rates are close to the same. What turns the tide as to the popularity of which method, I really do not know.

A trend I have somewhat identified is quite a few of these latest failures were completely ignoring the 10 commandments or some of them (knowingly or not), falling in love with pictures, ignoring age gaps, and jetting away without so much as a phone number. Rationalizing away the obvious flags is IMO a sure recipe for failure. I believe it just the latest trend but not necessarily attributed to the other factors you mention IE economy, ect.


munna,

Summarizing your OP is, in essence to be yourself while dressing yourself up as "he macho real man"?

My thoughts and advice here is to completely be yourself and do not embellish and do not lie. Instead of projecting what you want her to believe, be yourself and let her make up her own mind. In this way, if she is attracted to you it will be you. If you don't normally open doors for a lady and you then do to project you are a real man then, you are misleading her. Do your due diligence. Communicate often and pay close attention to everything about her and everything she tells you. Don't put to much stock in pictures and for gawds sake don't fall in love with them. After constant communication, your head and your heart will likely be in agreement as to whether this is a lady you need to meet (or not). If so, go meet her and then and only then does the relationship building start or fall apart.

[munna]

munna, you started an excellent topic. Perhaps it would help working out some sort of RWD manual like 'Advanced Human Chemistry'

Despite I am not a man, I find your advice on working on chemisty for men very helpful. Nevertheless the part 'Chemistry for her' should probably better be written by a female

The issue of 'looks' would perhaps be not exactly the same as for men, but in a woman's mind looks are rather important. The other thing is however that she perceived his look in a different way. I mean, a woman sees man's looks as a kind of outer proof of inner qualities, which may attract her, or, on the contrary, may repulse her. A human is always inclined to believe that a person's looks are a reflection of his / her inner life. It is called personal image, or, in theatrical world, un emploi . Sometimes it is deceiptive, yes. Often people consciously work on their image for a long time in order to appear like people that they are not

I have seen many of your posts Lilly. I think you would be the perfect women to write the Chemistry for her part. So please do:)
You make a great point about looks. The looks a man was born with matter less than how the man dresses, looks after himself and carries himself. As you said to display outer proof of inner quallities.
I should have explained this better.

[munna]

Welcome to RWD. I have a couple of questions. Have you actually met and dated any Russian women?

Don't believe the hype. Russian women, all things being equal, will prefer attractive men. If somebody tells you otherwise, they are lying. If you believe that RW are not interested in attractive men, you risk falling for a woman with less than noble intentions.

Thanks Misha.
Yes I have met a few Russian women but I have only dated the one and she was great:)

Yes, I agree with all other aspects equal any women (russian included) would perfer the more attractive man. But my point is the looks themselfs are not as important as they are for us guys. Lilly made a great point in the post above about women preceiving inner quallities from outer looks. So if you where born butt ugly and made an effort to look great it would make a huge difference to your chances:)

[munna]

munna,

Summarizing your OP is, in essence to be yourself while dressing yourself up as "he macho real man"?

My thoughts and advice here is to completely be yourself and do not embellish and do not lie. Instead of projecting what you want her to believe, be yourself and let her make up her own mind. In this way, if she is attracted to you it will be you. If you don't normally open doors for a lady and you then do to project you are a real man then, you are misleading her. Do your due diligence. Communicate often and pay close attention to everything about her and everything she tells you. Don't put to much stock in pictures and for gawds sake don't fall in love with them. After constant communication, your head and your heart will likely be in agreement as to whether this is a lady you need to meet (or not). If so, go meet her and then and only then does the relationship building start or fall apart.

Yes I see exactly what you are saying. But what you say is not how I wanted what I had writen to be precieved.
I am saying not to be a macho man. I am saying be the best man you are. We are all men so we all have these manly quallities its just many guys have forgoten how to be men. Because of our feministic sociaty many men put beautiful women on a pedistool, try to buy there affection, kiss up to them etc. These are signs of needyness and will never lead to attraction. So if you tend to do these things around attractive women I suggest relearning how to become a man again.
I think if a man is true to himself and acts as a man he is been more honest than if he was doing the needy things above. Eg Just agreeing with something she says just because you dont want to upset her and ruin your chances.
What I meant by the opening doors etc. is exactly what you said if its something you have always done. Do it. Dont act all marcho and aloof and no longer do these things.
Does that make more sence?

cheers

[point]

Good topic.
I think for chemistry in real  very important, our daily habits and reactions to different situations in life. Trifles that complement the image of virtual or repel.
And of course, every woman and man have own ideal image, in many ways its not even  external beauty but your inner world, your view of things.

[DaveY]

A question for the ladies.

Is it true that a women will formulate (in her mind) with in the first 10 seconds of meeting a man, whether he is dating material or just friend material? And once categorized as only a friend, no amount of chemistry will ever change his status from friend to boyfriend.

[Mylifeisdrive]

A question for the ladies.

Is it true that a women will formulate (in her mind) with in the first 10 seconds of meeting a man, whether he is dating material or just friend material? And once categorized as only a friend, no amount of chemistry will ever change his status from friend to boyfriend.

True for 100 %...but only for irrational type of women that live more by feelings. But we have also rational type, she will not be so fast to deciede like first type, will count all list first
Possible to see it by body language: open pose, dilated pupil, she don't keep a big distance, possible to touch, look at her lips, when people like each other and talk lips are moving special way...first seconds body reaction is the most important after we begin to control...
But that is all about psysical chemestry only of course. Not only it plays role.

[point]

A question for the ladies.

Is it true that a women will formulate (in her mind) with in the first 10 seconds of meeting a man, whether he is dating material or just friend material? And once categorized as only a friend, no amount of chemistry will ever change his status from friend to boyfriend.

I think it should be more than 10 seconds. If  person is not anti-social type when you realize that this man is not for you .. LOL;)

[munna]

True for 100 %...but only for irrational type of women that live more by feelings. But we have also rational type, she will not be so fast to deciede like first type, will count all list first
Possible to see it by body language: open pose, dilated pupil, she don't keep a big distance, possible to touch, look at her lips, when people like each other and talk lips are moving special way...first seconds body reaction is the most important after we begin to control...
But that is all about psysical chemestry only of course. Not only it plays role.

Wow, there are some very inteligent lady's on here. Its amazing how much more women notice body laungage then men.
I have heard its something like 85% of what we say is expressed using body laugage and tone of voice. Only 15% is the actual words. May I suggest plenty of video calls (if possible) before visiting your lady.
 

[DaveY]

True for 100 %...but only for irrational type of women that live more by feelings. But we have also rational type, she will not be so fast to deciede like first type, will count all list first

Yes, the rational side may tell a woman this is a good man. He is caring, stable, makes good money, but it is my firm belief that it is the emotional side of a woman that governs her relationship with a man. Don't you think that if a man stirred a woman's emotions in such a way that even a rational woman might forgo her list?

[Aloe]

A question for the ladies.

Is it true that a women will formulate (in her mind) with in the first 10 seconds of meeting a man, whether he is dating material or just friend material? And once categorized as only a friend, no amount of chemistry will ever change his status from friend to boyfriend.

I guess its true because 10 seconds is more than enough to decide if you are sexually attracted to a guy or not. If you arent, then friend it is! It can change later tho


Why did no one mention the defining factors for chemistry?? Be clean (freshly showered and shaved) and use some cologne!! That will go a long way Also pluck nose hair if its sticking out haha

[GregfromGa]

I guess its true because 10 seconds is more than enough to decide if you are sexually attracted to a guy or not. If you arent, then friend it is! It can change later tho


Why did no one mention the defining factors for chemistry?? Be clean (freshly showered and shaved) and use some cologne!! That will go a long way Also pluck nose hair if its sticking out haha

Funny you talk about nose hairs. And for the ladies, a nice Brazilian wax could be in order. No reason in it looking like you have Jimmy Superfly Snuka in a leg scissor head lock.

[Misha]

So if you where born butt ugly and made an effort to look great it would make a huge difference to your chances:)

How do you make an effort to look great? There are some things that are easy enough to do, as Aloe states, proper hygience being one, followed by good cologne. For many (most) men, making an effort would include losing a lot of weight (30, 50 or 100 pounds). Then there are the other things that are harder to change without a lot of plastic surgery or the invention of time travel  

My point is simple: in my experience, looks are as important to most women as they are to most men. Sure you can have charisma, but that can only go so far. The greater the mismatch in terms of looks, the more likely the odds IMHO that the relationship won't last. The fact of the matter is that both in Russia and in North America, attractive people tend to date and marry other attractive people.  

[Mylifeisdrive]

Yes, the rational side may tell a woman this is a good man. He is caring, stable, makes good money, but it is my firm belief that it is the emotional side of a woman that governs her relationship with a man. Don't you think that if a man stirred a woman's emotions in such a way that even a rational woman might forgo her list?

I am absolutly opposite of rational type...so maybe I can not answer you correctly about. But...my openion it should be balance...for example if man is not attractive psysically but he has charisma..it will be good balance for many women. Then less you have in one field then more you should offer in other.

[DaveY]

I am absolutly opposite of rational type...so maybe I can not answer you correctly about. But...my openion it should be balance...for example if man is not attractive psysically but he has charisma..it will be good balance for many women. Then less you have in one field then more you should offer in other.

I'm just asking for opinions and not trying to make a point.

For someone who says they're not the rational type, you came up with a pretty logical answer.

Thanks!

[Lily]

A question for the ladies.

Is it true that a women will formulate (in her mind) with in the first 10 seconds of meeting a man, whether he is dating material or just friend material?  

Not sure about whether it is true.

I think that the first couple of minutes would be able to define a definite 'NO'. That means, if she meets a man, and in her mind she feels something like 'oh my, anything but not THAT in my life  No I don't mean just the butt ugly men. Some sort of an idea like that may be revoked even by a pretty normal or even a 'quietly attractive' guy.

' A 'yes' or 'maybe' in woman's mind would be silent during some time.

And once categorized as only a friend, no amount of chemistry will ever change his status from friend to boyfriend.

Speaking about female instincts, if the woman instinctively perceives the man as friend, I guess he will never change to lover. When friends marry after some time, they probably were 'hidden lovers' with one party being secretly in love, and the other party making a rationale choice and having his/her instincts successfully shut up for some reasons. Or both have made a rationale choice. Or in both parties there are no instincts any more

[munna]

Yes, the rational side may tell a woman this is a good man. He is caring, stable, makes good money, but it is my firm belief that it is the emotional side of a woman that governs her relationship with a man. Don't you think that if a man stirred a woman's emotions in such a way that even a rational woman might forgo her list?

I agree with this DaveY. I have seen many good men who rationally do all the right things as you mentioned above. Then it does not go the distance because the chemistry is not there.  The women will marry him because logically she sees him has a good family man In some cases chemistry may grow but more often than not problems arise down the track. 
I think chemistry is not a concise choose at all for either sex.
As a man have you ever tried not to fall for a women you know is not good for you?  I know I have. Rationly I know she was not good for me, but when she is smoking hot and all over you its hard not to feel attracted.

Sure we can still rationally choose not to be with here but Chemistry is a powerful thing and it does make it difficult to be rational. I think this is even more true for women as they tend to go with there feeling more then men. Men tend to be more rational.

As for the looks thing again. I agree to disagree here, I have seen many men(friends of mine) here in Australia who are married to beautiful Australian women. These guys are not at all good looking, But they are very high in charactor, confidence and manly qualities.

Looks still play a part for women but just not as big a part as it does for us men.

[Amerkanski]

Looks are no where near as important here as your personality traits.  Your ability to be a real man is what she will be attracted to. Of course similar interests and personality traits play a part too. But you need to be this real man for her, and continue this from your first letter until the day you die. If you are not, the chemistry will die. I am not talking about been a Marcho man here either.

Great post and I am not trying to pick apart you thread, but IMHO "looks" are everything in RU. It's a non-stop fashion show even for the men. Example: My first trip when I got back the second day I bought a treadmill and a bowflex and dropped 32lbs and bulked out that I still maintain to this day. RM keep themselves in far better shape compared to their AM counterparts. Also, they like to wear darker colored clothes and wear them a lot tighter then we ever would and something I just can't adapt too. So if you are wearing blue stripped walmart shirts with docker shorts and mountain climbing shoes you'll get noticed.

Your ability to be a real man is what she will be attracted to.

Again, this can be a set up for disaster. A "real man" is RU is different then an AM and they don't know you well enough and under the conditions there is a whole different ball game.

[Jooky]

Good post Munna. I agree, and I see nothing wrong with a man improving himself to improve his chances with women. It doesn’t mean to not ‘be yourself’. Often it means to be your real self rather than go out of your way to try to please.

About looks, I think there is a distinction between looks and appearances. Men are more attracted to pure physical looks, women are more attracted to appearances which takes into account grooming, style, poise and attitude.

A smoking hot woman in sweats is still smoking hot. When women dress up to attract men it’s usually things that enhance or reveal their physical features (high heels to accentuate the legs, a push up bra, showing some cleavage) that draw attention. The details don’t matter. How many men pay attention to what brand shoes a woman wears, or care if she’s wearing a bracelet, or care about the color of her finger nails?

Women tend to notice the details.  They’re not attracted to pure physical looks, but more what  a man’s appearance tells about himself. Is he confident, is he powerful, is he rich, is he adventurous, does he take pride in his appearance? The way a man grooms, stands, moves and dresses can reflect the qualities a woman seeks.

I agree, appearances are especially important in Russia.

I’m sure other can give examples to the contrary. Everyone is different, but those are my general observations.

[Gylden]

Looks or appearance are important for success anywhere in the world, not just the FSU!  IMO
 

[DaveY]

As a man have you ever tried not to fall for a women you know is not good for you?  I know I have. Rationly I know she was not good for me, but when she is smoking hot and all over you its hard not to feel attracted.

Oh....Yeah.... I chased after this one woman for the better part of three years. She just wanted to be friends, but I wouldn't take no for an answer. You see, she was the perfect image of what I thought at the time was my ideal woman and I just couldn't let it go. It became a very unhealthy obsession.

The real irony is that at the same time this was going on, there was this other woman that was attracted to me, but I totally ignored her.